In Love With Everyone

Snogging Passionately

Or

Undying Love

Or

The Complicated Love Life of Hermione Granger

Or

Gee... I wish there was a plot... so I'll stick it in the Astronomy Tower section!

One Seventh-year morning, Hermione Granger woke up, got dressed, and went down to the Great Hall to eat breakfast, like any other ordinary day. Little did she know, this was not an ordinary day! Mua ha ha ha! (insert some clever foreshadowing and analogies as to clearly give away the plot and get the readers hooked. By the way, this is NOT beta-ed. )

So on her way to breakfast, she trips down the stairs and falls conveniently onto Ron, and snogs him passionately. After that escapade, the both stagger into the Great Hall, where Hermione promptly begins to flirt with Harry. Ron, right on cue, begins to get jealous, and shouts at Harry. They both bicker over who thinks Hermione is more beautiful, and it comes not to a fist fight, or even a duel, but rather a poetry contest! Ron climbs onto the table (at which point Hermione takes a moment to ponder her heart, and which boy she truly wants, and to get some snogging in with Harry) and chants his best poetry (which of course, is utter crap, and I won't even bother to write it). After he climbs down, Harry hops onto the table, screws poetry, and declares his undying love for not only Hermione's beauty which could surely never fade, but her wealth of wisdom, and praises her many virtuous qualities. Not to be outdone, Ron climbs onto the table and sings his guts out to Hermione, telling her just how much he loves her soul, her depth, her passion (touching, no?).

As all of this is going on, the Ravenclaws are studying, of course (ever wonder about them? I mean, they're bound to take over the world with all that studying...), the Hufflepuffs were eating stupidly (they were bound to figure some of this out before lunch... the smart ones, at least), and the Slytherins were killing each other maliciously, all except Malfoy. He sat, brooding, of course stunningly good looking as only he can be in a fan fiction. Hermione took one look at him and the inner war began, I-Should-Stick-To-Gryffindor fighting Lookit-There's-A-Hot-Guy. Lookit-There's-A-Hot-Guy won out, and Hermione, relieved that the inner battle was over, fell promptly in love with him.

Ron and Harry were still up on the table, bickering over who was more in love with Hermione, when Seamus declared he was gay, and ran out of the Great Hall screaming "I LOVE HARRY POTTER!" Harry was in no way disturbed (I mean, who cares if you share a dorm with a gay who likes you, its only fan fiction...), and kept on singing loudly for Hermione to hear him.

The teachers, oblivious until this point, finally noticed the commotion, and who should come over but the worst one possible, Professor Snape. He gave them all detention, and Malfoy for no reason at all. Harry and Ron were to serve theirs tonight, and Hermione tomorrow. With a devilish grin from Draco, and Harry and Ron despairing that they wouldn't even be able to face Snape with the love of their lives, glared daggers back at him.

They went to some random class, where Hermione decided that maybe she didn't like Draco, and that the life of a teen girl was SO hard and SO complicated. That night she was left to herself as Ron and Harry served their detention. She brooded by the fire, not being able to decide which boy she liked more.

As she made her way to her dorm, still pondering/pouting, she heard a knock on a conveniently placed window. It was Draco Malfoy, of course, on a broomstick, announcing his undying love for her. Hermione threw herself upon him, snogging him passionately, before returning to her bed and dreaming happily about Draco.

The next night Hermione went off to her detention with Malf--er, Draco. She skipped down the halls and met Draco who solicitously took her books (which she carried everywhere) in a kind and gentle mannerism that only showed itself in these glorifying fan fictions. They walked hand in hand to the dungeon to serve detention for Snape, whereupon arriving, Hermione let go, ran to Snape, and snogged him passionately. She declared her undying love for him, and he stood still, obviously having one of his own internal battles. Draco, having disappeared from this fic entirely, grew up and married someone else, divorced her, and became a Death Eater, living miserably for the rest of his miserable life.

After Snape's inner battle had passed, he declared that he didn't care that she was a student, and he a teacher, or that she was probably one third his age, or that it was utterly and morally wrong, stating that the kind of love they had could surpass all that. Hermione sighed, clinging to his chest, and crying for no reason at all. Snape gave her detention for the simple reason that he simply had to see her again, ect, ect.

The next morning, Hermione woke up and went to breakfast, delighted that her relationship with Severus was going so well. Her heart swelled with love, blah blah, until she got to the Great Hall. Then she spied Him.

He was gorgeous, though perhaps a might old, and very familiar... Hermione's quick mind (oh yes...) figured it out immediately. Professor Lupin. She ran up to the teacher's table, forgetting Snape entirely, and snogged Lupin passionately. "Oh, Professor, however did you manage to come back to me!?" she cried.

"Well, my dove, I was reinstated as can only happen in a good-hearted romance fic such as this!" he said back, holding her on his lap, oblivious to the other teacher's stares, and declaring that he didn't care that she was a student, and he a teacher, or that she was probably one half his age, or that it was utterly and morally wrong, stating that the kind of love they had could surpass all that.

Hermione utterly floated to her Herbology class, whereupon seeing Justin Finch-Fletchy, she forgot all about Lupin, and threw herself at him, snogging him passionately. "Oh, Justin! I love you!" She left Herbology floating on yet another cloud, as only one can do in a fan fiction.

Later that evening, Harry and Ron went to fight the Dark Lord, and invited Hermione along. They bickered all the way about who loved her more, even though she wasn't the slightest bit interested in either of them. Once they were near the Dark Lord, Hermione tripped and twisted her ankle, preventing her from going on with either boy. They went on to fight the Dark Lord themselves, killing him utterly. They were all rewarded for their bravery, though sadly, Ron died at the hand of Voldie (right after killing Wormy). Hermione and Harry grieved, and Harry broke down and was sent to a mental institution where he commited suicide. Hermione was shocked, but then saw Cedric Diggory and threw herself at him, snogging him passionately, ignoring the facts that 1) technically he was dead and 2) even if he was alive he'd be graduated.

Then Hermione went to her Transfiguration class, where she was thrilled to see that Oliver Wood had come back and was now teaching. She snogged him passionately, declaring her undying love for him. Upon leaving Transfiguration, Hermione suddenly remembered that she still wore the Time Turner. With that sudden realization, she smashed headlong into a wall, breaking it and sending her back... in... time....

Hermione landed with a thud in the familiar hallways of Hogwarts only back in time (as was evidenced by the strange black-and-whiteness of everything), saw Harry, and promptly snogged him passionately. She declared her undying love for him, and once she learned that his real name was James, she set about hand in hand with him. They went into the Great Hall, ignoring the fact that she should probably tell Dumbledore about the whole time-travel thing going on. Once that was settled, she fled James' grasp, promptly snogged Sirius passionately, declaring her undying love for him. After that, she decided that now was a good time to go tell Dumbledore.

Hermione told Dumbledore all about the Time Turner, and he gravely told her that this was usually irreversible, but in an incredible stroke of luck that could only occur in a fanfiction, she would be able to get back.

After a teary farewell, Hermione left Lily (who she had become best friends with), James, Sirius, Remus, and the newly-socially-accepted Severus behind, returning to her own time, whereupon she grabbed Fred Weasley, snogged him passionately, and declared her undying love for him. Fleeing from Fred, she ran up the steps to the Astronomy Tower, and flung herself from it, pitching to her death, crying bitterly "GOOD-BYE CRUEL WORLD". The End.