Loon Goes To Hogwarts

Loon Goes To Hogwarts

Part 1 - The New Arrival

"This is going to be soooo much fun!" Leigh jumped up and down in excitement, fiddling around with her parachute. "I can't believe I'm actually going to go skydiving!" She looked down at the rock with vague smiley-face-shaped marks that she held in her hand. "Isn't this going to be fun, Rok?" She held it to her ear, then grinned gleefully. "He says yes!"

"Are you sure you want to take that rock with you?" the aid said dubiously. "I mean, your first time jumping, you don't really want to be encumbered with something like that - "

"If I go, Rok goes." Leigh glared at the man.

"Sorry, sorry, just asking." The aid backed down. "Now, don't jump out until I say 'jump'."

"Say what?" Leigh frowned in confusion.

"Jump!" the aid snapped.

And, of course, Leigh did just that. And the plane just happened to be going over a remote part of Scotland at the time, God knows why, since Leigh is actually American. But it was. And we can all guess what happened from there.

~*~

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were going into their sixth year at Hogwarts, and had just sat down to watch the Sorting, when a loud crash came from outside the castle. Following the crash came a faint voice saying "I'm ok..."

Everyone looked at each other, then raced back outside. In front of the school stood a very strange looking girl. She was tall, with long blond hair tipped with red, and brilliant green eyes that have absolutely no connection to Harry's, but thanks for asking. She was holding a rock and standing in the middle of what looked like a Muggle parachute.

"Oh, no." McGonagall arrived outside, and she did not look pleased. "A Muggle."

"Whaaaaaa?" The girl cocked her head in confusion.

McGonagall shook her head. "Never mind."

"Good heavens!" Dumbledore managed to fight his way through the crowds. "However did you get here, Miss...?" He paused expectantly.

"Leigh," the girl said helpfully. "And this is Rok." She held up the rock. "We got here by jumping out of the plane." She looked around, interested. "Is this the secret hide-out of the evil cheese men?"

"Um... no..." Dumbledore blinked. "Just where are you from, Leigh?"

"Well, they tell me I'm from America, but I've discovered that I'm truly the Princess of the Loonatics from the giant comet Luna," Leigh said matter-of-factly. "Rok told me so."

"Ah." Dumbledore nodded. The rest of the students backed slightly away from Leigh. "Does... 'Rok'... often talk to you?"

"Oh, sure." Leigh grinned. "He also told me that I am... dun dunn dunnnn... Sailor Loon, leader of the Sailor Whatsits!"

At this point, the rest of the Hogwarts population had backed so far away that they were somewhere around Hagrid's hut. Noting this, Dumbledore decided that, for reasons unbeknownst to us but most likely involving the fact that the author was bored and wanted to get on with the action, it would be a good idea to enroll Leigh at Hogwarts as a sixth year.

Everyone progressed inside, and the Sorting Hat was produced. It opened its mouth, preparing to sing, when -

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Leigh shrieked. "It's the Bug People! They've invaded the hat! Run for your lives!"

Leigh was fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your point of view - prevented from running away, and the Sorting Hat did not get around to singing its little song thing, which is good, because the author's versions of the Sorting Hat song generally turn out really bad anyway.

The Sorting Hat was plunked on Leigh's head, and we will now listen to the conversation somehow, despite the fact that we aren't actually telling this from Leigh's point of view.

"Hello, Leigh," a little voice said beside Leigh's ear. "A transfer student from America, I see. Are your middle names perhaps 'Mary Sue'?"

Leigh frowned in confusion. "Noooo... are yours?"

"Um... no. Now, Leigh, I see you're very brave."

Leigh gasped. "Really? I am?" She frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

"Only fools are positive."

"Shut up and listen." The Sorting Hat was beginning to sound very annoyed. "You're too interesting for Hufflepuff, too... creative... for Ravenclaw, and too much of a wanna-be superhero for Slytherin... so I think you'd better be GRYFFINDOR!"

There was a long period of silence. Then -

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?" the Sorting Hat snapped. "You can't ask why!"

"Why not? Don't you know?" Leigh cocked her head in interest.

"Of course I know! I just don't have to tell you!"

"I don't think you do know. I think you're lying."

"I tell you, I know! I know everything!"

"Really?" Leigh sat up with interest. "What color is my great-uncle Billy Bob's hair?"

"What?" The Sorting Hat did a sort-of mental double take. "How should I know that?"

"Well, you said you knew everything..." Leigh pointed out.

"This is a pointless conversation! I do know everything, and I refuse to talk to you anymore!"

Leigh pouted. "Fine, be that way!"

Leigh started to take the Sorting Hat off, then paused. "What about Rok? What House thing is he in?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"I'm not leaving till you place Rok."

"Fine, fine. GRYFFINDOR! Now go away!"

Leigh grinned happily, took the Sorting Hat off, and went to the Gryffindor table to meet her doom - er, sorry, Harry Potter. (The author of this story would like to state that she is, in fact, a Slytherin and therefore takes no responsibility for such typos as the previous one.)

Somehow, Leigh ended up in the seat beside Harry, even though he probably would have been seated by his other friends, not expecting an insane American transfer to come to Hogwarts this year.

"Hi, I'm Leigh. Who are you?" Leigh grinned brightly at Harry.

"Harry Potter." Harry waited for the gasp of recognition.

It didn't come. "Oh. That's nice." Leigh lost interest and turned around to face Hermione. "Hi, I'm Leigh. Who are you?"

"Hermione Granger. Nice to meet you, Leigh." Hermione held out her hand for Leigh to shake. Leigh poked at Hermione's hand for a moment, then looked at Rok.

"She's weird, Rok." Leigh sighed. "So what's a Gryffindor person?"

"The Gryffindors are the bravest of all the people at Hogwarts," Hermione said proudly. "The other Houses are Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw."

"I don't see any houses, just a big castle," Leigh said. "Are they big houses? I hope they have more than one story, cause I like to read."

Hermione blinked, attempting to reprogram her brain to Track Leigh. "Um... no, these aren't houses, they're Houses - you know, groups of kids at a boarding school who live together."

"Do they all live in the one house?" Leigh frowned worriedly. "I hope there are lots of towels."

Just then, the rest of the Sorting was finished, and Dumbledore stood up to make his speech. "Students of Hogwarts, I have several announcements to make. For one thing, as you may have noticed, we seem to have acquired a transfer student from America. Her name is Leigh, and she is going to be a sixth-year Gryffindor. Leigh, I hope you have a wonderful year with us at Hogwarts."

"What hog?" Leigh asked in confusion. She looked around suspiciously. "You said it has warts? That sounds like the work of the Bug People to me..."

Dumbledore chose to ignore this comment, moving quickly onward. He finished his speech with no more interruptions from Leigh, who had noticed the shiny gold plates on the table and was instantly fascinated. She sighed in disappointment when all the food appeared, obscuring the pretty colors. She immediately scraped all the food off her plate in order to continue amusing herself, but it wasn't as interesting with only one plate.

Leigh turned to Harry. "Can I have your plate?" she asked, smiling innocently. Before Harry could ask what in the world she was talking about, Leigh pushed all his food onto the table and took possession of the shiny gold plate. "Thank you!"

Harry stared from Leigh to the pile of food on the table in front of him for a moment, before deciding that arguing with Leigh probably wouldn't achieve anything, and transfigured his napkin into a plate using a convenient plot device the author left hanging around somewhere.

Leigh entertained herself with the pretty gold plates all through dinner, though at one point she did make a big pile of all the mashed potatoes molded into the shape of Rok, and then yelled at anyone who tried to take any of it.

When dinner ended (much to the relief of all the Gryffindors), Hermione, who was naturally a Gryffindor prefect, led everyone else to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Why's she wearing pink?" Leigh asked in interest, staring up at the Fat Lady.

The Fat Lady looked down at Leigh suspiciously. "I haven't seen you around here before."

"Are you in league with the evil teacakes?" Leigh, not fazed in the slightest by talking paintings (after all, she has a talking rock), frowned. "You're wearing their colors."

"I like pink." The Fat Lady wisely ignored the reference to teacakes. "I suppose you're a transfer student. Welcome to Hogwarts, dear."

"There's that hog again." Leigh sighed and shook her head in confusion.

"Anyway," Hermione said loudly in an attempt to regain control of the situation, "the current password is - "

"Ooh, ooh, I know a good password!" Leigh jumped up and down, waving her hand wildly. "No one will ever, ever guess!" She leaned forward conspiratorially. "The password should be... 'password'! It'd be secret for forever!"

"Um... the password was already chosen," Hermione said nervously. "It's 'insanity'."

Privately, every single student in Gryffindor was thinking that that password was going to be a very apt description indeed.