Cupid Valentine

September 1^st, 1997

My name is Cupid Valentine, the modern day cupid. I have been sent to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by the fates. Apparently, the fates want me to play 'matchmaker' for two unsuspecting students...

Yeah, right. Why did I agree to whatever task they would give me? Because I was bored with the usual 'shoot an arrow, you're in love' type of thing?

Naw, I'm not an arrow-shooting guy anymore. Unless, you happen to catch me at a bow and arrow shooting range. If you're lucky, then I'll shoot you the old fashioned way; if you're a magical human, then I get to have fun with those 'wands'.

See, when arrows don't penetrate, then I'll grab the pistol, if you're mortal or non-magical. Wands are okay, but there are too many counter curses, that if I hit someone, it'll probably be blocked or dodged, or thrown back at me. Not even a 50-50 chance anymore. How do you like that?

Well, I was sent here to play 'Cupid' (Pun!) for two unsuspecting students, as I have said. These two, as I have seen, are not love material. One desires high achievement, the other is a snob. The easiest job anyone can ask for. See, all I have to do is wave my 'wand' - a little white-ish pink-ish stick that Sadie (the leader of the Fates of Love) and the great Merlin (yes, yes. I know the great Merlin.) gave me - and say a few words, and it'll be like someone got hit in the head with a sledgehammer. Not a pleasant feeling of love, but still, it's a feeling.

Oh, yes, I've met Merlin, incase you were wondering. Great guy, only he needs to cut down on the immortal alcohol. I tell you, those Greek Gods can party! Those Roman Gods really know how to put on a show as well...

Anyways, back to what I was saying...

Why, oh, why did I give all that up for some stupid mission that the fates lay on me? For all I know, Thalia could be staging her own comedy act by now. She has to be the funniest muse ever to walk Mother Earth. I believe it was she who invented "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!" Wow! That joke is over a hundred years old, I think, and it's still funny.

Well, here at Hogwarts, I talked with the Headmaster Dumbledore, whom I can swear looks like my father! Well, he would if I knew my father...

Know what I said to him?

"Headmaster Dumbledore," I said, "my name is Eros Valentine. I am a Roman God, and I am here to make the whole school fall in love, and let the hormones run a rampage!"

He believed me! Well, I didn't say that last bit, but no doubt he'd still let me join the school even if I did. Teenage hormones, the number one fear in all the immortal world. Even Hades and Pluto are scared of teenage hormones!

The old coot believed me. I still can't get over that fact. One; I'm not Eros, I'm Cupid. Two; Eros is Greek, not Roman. Three' be dammed if I have to make the whole school fall in love! (I'm going to continue my rant of hormones for another couple of lines just to be warned.) Raging hormones everywhere now when no one is in love! It'll be twice as much when everyone falls in love. Well, then that would lead to an orgy, but I'm not the God of that, sadly, so I don't care.

So, I had to put a hat on my head, and listen to the hat tell me about myself that I already knew, and have the hat be, somewhat, surprised to be honored enough to be sorting a God.

Well, I'm stuck in a 'house', as Dumbledore calls it. This 'house' is called 'Ravenclaw'. I haven't met with anyone else in this house, for I've only just arrived, but I'm sure I'll get to meet them sooner, or later. Later would be more like it.

People may be asking themselves, 'Why is Cupid Valentine so eager to runaway from what he was born to do?' Easy answer: No one believes in me, and hormones, and the fates. Sure, I got my own holiday (which is pretty sweet) and everything, but have you ever met someone who actually prays and thanks me of Eros for bringing love to their life? I didn't think so.

So, yeah; the fates have played a horrible, horrible trick on these two students, who are supposed to be victims of my 'arrow'. But, hey, they're the fates, right? The always have their reasons, right?

I feel terribly bad for Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy.

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A/N: See, when arrows don't penetrate, then I'll grab the pistol is a little on paraphrase from H.V.D. As is the whole bit that people don't believe in Cupid. I realize that Cupid is on the 'I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning' type of guy. Don't worry, he'll get romantic later, when he meets a certain someone who reminds him of another certain someone that disobeyed him, though he later forgave her when she died. How romantic...forgiving someone when they died. But she became a goddess afterwards, that's good, right?