Loon Goes To Hogwarts

Loon Goes To Hogwarts

Part 2 - Classes with Loon

Every girl in Hermione's dormitory was rudely awakened their first morning back at school by a scream of panic.

"The Bug People! They've got me! They've got me!" Leigh shrieked, still in the throes of her dreams.

Hermione rolled out of bed and shook Leigh awake. "Wake up, Leigh. There aren't any bugs."

"That's just what they want you to think!" Leigh protested. She suddenly looked over at Rok. "Oh. Ok, Rok. So it really was just a dream? The Bug People didn't really catch me? That's all right, then."

The girls all got dressed, Leigh magically getting a set of black robes out of nowhere. She looked at them in confusion. "What are these? They're all black!"

"It's the school uniform," Hermione explained. "We all wear them. It's required."

"But there's no color!" Leigh said in disappointment. Then she brightened. "I'll just have to make them more interesting."

With that comforting thought, Leigh went back to the dining hall with the other girls and received her class schedule. She had no idea what any of these classes were, of course, and she didn't have the books for any of them, but she was used to that from her American school, and didn't let it disturb her. She could figure it out as she went along.

Breakfast was concluded without another plate-napping incident, as Leigh was now much too hungry to want to look at the plates. However, she found the ceiling quite entertaining.

"Look, a bird." Leigh pointed upwards. All the Gryffindors automatically looked up at the ceiling, then scowled at her for tricking them. Leigh, on the other hand, was staring in keen interest at the pretty cloud formation that looked just like a seagull.

Their first class was Transfiguration. Leigh decided to sit beside Harry, Hermione, and Ron again, much to their dismay.

"All right," McGonagall said sharply, "let's see what you've forgotten over break. Everyone, turn one of these mittens into a rabbit."

Leigh took a mitten, then watched what everyone else was doing. It didn't look very difficult. They were just waving around little sticks and saying funny words. She could do that.

Leigh pulled out her Loon stick, a long, sparkly purple stick with an L stuck on one end, and joined the fun, waving it about happily. "Green snowflakes! Panda bears! Orange blossoms! Death to the Bug People and the evil teacakes!"

By this point, people had begun staring strangely at Leigh, but she was used to that, too. She waved at them, and went back to her assignment. It was really hard. The mitten just didn't want to turn into a rabbit, no matter how hard she begged.

"Leigh, what are you doing?" Leigh looked innocently up at McGonagall, who was scowling.

"Well, I'm trying to turn this mitten into a bunny, but it isn't working." Leigh shrugged. "I think it's just being stubborn."

McGonagall sighed. That's what they got for letting in these home-schooled transfers. "Do you even know how to transform anything?"

Leigh frowned. "Transform?"

"Yes, Leigh, that's right." McGonagall adopted the tone usually reserved only for the terminally insane. "I want you to transform - "

"But I can't transform unless the Cheese Men are here," Leigh objected. She stopped. "Wait... are the Cheese Men here?"

McGonagall counted to ten under her breath.

"Twelve," Leigh added helpfully.

McGonagall rubbed her temples. She was getting a headache. "Yes, Leigh, fine, there are Cheese Men. Now, I need you to transform - "

"Well, I can do that." Leigh grinned, pleased to learn that there was in fact something that this school taught that she could already do. "Everyone turn around and cover your eyes."

"What?" McGonagall eyed her suspiciously.

"Well, I can't transform in front of everyone, now, can I?" Leigh pointed out reasonably. "Come on, everyone, turn around and cover your eyes, now!"

Partly because they wanted to find out what Leigh was going to do, but mostly because having people protest would make this story way too long, everyone obediently faced the wall and covered their eyes. When she was satisfied that no one could see her, Leigh pulled a mechanical pencil from her pocket - then paused, turning to Rok.

"Yes, Rok, I'm sure I should transform now. Why shouldn't I?" Leigh cocked her head, listening. "Well... that lady did tell me to... No, I think I'd better. That's the sort of thing they teach here, you know. And she did say the Cheese Men were here."

Leigh waved her pencil in the air. "Loon Pencil Power!" She then went through an extremely long process of spinning around in the air with flying sparkles everywhere, and somehow in the midst of it all, managed to change her clothes, despite the fact that she was spinning around in the air. She fell to the floor, wearing a short purple skirt, purple boots, and a white shirt with a green bow on the collar. Her hair was up in odangas.

She scrambled to her feet. "I am Sailor Loon, defender of the world's bananas! Cheese Men, come out immediately so I can make my really long speech and bore you into submission!"

Everyone turned around to face Lei - sorry, Sailor Loon. McGonagall rolled her eyes. "Leigh, what are you doing? What are you wearing? That isn't in the dress code."

Loon glared at McGonagall. "I know nothing of this 'Leigh' of whom you speak. I am Sailor Loon! Now where are those Cheese Men?"

"There aren't any Cheese Men, Leigh," McGonagall sighed. "Now go to the restroom and change back into your robes."

"I told you, I'm not Leigh!" Loon scowled. "I'm Sailor Loon, can't you tell? I look nothing like Leigh!"

The students glanced at each other. Maybe if this went on long enough, they wouldn't have to do any homework.

McGonagall just shook her head slowly. "I think I need an aspirin... Everyone, just... continue with what you were doing. Leigh - whoever you are - please change back into your robes. Goodbye."

With that, McGonagall fled to the relative safety of the hospital wing.

~*~

Later, after Leigh had replaced Sailor Loon, the Gryffindors got to attend Potions. Much to the surprise of all involved, this class was double with the Slytherins.

Leigh walked right up to Snape and grinned at him, despite his evil glare. "Hi, I'm Leigh. Who are you?"

"I am Professor Snape, and you will sit down immediately." Snape, despite the inevitable confusion of anyone faced with Leigh for the first time, still managed to be nasty.

Leigh promptly seated herself on the floor. Snape glared at her. "What?" Leigh frowned. "You said immediately!"

Unable to find the flaw in this logic, Snape shook his head. "Sit in a desk. Now."

Leigh sighed at the silly man who couldn't seem to make up his mind about anything, but she did move to a desk. She managed to find one that was next to Harry and Draco, behind Hermione, and in front of Ron.

Leigh turned to Draco, grinning enormously. "Hi, I'm Leigh - "

"I heard." Draco gave her a cool stare. "I am a Slytherin. I do not associate with Gryffindors. Especially not Mudbloods."

"Me neither," Leigh agreed. "It sounds like something the Evil Cheese Men would come up with." She picked up the cauldron that she'd acquired from the same place as her robes, turned it over, and put Rok on it. "Look, Rok has a throne! All hail Rok, King of Birdies!"

Just at the point when Draco was seriously considering getting up and moving, Snape began class. It ought to have started five minutes ago, when the bell rang, but there had to be a suitable amount of time to insert witty dialog - ok, fine, mildly amusing dialogue. Picky, picky, aren't you?

"Today, we are going to study Shrinking Potions," Snape announced. "On account of the fact that no one ever actually hears a teacher teach in these stories - except Trelawney and Hagrid, both of whom are frankly mental - you are all going to go ahead and brew the potion without any form of instruction from me whatever, while I wander around making nasty comments and generally stunting your intellectual growth." He blinked in confusion at this statement, but people around Leigh often tended to do or say strange things, so he shrugged it off and went about his business.

"Longbottom, what are you doing?" Snape demanded. "This potion is supposed to be yellow, not dark yellow!"

"But... but..." Neville stuttered in terror. "But hers is all sorts of colors, and you didn't yell at her!" He pointed across the room at Leigh.

Snape decided Neville could wait a few moments while he went to investigate the crimes of this new Gryffindor. He loomed menacingly over Leigh while inspecting her potion.

"Oh, hi!" Leigh grinned brightly. "Look at all the pretty shiny colors! Aren't they nice?"

Snape scowled at her. "This is not a Shrinking Potion," he informed her.

"I know." Leigh nodded. "I don't know how to make one of those, so I decided to make tie-dye!" She proudly spun around, and Snape realized that her robes were now redone in some ridiculous Muggle fashion, with blobs of unnecessary color all over them. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Get rid of it immediately! Ten points from Gryffindor!" Snape yelled.

Leigh cocked her head. "Points? What are those? Can I have some?"

Snape did a momentary impression of a fish, but then caught himself. "No. Throw that... garbage... away immediately!"

"Immediately?" Leigh repeated, frowning.

Snape, forgetting Leigh's interesting tendency to take such statements literally, growled, "Yes!"

"Okaaaay..." Leigh shrugged, took the cauldron, and flung its contents into the air. She and Snape got most of it, though Malfoy's hair would be purple and green for the better part of a week. Leigh was quite pleased by the addition of more colors to her outfit. Snape, on the other hand, was not.

"DETENTION! FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" Snape's roars of rage could be heard all over the school. "SOMEONE GET ME SOME STAIN REMOVER!"