Top 'Toner Tells Tales

Top 'Toner Tells Tales!

Boris B. Baithwaite

Daily Prophet Editor-in-Chief

Due to to the extremely large number of owls the Daily Prophet has been receiving regarding the amazing success of the newest up and coming wizading band, Kate Kinsel and the Fellytones, we, the editorial staff, have deemed it necessary to assign one entertainment reporter to cover all things Fellytone-at least until this Fellytone fad fazes out. It appears that you, our cherished readers, long to know every detail about this band: who they are, where they came from and where they are going. Normally a dedicated assignment this large would go to one of our veteran reporters-Rita Skeeter was very anxious for the opportunity-but given the state of chaos in which our reporters have returned from interviews with the Fellytones (what do you expect interviewing a band with two Weasleys and the alleged girlfriend of another one), we were forced to speak with the Fellytones' manager to find out whom of all our reporters the ban prefer to cover Fellytone events.

The Fellytones replied: Susan Bones.

Susan Bones attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the same Year as Harry Potter. After her graduation, she was hired by the Daily Prophet as a paper distributor and was also accepted into our Fass-Tolkien Daim School of Journalism. Bones, who has shown excellent promise in her novitiate-level journalism work, has now been promoted tEntertainment Correspondent, with special emphasis on Fellytone happenings. During her years at Hogwarts, Bones was reportedly on friendly terms with Harry Potter and his friends Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley and with Ron's sister Ginny Weasley. Ginny Weasley, as you may know, is the Fellytones' keyboard player. When the Fellytones were just getting started, Bones attended concerts and shows at locations such as The Leaky Cauldron and the Three Broomsticks when no one other than the band's family members and friends were in the audience. Bones' close relationship with the Weasley family and her ardent support of Kate Kinsel and the Fellytones from their earliest days make her a perfect choice for "the Sixth Fellytone."

"It's so exciting to think that I'll get to interview the band!" Bones gushed when we informed her of her promotion. "I'm sure we'll all be great mates and I'll have their total confidence," she finished assuredly.

Ms. Bones has already discovered, however, that just because the Fellytones will grant her interviews (without hexing her...too much) does not mean they will be forthcoming about their private lives. For example, though it is common knowledge that Ginny Weasley is dating Harry Potter and that Kate Kinsel and George Weasley have also been linked romantically, there is no indication as to who Charlie Weasley and Tonks are dating-though both have been linked to several people. Stubby Boardman appears to be linked to every woman in the greater London area. Ms. Bones will be continually seeking answers to these questions and more-though she has met with very little success thus far.

But no matter how media-shy the Fellytones are, we, the editorial staff of the Daily Prophet, place full confidence in Ms. Bones' ability to seek out the truth and give our readers what they so desperately want to read: details on every aspect of the lives of the musical group that has swept the wizarding world by storm.

Continue to watch this space for more articles and updates concerning the lives and happenings of the members of Kate Kinsel and the Fellytones.