Werewolf Love- Loved and Lost

CHAPTER TEN

Remus was unusually sore and exhausted the next morning. It was true that his transformations usually left him tired, but that morning he felt as if he had been put under the cruciatus curse and tortured for a few hours. There was something not right about the whole morning, something was missing. Remus evaluated his senses as he trudged back to the house. His sense of pain was working perfectly, his whole body hurt. He could see, but the world was the usual shade of blur that is was after the full moon. Everything else worked, but not so well as it should. Something was missing. Remus couldn't quite put his finger on it but whatever it was had gone missing while he was still a wolf. There was a strange emptiness in him that he couldn't name. He tried to figure out what it might have been that he was missing, but his head hurt and it felt like his mind was being smothered.

Remus reached the house and tripped a little on the door mat. The door wouldn't open for him. His hands were numb with cold and pain and opening the door took longer than he would have liked. All he wanted to do was soak in a hot tub of perpetually hot water and then have a long nap. He thought for a moment that the thing that he was missing was his key, but there was no key to the kitchen door. It was always unlocked. He was not missing a key.

Remus walked through the kitchen and down the hall toward the sitting room. It was warm in the house, though Remus was sure he did not leave a fire in the fire place before he left to transform. He didn't think about it for too long, it was nice to be in a warm dry house after being outside in the rain. Remus stopped at the linen closet in the hall. He took his robes off and threw them in the closet. A fresh pair of robes were already in the closet, waiting for him. He put them on and continued down the hall. The hall seemed longer than usual. Something about the day was very strange.

James and Sirius were in the sitting room, sitting in the two armchairs near the fireplace. Remus rubbed his eyes and looked at them, just to make sure they were really there. James was holding a copy of the Daily Prophet in his hands. He and Sirius both looked exceptionally serious. Something about the way they looked up at him told him that something bad had happened.

"What are you guys doing here?" Remus asked, wishing that the pain in his head would go away.

"We need to talk," Sirius said. "Sit down."

"It's too early in the... afternoon for this," Remus mumbled. "I'll stand, my knees might break if I bend them."

Sirius and James looked at each other. James shook his head slightly but Sirius took the paper from him and handed it to Remus. Remus looked at the paper. The front page headline caught his eye; it said 'Ministry Suspects Werewolf in Death'. Remus looked at Sirius and James, who looked away from him. Remus read the article.

Muggle Authorities have confirmed that the body of a young woman was found in the forest early this morning. Her clothing was torn and her face appeared to have been ripped off. Her body was identified by dental records as an American witch. Lessah Ismorah...

The rest of the article seemed to vanish from the page, only Lessah's name remained. It felt as if a million invisible hands had just slapped Remus' body. He went numb all over, except for a stabbing sensation in his chest. He tried to speak, but the sound wouldn't come out. James and Sirius seemed to be moving in slow motion as they reached forward and took Remus by the shoulders. They were saying something, but Remus couldn't understand them. The room began to grow dark. Sirius seized Remus and shook him.

"Remus! Say something!" Sirius cried.

"She... she..." was he managed.

The room went dark and Remus' friends vanished. For some length of time Remus lay in a void of darkness. He couldn't see or hear or feel his body. He finally knew what it was that he had been missing that morning. The vast nothingness around him began to form itself into the sitting room. A indistinct face was looking down at him. The face said something, it sounded like Sirius.

"He's coming around... I think" Sirius said.

Remus' vision corrected itself. He was looking up at the ceiling, Sirius and James looking down at him. The worried looks on their faces on confirmed that what Remus thought was a hellish nightmare was, in fact, reality.

"Where... where's Lessah?" Remus asked, forcing himself to speak.

"She's gone Remus..." Sirius started.

The stabbing sensation in his chest was back. He sat up and looked around the room. His father's old crossbow was mounted on the wall, still loaded. Remus leapt to his feet, still feeling like he was in a nightmare, and made for the crossbow.

"No Remus!"

Sirius and James must have sensed Remus' intentions. They set themselves upon Remus and dragged him back to the sofa. Remus struggled to free himself.

"Let go of me!" Remus howled, still struggling.

James and Sirius were both strong athletes and in the end Remus just exhausted himself. He sat on the floor, James and Sirius still holding him, and burst into tears. The last words he had spoken to Lessah echoed in his ears over and over again.

There's the door! Get out!

"She can't be dead," Remus sobbed, burying his face in his hands. "It isn't her... We're supposed to be together..."

Sirius and James put their hands on Remus shoulders in an awkward attempt to comfort him. Remus didn't want to be comforted.

"It isn't her," he repeated.

Sirius and James stayed with Remus for what could have been days. Remus had lost his concept of time. He had attempt to seize the crossbow again, but his struggles were in vain. Sirius and James out-muscled him and seem to insist on him not dying. They also blew up the crossbow, which made it useless.

Remus was in a state of being partly asleep when the fireplace filled with bright orange flames. Lily's face was hovering in the fire. Remus hid his face in Sirius' shoulder.

"James, how's Remus doing?" Lily asked softly.

Remus put his hands over his ears, desperate to drown out the sound of James and Lily's voices. Their conversation was a bitter reminder that he was alone. Sirius placed his hands over Remus' and growled something at James. A moment later the fire died.

"I, uh, have to go. Will you stay with him, Sirius?"

"Go," Sirius said, not sounding pleased. "You've got responsibilities. I'll stay."

Sirius handed James a small leather pouch, which must have contained floo powder. James stepped into the empty fire place and vanished in a burst of flames.

"I told her to get out of the house!" Remus moaned, pounding the floor with his fist. "I'm sorry Lessah! I'm sorry!"

Sirius stayed with Remus for several weeks. He was there to foil every attempt Remus made at doing away with himself. Remus abandoned thoughts of suicide after another failed attempt that left him with a sever rash from exposer to wolfsbane on his hands and face. Remus' grief was made worse by the terrible guilt that weighed down on him.

Matter of the war against Voldemort called Sirius away. Remus, of course, was overlooked because of his curse, despite the fact that he was a competent wizard. With Sirius gone, Remus spent much of his time alone in the attic, mourning his lost soul mate. On the full moons he wandered the forest and raised anguished howls to the moon, which he began to loathe. His tortured howling was enough to instill terror in the hearts of any humans that were foolish enough to wander near his forest. Soon it also drove away the local wolf pack, which named him Death Wolf because he sounded to them like the very hounds of death. Remus was alone, not trusted by the rest of the wizard world, abandoned by the wolves and separated by death from the one he loved. He still saw James and Sirius, and even Peter when he wasn't too busy cowering, but they were usually too busy. Remus' became a bitter existence.