Loss and Gain

Chapter 3

Ron and Remus walked through the lobby of the hospital to the registration desk. Early in the morning, Ron and Remus had gone to the Order's Head Quarters and spoken to Dumbledore. He had told them they were to explain to Harry what had happened in the wizarding world since the night at the Ministry, but that they were to try to avoid overwhelming Harry if possible. They were also to tell Harry of the prophecy Professor Trelawney had made about the defeat of Voldemort. Ron doubted he and Lupin could stop from overwhelming Harry, but he would try.

After the meeting the previous night Ron had tossed and turned in his bed, not able to sleep. He couldn't make sense of anything he was feeling, and wasn't sure if he was dreading visiting Harry and explaining the past few years or looking forward to it. He loved Harry as a brother, and always would, but that didn't stop him from being nervous about seeing Harry in what was bound to be a very confused and angry state.

"We are here to see James McGregor," Lupin said to the receptionist at the desk.

"And what might your names be?" she asked.

"Remus Lupin and Ron Weasley," Lupin answered quickly.

"I will need to ask Mr. McGregor if he wants to see any visitors right now," the receptionist replied.

Ron was dressed in a muggle suit, but had messed it up by wearing rain boots with it even though it was a bright sunny day. Remus was dressed accurately enough to pass without stares. Ron looked around at the lobby as the receptionist hurried off to find out if Harry wanted any visitors. He found it quite odd, what these Muggles came up with. He had never been to a hospital besides St. Mungo's, and this one was quite different.

"Mr. McGregor will see you now." She said. They followed the woman to room 619, which was down a long corridor, and Ron took a deep breath as he tried to relax his tense shoulder muscles. Then Remus opened the door and they entered the hospital room.

*****

Harry lay tensely on his bed. He'd not seen Ron Weasley or Professor Lupin for five years; he almost didn't want to see them, seeing them would make it true. How could it be that five years had elapsed since Ron had grabbed his robes blabbering about Uranus? It was so unbelievable, how could it be?

Then the door opened, and Remus Lupin stepped in first. He didn't look much older then when Harry had seen him last, other than a little more grey hair. He looked stronger than Harry had ever seen him, and this put Harry at ease a bit because if Lupin was strong, things couldn't be going too poorly against Voldemort.

After Lupin came Ron. He was well over six feet tall, but still the Ron Harry had known; his hair still as bright red as ever, though it seemed a bit thinner. He had small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes that hadn't been there before, but while the changes were noticeable they weren't too drastic. Ron, he noticed was staring at him just as avidly. He realized he hadn't seen a mirror since he woke up, and wondered if he looked as old as Ron.

"Hello, Harry," Lupin said in the calm voice he knew so well.

"Hi, Harry!" Ron said a little too brightly, as he ran his hands through his hair. Ron couldn't seem to decide what to do with his hands, and he kept moving them around.

"Hullo," Harry responded dully. Seeing Ron and Professor Lupin did make it all true, he had been asleep for over five years. It was no use denying it or wanting to go back. An awkward silence filled the room as Ron and Lupin made there way to the chairs set against the wall beside his bed.

"Err... Harry," Lupin tried to start again. "As you know you went into a coma at the Ministry five and a half years ago."

"Yeah," Harry said quickly, trying to keep the conversation moving.

"Since then a lot of things have happened," here he paused again. "Voldemort is still at large and gaining power. Many Muggles and wizards that associate with them have been killed. A few of the members of the Order have been killed in the line of duty as well."

"Who?" Harry asked, even though he dreaded the answer.

"Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Charlie, and Minerva," Ron cut in, sounding unsure of himself. "Some of our friends from school were killed too, Harry. Seamus, Lavender, Padma, Dennis Creevey, and Alicia were killed defending Hogwarts, when it was attacked a few years back." Ron seemed to mentally scold himself by quickly adding, "The school is okay though, no Death Eaters got in!" Lupin started talking before Ron could say anything more.

"Harry, as overwhelming as I'm sure this is, we need to talk about something else at the present."

"What in the world could be more important than this right now?" Harry almost shouted, amazed by his words.

"Harry, Professor Trelawney made a prophecy a number of years ago. It applied to you and another; you and Neville, as a matter of fact." Lupin proceeded to explain the prophecy to Harry, finishing with how Harry was the only one who could defeat Voldemort if the prophecy was true. Harry was outraged by this.

"You mean to tell me that this prophecy was made God knows how many years ago, and you never bothered to tell me about it?" Harry yelled.

"Harry, calm down!" Lupin responded.

"I will not calm down! If someone had told me about this I might not have killed Sirius!" Harry continued to rage.

"Harry, you did not kill Sirius!" Lupin interceded. "It was not your fault!"

It came back to Harry then, the words that Lupin had spoke to him so calmly that night in the dais room. There's nothing you can do, Harry - It's too late, Harry - There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing....He's gone. It was almost as though an actual voice was saying these words, and it took all the fight out of him.

Harry forced himself to relax his muscles and fall onto his pillow. He was breathing heavily from exertion and wanted everyone to go away, wanted to be left alone. What was he supposed to do now? Was it his destiny to kill Voldemort? He didn't want to, and wanted someone else to do it; it had always been him that had been called upon to save the day, he though bitterly. Always me! Voldemort had taken his parents, and now five years of his life. Lupin reached down and grabbed Harry's arm, causing Harry to jerk spastically.

A wolf was looming out of the mist, and he could see it's agony. The pain of the world was all around it. He could feel it's need for pray, its need for blood. The wolf was scared, as scared as a child, he realized. There was pain of all the years spent transforming and he could feel it, it was agony when placed upon him at once. It was worse then being possessed because it happened once a month for years on end. A dog, a stag, and rat playfully bounded around it then, allowing it a spot of sunlight, but the light had gone out a few years later....

"Harry!" Lupin said loudly, breaking Harry from his trance. Harry then knew that Lupin had felt it too, but he didn't seem to know what Harry had seen, but he felt whatever Harry was taking out of him. Remus looked scared and pulled back from the bed. Harry didn't know what happened when he touched Lupin, but he knew it was the same thing that happened when nurse touched him.

Ron was looking back and forth between Harry and Remus, seemingly wondering if he should ask what just happened. Silence filled the room for another minute. Finally Ron broke the silence again.

"Err... so, Harry, I assume the doctor told you that you would need a lot of physical therapy and surgeries?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, but I figured it could be done with magical means once you blokes got me out of here," Harry replied.

"Harry," Ron said, looking pityingly at him. "Most magical people die when they go into a state such as yours; wizards have not concentrated any research at understanding and preventing or correcting degeneration of the body."

Harry was quite taken aback by this statement. Not only did it mean he had a lot of physical therapy ahead of him, but it was the way Ron said it. Ron sounded too serious, like a professor or something, and Harry wasn't used to it. Ron had never spoken elaborately to him, and he wasn't sure if he liked the change.

"So, err... can I do my physical therapy in the wizarding world?" he asked, a lot more casually than he felt.

"You may be able to enter the wizarding world in a few months, but right now you must stay here and have the necessary surgeries for your recovery." Lupin looked like he'd recovered some.

The thought of staying in this hospital even another week depressed Harry, but he didn't see any other choice if he wanted to walk again.

"Oh..." he said in a dispirited voice, "will you get a lot of people to visit me? I want to see all of my friends. Has anyone got married or had kids or anything?"

That thought had struck Harry almost unconsciously, and he blurted it out before he considered whether he could handle the truth or not. Ron was looking at Remus as if asking him for permission. Remus shot him back a glance that almost said aloud He has to find out some time.

"Well... yeah, some people have got married...." he said trailing off.

"Who?" Harry asked, unable to restrain himself.

"Err... Hermione, Dean, Angelina, Fredandme," Ron said blurting the last few words out very quickly, so they slurred together.

"Who is your wife? Hermione?" Harry asked as if this was the most logical thing in the world.

"Err... no...." Ron said looking surprised. "My wife's name is Renée Bridges, well Bridges Weasley now." Ron looked to Harry as if he wanted to ask why Harry thought he was married to Hermione, but he remained silent.

"Who is everyone else married too?" he asked curiously, and nervously.

"Well, Hermione is married to a man named Matthew Zeller; he's an Auror, and a really nice guy. They have a son, Davis, who is a little over one year old. Fred and Angelina are together, but George is still single. Dean lives in France with his wife, and then Ginny and Neville are together."

ldquo;Amazing...." Harry said, having trouble comprehending it.

"All of them are dying to visit you Harry, but the public still thinks you are in a coma, so they will only be able to come a few at a time." Lupin replied.

Harry was not paying attention and asked another question, probing Ron, trying to see how much his friend had changed.

"Do you want kids, Ron?"

Ron coloured slightly at the personal question. "Err... not yet, I enjoy being around children, but I want some time on my own after growing up with such a large family."

That sounded familiar to Harry, at least, some of the old Ron was still there. For about an hour longer Ron and Remus talked to Harry about what had been going on in the wizarding world, and what would be happening to Harry in the next few months.

"I'll make sure a lot of people come visit you Harry," Ron said before leaving.

"Okay. Goodbye, Ron," he replied still completely overwhelmed.

After Ron and Remus left, Harry lay in his bed thinking about all that had happened. A cloud of depression was upon him; he had missed so much, and seeing Ron and Remus made it real, not just something he had been told. They say people have a lot harder time believing a death has occurred if they never see the body of the loved one, Harry remembered hearing at some point. He realized it was true, he couldn't truly believe he'd missed so much of his life until he'd seen his loved ones.

It was evening when Harry finally broke down crying as he thought about all this. He remembered after Cedric died in the Triwizard Tournament and he had wanted to cry when Mrs. Weasley had hugged him; it was like that only magnified a tenfold, and there was no one to commiserate with. No one else was feeling this loss the way he was. The loss he felt led him to the thing he seemed to have gained.

When he touched people he saw or felt things he could not possibly know. It had happened with the nurse and he hadn't known what it was, but now he thought he might know. For some reason his brain was picking up on information besides what the regular five senses provided, maybe it was because his brain was making up for the five years it had spent on hiatus and this ability would go away on its own. Harry doubted this though -this ability seemed as real as if he had it since the day he was born. It scared him too; he didn't want to know the things he found out from the people he touched.

Before Ron and Remus had left, Ron had bent down to shake Harry's hand. Fortunately, Lupin pulled Ron's hand back before Harry was forced to shake it. He did not want to know about what was going on inside Ron, because if he did then he would know everything that was different about him. He wasn't sure he could handle that yet.

Harry eventually dozed off, and he dreamed that he was back at the Ministry of Magic. He, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville, and Ginny were running from the Death Eaters again, only this time they escaped out of the Department of Mysteries before the Order had to come to rescue them. They had flown back to Hogwarts on the thestrals, and Sirius had been waiting for him back in the forest. Then he awoke in the dark, shadowy hospital room and the cloud of gloom settled back over him.

The dream was as clear as the memory he had of Voldemort getting his body back in the graveyard. It seemed real and he yet he knew it was not, Sirius was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. His dream reminded him of the dreams he had about Voldemort during his fifth year at Hogwarts, of which the one about the snake and about the long corridor he now knew led to the Department of Mysteries were the two clearest to him. What if Voldemort can see that I am awake, and he is going to come finish me off? That panicked him at first, then another rotten voice in his head; Would it really be a bad thing if he finished you off? It would put an end to this prophecy in a hurry.

"No," Harry said out loud, "I will kill him or die trying!" He wanted someone else to kill Voldemort, and he wanted to just close his eyes to it and pretend there was no one like Voldemort in the world. He knew he couldn't because the wizarding world would be doomed. As many problems as the wizarding world had caused him, it was his home more than the Muggle world ever was. It had provided him everything he had ever enjoyed, his friends, Quidditch, and a multitude of people who were kind to him, he couldn't leave it to be destroyed.

Harry went back to sleep, thinking of how he would ask Leah for a mirror to look in when he woke up. He did not have a dream about Voldemort, but wild dreams of his childhood bounced around his mind the rest of the night. When he woke up the next morning he did not feel rested.

"Hello, Mr. McGregor," Leah said entering his room with a breakfast tray.

"Call me James," Harry said dully, thinking briefly of his father. He wouldn't mind being called James; at least that came from an honourable source.

"Alright, James, I have your breakfast, and when you've finished Dr. Lovell is going to come in and run some tests on you."

She set the breakfast tray in front of Harry and quickly left. Harry ate his breakfast of yogurt and fruit quickly, wishing it was like the breakfast at Hogwarts. Soon after he finished Dr. Lovell came in with a nurse, but not Leah. The new nurse introduced herself as Mary.

"Hello, James!" Lovell said jovially.

"Hi," Harry replied groaning slightly at the idea of having to be around him for any period of time.

Lovell and the nurse helped Harry into a wheelchair, and wheeled him to a room at the end of the corridor. In this room was a machine that Dr. Lovell explained was an EEG machine to monitor his brainwaves. The nurse and Lovell attached electrical contact points all over Harry's head and on his eyelids.

"I am going to ask you questions or ask you to visualize things now. This machine will record your brainwaves and search for any spots of damage in your brain. We will in fact probably find some!" Lovell said excitedly as though he and Harry were going on a treasure hunt.

Then the questions began. Harry felt as though hundreds were being asked, and about the oddest things too. After awhile Lovell asked him a question that truly baffled him.

"What day is boxing day?"

Harry started to respond, and then stopped. He couldn't seem to find the answer, he of course knew when Boxing Day was, and he remembered past Boxing Days from Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione fought one Boxing Day he remembered, but he couldn't place the date.

"Damn!" Harry finally said in frustration.

"You don't know?" Lovell said in a pleased voice.

"No! What is it?"

"Boxing Day is December 26^th, and it seems we have found a block."

The questioning went on until Lovell asked him what year John Major was elected Prime Minister, and again Harry couldn't seem to come up with a date. Harry knew he was elected when he was at the Dursley's, but his mind was utterly blank of the year.

"We've found another block!" Lovell said, triumphantly.

"Obviously," Harry said, a little angry with Lovell for sounding so happy.

"That is enough questions for today," the doctor said, "You did much better than I expected. You seem to have lost some trace memories from a part of your brain that was damaged. I would guess that it was the area that stores dates of events. You will probably come across more of them. It probably won't mess up your daily life too much. The brain is very adaptable, there are documented cases where the brain goes around the damage and finds the information through a different path. Now I will take you back to your room."