The Only Thing to Give

Chapter Eight: Guilt and Christmas holidays

It was almost midnight; Harry had been pacing in his and Draco's abandoned classroom turned private common room for over an hour when Draco finally walked in.

"Sorry love, I couldn't get away...Pansy," Draco spat her name in a tone usually reserved for Voldemort. Harry didn't even need to ask. Ever since third year Pansy has been a little more than suspicious of Draco's late night 'alone time'. But at the beginning of fifth year she started asking questions and once even stooped to follow Draco. Luckily Draco saw here before he got to Harry and threw a fit, needless to say she never pulled something like that again.

The blond walked over to Harry and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. "What did you want to talk about?" Draco said with pure curiosity glistening across his features.

"Well..." Harry wrapped his arms around the Slytherin and squeezed a little harder than necessary to prove a point. When Draco winced Harry continued, "That! That's exactly it Draco, your hurt. I knew..."

"I don't know what you're talking about Harry," Draco interrupted as he withdrew from Harry's arms and stepped back so that he could look into the face of a now very frustrated Gryffindor.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Malfoy!" Harry spat in a tone none to flattering. The blond visibly tensed at the use of his surname. "First you have a huge gash on your face and now... now you have bruised ribs, I need to know what the bloody hell is going on!" Harry was now way beyond frustrated.

Draco turned his back to Harry. "You're making a bludger out of a snitch Harry." If Harry hadn't been so aggravated he would have laughed at Draco's metaphor. Throughout his years with the blond Harry had noticed that Draco came up with a lot of silly little sayings to lighten the mood; and of course, Harry would always laugh and everything would be better again. But today... today Harry wasn't the slightest bit amused. Draco saw this and continued to defend himself. "The so called gash your referring to was just a tiny cut, which is gone now." Draco turned to show the Gryffindor his cheek and indeed it was gone. The blond's skin was back to its state of ivory perfection. "And the reason my ribs hurt is because Goyle tripped and fell on me on the train!" Draco finished in a tone of underlying desperation.

The Gryffindor eyed the blond with a look that said 'I'm not buying it' and was about to retort but decided against it. Instead, Harry took a deep breath and calmly walked over to the other side of the abandoned room to wrap his arms around the somewhat upset blond Slytherin.

"Listen," he started in a voice just above a whisper, "I just want to know what is going on with you. You know I'm kept in the dark when it comes to everything else that's going on around me. I just need to know what's happening with you... I need to be in control of at least one part of my life!" he sighed, "I'm a big boy Draco, I can handle it."

"I know Harry..." Draco started in a voice just as tender and soft as the Gryffindor's. "I know you hate being pushed into the shadows... I know you can handle it, and if there were anything to tell I would tell you; I promised... didn't I." It wasn't really a question, and Harry knew Draco better than to believe him. Harry knew that if something bad was going on, and he suspected there was, Draco wouldn't tell him. He didn't want Harry to worry. So Harry decided to humor his blond love and agree... for now anyway.

"I love you Harry... I know how much you have going on in your life right now... I don't want to bother you something as silly as little cut and a bruise from Goyle." Draco reached out to stroke the Gryffindor's raven locks as he touched his forehead to his lover's.

"Draco, you mean more to me than anything... I trust you," Harry said with a somewhat hidden slyness to his tone. "If you say nothing is wrong, I believe you," Harry finished and brushed his lips gently over the blond's before pulling the Slytherin in for a comforting hug; burying his face in his lover's shoulder. But what Harry couldn't see was the pang of guilt that flashed through his lover's grey orbs and the frown plastered across the blond's face as he gently embraced his lover.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Things had gotten better between Harry and Draco ever since their talk in their abandoned classroom. I guess you could say that things were somewhat back to normal. Well... as normal is it can get for a Death-Eater slash spy for Dumbledore and 'The Boy Who Lived'.

Draco and Harry continued to have their secret trysts in their abandoned classroom, and Ron had accepted that fact that the blond wasn't going to go away anytime soon. In fact, Ron even had a grudging respect for the Slytherin. Although, he would never admit to it out loud and deny ever thinking it if asked. Hermione and Draco had become good friends, secretly of course. As it turns out they had a lot in common. They both liked books, they both studied far more than what was deemed necessary, and they both had an anal retentive nature to have their homework errorless and far exceeding the standards of exceptional. Not to mention they both started studying for their N.E.W.Ts the day after the O.W.Ls were over.

Christmas was fast approaching and each and every student was anxiously waiting for the Christmas holidays to begin.

"I can't wait to go back to the Burrow for the hols," Ron said as he shoveled a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Charlie is coming back from Romania this year to spend Christmas... it just wasn't the same last year without him." The great Hall was practically empty, except for a few teachers, a handful of Gryffindors, and some Hufflepuffs who didn't want to go back to their common room yet.

"Ron, don't you find it a big turn on when someone is talking to you with their mouth full?" she said with a sarcastically seductive smile as she looked up from her Transfiguration book. "I know I'm not the only one that gets all hot and bothered when a big clump of half chewed dead animal flies out of someone's mouth," Hermione finished in a mocking tone.

"You know what 'Mione... I think you need to stop hanging around with the poof, you're starting to talk like him," Ron scowled. Ron had started to 'o so affectionately refer to Draco as 'the poof' after a heated sparring in the Halls one day when the Slytherin told the redhead that ferret boy was getting a bit over used and even poof was sounding more creative.

"Ron... I really wish you wouldn't call him that. Besides if he's a poof and I'm married to him, wouldn't that make me a poof as well?" Harry finished with a smirk worthy of his lover, Ron turned pink and stared down into his plate. Hermione snorted before returning to her book.

"So Harry..." Hermione said, in attempt to change the subject, "are you staying over the holidays or are you coming with us to the Burrow?" Hermione had decided to spend her Christmas holiday at the Burrow with her boyfriend since her parents were going skiing, a sport that she really didn't enjoy.

"Oh I must have forgotten to tell you... I got a letter from Sirius yesterday. He asked me to spend Christmas at his house." Harry smiled at the thought. He would finally be able to have a somewhat normal Christmas with his godfather.

"What about 'You Know Who'?" Hermione said in a low whisper. Not even looking up from her book.

"Who? Voldemort?" Harry asked in a whisper just as low as Hermione's, and as always Ron flinched at the mention of the Dark Lord.

"No... your 'You Know Who'," Hermione said in a rather annoyed tone as she finally looked up from her book to stare at Harry.

"Oh! You know Hermione, I think you should stop calling Draco 'You Know Who', I always think your talking about the Dark Lord and then I say his name and Ron gets uncomfortable." Harry said as he looked at Ron.

"I do not!" Ron pouted for a couple of seconds then all three broke into laughter.

"He's coming with me. He was personally invited by Remus." Harry said through fits of laughter. As they calmed down Harry began to smile widely as he thought about how happy Draco seemed yesterday after reading the letter Remus and Sirius had sent him.

"That's great Harry... I'm happy that you get to spend some time with him without worrying about getting caught." Hermione smiled thoughtfully at Harry before returning to her book.

"Thanks 'Mione..."

"Hey Harry, you want to go for a fly with me? I want to try out that crazy move I saw ferret boy do in the Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw match last week. If he can do it so can I!" Ron finished as he started for the exit. Harry just shook his head and got up to follow his best friend. At least Ron didn't call Draco the poof; it was a start.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"-and he fell...on... his... arse! Ahhhhaaa!" Draco laughed as Harry told the Slytherin the story of Ron trying to recreate one of the blond's signature moves.

"Yeah... it was pretty funny," Harry said in between huffs of laughter.

"Thanks Harry," Draco said as he wiped the tears from his eyes, "I really needed a good laugh today." Draco walked over to the fireplace and lit it before sitting on the warn, red couch in their private room.

Harry's features suddenly went from light-hearted to concerned as he sat down next to his lover. "What happened?"

The Slytherin lay down so his head was resting in Harry's lap. "Oh... nothing to worry about." Draco closed his eyes and sighed. Harry knew better than to press the issue further, instead he decided to offer comfort to the blond. As he stroked the soft, fine locks the Gryffindor stared at his lovers face. He looked so drained; Harry knew that Draco hadn't been sleeping well but if the dark purple circles under the Slytherin's eyes were anything to go by, Draco mustn't have slept in weeks. Harry was going to find out what was going on, if it was the last thing he did; he was going to get some answers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*