1,701 - 1,720 of 3,594 Stories

What happens when the miserable little rat of pedantry starts to interfere with real work? Read, and reflect...

Astoria Malfoy wakes up to two news. The good one? She has a son. The bad one? Her husband has used her unconsciousness to name the baby... Scorpius.

A response to a challenge to create a fic under 1300 words that included self-promotion, a parody of the ships H/D, H/G, S/Hr, and a fanfic that I will not name due to me not wanting to get sued.````Must contain a section about the summer.``Must contain a section about the real world. Must include final battle between Voldie and Harry. ``Must receive 20+ reviews within fourteen days.````See how I did.

Two versions of the same character go out into their world with the same intention -- meet up with Ron and Harry and discuss Horcrux plans. A glimpse into each of those worlds. (Movie!Hermione vs. Canon!Hermione.)

It's fifth year at Hogwarts, and Sirius Black wants to go on a double date. Unfortunately, he's dragged Remus Lupin along for the ride, on a date where nearly everything seems to go wrong.

Students in love, house elves making mischief, and extremely odd ships. All these things make for a fantastic parody of one of Shakespeare's greatest comedies, "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Harry comes out of the closet! His fellow Gryffindors are awkward, so he decides to do his homework in the library where Draco makes a scathing remark. However, it isn't necessarily offensive towards Harry. A fluffy D/H slash ficlet.

How on earth did Lucius Malfoy get himself on the Slytherin Quidditch team? Find out in this short silliness, featuring Snape, Black and - beware - Narcissa! Marauder time, sixth year. A spin-off from Dramatis Personae.

Hermione brings home a surprise that will change Severus' life.

One-shot spoof. Parents of Muggle-born witches and wizards are becoming more and more reluctant to simply send their children off to an unknown boarding school sight unseen. And so it was that on one fine morning a group of parents found themselves assembling at the gate for an introductory tour of Hogwarts.

His heart stopped. His jaw dropped. He was in love. Though he was only eleven at the time, James Potter knew he would marry that girl, or die trying.

The Marauders are at it again, no I didn't mean it like that! Oh never mind, they've got another plan in mind to humiliate the king of grease...but what happens when the king finds out about it first...with a little help from someone, Wormtail haters are welcome here>>

In the age of Reality TV the WWN have been cashing in on the craze. After a successful "Big Goblins" (Big Brother) series the WWN have set up a new series involving Muggles. Twelve Muggles will go to study at Hogwarts for twelve weeks, at the end of each week they will perform for the wizarding world. The Muggles are competing for a grand prize, one any normal wizard would want. What will happen when the Malfoys and the Weasleys set out to make the show a disaster?

The Golden Trio find the Hogwarts Pillar of Storage and unexpected surprises inside.

A funny parody.

"HARRY POTTER! You pervert!” This shocked exclaimation is only the first of many in this engrossing (and just plain GROSSing) tale of epic proportions. Originally titled, “Harry Potter and the Random Orgies of Hogwarts” (that title was far too dirty and not very funny), this nonsensical narrative will confuse far beyond your wildest dreams.

Lucius Malfoy has been called a pimp at the Ministry ... a pimp! Can you believe it? The nerve of people in general, these days! Malfoys are NEVER called pimps (well at least not to their faces...)! Does everyone else think Lucius is a pimp? Follow Lucius as he takes a survey of various people to see what they think.

"I am not a squab, debonair, bachelor of the month type." A Slytherin graduate is enjoying a very boring, normal, rich life when a mistake from his past comes back to haunt him. With a child. The story follows the child's growing up from when she is very little to when she finds her mother and other suprises.

When Ron visits the infirmary late one night, complaining of a headache, Poppy is very busy and shoos him to the cupboard. He grabs the first vial he sees and leaves, never bothering to look at the label. What happens when you suddenly aren't who you thought you were? Also, a lesson in looking at the labels of vials.

This time, it's Neville and Ginny's turn to have The Talk with their son. Joy.

Harry takes his forty year old son, the ghost of Draco Malfoy, and his friends to the park to play baseball. But will an all Death Eater team foil his plans? Sequal to "Happiness is Just a Daddy Away!" and "Harry Potter and the Magical Cheese Cracker."

What happens if you lock a group of people – say, Harry Potter & Co. – in a room, and not let them out until after they finish a horribly-written script of a truly horrible movie…? Care to find out? Thought so… Read it anyway!

This is from the point of view of Neville's cauldron. Poor thing -- wouldn't you hate to be mangled by Neville's mishaps in Potions?

This is fluff, H/G, R/Hr... Based on a few oldies songs I really like. This chapter is based on the Cher song "Shoop Shoop". Hope you enjoy!

All is well at Hogwarts until the Crunchy Kernel Buccaneers strike. Amid weasels, armpits, and snogs you have to wonder if peace and sanity will ever reside at Hogwarts again.

A fic after my own sick sense of humor, in which we encounter a hysterical Lavender, a fuming Parvati, a sarcastic Hermione, and a diabolical plot involving a copious amount of Polyjuice potion. Warning: Also contains femslash references, but those of you who know me probably aren't surprised.

"He looked down, unaware that one look could change the course of his life forever... "``What can a mysterious stranger do to Hogwarts? A lot.

At Bill and Fleur's wedding, it seems like the apocalypse, anyway. A ring goes missing, Harry must confront an obstacle of the red-haired variety, and Fleur gives a whole new meaning to "bad hair day."

Subtitled "Mad-eye Moody gets Pink Eye." Anyway, it's from the point of view of the eye, and he gets super annoyed when he gets pink eye. (AGAIN)

In response to the constant needling he suffers from the resident females of Number 12 to offer insight and maturity in the darkest of times, Remus Lupin handles Harry's grieving in the most insightful and mature way he can: by taking him out and getting him utterly plastered. However, obscene alcoholic consumption and singing along to 'Surfer Rosa' in one's underwear is NOT coping with your mourning, as explained by one particularly mercurial young auror, and Remus Lupin is forced to confront the facts of life.

It's Christmas. Remus gives Sirius a gift. Sirius gives Remus a gift. Remus objects. James laughs. Lily is impressed. Sirius doesn't know what all the fuss is about.

In which Draco discovers that not only is he actually a girl, and not only is he Voldemort's daughter, but even worse, he is somewhat attracted to Harry Potter. Poor Draco. What's a boy, er, girl, to do? A parody of Bridget Jones's Diary.

Finishing a crossword is a lot harder than it looks, and James finds that out the hard way.

When we were waiting for Book 5 to come out, we worried about whether Harry would get the Marauders' Map back. Then, we read Order of the Phoenix, and now we know that he got it back. But, we don't know how it was returned to him. This is one possible explanation.

As well as being old, rather evil, and having a personal hygiene problem, the Dark Lord was also somewhat of a chauvinist, and he assumed that if women tried to take charge of the country, it would fail drastically because the women would spend all their time gossiping and shopping. His plan was doomed to fail from the start, though. He hadn't counted on Hermione ``Granger.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco and Pansy get together in the Room of Requirement to discuss fanfiction. Much insulting and snarkiness ensue, in addition to the discussion of a few major ships.

For speaking out of turn against her, Professor Umbridge gives Lee Jordan one hell of a detention stretch. But when the twins leave Hogwarts behind, and him with it, he gets a chance to strike back. Oneshot.

Poor, poor Belladonna has quite a few problems. Her mother is THE Devil-Lady, her father can't stand up for himself, Grandma Dot is losing it, somebody stole her necklace, her brother Jason is being moody, her twin - Nicky - is keeping a secret, Lily and James need a good push, her best friend left her, Margery Butter is still a mystery, everybody thinks she is crazy, she is hearing voices, Remus keeps getting glued to her, she keeps walking into Sirius and Mr Ted, her teddy, lost an eyebrow. Bella doesn't need THAT along with NEWTS, finding a job and keeping her head. Oh, and her therapist is sleeping with the cleaner. Marauder Era. AU-ish.

Pansy enlists Cho's help to exact revenge on Harry and Draco after she finds out about their secret relationship. The trouble is, they're flat out of ideas.

I've done it! I'm revolutionizing Schnoogle! It's a songfic...but it's in Riddikulus! Intrigued yet? Darn. Read it anyway so you can say that you are part of the revolution! Viva la revolucion! Anyway...we know James and Sirius are up to something. Just not what it is. Want to know? Too bad. Mind your own business.

Draco, being only a little, tiny, miniscule bit daunted by Harry's potential straightness, investigates that possibility. Sequel to "Denial" and "Acceptance." Rated R for a TEENY bit of sexual innuendo.

Short dabble. The Sorcerer's Stone told from Draco's point of view.

Harry has had a certain person as his object of lust for a``long time now... Who could it be? And will Harry meet his object of``lust "in the library?"

Dumbledore & Co. must come up with a Christmas gift for their roommate.

Harry and Hermione find that they don't have to be in school to keep learning.

The invisibility cloak has had a bit of a bad life ever since he's been owned by Harry... here is his story!

When Ron and Draco are forced to serve detention together, each discovers that things aren't always as simple as they seem, people aren't always who you think they are, and Memory Charms can be tricky little buggers. Mild slash.

Remus/Sirius obsessive fangirl humor.

Parvati and Lavender's project on love divination gets a bit out of hand, and everybody finds out rather more than they wanted to. In Part I, Arithmancy and Divination, we watch the Gryffindors participate in an experiment.

This is a compilation of four humorous cookies involving AD/MM, Snape, Harry and Ron.

A short snippet, for a change. It's Hallowe'en, and the Fat Lady deplores the fact that so few kids nowadays keep up with the spirit of the All Hallows Eve - so she asks Nearly-Headless Nick to tell James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily a story. A ghost story, of course...

Harry and his friends go to a new theme park for wizards, Wizardland, where a spell makes some stupid - like Draco who drags poor Lucius around until he spazzes out on roller coaster and winds up talking to an argyle leprechaun that smokes.

This is from the point of view of the Fat Lady -er, painting. Wouldn't you get offended if comments about your weight were made all day?

Narcissa Black was NEVER cruel and vain. In fact, in spite of her beauty, Narcissa is just a down-to-earth genuine girl who has some problems. Fine, a lot of problems! This is her diary, which gives you a glimpse into her life and witness as she goes from accident to accident.

Draco has some random thoughts, and a rather irritating encounter with Harry Potter. (Slight hints of Draco/Harry.)

James has asked Sirius to take care of baby Harry for a few hours. This might not have been a good idea. (One-shot) **2008 Quill to Parchment Award Winner - Best Marauder Era and Runner-up: Best Humor

It’s Harry’s sixth year, and another Professor Trelawney has come to Hogwarts to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. Severus Snape confidently expects disaster. A Hogwarts/ Chalet School crossover.

The private life of Argus Filch: Broom closets, shoe polish, three-foot newts and canaries. And a very mangy cat. The private life of Rubeus Hagrid: Interspecies Relations, whisky, fireflies and spiders. And a goblin named Steve. (A Rubeus/Argus romance)

2004. Voldemort reigns supreme as Minister of Magic, and Harry, Ron and Hermione live in a squalid London flat on the Dole. Remus Lupin sleeps on their couch after his wife leaves him for another woman, Lavender Brown is a cheesy porno actress, Draco Malfoy has seen 'Secretary' one too many times and Snape runs a meth lab in his backyard. However, a gormless teenage girl in Coon Falls, Minnesota, opens up an interesting chat window and starts conversing with the supposedly late Sirius Black, and the Order of the Phoenix (now known as the Paradise Cult of Christ to avoid suspicion) rears its head for a tour-de-force overthrow of the cruel Riddle-Malfoy government....

Hogwarts is having a fashion show. Guess who has to make comments about the 'outfits' in his 'own' way.

What happens when someone comes knocking on your door telling you your daughter is a witch? Mr Granger tells his story.

You must read this parody, especially if you like seafood! It started as a normal morning at Hogwarts, then all hell broke loose. Featuring Confused!Ron and Insane!Harry. Sarcasm abounds, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll see Crabbe in leather pants, and find out Voldemort's true weakness. Features homage to LOTR, Princess Bride, Last of The Mohicans and many more. Co-Authored by Cindale and Ginnysdarkside.

Finally, there's an American at Hogwarts! Whoo-hoo! (AU.)

Small drabble. What if Harry and Draco were trapped in a broken elevator? Who walks away alive? Who is annoyed out of their wits?

A few predictions give Severus Snape a new outlook on life.

Due to N.E.W.T. preparation classes, Hermione is once again using the Time Turner. This time, however, the others find out. They convince her to go on a little jaunt through the space-time continuum, with disastrous and hilarious results. Featuring sexy Slytherins, the Weasley red hair gene turning up in unexpected people, and a brief argument on how many times, exactly, Remus has read Hogwarts: A History.

The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Eudice Eusyram, is perfect, and now Snape is jealous! How will he get back at her? A spoof on Mary Sue fan fiction in the same mold as "Airplane!"

Harry finally gets his revenge on Draco, or does he? Harry catches Draco in an emotional state and captures it in a picture. Soon the whole school will know what Draco's true prized posession is. Will Harry's revenge work, or will it backfire?

The characters of Harry Potter express their views on the books.

Remus Lupin has come across something thoroughly evil, but there is no way around it, he has to use it. It is... the sewing machine from hell (Weird fic, even when judged on my standards).

Dumbledore forces Sirius to sign a contract so that the teachers will return to school.

Fred and George are ordered to repeat their seventh year properly, and neither of them is happy about this. With more pranks up their sleeves because of their booming business, they come to school wreaking havoc everywhere and angering quite a few. When Hermione threatens to stop their antics, she ends up in the line of fire on many of their pranks! Now, it's revenge and mayhem in store for sure… and of course one must remember that all is fair in love and war!

At the fifth-year bonding camping trip, everyone tells a story round the compfire. James' is about the future and is very familiar....

Percy Weasley, the estranged son of the Weasley family, has made it big at last. Is he enjoying himself? You bet he is!

Draco is a 7th year while Ginny is a 6th year. They both show up for a transfiguration class that McGonagall is setting up and after an unfortunate incident when a 3rd years mouse is turned purple they are forced to work alone together. This is their day together: will they be able to avoid killing each other? Will they maybe have a conversation? Only time will tell...

The last part of the Gryffindor Games! The Game of Life the sequel, sequel to Game of life, which is sequel to Truth or Dare the Sequel, which is Sequel to Truth or Dare. Ginny comes to play and an unexpected twist I praise myself for!

Harry is trying to sleep, Ron and Hermione are fighting... Surprise visits inside!

Putting off studying for his O.W.L.s, Ron plays chess with his armless Krum action figure. The stakes? Whoever wins gets Hermione (or Hermioninny). A fluffy missing moment from OOTP.

The musings of Petunia just a few days after baby Harry came to live with them.

I present to you the curtain that allows you all to read beyond the handsome face of Sirius Black, and into his very twisted, confusing and just plainly stupid mind.... MWPP and a devious plan.

Everything was going well until Draco Malfoy took a tumble and found himself facing God (Merlin was a little busy). Now there are halos to be sought and people to help out. Right?

Clippit, the arch enemy of all Microsoft Word users, finally gets his just rewards when he meets up with Draco Malfoy.

Come in, come in, and welcome to my office. Please, take a seat on the New Zealand wool rug. I'm Malfoy, Detective Malfoy. Detective Draco Malfoy. How can I be of service? Ah... yes, my most recent case you want to hear about. Let's see here... It involved a mysterious, red-headed interior designer by the name of Virginia Weasley, a toaster with too many volts, and a seriously disturbed evil Dark Lord. Oh and my porsche. And Cap'n Crunch. Can't forget Cap'n Crunch. Yum.

The Sorting Hat (Phinneus) is sick of spending all year just to write one song for one night to sing for a bunch of bratty teenagers. So the hat sings a song about himself for a change.

Remus and Sirius are sharing a flat after graduating. Sirius brings up a random topic: What if Remus was gay? Featuring the Avenue Q song 'If You Were Gay'.

What happens when two students overhear Snape and Sprout's conversation in the teachers' lounge?

For the first time ever, Harry gets the house at Privet Drive to himself for a few hours. Rather than trash the place, Harry decides to take a shower. In this short Fic, Harry must solve the terrible problem of what CD he's going to listen to while showering.

Rachel is in her fifth year at Hogwarts, she's a transfer from Willow Academy in Ontario. Harry Potter is madly in love with her, but Draco has his eyes on her as well. Who will she pick though? The loving, protective Harry, or the powerful, murderous Malfoy? Watch her opinion change numerous times through this journey of Love, Bravery, and Hope. Ron and Hermoine get together in this story, but will a fight or two keep them from love... forever?

Short, sweet, and to the point. Taking place post-HBP, a look into a long day in the lives of Remus and Tonks, as they work on Order business. Contains terrible poetry and haiku of equally dubious quality.

How many ships can one offend in one story? Let's see...an irreverent look at shipping before HbP.

Cornelius Fudge. Lucius Malfoy. Two respectable pillars of the community, drawn together by a special bond. The love that dare not speak it's name. *Warning: These be slashy seas ahead, matey*

Voldemort gets amnesia and it goes downhill from there...

This RHPS track gets Potterized! (Katie/Marcus)

Just a litte one shot fic in time for Christmas. A piece of pure fluff to give a smile. :) Fred wants to ask Angelina to the Yule Ball, but has no clue as to how she feels. Enter a prank gone wrong, a slumber party, and one fairytale of a book.

Snape lets something slip to Hermione that he would rather keep secret. Or does he mean to tell her? What is going on? (Hermione's PoV, one-sided S/Hr. Yes, it's strange.)

Madam Pomfrey leaves the infirmary in the capable hands of three of her esteemed colleagues while she visits her ill sister. With the Quidditch season yet to begin and no lessons over the weekend, what could possibly go wrong?

I was told that I would write a story about Narcissa, paired with Harry. It would involve latex, and end in an embarrassing revalation. Consider the following my one shot to take out the plot bunny that was released in my head. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did hunting it down.

Not surprisingly, Harry had never expected flying pigs. H/D.

Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione are working in the library, and notes start being passed about. Will Harry and Ginny confess their feeling for each other?

When the Slytherin seventh-years organise a bake sale, Professor McGonagall suspects something is wrong. The Slytherins have obviously gone quite mad. However, what she finds out almost gives her a heart attack. A rather ridiculous one-shot exploring Draco/Ginny.