Severus Snape Unleashed!

“Calm down, Professor. I believe you about the mirror,” Hermione assured him.

     “Of course you were eavesdropping. Why not? Merlin, can’t I trust anyone?”

     “Yes, Professor, you can trust me. That’s what I came to tell you. I was reading Dark Lords and How to Banish Them, and I came across a very useful tool that has been used to defeat many would-be evil-doers. Like yourself.”

     “Oh?” Professor Snape could not help but be intrigued.

     “Yes. It’s a very simple tool, actually. It’s the want-to-be-dark-wizard’s own subconscious! In 1756, Riley Shangarden bought a talking mirror. It was a special mirror. You could ask it questions about your appearance and it would answer you. Well, Riley got into a nasty insult war with a hippogriff - and you can imagine the hippogriff was not happy. After that, Riley couldn’t talk. So he bewitched the mirror to be able to read his mind. After Riley died, all his belongings were put up for auction, and the mirror began to get passed all around Europe. It even spent some time right here in Hogwarts.”

     “What has this got to do with me, Miss Granger?”

     “Oh, obviously, Professor! Your mirror is that very same mirror! It can read your mind, and it’s been around for so long, it’s probably learned a thing or two about how to destroy people. You turn their own fears and inner-most thoughts against them.”

     “Why would a mirror be so vindictive?”

     “I’m not sure. But I know how to get it to stop.”

     “How?”

     “If everything the mirror says, is really just what you are thinking about yourself, all we have to do is change what you think about yourself!”

     “Oh, right, that should be as easy as... well, it won’t be easy.”

     “Couldn’t even think of a proper metaphor, Severus! Disgraceful!” Mirror said.

     “WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!” Snape shouted. Hermione jumped back.

     “Are you talking to me or the mirror?”

     “The mirror, Miss Granger, keep up!”

     In a completely unrelated set of events, Fred and George Weasley were setting off Dung-bombs in the Gryffindor common room, because they are immature gits and for no other reason. They were distracted from their fun when Hermione Granger, prefect, came ambling down the stairs carrying several large books. It wasn’t the fact that she had books that was interesting, it was the fact that she was being followed by a floating hand holding a lantern.

     “Uh, Hermione? There’s a ... uh, a floating hand in the air behind you,” Fred pointed out helpfully.

     “Bullocks!” said a voice near the hand, which then set the lantern down and suddenly disappeared. Across the common room, Harry was having a conversation with a head in the fire, hoping no one would notice.

     “Hey, Hermione! Can I copy your Potions homework?” Hermione shook her head furiously.

     “You’ll never learn if you copy, Harry. Why do I have to tell you everything fifteen times?” Harry shrugged and turned back to the fire.

     “So, head-in-the-fire-no-one’s-supposed-to-see, how’s it going, being in hiding and all?” Harry asked. Hermione left the common room, glad that Harry’s stupidity had at least saved Snape from discovery, although it was probably going to lead to the end of the world one of these days.

     Once in Snape’s dungeons, he threw off the invisibility cloak and sighed. “That was the single-most horrific experience of my life.”

     “I know, I live with it every day. But it’s over. And now we begin the training. I’ve got these,” Hermione gestured to the books she’d dropped on a desk. Snape began looking through them.

     “These are Muggle books!”

     “Yes, they are, but they’ll be useful, I promise.”

     “Who Moved My Cheese? Miss Granger, I will not read this!”

     “You have to, Professor Snape. You have nothing to lose.”

     ‘Except my dignity,’ he thought.

     “What dignity you git?” said Mirror.

     “I WILL FONG YOU!” Snape shrieked. Hermione sighed.

     “Maybe we should start with suppressing the desire to shout back at the mirror,” she suggested. Snape sneered at her but inwardly admitted she was right. The dungeon door opened and Harry Potter bumbled in. Snape immediately began to scowl, Hermione looked worried.

     “Harry, what is it?”

     “Well, Hermione, I can’t find my cloak,” Harry said.

     “And exactly why are you needing your ‘cloak’, Potter? Off to cause more trouble? Walk all over more people? Endanger some lives, perhaps?” Snape said, wafting closer to Harry.

     “Nope, I was just going to go into the Forbidden Forest. Dobby keeps sending me urgent messages to meet him there. Although, come to think of it, I don’t know if Dobby can write. I also don’t know why he’s been signing his letters ‘The Dark Lord Voldemort.’ I’ll ask him when I meet him. In the Forbidden Forest. At night. Alone,” Harry finished.

     Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes. Snape slapped himself in the face. Harry grabbed the cloak from the table and took off. “Tra-la-la,” he said by way of farewell. As Snape watched Harry walking away, an idea hit him.

     “Miss Granger, what if I just give the mirror away? It will start to torment it’s new owner and I will be FREE!” Snape finished his sentence on such a high note of glee that Hermione jumped back in horror.

     “But, Professor, don’t you think you should get at the underlying problem here? Getting rid of the mirror won’t make you feel better about yourself, after all.”

     “Are you a witch or a psychiatrist? The solution is simple. Get rid of the blasted mirror. I no longer need your help, Miss Granger. Go try to stop idiot boy from destroying the world, would you?” Hermione gathered her books, looking disappointed, and left Snape standing alone in the dungeons. For dramatic purposes, he spoke aloud: “Finally, my chance to be evil! All I have to do is give the mirror to Potter... or Dumbledore... or Minerva... oh, the fun I can have!”