Last Mistake

Prologue ꍔ It BeginsꍔK

"I'm sorry."

"It must be hard for you. I offer my deepest sympathies."

"He was a brave young man."

"He'll be missed dearly."

"A courageous fellow who will never be forgotten."

Shut up! Shut UP! I don't want to hear anymore. I have to get out of here. I-I can't just stand here and watch this. I can't-

It was a gloomy day for the people who knew the son of the proud James and Lily Potter. The day of his death has been broadcasted as a tragedy to the wizarding world, a day that will live in history. Tears were shed. Hugs were exchanged. Words were spoken. They were all the same in one way. None provided comfort to those who needed it.

The tiresome crowd gathered around for a last honorary ceremony for the young boy they had grown up knowing, a boy that was deprived of the chance to live out his adulthood. The overcast and depressing atmosphere was further dampened when one of them broke out in a run away from the service.

Sirius Black ran with all the strength he could muster, as far as possible from his godson's last resting place. There was nowhere he had in mind to go, but all he knew was that he couldn't watch it anymore. Before long, he stopped, his heavy breathing pounding in his ears. The fatigue was finally weighting on his body from the time when he almost killed himself the first week subsequent to the news.

He barely slept or ate even after being released from St. Mungo. But none of it mattered. For all he knew, he would've gone through with it if his damn friend hadn't stopped him. Why do they all think they knew what was best for him? His legs finally gave out as he found a rock to fall on.

For the majority, they had lost a hero, and for some, a friend. But for Sirius Black, he had lost everything. He had lost everything that mattered in his life. There wasn't a worse feeling than what he was feeling now. It was a hundred times worse than the duration of time he had wasted in Azkaban. If he knew this would happen, he would've given himself up to lifelong imprisonment in Azkaban rather than having to endure the pain and sorrow that ran through his veins at that very moment. He wanted to get away, but there was nowhere to go. It would all be the same, no matter where he was.

--------

Remus saw his friend run away in the middle of the ceremony. For the past weeks, he had watched over him, afraid he'd make another attempt on his own life. There was no way he could allow him to throw his life out the window without a clear thought in his head. Remus decided against chasing after his friend. He doubts that Sirius would venture anywhere too far. Besides, there were hardly any words he could say to try and consul the weary grim look-alike.

When Sirius still hadn't returned after the ceremony ended, Remus had no choice but to instigate a search on his own. They were in a remote park where a section was cut off as a resting ground for the departed. There weren't a lot of people around since the sky seemed ready to cry as more dark clouds assembled together.

He sat stiffly and focused his vision on a patch of grass. The more time he spent staring at the serenely green background, the more he wanted to be one of the tall standing spikes coming out of the soils and was cared for by the nurture of nature. He wanted to be like them, not having to suffer from the complications that came with being animate. He envied them the most for one thing: they were untouchable by pain. Then an idea hit him square in the head. He stood up abruptly, uncaring about the scratches that were inflicted onto his robe by the rough surface of the rock he had sat on moments ago.

The tiny droplets of rain came falling unblinkingly fast, it signaled the eminent thrashing the earth was about to be a victim of. The sky's anger lighted the atmosphere and roared in heated fury. He quickened his pace, splashing nature's tears in all directions with every step. His olfactory senses guided him towards Sirius' scent. His feet halted with a bashful 'splat' when he saw him. On a nearby tree stood a man, now drenched in rainwater, punching unmercifully at the wooden trunk.

Sirius thrust his fist at the innocent tree, prepared to plunge his hand into it with as much force as he had. Nearly seconds from the unpleasant meeting between fist and wood, his arm froze in mid-punch.

Without turning to face the arm that held his own, Sirius growled, "Let go, Lupin."

Remus held on and said in explicit clearness, "No." He could feel Sirius' raging emotions. Plus the fact that Sirius never addressed him by his last name, gave him a pretty lucid idea of what he was dealing with.

He then added, "I think you've had enough self-mutilation for today."

Sirius still did not lower his arm. Remus continued talking since he knew very well that Sirius did not have the strength to overpower his.

"You're upset. We all are." The werewolf paused, watching for signs that his friend was listening. Then he continued, "The difference between the rest of us is that we're trying to deal with it, and you're not."

Finally, Sirius dropped his arm, turned around and gave Remus a deadpanned expression. "I don't need your lecture, Moony."

"Maybe not, but I'm giving them to you anyways. I realize that this is hitting you harder than it is to many of us, but you are failing to realize that we all cared about him as much as you did. We're not trying to punch things and hurt ourselves just because one of us had to leave early. There's a reason our time isn't up yet."

He stared at his stubborn friend as he talked and wasn't surprised when Sirius dropped his gaze. Remus softened at his friends' demeanor.

"It's not yours to face alone, you know."

Remus himself failed to realize that Sirius has been clenching and unclenching his bruised and bloodied fist during his attempt at supplying solace. He had no clue that his attempt will backfire in the worst way.

"I know why my time isn't up yet," Sirius spoke, startling Remus with the reply.

"Why?" Remus inquired.

Sirius offered no explanation or elaboration at Remus' question. He merely brushed Remus off, deciding that he no longer wanted to deal with his overprotective friend. But he wasn't about to be let off so easily. Remus grabbed Sirius by the arm, once again holding him back. He took out his wand and gingerly healed Sirius' knuckles. After that, he still did not release Sirius' arm. Instead, he leaned closer.

"Please don't do anything you'll regret later."

He spoke the plead so softly that most probably wouldn't have heard it if they weren't listening intently, but Sirius heard it loud and clear even through the pelting sound of the rain.

"Harry wouldn't have wanted you to do anything you'll be regretting, especially if it's because of him."

With a speed so fast, Sirius whirled around, facing Remus with a deadly stare. If he thought it possible, Remus would've say that he saw fire blazing in Sirius' eyes. Being the brave friend, Remus didn't back down.

"But he's not here, is he?" Sirius sneered fiercely. Remus could've sworn that Snape would be jealous of the sneer that Sirius was now giving him.

"Maybe not in the flesh, but he's here in our minds. In our hear-"

"Oh, don't give me that same bloody bullshit Dumbledore gave me! I may be enraged, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid!" Sirius spat.

Remus contained his own emotions as Sirius yelled in his face. There were some things that needed to be let out. Too bad it couldn't have been sooner. Just when he thought that Sirius was done, Remus felt his own anger when Sirius had hit a nerve.

"I don't care enough? Is that what you think?!" Remus spoke loudly. Then realizing he was losing control, he lowered his voice, trying to calm down. 'I can't help Sirius if I'm acting like him,' he reasoned to himself.

"Padfoot, just because I'm not acting like you are doesn't mean that Harry hadn't meant anything to me. James wasn't just your friend. He was mine as well if you'd forgotten. I'm not Harry's godfather, but I was his friend. Just like anyone else that knew him. You can't let your guilt eat you up like this. You didn't kill H-"

Remus didn't finish his sentence when Sirius caught him unaware with a punch to the jaw. Remus held his jaw, stunned. Sirius stared back, his fist shaking at his side. Remus saw no remorse or regret in his eyes, only a sense of hopelessness and bewilderment hidden behind a mask of perpetual rage. After a few seconds, his jaw set and his eyes furious, Sirius disapparated.

Little did they know, it would be the last time they see Sirius Black for a while.