Getting Personal

CHAPTER 22

Draco's eyes narrowed into the steel orbs she remembered from previous years and he stood to his feet. "Fine. If that's the way you feel, I'll go."

When he was gone, Dumbledore rounded on Ginny. "Tom cannot hurt you! Why would you do such a thing?"

Ginny hesitated. If she told Dumbledore the truth and he told Draco, Draco would convince himself that he couldn't be hurt, and try to come back. No. Painful as it was, it was better this way. If Draco stayed away, he couldn't get hurt. "Because I don't love him," she repeated.

Madam Pomfrey shoved a bottle at Ginny. "Take this. It's a calming drought."

Ginny shook her head. "I never want to sleep again."

Dumbledore frowned. "I will remind you again that as long as you are in these walls, Tom cannot hurt you nor can he hurt Mr. Malfoy. When you are well, we will teach you how to guard against his intrusions. Now, a dreamless sleeping potion will block him for the duration of your sleep, so I suggest taking advantage of it."

Ginny stared back at her headmaster. "Tom got to me once while I was in here," she reminded him quietly. "And he managed to get me out of here just recently - out of your office."

Ginny swallowed the sleeping potion that Madam Pomfrey came scurrying back with rather reluctantly, and when she was left alone, she began to cry. The pain she felt for Draco overtook the physical pain in her neck from where she had scratched herself until she bled. "I do love you," she whispered to the empty room. "I love you so much." Tonight had been the first time Draco had told her he loved her.

As the potion took effect, Tom began to laugh.

The rest of the school year dragged by without any noteworthy events. Ginny studied by herself, refusing help from Colin, who was pretty much the only person still speaking to her. Several of her teachers even treated her with a chilly air because of her not so polite words to Dumbledore, insisting that if the Head Master said Tom couldn't hurt her, then he couldn't and she needed to stop being such a silly child. They can all sod off, Ginny thought bitterly. They had absolutely no idea what it was like to have Tom inside, in more ways than one.

Harry went back to holding his scar and looking rather pale most of the time. Hermione still talked to Ginny. She tried to help her with her studies, until Ginny finally sighed and asked her exactly what it was she wanted.

"I want you to be happy," Hermione told her.

"I can't be," Ginny said finally. "I don't want Tom to come back. If I'm happy he'll come and see why, and I prefer it when he's not around."

"He can't," she reminded her. "Dumbledore said-"

"I know what he said! But he's never been raped by Tom in his sleep, has he? He's never had Tom swear that if I didn't get away from . . . from Draco, he'd kill him, or worse!"

"What did he do?" Hermione gasped, her eyes widening.

Ginny narrowed her eyes and forced herself to speak calmly, evenly. "I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming about Draco, but he kept calling me Ginerva, and saying 'He never treated you this good, did he?'. In my dream, I realized it was Tom, but when I woke, it wasn't a dream. I could still feel him."

The blood had drained from Hermione's face and tears were in the corners of her eyes. "That's what he used that spell for?"

Ginny nodded, fighting the tears that were bubbling up in her own eyes. She had not told a soul, save Dumbledore, exactly what it was that Tom did to her. "He said if I didn't stay away from Draco that he'd leave him like the Longbottoms."

"Why didn't you tell Draco that?" she asked, the tears falling freely. "He is so hurt!"

"If I told him, he wouldn't have believed me. He would have convinced himself that we could still be together. Even if Tom couldn't get him right now, he can still get me, and he'd get Draco one day."

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know. They said nothing too bad had happened to you. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter now. As long as I stay away from Draco, Tom stays away from me."

"So he hasn't been back?"

"Not since I told Draco I didn't love him."

"And Dumbledore couldn't find anything to break the spell?"

"No," Ginny shook her head. "If Tom dies, it will break the spell."

"But Tom is dead. I mean, he's not Tom, he's V, Voldemort."

"Not to me. To me, he's Tom."

After that, Hermione left her alone too, and whether it was because she was busy studying or the news of what Tom had done was too much for the older girl to deal with, it was perfectly fine with Ginny. When she was with people, they wanted to console her, to hear about what Tom did, to find out why she dumped Draco. She preferred being alone. If she was alone, she could throw herself into her studies and not think. Of course, she couldn't eat either, but that was just an unfortunate side effect of avoiding the actual presence of Draco. It wasn't altogether hard to do. He locked himself away in his private room and studied for his N.E.W.T.s and took points from everyone who crossed his path, she quit the Quidditch team and ate next to nothing.

The one thing she hadn't counted on though, was the end of the school year, and Hermione's news that Draco would be going back to Harry's house with them.

"Where else would he go?" she asked, when Ginny heard the news.

"Anywhere else!" Ginny snapped. "Not there!"

"He doesn't have any place to go, you know," Hermione said a bit crossly. "Besides, Harry did ask him to move in!"

On the train ride home, Ginny sat with a group of 2^nd year Ravenclaws who didn't quite know what to make of her presence, and after some time, left her alone in the carriage.

Better be a good girl this summer, little Ginerva.

"Sod off. Get out of my head."

Tom laughed. If you were one of my servants, you would be dead by now.

"But I'm not fucking stupid enough to join up with your bloody mates, am I?"

Watch the mouth, Ginerva. His voice was sharp.

"Can't you just leave me alone? I know what to do. I know about Draco. I know this. I'll be a good girl for as long as you're still alive."

Think you'll be getting rid of me that easily?

"No."

You're mine. Always and forever, mine.

"Please leave." She could feel Tom's rage, shaking her body, but she didn't care. He could kill her right here and now, and it wouldn't matter. Yesterday, the last day of school, the graduation of Harry and Hermione and Draco, she had seen him. She skipped the graduation ceremony and sat by the lake, the very edge of the lake where it met the Forbidden Forest, and she had cried. She hadn't meant to cry. Only once since she had broken things off with Draco had she cried, and Tom had laughed and laughed. Since then, she refused to cry, refused to feel anything at all, in order to keep Tom away from her. But she had cried. She cried knowing that she would be returning to school alone in the Fall, if she managed to return at all, and cried knowing that the one person she would give anything and everything to have, she had pushed him away. Then she had seen Draco. He wasn't supposed to be there, in the spot they had kept warm when they were a couple; he was supposed to be at the ceremony, graduating.

"Gin?" he had nearly whispered. "Gin Gin? Are you alright?"

She hadn't said a word, she just stood to her feet and walked past him, refusing to look back and see just how much she was hurting the one person she loved more than anything else in the world.

So there she sat, alone - for the first time ever - on the Hogwarts Express with Tom back inside her head.

Don't think I won't be here. I'll be watching, waiting. So before you break down and go to him, think of the Longbottoms. Think of your brother.

And then Tom was gone. She was alone again.

When the train arrived, Ginny was hugged by her parents, and the members of the Order who had come with them, as was Harry and Hermione, before she was shuffled off to her parents. Ginny couldn't help but notice that no one hugged Draco and made him feel welcome. Lupin shook his hand and her father said hello. That was it.

Ginny had all but forgotten that Harry had invited Draco to move in with him the year before, and she watched silently as he slowly began to make himself comfortable in the room they had shared the previous summer. She wasn't sure why he had picked that room, as there were plenty of other rooms in the house, but it made her sad.

Her mum and dad came and went because they had business to do at home, and she was not allowed back at the Burrow since it wasn't as safe as Grimmauld Place. Ginny found herself again watching the Muggle tv Harry had given her the year before in order to avoid real life. Three times a day she had to face real life, and those were at meal times. She sat between various members of the Order and she could feel Draco's presence weighing down on her. He was the only one who saw that she didn't eat, the only who noticed that she locked herself in her room.

The days passed by with horrible, agonizing slowness. Draco settled into the house, decorating his room with posters of his favorite Quidditch teams, and a rather lewd pinup of some bint from Playwizard that Ginny was sure had been put there just to spite her. He never spoke to her though. Not a "good morning" or "hello" or "excuse me" or anything. Not that she could blame him. It was strange, too, to watch Harry and Draco become friends. Well, maybe not friends, but not enemies. She tried to quell the feelings that rose up in her as she listened to them make plans to go to a Quidditch match in disguise, or rid the world of Tom, or listen to Draco lecture Harry about the old furniture.

"It's time to get rid of it," Draco announced with flair. "Is it even yours?"

"No," Harry answered rather defensively. "It was Sirius's."

"He hated his family! That's no reason to hang onto this trash!" Draco pointed out.

"So what? It's just furniture!"

"It's what we sit on. What you and Hermione shag on. It needs to be changed."

"Hermione and I do not shag!"

"Please, mate, don't say make love. It just sounds so wrong!"

"We don't do that either!" Harry sputtered.

"Whatever."

Eventually Harry agreed to let Draco transform it, and everyone, even Ginny, admitted it was much better.

Finally she could stand it no longer. She couldn't stand Draco's eyes watching her every move, she couldn't stand the sympathetic looks from the Order, she couldn't bare the lonely, emptiness in her chest. She wanted Draco. She loved him. If Dumbledore said Tom couldn't hurt her, then she wanted to believe it. She wanted to tell Draco everything that happened, beg for his forgiveness, and start again. She needed him. It had occurred to her that she had no plans what so ever for any type of life beyond Hogwarts. When the time had come in her 5^th year for her to make that decision, she hadn't found that anything at all, except for Draco, interested her.

She threw back the covers to the bed she was sleeping in and crept into the hall. The house was silent, and Tom be damned, she missed Draco. Her entire body hurt with a pain that was truly physical. She loved him, and she was going to beg forgiveness. She was braver than she'd been in months and months. She hadn't heard a word from Tom since the ride home on the Hogwarts Express, and she was beginning to wonder if he wasn't able to reach her inside the protected walls of Harry's house.

She tiptoed up the creaking stairs and used a hair pin to pick the lock on Draco's door, a trick she had learned from Fred and George. His room was silent, but she could see the moonlight streaming in, and strangely enough, not reflecting off his white blond hair, but being absorbed by it.

She edged towards his bed and lifted the edge of his blanket, slowly settling herself in next to him. If she was lucky, she could get her first good night's sleep since last Christmas and then do the explaining in the morning.

"What in the bloody hell are you doing?"

CHAPTER 23

Ginny froze at the bitter anger in Draco's voice. "I, I, I wanted to, I mean . . ." Oh sod it, she thought. Just say it. "I missed you."

Draco remained stiff.

"I do. I'm sorry for the horrible stuff I said. But I had to. Tom said that-"

"Who the fuck is Tom, Ginny?" Draco spat, sitting up. "There is no Tom. There is only the Dark Lord."

She knew she deserved this, his anger and wrath, but she had unrealistically hoped he would immediately forgive her. Tears burned her eyes, and she was thankful he couldn't see them in the darkness. "I know, it's just-"

"I don't want to hear it!" he shouted. "Just get out!"

"Please, please listen. I want to explain to you, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that I did that."

"I don't want to hear it! Get out!"

"Draco, please! Don't shout, someone will hear you!" Someone like Tom.

"No one is going to fucking hear me! It's a full moon, so Lupin's out and Potter gets blasted before bed each night! So that just leaves one person, Ginny!"

"Can't you just give me one chance?" she yelled back, her voice thick with tears. "Can't I at least explain it to you?"

"Why? You'll be leaving in less than two weeks, and that'll be it! I won't have to see you again, and that's fine with me! I gave up everything for you! Everything! I loved you and you told me in front of everyone that you didn't! So get out!" Draco was now standing on his knees in his bed, screaming down at Ginny.

"I'm sorry," Ginny half sobbed, half yelled as she climbed out of the bed. "He hurt me and I was scared!"

She could hear the air rattle as Draco sucked in a breath. "They said he didn't hurt you, that no one hurt you."

Ginny shoved her arm at him, and in the moonlight, her scar stood out, slick and white against her freckled skin. "It was some kind of spell. Dumbledore said it bound us together."

"So? That's it?" he asked unimpressed, his voice like ice.

"One night I thought I was dreaming about you. I thought we were . . . but I woke up and there was no one there, except, I could still feel it. It was him. Dumbledore says he can manipulate my feelings, but . . . it was so horrible." Her voice dropped to a whisper and she crossed her arms over her chest, holding herself. "It was like . . . being raped."

The section of Draco's face that she could see in the moonlight froze and his eyes narrowed. "He raped you?"

"Dumbledore says he didn't," she repeated, shivering despite the warm summer air. "But it felt like he did."

Draco was silent, watching her carefully. "If you're bound, why are you in here? Aren't you afraid?"

"Yes, but I don't think he can come in Harry's house. It's protected. I haven't . . . heard anything from him all summer."

He didn't answer.

"That night we were in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, I thought he was going to kill me. I couldn't breathe. He had his hands around my neck and he told me that if I didn't get away from you he'd either kill you or torture you until you were like Neville's parents." The tears were still pouring off her face. Deep inside, she could feel that Draco didn't want to believe her. "I had to. I am so sorry. I love you. I do love you."

He watched her meticulously, and again, she was struck by the way the moonlight was absorbed into his hair, giving him what she could only call an anti halo. When he spoke, his voice was lower and his tone was softer, but his words still cut her. "Get out."

***

On Saturday night, Ginny sat alone in her room, staring at her trunk. She didn't want to stay in Harry's house, but she didn't want to go back to Hogwarts either. There was nothing there for her. True, she had done well enough on her O.W.L.s to get into just about any field or profession that she wanted, but she didn't want any of them. If anything, anything at all, perhaps she would enjoy playing Quidditch. She was an excellent Chaser; she knew that, but her heart wouldn't be in it. No, her heart had been smashed.

She had spent the past week avoiding Draco, which turned out to be easier than she expected. Of course, she wasn't allowed to leave the house, and technically, Harry and Draco weren't either, but no one stopped them. They went out nearly every night with disguises, coming back late and loud and sloshed, and so she did the same. There were several bottles of Firewhiskey in a secret cupboard in the kitchen and it only took a few shots to knock her out.

A sharp knock at the door rattled her out of her thoughts. "Yeah?"

Her mum stepped into the room and looked around. "Are you all packed?"

Ginny nodded.

"I brought all your school supplies. Sorry it took so long. George was supposed to pick them up, but they've been exceptionally busy."

"Thanks," she mumbled, as her mum placed the books in her trunk.

"We'll leave about 10:30, I suppose, since you can apparate now."

"Right then."

"Dear," her mum began, sitting down next to her and patting her on the leg, "I know this is hard for you, but perhaps it is for the best."

Ginny remained silent. Her mum had never felt more like a stranger.

"There's going to be lots of other lovely boys at Hogwarts, you know, and you'll find a lovely career, and then a lovely-"

"You have no idea, do you?" Ginny asked rudely. "Nothing, not one thing, is sodding lovely!"

Her mum stopped and looked at her for the first time since entering the room.

"Everyone keeps saying that Tom didn't hurt me, but he did. He raped me!" She stood to her feet and began to pace the room. "He wasn't there in person, but it happened!"

Her mum shook her head. "Dumbledore said-"

"I know what he said!" she shouted. "But he wasn't there, was he?"

"Ginny, I know that horrible things happened to you. I believe you. I just want you to be better. He can't hurt you anymore."

"Yes he can. The minute I leave this house, he'll be there, waiting."

"Haven't you been doing those mind exercises Snape showed you?"

Ginny shook her head. "No."

"But why not?"

"Because he can't reach me here. As long as I stay away from Draco, he doesn't care."

Her mum just nodded. "Then you won't have to worry about it, will you? I mean, you'll be going back alone."

Ginny could barely believe what she was hearing. "I think I should go to bed."

Her mum left, and Ginny crawled into bed, unable to sneak to the kitchen for liquor since her parents were there, and unable to sleep knowing that Tom would be waiting for her tomorrow.

At 10:15 the next morning, Ginny shrunk her trunk until it fit in her pocket and apparated by herself to the train station. When she crossed the barrier into the Platform, she was relieved to note other students there already. She found an empty carriage and watched out the window as students began to pour in. She was on the verge of relaxing when he spoke.

I told you to stay away from him.

"I did," she answered dully.

Lie! You went to him! You wanted him! AND YOU ARE MINE!

"He wouldn't have me."

She could feel it as Tom took a deep breath and tried to regain control. You will pay. He will pay.

"Why? He won't have me."

Because I never go back on my word.

"Fine. It doesn't matter. He doesn't love me. I'm all yours, just like you said."

But I want to make sure you remember that forever.

Before she could answer him, pain like she had never, ever known shot through her body.

You will learn.

"Stop, please," she managed to gasp before the world went black.

***

Draco was leaned against the wall outside Ginny's bedroom. She was leaving in 15 minutes, and he had to tell her something, anything. He wanted to apologize for acting like such a prat when she told him about being raped or whatever, but he couldn't figure out the words. Whether it had really happened - please dear Merlin, no - or if it really was all in her head, she deserved sympathy of some sort, at least for that.

He had been shocked to hear the door creak open that night, and even more surprised to feel her slide under his covers. For a moment, he was glad, and then he was furious. What was she thinking, treating him that way for so long and then trying to get into his bed? For two months after she had told him she didn't love him, he would have given anything for her to creep into his bed and admit she had lied, but when she didn't, he became furious. He had given up his family, his money, and his identity for her. His father had disowned him. He had learned to tolerate Potter and his Mudblood girlfriend for her. He had broken into his father's house to rescue her. For the very first time in his life, he had told someone that he loved them. And she told him she didn't love him.

So when she came into his room, he was glad for the chance to hurt her the same way she had hurt him.

But it didn't feel as good as he had expected. And going out every night to get sloshed with Potter didn't do anything to help either. So he had to tell her. He had to apologize, and damn it, he was going to. Malfoy pride or not, he wasn't going to let her leave for a year without knowing how he felt. He still loved her. Still missed her.

Draco raised his fist to knock, and heard a loud crack. He stopped, and realizing what it was, threw her door open, finding her room empty.

"Ginny's gone!" he nearly screamed as he bounded down the stairs. "She left!"

"What?" her mum nearly collided into him.

"She apparated. Her stuff is gone!" He caught Potter's eye, who nodded sharply and with a crack, Draco and Harry disappeared from the kitchen.

Draco bowled over a nervous group of first years as he struggled to get on the train. "Ginny! Ginny!"

Harry was doing the same, throwing open doors to the carriages, and calling her.

"She's in here," a panicky voice called.

Draco charged ahead and saw a short boy with a camera.

"In here," he said.

Ginny was sprawled on the floor, her breath labored and shallow, her limbs twitching.

"We've got to get her to St. Mungo's," Harry gasped, coming up behind him. "Can you get her?"

Draco shook his head. "We've got to go back to your house. She said he couldn't get her there."

"Who?" Harry demanded, shoving gaping students out of the way.

"Him. Voldemort."