Tears of the Phoenix

~~ 5~~

Who Do You Trust?

"And now she turns

This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams

The fire burns

I realize that nothing's as it seems."

--Sting

To say this is bad would be the understatement of the century. I force myself to my feet, fighting to keep at bay my exhaustion. The silence that had seemed so peaceful and calm just minutes before now seems frightening and deadly. The snow falling around me no longer holds the magic it did before.

We must get farther away from the school, I know. We are still in plain sight if anyone should look close enough. I cannot pick up Hermione--her body is dead weight. I drag her through the snow, further back into the forest. I am well aware of the trail I am making in the snow. It will not be hard for any pursuers to follow me, but there's nothing I can do about this.

Once I am out of sight of the school, I collapse again. I am shivering from the cold and my heart is racing. What am I to do now? I can't leave her here. She could freeze to death and even if she didn't, then she would have to go back to the school and Lucius Malfoy. If I had intended for that to happen, I never would have rescued her in the first place. Therefore, I must take her with me. But where do I take her to? I can't take her back to the hideout. Letting her know where it is would be a deadly mistake. Even if she weren't to betray its location willingly, under the influence of Veritaserum, she would not have a choice. Not to mention the fact that Ron, Fred, and George would probably kill her on sight. So that leaves me back at base one. Where do I go?

Before I go anywhere, Hermione has to wake up. I can't carry her or drag her all the way back to the safe Apparition point, which I know I will have to go to no matter where I take her. As she was not stunned, I cannot simply use a spell to wake her up. She has to come around on her own and the longer it takes, the more danger we're in. Lucius will be expected back at the school and people will begin to wonder what is taking him so long. Someone will come down to see. Even if they don't, the Stunning Spell will gradually wear off. Any way I look at it, we're in a terrible situation.

I am beginning to see what Ron and Hagrid were worried about. I was taking risks when it came to Hermione. They were worried I would take a risk that would fail and leave me in a bad place--leave us all in bad place. Their worry was not unfounded, I now see. They were perfectly correct, and unfortunately, it took my mistake to make me realize that.

I sit here shivering and berating myself for at least fifteen minutes before I feel Hermione beginning to stir beside me. By this time, I have worked out a semi-decent plan. It is the best I can come up with, anyway. I will take her to the old cave Sirius hid out in in my fourth year. That is our safe Apparition point, so there is a Camouflage Charm over the front of it. No one knows the cave is there. We will be safe there and I can contact Sirius from there. He will help me decide what to do.

"Harry?" Hermione says beside me. Her voice is hoarse and quiet. Her eyes are squinted. "Where are we? It's so cold . . ."

"We're in the forest outside Hogwarts. It's snowing," I say bluntly. While I do not feel the same hatred for her, I still do not trust her and will not show her compassion. If Ron is right, that is what she wants and though I do not want to believe that, I know it is still a very real possibility.

She struggles to sit up. She is shivering. For the first time I notice that she is in her Hogwarts school uniform, which includes a skirt. Her cloak covers her, but I imagine that she still must be very cold. I am cold and I have on a thick jacket and jeans. I realize that her uniform was mostly green and I narrow my eyes unconsciously. No, she is not wearing a Hogwarts uniform. She is wearing a Puerclades uniform.

She does not appear to notice my angry facial expression. She cries out in pain and clutches her stomach. I remember that Lucius was kicking her. I kneel down beside her, feeling sorry for her despite my vow not to. "What hurts?" I ask.

"My stomach . . . I think I have a broken rib," she whispers.

I shake my head. "You can't know that," I argue.

"I know what a broken rib feels like," she replies.

I go silent, understanding what she is implying. "What else?" I continue, instead of responding to her previous comment.

"My head . . . and I'm so cold . . ."

I see the dried blood on her head and wonder if she may have a concussion. She has a distinct blue tinge to her lips. She's getting hypothermia. I curse myself for not noticing she was in a skirt sooner. I stand up and rip off my jacket. The wind bites at me more harshly now, but I am still dressed warmly. I give Hermione my jacket and help her into it, noticing her dazed, half-conscious state.

"Come on," I grunt as I pull her to her feet. She sags against me again, but she is conscious enough to walk as long as I support her. "We have to get out of here. It's a long walk."

It takes us twice as long to make it. Hermione can hardly stand, so I am really supporting both of us. Several times during the hike, I fear that Hermione is nearing death. By the time we reach Sirius's old cave, I am sure of it. Her lips are completely blue and her skin as a blue tone as well. She is shaking violently and her breaths are short and shallow. By this time I am practically carrying her. She appears dazed and unaware. She often complains of exhaustion, another sign. I know better than to let her sleep, to do so would be to kill her.

When we reach the cave, she tries to sink to the floor, but I catch her and keep her standing. She blinks her eyes rapidly a few times. "Harry, please . . . just let me rest . . ."

"No," I say firmly. "Hermione, you're freezing to death. You can't sleep or you won't wake up. Hermione--do you hear me?"

She nods. Her eyes are glazing over. I remember thinking just four days ago how I couldn't care less if she were to die. Now all I want is to keep her alive. How did this all happen? When did everything change so much?

I know that she needs warmth or else my efforts will have been wasted. I rip off my two shirts and take the thin undershirt off. I quickly struggle back into the other two before I get frostbite myself. I clump the undershirt into a ball and throw it onto the floor. I see Hermione nodding off and pause to slap her gently on the cheek. She becomes more alert again and I dare to quickly pick up some twigs and sticks from the corners of the cave. I toss them on top of my shirt and pull out my wand. "Accendus!" I whisper, and bright flames shoot from my wand's end. The pile of sticks and cloth catches fire immediately and I drag Hermione over to it. I can see that she's slightly more alert now that the fire is there, but she is still dangerously close to death.

I move away from the fire and hold my wand toward the ceiling. "Adminiculus!" A red beam shoots toward the ceiling, hits, then evaporates. This is the signal our two groups have agreed upon. Dumbledore and his group, as well as my own, will be alerted to the fact that I am in trouble and to where I am. They will know who is signaling for help, so I hope that Sirius will be the one to arrive. I also hope that no one from my group shows up.

I walk over to Hermione and shake her to keep her alert. I look outside where the wind and blizzard still blows harshly. I am glad that there is no view of Hogsmeade from here. It is a grim sight. Most all of the buildings are now no more than mere foundations, burned to smoldering heaps of rubble by the Death Eaters. The Shrieking Shack still stands, for the Death Eaters' personal use, but all other shops have been looted and demolished.

I hear a sound behind me and whirl around. Sirius stands there, staring at what must be quite a sight to him: Hermione half-unconscious by a small fire, with me sitting beside her. He shakes his shock quickly and moves forward. "Harry," he asks cautiously, "what is going on?"

I point my wand once more at the ceiling and mutter, "Securus!" A green beam of light follows the same path the red just did. Hopefully this will prevent any members of my own group from appearing. I turn to Sirius and nod at Hermione. "She's freezing to death, Sirius. I don't know much healing, but could you please do some thing?"

"Why?" asks Sirius calmly. "Harry, why do we want to save her? Just give me a reason, because right now I can see none."

"She's hurt, that's why!" I snarl. "Please, Sirius. I don't know why I want to save her so desperately--believe me, I've spent plenty of time wondering myself--and I don't have time to explain my tangled thoughts to you. Just do something!"

Sirius studies me, then nods. He looks Hermione over, then kneels beside her. He takes a minute or two to perform some complex spells while I watch anxiously. When he is finished, he steps back. Hermione is lying on the cave floor. She appears to be asleep. The blue tinge is gone from her skin and lips and she is no longer shivering. Sirius edges her toward the fire and she does not stir. He sighs and sits down, putting his back against the stone wall. "Okay," he says. "I took care of the hypothermia."

"Thank you," I say gratefully, sitting down beside him.

Sirius is watching her. "She looks pretty banged up. What happened?" He states this as a fact. There is nothing in his voice to signal that he cares. I do not blame him. If I had not spoken to her as I have, I would react the same way.

"Lucius Malfoy was beating on her," I say. "She thinks she has a broken rib. I think she has a concussion."

"Yes, well, she'll have to live with that," says Sirius, and I can hear the fatigue in his voice.

"Are you all right?" I ask worriedly.

"Yes. Healing takes a lot out of some wizards, including me. I just did a very complex healing. It drained a lot of my energy is all." He looks at me. "Harry, I need some explanations. What are you doing here, with her? And why do you care so much about her well-being all of the sudden?"

Again there is the question. I don't know how to answer it. Why do I care so much? Just because I have a hunch that she is a victim in this too? I have no proof. She could still be deceiving me and I know it. I could have just saved the life of a person who intends to kill me. Somehow though, I don't believe that. I do my best to explain what has gone on to Sirius. I am aware that my words are jumbled and hard to decipher. I hardly understand what I'm saying. It is no surprise that by the time I am finished, he is looking confused.

"Okay," he says slowly. "So you believe and trust her?"

"I believe her. I don't trust her. Not yet."

Sirius nods. "Good. I think it's a mistake to even believe her though. She's proved that she's excellent at deception. And even if this all isn't a lie, she's put herself where she is. She doesn't deserve a second chance. She doesn't deserve your help." Sirius sighs and scratches his head. "But that's your decision to make and your help is yours to give. I don't agree, I won't lie to you about that, particularly since you have a group to think of, but I won't stop you."

"I won't risk my group for her," I assure him. "I know better than that."

"You risked them today," Sirius reminds me. "Running in there like that and dueling Lucius Malfoy . . . you were lucky. If you'd lost, then you'd be dead or they'd have you. Your whole group could have been sacrificed."

I know he is right, which hurts the most. I nod. "Score one for Sirius," I say. "I know I screwed up. But what would you have done? Seeing someone you once cared for being hurt so badly, knowing they could be killed? Hearing their suffering and pain? Certainly, she betrayed us, but I didn't think she deserved that."

Sirius shook his head. "My years in Azkaban were undeniably the worst of my life. But one thing I can say is that I learned a lot in there. One thing I have learned well is that when someone betrays you once, they'll do it again if given the opportunity and motive. Hermione betrayed us all in the worst of ways. I simply can't believe she'd change so entirely in such a short amount of time."

"But what would you have done?" I press, feeling horribly certain that I already know the answer.

Sirius looks at me hard. "I think you know the answer to that question, Harry. And I think you understand the reasons why." He looks away.

I can't say I don't, because just days before I would have reacted the same way. As I have told him, I am unsure of how things have changed so drastically so fast. All I know is that they have and now my life is different in many ways, some subtle, some not. I just nod in response to Sirius's comment.

"So what do we do?" I ask. "About Hermione, I mean? I can't just let her go back there now. They'll probably kill her. And if they don't, they're sure to use Veritaserum to get her to tell them everything she knows. She's a security risk."

"They won't."

I look across Sirius and toward the fire which is now dying to embers. Hermione is sitting up. Sirius is watching her closely, but his face shows no emotion. "What do you mean?" I ask.

"They won't use Veritaserum," she says. Her voice is small and I have to strain to hear her. "They would have at first, but not anymore."

"Why?" asks Sirius suspiciously. His face is not so blank anymore.

"Because Lucius Malfoy is a cocky man. He's grown used to being able to beat any information out of me. He takes what I say at face value, feeling I'm too meek to lie. I can hold out against the torture if I have to and I often do. His ego is simply too large to accept the fact that I would dare lie. I won't tell him anything and he won't use Veritaserum." She scowls a little, but I can see the pain in her eyes. "He thinks it's more fun to do it the other way anyway. I'm not a security risk." She stands up. "I'll go back. Thank you for saving me, Harry, even if it was in vain." She turns toward the mouth of the cave.

"Wait!" I call. She turns to face me. "Won't he kill you?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I don't care. He probably will once he feels certain I've told him everything."

I bite my lip. What can I do? I begin to talk before I've really thought. "Well, let me go and talk to the rest of my group. Maybe there's some alternative. I didn't risk everything to save you just to let you go back."

"You've done more than enough for me already, Harry," she argues. "I don't deserve it. Just go on and forget about me. It'll be easier on everyone. I can't see why you've even done this much."

"Because I trust my instincts, Hermione," I reply. "And because my instincts are telling me to trust you. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're playing me again like Ron feels so confident you are, but I can't ignore what I think. I feel that there's more to all this than meets the eye."

"You have no reason to," she counters. "I betrayed everyone. I put everyone where they are now. Those are facts."

"But everyone believes you did it willingly. Did you? Is that a fact?" I demand.

"Yes!"

"I don't believe you!" Silence drops over us all again and I stand facing her, panting. I can see the mixture of emotions on her face. Pain, fright, and uncertainty are most prominent. I can feel Sirius watching this whole exchange intensely. I sigh and say in a calmer tone, "You still won't tell me what you refused to last night. Why is that?"

Hermione looks down and says nothing.

I shake my head. "I won't believe you did this willingly until you tell me what that is."

Hermione looks up at me. She looks frightened. "Harry, just stop it! Stop living in the past, in your own fantasy! I'm your enemy! I work for the Dark side. I betrayed you and Ron. Why do you want to be around me? You're the good guy and I'm the bad guy. That's all you need to know. Nothing else matters."

"If you're my enemy then why did you apologize last night? What are you trying to hide from me? Why did you keep insisting that there's more here than I can see?"

"Because I was lying," she snaps. "I was trying to get close to you so I could turn you in! I was trying to earn your sympathy, and you were fool enough to fall for it! Fool enough to take it this far!"

Her words don't hurt, because I can see the lie her in eyes. I take one step toward her. "Hermione, calm down. We both know you're lying. Why are you trying to keep me away from you? Why are you trying to hurt me with words you don't mean? Just explain it to me and I can help you."

A tear slides down her cheek and she shakes her head. "No, you can't," she whispers. "No one can. I won't betray you again, Harry. I promise." She turns and walks right out the cave entrance and into the dark, roaring blizzard without another look back.

~~ 6~~

Exile

"I never know what the future brings,
But I know you are here with me now.
We'll make it through."

--Daniel Beddingfield

I walk outside into the blowing storm and feel the bits of ice and snow pelt my face. In a matter of seconds it is red and stinging. It is a cold that is uncommon to these lands. I begin to shiver. It will only take a few more minutes before I begin to get hypothermia again. It is at least five below zero. It does not matter. I will not be around long enough to care. I promised Harry I would not betray him. There is only one way to ensure that I tell nothing. While it is unlikely that Lucius would use Veritaserum, it is always possible. I cannot risk that. There is no reason to hold back any longer.

I walk down the icy path in the rocks for a little while. It is a whiteout so bad I can barely see. I finally find a decent outcrop of rocks that looks steep enough and high enough. I step up on top of them and look down. It is a long fall, but that is what I want. My teeth are beginning to chatter and my tears are almost freezing. My chest is aching where Lucius's foot cracked my rib. But it is almost over. The pain will soon come to an end, and my days of living dawn to dawn will as well. I feel no regret. I put one foot out into oblivion . . .

I am dragged backward by strong arms around my waist. I struggle against the grip, frightened at first. My fear diminishes and I realize who it must be. I begin to struggle in anger rather than in fear. "Harry!" I yell. "Put me down!"

"No," he replies firmly. He is pulling me back up the incline and into the cave. He is too strong for me, so I finally give up and allow him to shove me back past the visual barrier and into the cave. I collapse to the ground once he lets me go. He had grabbed me right over my injured rib, and I am having horrible trouble breathing. I look up at him and he glares down at me. "What were you thinking?" he snarls.

I cannot answer, the pain is so bad. I vaguely hear Harry call to Sirius in alarm as my eyes begin to black. I cannot get the air I need! Well, I think distantly, I am coming to my end after all . . . Then I feel someone pulling back the arms that I have over my stomach and a moment later the pain begins to seep away. He is healing me. Suddenly I am breathing deeply and the blackness begins to recede. They have saved my life. Again.

Harry's hands are on my shoulders, his face in mine. "Breath, 'Mione, come on!" If I was not as weak as I am, I would have rolled my eyes. I am breathing, I feel like saying. Unfortunately. All I do is nod. He lays me back gently against the stone wall and backs off.

My vision is back in focus, and I can see Harry and Sirius exchanging a look. "Okay," Sirius is saying a defeated voice. "I see what you meant. That girl is either hiding something that could change everything we believe to be true, or she is the best actress in the known universe. I'm still not totally convinced it's not the latter, but I'm beginning to take a look at the former as well."

Harry nods and looks back at me. "You seem to be all right now," he says. I feel as though I am being interrogated. I probably am. "Now answer my question. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I promised you I wouldn't give you up," I say. "There's only one way to ensure that I won't."

"Yes, well, that way is not acceptable."

I feel like screaming. Merlin, why does he care so much? I've spent the past two years convincing myself that making them hate me was safest for everyone. I believe that with every fiber of my soul and being. Yet somehow my deceit has not convinced Harry. He's putting himself back in the way of danger. I know I will not be able to live with myself if he dies because I failed to make him hate me enough. "Then what do we do?" I ask. I am too weak and weary to argue. I feel like falling asleep where I am. Silence greets my answer.

"I'm not sure yet," mutters Harry. "Sirius, can you think of anything?"

Sirius shrugs and shakes his head. He looks at me and I look away. "I want to talk to her. Could you give us a minute? No offense, but the atmosphere is too explosive when the two of you are both in here together. I'm not exactly the most neutral person, but I'm more so than you." Harry glances from his godfather to me, finally nodding mutely and walking outside into the blizzard and out of our sight.

Sirius walks over to me. He kneels down so that he is eye-level with me. Sirius is somehow different than Harry. There is something about him that is so calm and placid that I fear he will somehow discover my secret. "Hermione," he says. "Hermione, look at me."

I do not look at him. "Why? What does it matter?" I question in a defeated, dismal voice.

Sirius sighs. "Okay, don't look at me. But listen, and listen hard. I don't trust you, I won't hide that fact from you. But I'm beginning to wonder. It's a lot easier to hate you and label you a traitor when we're miles away from each other. However, being here, watching and listening to you, things are beginning to fall into disarray. It's obvious that you are hiding something. You are not good at hiding it, which leaves me wondering how you could have infiltrated Hogwarts as a Death Eater if you are that bad a liar. I have two ideas. One, this is all an act. You want us to believe you're hiding something when you're really not. Or, two, you weren't lying, ever. Something happened and you betrayed us, but you were never a spy, or a willing participant. I've learned a lot about judging whether or not someone is lying, and without a doubt, you are. But I'm having a hard time deciding which type of lie you're fabricating."

I pull up my left sleeve and show him the red serpent and skull burned into my skin. He flinches. "I have the Dark Mark. What more is there to it?" I demand.

"Anyone can wear the Dark Mark," he objects. "It's what's in your heart that counts. And the fact is, I never knew you or Ron as well as I know Harry, but I got the impression that you were as adamantly against the Dark Lord as either of the other two. No matter what I believe, I know you're a smart girl. I don't see how you could go over to the Dark side, knowing all you do about the subject. You would have known that the people you care about would be hurt, particularly because Harry and Ron are your friends and because your parents are Muggles. Unless you don't care what happens to them." Sirius gently moved my chin so that I was looking at him. "Do you care about what happened to your parents, Hermione?"

At the mention of them, I try to stay strong, to appear indifferent and uncaring, but it is beyond my ability. A sob escapes my lips, and my eyes begin to tear. I had long since known they were dead; that was hard enough to deal with. But when Harry informed me the other night that Voldemort had tortured them to death . . . I cannot hold strong, knowing that. I had thought my lies were protecting the ones I loved. How could I have been such a fool?

Sirius nods. "I thought so. I think it's time you tell us the truth. You don't have to tell me, but you owe it to Harry. He's risked everyone to save you. You can't keep lying to him." This is the last thing he says. He walks over to the cave's entrance and calls for Harry, leaving me where I am, crying for my mother and father.

Harry reenters the cave and looks my way. He and Sirius talk in hushed voices for about five minutes. I am regaining control of myself, and I can see they are obviously arguing. About me, I supposed. What else? Finally, I see Sirius nod, but it is obvious he is still not happy.

Harry walks over to me. "Can you stand?" he asks, and extends a hand to pull me up. I nod and take it, wiping my eyes again. In a gentle tone, he questions, "Are you okay?" I can tell from the look in his eyes that he really does care. I'm not sure where that leaves me. What can I do now? Perhaps it is time I tell him the truth. He will not stop asking until he knows it, and he's already in the same amount of danger he'd be in if I do tell him. Still uncertain, I nod.

Sirius walks over. "It's getting dark. The others will be worrying about you. Harry, are you sure about this?" He appears very unhappy.

"Yes," says Harry in a voice that allows for no arguing. "There's no other option, Sirius. I'm not going to leave her here. And my group can think what they want."

"They'll have to live by your decision," Sirius warns. "Are you sure you don't want me to go ahead and ask . . . ?"

"No. I know what they'll say, no matter what my argument is. It's all I can think to do. Thank you for your help," says Harry. They embrace briefly and Harry turns to me. "You're coming back to my hideout with me."

My eyes widen. "Aren't you afraid I'll betray you?"

"Yes, I know there's that possibility. But I'm willing to take that risk, because I don't believe that you will. So take my hand and I'll Apparate us there. You're too weak to Apparate yourself."

Stunned that he trusts me this much, I do nothing. He takes my hand himself and closes his eyes. Just as I do the same, I feel the dizzying, spinning feeling that comes with Apparation, and a moment later we're out in the cold again. We appear to be in a forest, in front of a rundown, well-lit Muggle cabin in the late dusk. Harry pulls me up the steps and opens the door.

I am frightened. Not everyone will be as willing to give me a chance as Harry is. What will they do? Ron is certain to go ballistic. I tell Harry I would prefer to wait outside, but he refuses, saying I've already nearly died from the cold once today and he's not going to give it a second chance at me.

He pulls me inside and closes the door. The lights are on and a fire roars, making it warm. I can't remember the last time I've felt warm. For the past twelve hours, there have been three temperature levels for me: freezing, below-freezing, and hypothermia. It looks like the old cabin by a mountain lake my parents would take me to during the summers. The thought of them hurts and I push it away. Hagrid and Ron are sitting on the couch, facing away from us, talking quietly. My stomach clenches. It is serene in the cabin. A moment later, it is pandemonium.

Hagrid and Ron turn to see who had entered. "Harry!" cries Ron, leaping to his feet. "Merlin, pal, we've been freaking out here . . ." He takes notice of me and freezes in mid-sentence. For about twenty seconds he is still as a statue, stunned. His eyes are wide. Then he begins to redden and growls, "What is she doing here? Are you crazy?!" Ron lunges, but Hagrid pulls him back with one hand. Ron struggles and Hagrid holds on.

"Harry," says Hagrid in a disappointed sort of way. "Yeh shouldn' have brough' her here. We can' trus' her." He gives me the same look of disappointment before looking down. That is almost worse than Ron's anger.

People are being attracted by the noise of Ron's angry yells and are slowly appearing. The first two to arrive are Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom. Neville stares at me, with an innocent, hurt expression on his face and once he recovers from his shock, he whispers. "Hermione, how could you?"

Ginny steps up next to her brother and begins to berate Harry and I as well. Soon Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, and George and Fred Weasley appear too. The Weasleys are the angriest, Ron in particular. While Fred and George attempt to hold back their ferocious younger brother, they glare at me with the utmost hatred. Ginny has stopped yelling at me and is standing beside Neville again. She is crying and he is trying to calm her down, though he looks stunned and hurt as well. Katie and Angelina are somewhat like Fred and George--glaring, but saying nothing.

"ENOUGH!" yells Harry, startling everyone. "Ron, sit down! Fred, George, put a curse on him if you have to, but calm him down and shut him up! Ginny, it's okay, just take a seat. Everyone, sit down, or stand up, just listen! Be civilized. We can talk about this."

"Talk about it?" howls Ron. "With her? You can't talk to people like that! They're sociopathic monsters with no feelings. You can't make deals or be civilized. Kill her, or kick her out, then we'll talk!"

I am trying desperately to hold back my tears. Crying will probably only make them hate me more. I know that this is what I wanted to achieve; I know I wanted them to hate me, but this is too hard. I desperately want to run from the cabin, and feel certain that I will if this doesn't end soon.

"Ron, shut up!" snaps Harry. "Look, we all know what she's done, but over the past two days, I've begun to wonder. Just hear me out." And so they do. They listen, but their eyes are trained on me, glaring or staring in pain. I cannot bear to look up from the floor. Finally, Harry finishes, and silence greets him.

"I think we need to have a counsel about this," decides Fred. Harry begins to step forward, but Fred holds up a hand and gives one quick, sharp shake of his head. "Not you."

The others gather in a big circle in the center of the room while Harry and I stand on the outside. He says nothing to me, and I don't think I can speak without sobbing, so I stay quiet as well. Finally, after at least five minutes, the group breaks apart and Hagrid steps forward, a gloomy expression on his face.

"Harry, yeh endangered all o' us by goin' ter see her an' bringin' her here. Ron an' I are supposed ter stop yeh from doin' things like tha'. We couldn' stop it, but we can prevent it from happenin' again. Yer no longer the leader. Ron, as second in command, is takin' up tha' job. I'm the new second in command. Fred will be third in command."

I look at Harry. He looks as though he's been slapped. Clearly, he didn't expect this, but he nods slowly. "I wouldn't expect any less, I suppose. I deserve it," he says quietly.

"Second, she can' stay here. Unfortunately, she's now seen where we are. Memory charms are never fool-proof, so it's not safe ter give her one. Powerful Dark magic can reverse the spell--even one o' tha' git Lockhart's memory charms can be reversed by a powerful Dark wizard. You-Know-Who could do it." Hagrid sighs, running a hand though his hair and looking depressed. "So, tha' leaves us with two options. One, we kill her. Some of us are very much toward that possibility."

My insides freeze. I never imagined they'd kill me. Certainly, I no longer fear death, but to die at their hands? Merlin, they wouldn't . . . would they? Looking at the expression on Ron's face, I have no doubts. He could. He would.

"No," Harry refuses. "What's the other?"

"She's thrown out, an' you go with her."

"What?"

Ron stands up and walks over to stand in front of Harry. His face is redder than his hair. "You heard him. I don't want to lose you as a friend, but the fact is, I can't live with the fact that you're willing to trust her. She leaves and you go with her, to keep an eye on her. I don't care where you go, but you have to be with her. You can come back any time you like. But before you do, you have to do away with her properly." He glares at me. "And you know what that means."

Harry is staring in shock. "You've got to be kidding."

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

Harry stares and slowly shakes his head. "Okay," he says after a long pause. "If that's the way you want it." He takes my arm and begins to pull me toward the door. I am frozen and do not move, so he stops as well, turning to face Ron again. "We'll go."

Ron let's out a humorless laugh. "You're really willing to leave us all because of her? Merlin, Harry, if it weren't for her you wouldn't have to make this decision!" He shakes his head in disgust at Harry and turns to me. "And you know what I think of you and all your lies and everything you've done to me and my family?" He spits at me. It was intended to hit my face, I'm sure, but I dodge. I stare at him. It hurts more than a physical blow. He turns. "Go on, then, Harry. Go with the traitor."

Harry says nothing. There is no anger on his face, just a bleak pain. He turns and leads me with him. We walk out the door and a moment later it is slammed at our backs. Harry sits on the wooden steps leading up to the door and buries his head in his hands.

And I continue to cause the people I care about pain. The two groups have now been split into three, and our group has been sent into exile. All because of me. And the only one willing to stand beside me is the one person in this entire world that believes I am not as bad as I pretend to be.