Book of Goodbyes

18^th July

Father seems to be acting like nothing's wrong. Like everything's going to be fine, that Sylvia will be going to Hogwarts in September and the animal that bit her was only a feral dog. Sylvia seems to be playing along with his charade and I do as well, but when he's not around, she shows her concern and keeps asking me what's going to happen to her. I don't know what to say. I keep telling her that things will turn out okay. However, I think she still sees that I'm lying though she hasn't said anything.

I was thinking about if we ran away. But where to? All our friends live nearby and their parents would just bring us back. I even thought of some of the professors at school but they don't like me much in all truth and they would just do the same.

I feel cornered.

19^th July

Sylvia was supposed to return to St. Mungo's today so that the doctors could look at the bite. We got an owl from there. Father sent back a reply. I don't know what it said but he told all of us afterward that we had to stay home and not talk about what happened to anyone for a month then he went and hid in his lab for the rest of the day. He's still down there. Mum's trying to get him to come to bed.

22^th July

Today Sylvia finally left her room. I looked up when the next full moon is and it's the 14^th of August. Father's been hiding but mum spent the day with Sylvia in the gardens. We ate lunch out there. When mum went back to the house, Sylvia took off her bandage and showed me the bite. It's definitely not something a plain old feral dog could do. What the hell are my parents playing at?

27^th July

I wish there was a cure for this damn fucking disease! There has to be something. Somehow. I've been digging around for books on werewolves and there's hardly any! Most just talk on ways to kill them. Why the hell hasn't anyone ever seriously tried to cure the disease? If there were a cure then there'd be no werewolves! This world is such crap. I hate it. Maybe I can find something at the school library when I go back.

Hogwarts.

Sylvia's not going. Not now. Mum and dad won't say anything but I highly doubt anyone would want a werewolf in the school. Sylvia understands this. I caught her throwing her letter in the fire. This is all so unfair. I wish I had followed her into the woods. Maybe I could have stopped this from happening. At least maybe I could have gotten bit and not her.

1^st August

Father finally stopped hiding. He went out early in the morning and came back after lunch with a new horse for Sylvia. He also bought her some new robes and sweets. Her leg is healed now though there's a terrible scar in its place. No doctors have come to the house neither has mum or dad taken her to see anyone. Not since that morning that we left. In fact, mum hasn't had any visitors. Mr. Malfoy came over once but Lucius wasn't with him. Him and dad talked for hours in the parlor and put a charm on the chimney flu and air duct so that they couldn't be heard. I don't think they were discussing the Dark Lord. When he does, there are usually a lot more people over and mum goes in there too.

Something strange happened with the horse that dad brought. As soon as Sylvia approached it, it reared up. It refuses to let her get near. Father looked concerned and told me to go get Charlie. Charlie's still fine around her so I gave him to her. The new horse is mine now. It's a black and white mare with a patch on her shoulder that looks like a skull. I named her Skullduggery.

3^rd August

Mum and dad still won't let anyone come over and won't let Sylvia or me go anywhere. An owl came with a note from Lucius telling me he was sorry. Some flowers came too from the Malfoys, the Lestranges, the Rosiers, and Mrs. Nettleson. I think mum and dad told them that Sylvia died. I hope not. I'm really worried about what to do. Mum's been crying again and father took all the flowers and hid them in the drawing room before Sylvia came downstairs. He then told me to go wake her and go outside and play. I had no choice I suppose. I didn't spend the rest of the day at the house; rather Sylvia and I went riding out on the edge of the property and spent some time in the old farmer's cottage down by the moor. I would have liked to know what mum and dad did but the house elves won't let on.

7^th August

Sylvia's sick in bed again. She decided to play with mother's jewelry. She got nasty boils from a silver necklace. Mum and dad can't hide it now. I finally came out and asked them what they were going to do. Mum snapped at me for asking too many questions and locked me in my room then ran off crying. Father came up and threatened to beat the living daylights out of me again if I asked like that in front of Sylvia again.

I've been reading a book on werewolves. I wonder what we're going to do with Sylvia on the full moon. It's a week from today.

*

It's the 1^st of September, and I'm going back to school. What can I say other than this has been the worst year of my life.

I haven't written for a while because frankly, I couldn't. I hate my parents. I hate everything about them. I kept telling myself they wouldn't do it, but they did. They killed her. My sister. Their daughter. They took her out into the woods and killed her like a foundered horse or a dog with distemper. And I didn't do anything. Nothing. Nothing at all. I knew what was going to happen! I knew it the night she was bitten and father went into that back room with the doctor. We should have run away. Who gives a fuck that there would have been no place to go? Even if we had to go live with Muggles she would have still been alive. Why didn't I do anything?

It was the 14^th of August and her and I were chasing garden gnomes when father came up riding my horse and leading Charlie by the reins. He asked her if they could just go riding together. She looked at me.

She looked at me and I could feel that she knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong but I stood there. I stood there like some big stupid bastard and didn't do a damn thing. Didn't say anything. I just watched her finally go over and get up on Charlie and ride off. That was the last time I saw her.

Mum was crying in the house, had herself locked up in her room and told me to go in mine, but I went outside and started heading across the fields on foot. Dad came riding out of the woods. Kept looking back and was being mean on that black and white pony's mouth. Charlie and Sylvia were no where to be seen.

I was such a baby. I started crying and screaming at him. I threw a few hexes then he hit me with something to knock me back.

I should have done something.

I'm sitting alone right now. I didn't visit any of my friends over the summer and hid from them when they tried to see me. The story my father gave was that the werewolf killed her. I really don't want to deal with them. I don't want school but then again, I don't think I can stand to be home. I'll definitely not return home at Christmas. Mother said she wants me to come home, that she needs me. I needed her to stop father. However, she isn't on good terms with my father right now. She left Sylvia's room exactly how it was and locked it and won't give dad the spell. She's been hiding in there a lot. I really had to get away from all that. My family's fucking nuts and I'm just a coward.

1/9 Later

I just wanted to note that I was surprised at how well Lucretia, Jack, and Evan were acting around me. Before we got off the train, this Gryffindor girl that I've seen hang around Potter and Black and Lupin saw me writing and then went off and told the idiotic Gryff four where I was. They came and started pestering me and trying to take the journal away. I was about to draw my wand when Black suddenly turned the brightest shade green and Potter got these red boils on his face. Lucretia and Jack and Evan were standing in the doorway of the compartment and brought the almost duel outside. Nigel showed up at the last minute and made Lupin sprout twigs out of his ears. This is going to be a hard year. I'm just going to try my hardest to do well so that maybe when I get out of here I'll get enough marks on my OWLs and NEWTs that I can land a good job quickly and get out of the house.

2/9

I signed up to take Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures. Unfortunately Magical Creatures is with the Gryffindors but I don't want to have anything to do with Divination or Muggle Studies. Actually, Professor Bulstrode encouraged me to sign up for one more class to help with my class standing. Professor Trelawney's a twit. I hear Muggle Studies is a blow off course, but I'm really not interested and I wonder what my father would think if I took it. No.

I don't care what he would think. He can go blow it out his rear. Maybe kill me too if he's unhappy enough about it.

4/9

Tryouts for the Quidditch team were today. I didn't go. Lucretia's mad at me because she says that I should "stop hiding in the closet and live my life." I'm not "hiding in the closet." She's such a pain. I told her to stop being such a bossy little bitch. Now we both have detentions with Professor Bulstrode for throwing hexes.