Where'd You Go?

Chapter Twelve. Without You

Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe, the mind churns, the heart yearns, the tears dry...Life goes on, but I'm gone, cause I die without you.

--"Without You," RENT

Percy visited Ginny in her dreams.

Ginny walked into the Leaky Cauldron to escape from the wintry weather and let the Warming Charm engulf her. She went to the counter and ordered a Butterbeer.

"Better make that two," Tom said and nodded in the direction of a booth in the corner. Someone with red hair was already sitting there with his back turned to her.

"Right," Ginny agreed and brought the two drinks over. She set the bottles down with a clunk and sat down opposite her brother.

"I've been waiting for you," Percy said.

"I know. Why on earth are we meeting here?"

He shrugged. "Where else?"

"I don't know - the Burrow?" Ginny popped open the top and took a long drink, letting the warmth seep down her veins. There was nothing in the world like Butterbeer.

"That would have been too sad for you once you wake up. No, I think I picked the perfect place for us to say goodbye."

"And why is that, dear brother? Perhaps it's because you know I'll less likely make a scene in public," she said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. "Or maybe it's for your own benefit instead. You don't want anyone to see you lose your cool."

"I will not be 'losing my cool' tonight, and neither will you," Percy said grimly.

Ginny waved her hand at that and took another sip. "Come on Perce, get real. We're Weasleys. We're loud, stubborn, and we don't know how to control ourselves. It's in our blood."

He only stared at her blankly, as if to prove he was very in control of his emotions. But this was her brother, and she knew better than that - he was fighting a retort somewhere in there. Death or the distance between them in the past few years really hadn't changed anything.

"Not to mention we have a lot to say to each other."

"I only came to say goodbye," he said tightly.

"And I came to tell you what an arse you've been! We're family, and you were wrong to treat us the way you have. I've damned near hated you for acting like you were better than the rest of us when you weren't! You didn't even know what was important."

"Was it so wrong for me to want better for myself than what Mum and Dad could give me?" His face was starting to heat up, and she knew his so-called control was slipping fast.

"Mum and Dad gave you everything, and you couldn't even see that! You were a coward."

"Don't say that to me! I'm not a coward."

"You could have fooled me," Ginny said coldly. These were the things she wanted to say to him for a long time, and now she felt as if she finally had said her peace.

They sat in silence for a long time. Ginny took the occasional sip of Butterbeer and refused to look at him or say the first word. It was up to him now.

"Don't you even want to know what happened?" he said quietly, playing with the bottle in his hands.

"You mean how you died?" He nodded.

Ginny thought about it. In the morning, when she only remembered bits and pieces of this dream, would she want the details of her brother's death to be the only thing that stuck in her mind? But then again, how much would she hate herself for being the very coward she accused her brother of being?

"Tell me."

Percy sighed and leaned back in the cushions. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. You can't protect me anymore."

"Well, if you're sure...You know, of course, that Voldemort and his Death Eaters attacked the Ministry. There were a lot of them, and they were using Dark Magic that even the Unspeakables couldn't fight. We were dying left and right. I saw Dad. It was the first time I had ever seen dad fight."

"What was he like?"

Percy smiled slightly. "It was like he was a completely different person. He was fierce, and I knew he was fighting for us. He wasn't about to let them take him away from his children." One solitary tear rolled down his cheek.

"From where I was standing, I could see what he couldn't. Lucius Malfoy was sneaking up behind him, and Dad had no idea. Everything was so loud that Dad didn't even hear my warning. I didn't have time to think - I just acted."

"You took the spell for him," Ginny said quietly. He nodded again. "I don't know what to say, what to think."

"Don't say or think anything. What I did doesn't make up for the mistakes I've made. But neither do those mistakes erase the fact that I love my family. If I could go back and stop myself from dismissing you all, I wouldn't. The power and position I had was great, and I wouldn't trade that in. And if I could go back and save myself instead of Dad, I wouldn't. There are some things that are worth the sacrifice and others that aren't."

"I love you, Percy."

"I know you do. It's why I chose to see only you."

"But why?"

"The others aren't as accepting as you are. They can't see the good and bad in people like you can. Dad will tell them, and in time, they will understand. Out of everyone, even Mum and Dad, you're the one who I needed to see the most. And vice-versa, of course."

"Since when are you so good at reading people?"

"It's one of the perks of being dead."

"I feel like I should be more upset when you say things like that. Is it horrible that I don't?" Ginny drained the last of her Butterbeer and wished she had another.

"No. This is only in your dreams, after all. Tomorrow will probably difficult though. Luckily you have Malfoy to help ease the pain." There was a trace of a smirk on his face, and Ginny didn't like it.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that for whatever reason, you're in love with Draco Malfoy and for some equally odd reason, he loves you too."

"But I love Harry!" Ginny insisted. "How could I love two people at once? That's ridiculous. I can't believe I'm even talking with you about this."

"Trust me, Gin. It's more than possible to love two people at once. You love me, don't you? And you love Mum and Dad, Bill, Charlie, and Ron, right?"

"But that's different. And you forgot the twins."

"No I didn't."

Ginny widened her eyes in mock surprise. "Was that an actual joke from Percy Weasley? I can't believe there aren't any other witnesses!"

He ignored her. "My point is that you can love plenty of people all the same at one time. But you can only be in love with one person."

"And that's Harry," she said without hesitation.

"You'll figure it all out in the end. Anyway, I have to be going now." Percy slid out of the booth and stood up.

"Go where?" Ginny said in confusion, following him.

"I just have to go. I was only allowed to see you because you get one request when you die selflessly."

"Really?" That surprised her. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Don't bother. You'll remember very little about this dream in the morning."

"So what was the point?" she scoffed.

"The important things will always be in your heart." Percy hugged Ginny and then faded from her arms.

In the morning, shady images of the dream flashed in her mind, but she couldn't grab hold onto anything solid. All she knew was that Percy had been there.

The sun was shining brightly, so contrary from the day before. Draco had his arms around her waist, and she was snuggled closely to him. Any other time, waking up in his bed would have excited her to no end. This morning, it was just another fact.

Ginny stared blankly at the wall. She had cried herself to sleep and there were no more tears left in her for now. Her eyes were itchy, but she couldn't bring herself to rub them.

Outside, she could hear the faint, faraway sounds of Muggle London. It was just another day for most of them. They were probably on their way to work. They would stop at their usual coffee spots before hurrying away in all directions. Children tugged on their mothers, breakfast food was dropped, hats and gloves left behind on the seat of the train. Newspapers were bought, greetings were called, and the day went on as usual.

In Number 12 Grimmauld Place, there was nothing but death and despair.

"You're awake," Draco said.

"Yes."

"Do you need anything."

"No."

"Okay."

Draco gently smoothed the hair away from her face. Now they both understood loss. Ginny wasn't unaware of how he had comforted her through the night and how there had been nobody there to offer comfort to him when his own mother died.

She was suddenly very grateful for him. He was able to ease the pain of Percy's death, even if it was only the tiniest bit. He was there for her. Ginny wouldn't forget that.

"Thank you," she said simply.

Draco kissed her softly on the cheek, his arms still wrapped firmly around her. "Anytime."