In the Mind of Sirius Black

(in the mind of the Narrator)

Every pupil had finally drifted into a sweet slumber in the Gryffindor dormitories. This particular Tuesday night was particularly quiet - err - apart from some particularly abnormal chil-curoughhhh- teenager.

(in the mind of Sirius Black)

It is a gorgeous sunny morning when I awake. The sun is pouring through the small gap in my curtain.

I sit up with a start. Something horrifically loud is echoing through my head.

‘AAAAAArrrrghhhhhh!!’ I screamed. ‘stop tormenting me!’

The noise is pounding through my mind.

‘SIRIUS!’ I hear James bellow from his bed. ‘Take your headphones off!’

‘Oh.’ I had left my headphones on.

That’s right. I had left my headphones on from last night. I remember. I had Transfiguration homework to do. So I put my music on. Yes, yes…

Ha!

Actually last night I had forced my brain to stay in function - for I had previously experienced a brainwave of deviousness. I had to stay awake to prepare the next step of my wonderful plan.

I start singing along with the song. I quite like it actually.

‘Heeeyyy Yaaaaaa…Heeeyyy Yaaaaaa…Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa...Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa...Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa...Heeeyyy…Yaaaaaaa...’

I jump up on my bed, and start to dance.

‘Heeyy Yaaaaaaa...Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa...Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa-’

‘For clucking sake, Sirius!’ James yelled. ‘Shut up! It’s half five in the bloody morning, you moron!'

Oooohhhh! Yeeeah! I realise that the sun isn’t shining through the tiny crack in my curtain. It’s really my eklectrical alarm clock.

I wonder why the sun was red…

Anyway, I continu to dance. If only I had stayed in ballet class…

‘I could have been a professional dancer, you know!’ I speak the truth.

‘AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’ I scream.

The song has changed.

I like this song actually…

I had not told many people about my love for dancing. People always laugh at me.

‘-Jump if you wanna taste my kisses I the night, yeah, jump for my love!’

I leap into the air, off of my bed, doing a triple spin and landing perfectly on my -

- ass ‘Oooooooooooooohw’

‘Haa-ha-ha-ha-haa-ha-ha-ha’ Remus is laughing at me.

I am on the floor.

‘Haaaaaaa-bbaaaaaaaaaaaaa!’ Peter is laughing at me.

‘Just go to bed!’ James moans.

I climb into my bed chamber. And sit in the corner.

‘All by myself. Don’t wanna be all by myself, anymore…’ I sing with all of my might, looking up at the heavens.

They’ll see. They will all pay for their foolishness. Never laugh at Sirius Black! Never. They’ll be sorry once they have suffered the rafts of my devious plans. They’ll see… I’ll get them back

I’ll get them back. I’ll get them back. I’ll get them back…I'll get them back...I’ll get them back…I’ll get them back…I’ll get them back…

(in the mind of The Narrator)

A FEW HOURS LATER…

(in the mind of Sirius Black)

‘…Someone scratch my back. Someone scratch my back. Someone scratch my back. Someone scratch- aaaaaaarrgghhhhhh!’

Peter is scratching my back.

‘Move!! You foolish little boy! You’ll see - I’ll get you. I’LL GET YOU ALL!’

‘MOIHAHAHAHAHAMOIHAHAHAHAHA!’ I choke and splutter. ‘MOICHAKCHAKCHALCHAK!’

‘Choke up, chicken!’ Peter said, patting my back.

I abruptly jump up, shoving Peter to the floor. I look at the clock.

'Holy cow sheet!' I scream. 'I'm late for class!'

I really am late for class. James and Remus are gone. Damn! Curse them! They did not awaken me, I have no more time to sit and ponder upon my ever growing devious plans...

With great elegance I fly down the stairs and out of the Gryffindor portrait hole. I am currently in the hallway. One step closer to...

'Sirius!!'

Someone dared to call me? Whom?

I maliciously whip my head around, slicing the air.

'Sirius!'

IT'S LILY! CRUD! Lily?!

I am in utter and total confusion. She begins to walk towards me. WHAAT! NO! URGH!

Confused! Brain overload!

I began to run. Power arms! Power arms! Deep breath! I sprint down the hallway. I looks back. Lily is standing, so bemused as to what i have just done. Yeah, LILY! I'm running away from you. Because...you smell! And you're pretty ugly, too!! HA! IN YOUR FACE, EVANS!

I scream at the top of my voice.

'YOU SMELL VERY PRETTY, EV-OOAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHH!'

I have just crashed into the wall.

Eork Totally. Bad.

My head is spinnning slightly.

I sit on the floor. A slight hint of embarrassment creeps into my face. Perhaps being on the floor after just having hit my face hard and flat in to the wall does give even the best of people a feeling of embarrassment.

All of a sudden...my thought bubble breaks...

'Sirius you dope, get dressed! No one wants to see your rainbow pajamas!'

James picks me up.

How dare he insult my inteligence! Did he not know that today is infact National Rainbow Day?!!! Eh? Eh? Eh?

'Sirius, it's not as though it's National Rainbow Day? Eh?' James stated.

****

(in the mind of The Narrator)

Meanwhile, in Transfiguration class.

'Kelly Ball?' McGonagall called.

'Here, Professor.'

'Sirius Black?'

'Is gay.'

'Excuse, me?' Professor McGonagall looked around the class. 'Where is Mr. Black?'

A muffled voice echoes from the corridor.

‘NONE OF YOU NEGLIGABLE DWEEBS CAN EVER STOP MY DEVIOUS PLAN! NEVER!’

All of a sudden, the door slams open, hitting the wall. Every member of the class turn their heads in the direction of the doorway.

The form of a very moody, upset Sirius Black stands in the classroom door.

We wonder...

Why?

Well,his pretty rainbow pajamas...

... were not very pretty anymore.

His face was distraught.

Who in the world would cruelly drag our poor Padfoot backwards through a muddy bush?! Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?

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