Severus Snape Unleashed!

Severus Snape walked outside the walls of Hogwarts and Apparated to his home in the middle of Muggle London. In his distraction, he Apparated a few blocks away from his door, and had to walk the rest of the way. He had forgotten to change his robes, and his billowing cloak had caused a pack of women to follow him, giggling over his dark broodiness. Snape paid them no attention. He was a man on a mission. He entered his home and slammed the door in the face of the Muggle women, who all shook their heads as if awaking from a trance. They dispersed quickly, embarassed that they had trailed some random man home. Many contemplated writing about this man. No one could figure out why everyone just HAD to write about this man.

     Snape, oblivious to the way in which he drove women mad, stalked towards the mirror. “Hello, my friend,” Snape said slickly. The mirror, showing no signs of... well, anything, because it’s a mirror, was silent. “Aha, reading my mind, are you? Knowing I’m preparing to get rid of you?”

     “Severus, please... don’t do it!” Mirror pleaded.

     “Wait a second. Are you, The Mirror, pleading in your own voice? Or is my subconcious actually telling me not to do this?” The mirror was silent. “Answer me, you wretched thing!”

     “Um.”

     “That is wise, Mirror. You meet your end tonight.” Snape let out an evil cackle and took the mirror off the wall. He wrapped it in brown paper and Apparated back to the spot really close to Hogwarts. Once back at school, he had several things to do to put his plan into action, but he must be deft, and quick.

     First things first, he stashed the mirror in his office, where it sat, wrapped and silent. Snape let out a gleeful squeal, he had gone more than five minutes without a peep from the wretched thing. “This is excellent,” Snape said, rubbing his hands together in gleeful cynicism. “On to the next stage of my plan.”

     “Why are you talking aloud, you moron?”

     “It’s more dramatic, now shove it you!”

     The next stage was more difficult. Snape had to entreat the help of Hermione Granger.

     “You want me to delay Professor McGonagall? Professor, why?”

     “I’m planning a surprise - er, birthday party for her in her office. Just go.”

     “Professor, if this has anything to do with that mirror-“ Hermione started.

     “Mirror? What mirror? Miss Granger, you are being silly,” Snape stated.

     “You sound like Harry.”

     “MERLIN, NO!” Snape screamed, dropping to the floor and slapping himself on the face repeatedly. Hermione shook her head and walked away from him. It took him awhile to pull himself together, but once he had, he was sure Hermione was in place. He stole away to McGonagall’s office, opening the door with a simple spell (McGonagall was far too trusting, he thought evilly), and broke the mirror that hung above her fireplace. He hexed the broken pieces so they would not respond to a repairing charm, and left the room unnoticed.

     That night in the Great Hall, Snape could barely keep his face in his usual scowl. He kept glancing down at McGonagall, who was talking very animatedly with Professor Dumbledore. She looked very upset. As the students were leaving the Great Hall, Snape approached McGonagall.

     “Pardon me, Minerva, but you seem a bit upset. May I ask what happened?” Brilliant, Severus! You are acting perfectly!

     “Yes, Severus. How kind of you.” Snape twitched at the word kind, but said nothing. “Someone broke into my office and broke my mirror,” she finished.

     “How awful! Was there anything special about the mirror?”

     “No, no, it’s just... I have no time to get to Diagon Alley and get a new one. I’ll have to Transfigure something into a mirror, I suppose.”

     “Minerva! You will never believe what luck! I just got a new mirror from an old friend. I seldom use mirrors... how about if I give you mine?” Oh, you are good! Snape thought to himself.

     “Why, Severus! How generous of you! That would be lovely.”

     “Terrific. I’ll bring it by your office in a few minutes, just let me go and fetch it.”

     As Snape strode towards his office, he could not contain his excitement. So much was about to happen in his life, that he was smiling. He kept his head down and his hand over his mouth, in case he should see a student, but he was indeed smiling. He grabbed the mirror and practically sprinted to McGonagall’s office.

     “Here’s the mirror, Minerva. Enjoy it, won’t you?” Snape said, leaving as quickly as he had come. He settled into his bed that night, his head filled with wonderful thoughts of destruction.

     Hermione, Ron, and Harry took their seats in Transfiguration, but Professor McGonagall was nowhere to be found. Hermione looked worried. “I hope she’s all right,” she said, thinking ‘I hope Snape didn’t do something awful.’ Just then, McGonagall walked into the room.

     “Today, we’re going to learn how to Transfigure mirrors into broken mirrors.” A mirror appeared before every student, and Hermione groaned inwardly. “Now, just try to break the mirror,” McGonagall said. Each student looked at her in disbelief. Seamus Finnigan smashed his hand upon the glass, cracking it but also making his hand gush blood. Harry and Ron dropped theirs on the floor, effectively shattering each one. Hermione pointed her wand at hers and whispered something, and it, too shattered. Across the room, Draco Malfoy looked into his and it instantly cracked. McGonagall stood in the front of the room, muttering to herself. Hermione stood up and walked closer so she could hear.

     “Why can they all do it? My mirror won’t break. What are they doing differently?” Hermione sank against the wall, her heart pounding with anger. “Damn you, Snape,” she whispered. “OF COURSE I HAVE TALENT YOU WRETCHED OBJECT!” McGonagall screamed suddenly. Everyone stared at her, open-mouthed. Harry and Ron continued playing with the broken glass, because they don’t notice anything. McGonagall ran to the door, pointed her wand, and turned it into a hairy elephant. “Look at that! I am the Queen of Transfiguration!” The elephant walked over and sat down between Harry and Ron, who still did not notice. Then McGonagall turned the hairy elephant into a spider. Ron pulled on Harry’s sleeve. “Harry...” he said, his voice so high it was almost beyond the detection limits of the human ear. Harry is incredibly dense, so he didn’t respond. “Harry...” Ron repeated, still squeaky and unbearable.

     “What, Ron?” Harry said, looking up at the giant spider. “I say! That’s a big spider!” Hermione slapped her hand to her forehead and ran towards Professor McGonagall, who was switching the spider into a teacup.

     “Lovely teacup, Professor. Come with me, won’t you?” Hermione said, putting her arm around the older woman’s shoulders and leading her to the - door, which was now a teacup sitting at Ron’s feet. Hermione blasted a hole in the wall and walked McGonagall out. She knew for sure something was wrong then, because McGonagall didn’t even respond to this vandalism and rule-breaking. “Professor, are you feeling all right today?”

     “Yes, I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m cheery and chipper and happy, Miss Granger. In fact, I’m giving you 10 points because you are so kind to be concerned, but really, I am fine.”

     “You seem a bit- preoccupied.”

     “Are you saying I have no talent?”

     “What? No, Professor, I didn’t say that!”

     “Well, I’ll show you!”

     The class heard a large bang and came out into the hall to see Professor McGonagall standing beside a wheel of cheese. McGonagall was staring at the cheese, grinning her fool head off, when Dumbledore ambled ‘round the corridor.

     “I say, what’s all this?”

     “You crazy old coot! You’re cheating on me!” screamed McGonagall, lunging for Dumbledore’s throat. She caught onto his beard and dragged him onto the floor, punching him in the stomach. “With HAGRID, no less!” The students gasped and some retched.

     “Minerva, calm down!” Dumbledore said, holding up a hand.

     “Oh, you giant loser! You can’t just make everyone do what you say because you’re twinkly and have AIDS! Shut up for once!” Dumbledore shut up, all right. He laid back and let McGonagall beat him, a tear coursing down his cheek from his twinkly eye.

     Severus Snape was watching all this with a bemused grin, but when he saw Dumbledore’s tear, he felt he must act. He came out of the shadows. No one was surprised by this, he often did it just to be creepy. The only student looking terrified by his entrance was Neville Longbottom.

     “What’s going on here?” Snape asked Longbottom, who stammered and began to cry. Snape turned away from him, to McGonagall, who was still beating Dumbledore about the head and shoulders. “Minerva, what’s happened?” She leapt up from the floor and threw herself upon Professor Snape, who looked utterly horrified and pushed her away. She threw herself back on him, and he tried to pat her reassuringly, but forgot he had his wand in his hand, and beaned her upside the head with it. She slid to the floor, unconcious, and Dumbledore crawled to her side.

     “My beautiful Minerva, what’s he done to you?” Dumbledore rose, anger twinkling in his eyes. “Explain yourself, Severus.”

     “I accidently hit her with my wand. I’m not the one who made her go all kooky, though. Nope. Not me. It wasn’t me who did anything evil to her. Nope. Not me.”

     “All right, then, Severus. Well, my office has lemon drops. I’m leaving.” He scooped up Professor McGonagall and walked away. Snape turned to the students. “Get to your dormitories! You’ve seen nothing!” They all scattered except for Ron and Harry, who stood beside the wheel of cheese that was their friend Hermione.