Road to Nowhere

Chapter One: Anything but Ordinary

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Remus closed his eyes, reveling for what must have been the millionth time the sensation of being loved and cared for without any hint of reservation. Yes, they had loved him at home, but here they did not begrudge him anything. Instead of fear, the screaming nightmares that disturbed his sleep were met with soft kisses on his forehead and sympathetic arms wrapped around his small shaking form. His odd gift of seeing things, knowing the truth, was treated with respect and admiration. Best of all, the self-inflicted cuts that adorned his pale body were treated without question, only quiet understanding.

After all, they all bore the same marks.

Werewolves. It was bloody brilliant, Remus had decided, an entire school of werewolves! Heart's Home - the boarding school for life. They took care of you until the day you died. And it wasn't just the werewolves from wizarding families; there were locator spells hovering all over the whole world, so whenever a new werewolf came into being, Shiva and Ben were instantly alerted, no matter what time it was.

After all, what was home without a mum and dad? Shiva and Ben made the perfect set of parents, being werewolves themselves. Shiva was a soft-spoken, intelligent, eccentric young werewolf who had been born in America, raised in Japan, and knew so many languages she had no accent. She stressed the importance of communication, and it was required for all students to be fluent in English, Latin, Spanish, and French - as a minimum. Most of the upperclassmen were fluent in nearly ten languages, though. Ben was the one who taught them to be strong - strong in every sense of the word. He was the backbone of Heart's Home; he and Shiva ran it. They were mated, and were rarely seen without each other, especially during the periods when the moon was waxing.

Remus looked down at the neat stack of large, plain black books. Journals. He sighed, and picked up the first book, and flipped to the third page. The page that described the bite...

"Really, cher, I think you have had enough nightmares this week." Remus turned around quickly, dropping the journal in his haste. Shiva's reproving silver glare met his own guilty copper eyes. "However, it appears as though you wish to wake up screaming again. This simply will not do."

"I was going to go to sleep, maman, really I was!"

"Indeed. Then I suppose you do not wish to read the letter that came by owl for you today."

"A letter by owl? But only mère and père send letters by owl."

"Remus, love, I think you had best read the letter yourself. I will go get Ben - I will not be gone long." Remus looked down at the yellowish envelope left on the bed. It was addressed, in green ink, to "Mr. Remus J. Lupin, Heart's Home, The Right Wing, The Littlest Bedroom, The Easternmost Bed". He ran one slightly pointed fingernail underneath the flap, unfolded the thick parchment, and began to read aloud.'

"'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards).

"'Dear Mr. Lupin, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry' - you have got to be kidding!" he yelped, tumbling off the bed in shock. Ben and Shiva walked in the door, laughing at the antics of sweet little Remus.

"Surprised, are you?" Ben asked, bending forward to hoist Remus up into his arms, then back onto the bed. "We thought you would be, but honestly, I wasn't shocked at all. I'd been expecting it since I saw you properly. You've got more magic than your year-mates. I remember, you didn't have any trouble getting up on you broom once you were nine - see, Mark, K.C., and Denise had to try for ages. That's because the only magic they have is the sort you get when you're bitten, and that's just enough to let them fly. That's all the magic they'll ever do, but I think you're bound for Ravenclaw."

Remus didn't bother to try and digest any of it at all; he was too busy bouncing up and down on his bed. "When do I go!?"

"September the first," Shiva said quietly. "I will take you to King's Cross Station, but from there you are on your own. It is not going to be an easy seven years, love. You are going to go through the full moon on your own. The Headmaster insists it is too much of a hassle to send you back each month, and, frankly, I agree."

"I'll manage," Remus decided, suddenly serious. "I'll have to, won't I?"

"Yes," Ben agreed. "It's part of our curse."

Shiva nudged him. "And our gift." Ben snorted.

"Remus, time to sleep. And you had better not have any nightmares, or I swear to God I'll-"

"Why bother swearing in the name of a god who has forsaken us?" K.C. asked quietly, her soft voice with its sweet Irish lilt spreading through the small room easily. She was morbid, and usually very depressed. She was pale as a ghost, despite hours spent playing Quidditch outside, and her hair was dyed black; her eyes greener than the Irish countryside.

"Kaitchae!" Shiva scolded, using K.C.'s proper name, which nobody did unless she was in trouble. "We are not the damned! Sleep, now, everybody! That means you: Mark, Denise, Remus! Tomorrow we are going to Diagon Alley to buy Remus's school things, and the rest of you, I assume, wish to come as well." Four young voices chorused a quick 'Yes, Mum!', as everybody knew Mark, Denise, and K.C. had been pretending to sleep through the whole thing.

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The next day, Remus jumped up and down on Mark's bed, shouting for his 'brother' to wake up. "Mark! We're going to be laaate!" K.C. was lounging with Denise on her bed, both of them clad in bathrobes. Remus was wearing only a pair of worn boxer shorts. "Mark! Wake up! We have to take our shower now, or Shiva says we can't for another three days!"

"And you stink already, Remus-lovie," Denise said, snickering.

"I'm up, I'm up. Get off the bed, shrimp," Mark mumbled blearily. The four children paraded into the small bathroom, in which there was one shower big enough to hold six adults, five sinks, a toilet, and six towel-bars. It was more cost-efficient, Ben had explained to each child in turn when he or she joined Heart's Home, to bathe all the year-mates together. And since they were practically brother and sister, (those who had not yet accustomed themselves to that line of thinking would be forced to) it really didn't mean anything.

So that morning, while scrubbing Denise's back for her, Remus let his mind wander as he thought of everything he could do at Hogwarts...maybe someday, he could become an Auror, and then Mark looked over at him and said, "I'm gonna miss you, Frenchie." Mark called Remus Frenchie and shrimp because he was French and small for his age (cute, as Denise had described him to her parents upon entering Heart's Home), and Remus called Mark Weirdo and giant jerkman because he was American and tall for his age (K.C. once compared him to a string bean).

Then it hit Remus. For seven years, he would see all his family only during Easter, Christmas, and summer. "Me too," he managed, handing the bar of soap to Denise so she could wash his back for him. Instead, she hugged him tightly.

"You're our brother, little Remmie. We love you and we wish we could come to Hogwarts with you, but sadly that's not possible. So you have to swear you're write to us once a week, at the bare minimum, and you have to promise you'll come back for Christmas and Easter."

"I swear."

"We're wasting water," K.C. informed them, scrubbing her hair vigorously. She reached over and pulled the other three into a huge hug, the water streaming down them as tears and lather mixed over their scarred, young bodies.

"Forever," Remus said softly. "Forever we'll be family."

"Now it gets really mushy," K.C. decided.

"Indeed!" Denise shrieked happily. "Attack of the Warm and Mushy Feelings!!!"

"Hurry up! You're wasting water!" Ben yelled, sticking his head into the bathroom. The four children laughed and hugged each other tighter. Ben smiled and slowly backed out of the room. He knew that it would be a long time for the children before they were ever really a family again. He sighed softly. There had been talk of a dark shadow, a shadow without a name that practiced the Dark Arts and was planning on building an army to attack the magical world.

Werewolves would be the obvious choice, he knew. And what better a target for recruits than a whole school, a school with virtually every werewolf in the world living there? Again, he knew Shiva had a plan of some sort, but she didn't tell him or anybody the details of said plan. Knowing Shiva, it would work, but it wasn't going to be pleasant by any stretch of the mind. Shiva had been happy to have an excuse to go to Diagon Alley, so she could slip down into Knockturn Alley to get whatever it was she needed.

Shiva meant 'queen of destruction', and destruction was Shiva's gift. He was the introvert, the one who had to be quietly strong for all of them, who had to stop her quick, violent, rages of anger. He was the one who had the power to heal; she was a Deathwalker and her strength was the natural type of power over death and pain. He was the one who undid the damage she unwillingly committed when the darker side of her nature manifested itself.

In the end, it didn't matter what she did. She never meant to hurt anybody - she simply couldn't control the itching desire to use her gifts to make all the problems for her 'children' go away.

Her full name was Shiva Radha Krishna. She was Shiva for her gift of destruction, Radha for the longing to use those powers, and Krishna to show the love she held within her poor thin, scarred body.

It was all for love.

---

Diagon Alley was like some sort of heaven for Remus and his year-mates. There were so many things to see; so much to do and buy and experience that Denise worked herself into a frenzy, jumping up and down until Shiva managed to calm her down by threatening to make her Floo her way home all alone - Denise's second-greatest fear was Floo Powder; what scared her most above all else was being alone.

So, when they finally found Madam Malkin's, Shiva decided that since Mark had grown again, he needed a new set of robes, so they stayed until both Mark and Remus had their robes. They moved on to Gringott's, where Shiva fixed the goblins with an icy glare as she asked for access to Remus's account. Remus had forgotten his key at home, and it took Shiva quite a while to convince Griphook that this was indeed Remus Lupin, and she was his legal guardian, and yes he was attending Hogwarts, so open the g.d. vault before she blew it up herself.

Finally, they made it through everything, and got to Ollivander's, where Remus saw a girl about his age, standing nervously on a chair. K.C. stared at her, then reached up and touched a lock of her fiery red hair. "Irish hair," she said quietly, letting go.

"My mum's Irish," the girl said automatically. "I'm Lily Evans. Who are you?"

"K.C. That's Remus, and then the giant pole there is Mark. And-"

"Me llamo Denise!" Denise said happily, bouncing forward. "Buenas tardes! Còmo està s, Lily? De dònde eres tù?"

"Um..." Lily obviously didn't speak Spanish.

"Ohh, sorry. English is my second language so sometimes I slip. I'm from Chile, you see," Denise explained, a little embarrassed. "Anyhow, I said my name was Denise and good afternoon, how are you, where are you from?"

"Um...I'm great, thanks. Just a little nervous. I'm not from a wizarding family, you see, so I have no idea what I'm doing. Mum's off with Daddy in Flourish and Blotts getting my schoolbooks. I'm from a tiny little village outside London."

"Cool."

"Here you are, Miss Evans, that'll be thirteen Galleons." Lily jumped, frightened, then breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the old shopkeeper carrying a small wrapped package.

"Oh, yes. Er...here! Thank you very much, Mr. Ollivander," Lily said, rushing a bit. She waved at the small gathering of children. "S'pose I'll see you at Hogwarts or on the train, K.C. and Denise. It was nice meeting you - you, too, Mark and - Remus was it? Bye now!" Remus sighed and turned to face Mr. Ollivander.

"Up on the chair, boy." It was looking to be a very long day. "Now, let's try...well. Eight inches, dogwood, containing one hair from a werewolf." Remus choked. Mr. Ollivander smiled strangely. "An interesting combination, admittedly, but let's put that aside, now shall we? Give it a wave, Mr. Lupin."

Remus ignored the odd fact that Mr. Ollivander seemed to know who he was - and, more importantly, what he was. Tentatively, he waved the wand. Nothing happened. "Er..." he mumbled...Great, I can't even do magic with a wand...does this mean I can't go to Hogwarts?

But Mr. Ollivander had already snatched the wand out of his hand, and began pulling boxes down from shelves. "Now then, a slightly smaller wand...seven and a half inches, very strong, oak, quite a bit thicker than the usual wand, containing a phoenix tail feather." Remus swished it once. Again, nothing.

"Hmmm...now, let's try...nine inches, rather thin but still strong, cedar wood, with three dragon eyelashes." He handed it up to Remus, glaring at the gag-face Denise was making. K.C. poked her in the ribs, hissing for her sister to shut up. Mark was staring intently at Remus, who half-heartedly flicked his wrist. This time, though, sparks flew from the wand's tip and arranged themselves to the shape of a wolf, then dissipated. Mr. Ollivander smiled.

"Ten Galleons, Mr. Lupin. And I think that I shall expect quite a few great things done by that wand you're holding." Remus nodded once, then reached into his small bag of money and shoved ten of the gold pieces into the man's hand, then the four children scurried off towards the bookshop.

"Hey, where'd Mom go?" Mark asked, looking all around, confused.

"Right here, love," Shiva said, popping up behind him. "I just had to go get something."

"Oh. Well, we're off to get Remus's books now, Mum," K.C. said. "Remus got his wand - and it has three dragon eyelashes in it."

"Interesting," Shiva said, distracted. "Remus, let me see your booklist."

"Here, maman. What did you have to get?"

"Do not worry about that, innamorato. Now, I think that with all the mail that will be passing between us, you will need your own owl. What do you think, children?"

"I think it's a fabulous idea," Denise said, winking cheerfully. "Es perfecto. Also, I think we should pay for the owl, Remus."

"Warum nicht?" Mark agreed, laughingly. "That way, we're making sure Frenchie here won't forget us."

Remus smiled, blushing, but felt the Wolf inside of him laughing...it reminded him of Shiva's discovery that every werewolf had an odd case of schizophrenia, and the other side of their personality was a Wolf. The idea was that the bite passed on the double-personality mental disease that, every month, the bloodlust (and lust for other things) grew too powerful and too uncontrollable to be contained within a weak human body, and so the body was forced to transform to the simpler form of a wolf. Each werewolf had another personality within him or her; one that could 'speak' to the original self, and often, Remus found himself at odds with the Wolf inside.

This time, though, he found the Wolf laughing at him. And it did not reassure him at all.

---

Is it enough to love?

Is it enough to breathe?

Somebody rip my heart out

And leave me here to bleed.

Is it enough to die?

Somebody save my life!

I'd rather be anything but

Ordinary, please...

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Es perfecto - It's perfect (Spanish)

Warum nicht? - Why not? (German)

Maman - Mama (French)

Bambino - baby (Italian)

Mère - Mother (French)

Père - Father (French)

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Name that song quote! Each chapter's title will be the title of one of my favourite songs, with about eight lines or so at the end...hopefully what I choose will actually fit the mood of the chapter...-.-;;;