By the Light of the Moon

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 3

"Can you help me study for the Defense Against the Dark Arts exam?"

Remus looked at Narcissa Black, the surprise he felt evident in his expression. They had been in the middle of making their rounds when she stopped to ask her question. "You want me to help you with Defense Against the Dark Arts?" he asked stupidly. He immediately looked down, blushing. Why was she having this effect on him, reducing him to a tongue-tied and awkward state?

"Yes," she replied. "It's my worst class and everybody knows that you're the best student in the class." She paused briefly, blushing. "Oh, never mind, just forget about it." She turned away, walking ahead of him. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought that she looked embarrassed.

"Narcissa, wait!" he called, catching up to her in a few long strides. She turned around as he grabbed her arm gently. "I'd love to help you before our exam."

"Really?" she asked, her blue eyes brightening as a warm smile formed on her face. Remus then realized that he was still holding her arm. The feel of her skin underneath his fingers was intoxicating. He didn't ever want to let go...

But he had to. As much as he wanted to spend the rest of the night gazing into the eyes of Narcissa Black (did he want that?), he had to control himself for both of their sakes. She was a Slytherin pureblood from one of the richest and most prestigious families in the entire wizarding world. He was a Gryffindor nobody, a halfblood. His father had been a Muggleborn wizard who hadn't even known about the magical world until he received his letter from Hogwarts. His mother, although pureblooded, had been dirt poor growing up.

He knew what the Black family was like. It had been apparent not only during his encounter with Narcissa's father in the train station, but also after all of the years he had spent as Sirius's friend. Sirius rarely said anything nice about his family; he usually only griped about how horrible they were. And Remus knew that Sirius wasn't exaggerating. Narcissa and Sirius both had controlling fathers who were zealous in their belief that the wizarding world should only be made up of purebloods. It was well known that Narcissa's parents had disowned their middle daughter when she married a Muggle.

Remus turned away. Spending this much time with Narcissa Black was a bad idea. Everything about her was wrong. Her family hated Muggles. Lucius Malfoy, one of Voldemort's biggest supporters wanted to marry her. Malfoy was the type of man who got whatever he wanted, no matter what obstacles were in his way. And Narcissa was a Slytherin. In fact, she was the embodiment of all things Slytherin. She was rich, pureblooded, and she acted that way most of the time. He had seen her with her friends--all of whom were pureblooded Slytherins--and she rarely smiled or laughed. Even when she was in her first few years, she hadn't acted childish like other students; her mannerisms were that of a miniature adult.

However, at times, he felt like she was letting her guard down around him, acting different from the Slytherin ice princess that everybody else saw her as. She had been like that when she told him about Lucius Malfoy, and a few moments earlier when she asked him for help. Which was why he ignored everything inside of him that told him not to spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary. "Yes. Meet me in the library tomorrow after classes are over."

Remus didn't know why he had a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach throughout the entire next day. Maybe because he had never met with Narcissa outside of classes or patrols. Remus sighed. He was being stupid. The only reason she had even asked him was his high marks in Defense Against the Dark Arts, her worst class. It wasn't like he had never helped anybody with Defense Against the Dark Arts before. But this was the first time he had ever helped her. What if she realized that he wasn't as smart as everybody thought?

After several nerve-wracking hours of classes, he was finished for the day. He arrived at the library to find Narcissa there already, looking at a book on the table in front of her. Remus stood and watched her in silence for a few seconds. She was deep in concentration, her eyes focused on the words of her book. He swallowed as she brushed a strand of hair out of her face, remembering the feel of her cheek during the moment when he had been bold enough to reach out and touch her. He nearly jumped when she turned her head towards him.

"Oh, hello," Narcissa said, a smile lighting up her face. Lord, she was beautiful.

"Why don't we go elsewhere so that we can practice countering curses?" he suggested. They walked around for a few minutes until they found an empty classroom. When they got there, he began showing her some spells to block some of the more advanced hexes. It was their seventh year, and most of the counter spells they had to learn were quite complicated. Still, he started out with some of the basics, just to see how well she could block them. She knew how to block the disarming spell, in addition to most of the others they had been taught in their first six years. Eventually he decided to do try out a few more difficult curses.

"Stupefy!" Although it was easy to perform, it was a tough curse to block. Unfortunately, Narcissa didn't do it her first time. "Ennervate," he said, pointing his wand at her to undo the stunning spell. "Are you okay?" he asked, holding out a hand to help her up.

"Yes, I'm fine," she muttered, looking upset as she took his hand. Remus gave her a look of encouragement. They tried the spell a few more times, until she finally got it.

"Okay, now I'm going to do some at random, so you don't know what to expect." Narcissa nodded, almost looking nervous. She held her wand ready as Remus began. "Tarantallegra!" She deflected it away from herself, and he had to duck to avoid being hit by it. "Stupefy!" He smiled when she managed to avoid it. "Relashio!" She performed a quick charm to extinguish the sparks of fire. "Stupefy!" She seemed confused at first because he repeated it, but still was able to block it. He did a few more advanced ones, all of which she blocked successfully. "That was great," he told her with a grin. "I'd be very surprised if you didn't get one of the highest grades on the test."

She blushed. "It's only because of you," she murmured. "I'm more at ease with you here than anybody else I've ever studied with." Then she smiled warmly at him, coming several steps closer to him, her hypnotizing gaze never leaving his. "You should become a teacher," she told him.

"You think so?" he asked. She nodded. He suddenly realized that she was right in front of him. His eyes moved from her eyes down to her lips. Everything about her was so inviting. His heart was thumping insanely as he moved his face closer to hers.

Both of them were startled when the door opened. Remus jumped back, and he saw Narcissa do the same, her face bright red.

"Remus, Narcissa, what are you doing? You've been gone for hours," Sirius said, looking annoyed. Why was he here? Remus could see a piece of parchment in Sirius's hands, which he knew was the Marauder's Map. He was angry that Sirius had used it to pry into his business. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Sirius that it was no concern of his, but decided against it. It wouldn't do any good to begin an argument with one of his best friends.

"We're just studying for Defense Against the Dark Arts," Remus said quietly.

"Don't you have Slytherins you can study with?" Sirius said with a sneer at Narcissa. She glared at him, but Remus could see something different beneath the surface. There was a hurt expression in her eyes. Then she turned and left the room without another word.

Remus was surprised. Sirius had told him that Narcissa Black, his cousin, had been his best friend growing up, but this was the first time that it ever occurred to him that it might not have been Narcissa's fault that the friendship had ended. Now he was realizing that it might have been Sirius who had been the cause of it. Remus scowled, which was something that he rarely did, since he was the most easygoing and laidback student in the entire seventh year class, at least when there wasn't a full moon. But for some reason he felt irritated that Sirius had intruded on his time with Narcissa.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked, noticing how Remus was glaring at him.

"Nothing," Remus mumbled, turning away. Sirius just shrugged and followed Remus back to their common room. Remus didn't say much to his friends for the rest of the evening; instead he tuned them out as his thoughts kept drifting back to a certain blonde-haired Slytherin. Her beautiful smile, her brilliant blue eyes. He wished that he could get her out of his head. Or did he? He kept telling himself that she was nagging at his thoughts, but every time she appeared in his mind, he smiled. Even the time he spent with his friends paled in comparison the times that he spent with her. And he knew that this wasn't a good thing. For Narcissa Black would never be interested in somebody like him.

***********

Narcissa hurried to the place where she and Remus Lupin always met. She hadn't spoken to him since their study session a few days earlier. She wanted to thank him, to tell him that she had passed the test all because of him. Ever since that day that she studied with him, he had been in her mind constantly. What would have happened if Sirius hadn't interrupted them?

Everything about Remus was so different than anybody else that she had ever met. He was so sweet and kind... nothing like the Slytherin guys that she knew. Many of them had parents who were heavily into dark magic (like her own), and several were already devoted to the Dark. Well, a few of them were normal enough, although most immature and foolish. However, nothing that she had felt about any other males could compare to the feelings that Remus was stirring up inside of her.

This was bad. She couldn't be developing feelings for him--it just wouldn't be right. For one thing, she was expected to marry a rich, pureblooded man. And if she didn't, her father would disown her, the same way he had with Andromeda. And she knew that Mum was too afraid of him to say anything about that. Narcissa slumped against the wall when she arrived at the meeting place, her eyes closed. He wasn't there yet, which was a bit surprising. Usually he got there early.

After waiting for a few more minutes, she began looking at her watch every thirty seconds. Where could he be? What if Sirius had convinced Remus to change his patrol partner? Finally, she heard footsteps. She turned to give Remus a smile, which faded when she realized that it wasn't him.

"Hi," Lily Evans said. "Remus is sick tonight, so I'm going to be doing rounds with you instead. Narcissa smiled at her, trying to hide her disappointment. She knew that Lily Evans didn't like her and wished that Remus was here.

Narcissa attempted to talk to her, but it was difficult. The two of them spent a few minutes having strained conversation about classes and other general topics, but finally gave up, finishing the rest of their rounds in silence.

She didn't think much of Remus's absence until it happened again, exactly one month later. It had also happened the month before. He was always missing from classes one or two days every month. The same time every month. She hadn't thought much of it until now. Was it just a coincidence? She had a hunch that it wasn't. Something strange was going on. Narcissa wanted to ask him about it, but something told her not to. She was aching to know, though. Although nothing had happened between them--to her disappointment--he had become important to her over the past few months and she was worried about him.

So the next time it happened, she decided to find out. She spent the day studying in an empty classroom near the Gryffindor Tower entrance so that she could see everybody who came and left. She used the Concealment Charm so that nobody would notice her through the open door. When Remus passed by, she used a silencing charm on her shoes and followed him. She hated doing it, but couldn't help her curiosity.

He walked downstairs all the way to a side door out of Hogwarts Castle. Narcissa had explored many parts of the castle before, yet she had never been there. It made her realize how large the school really was. Surprisingly, he went outside despite the cold weather. She still followed him. He had never once looked back, which she was grateful for. The December air around her was below freezing. She shivered. What was he doing outdoors? Despite the deceptive dark clouds in the sky, she realized that it was late in the day, practically the evening. However, Remus went straight to the Whomping Willow, which began going haywire. The Whomping Willow? However, just when she had begun to think that the situation couldn't get any more peculiar, Remus grabbed a long branch and pressed it into the tree. Suddenly the Whomping Willow froze, and Narcissa could see an opening in the base of the tree.

This had to be one of the oddest things she had ever seen. The worst part was that she was actually considering following him. She stared at the tree for a few minutes, until it was back to normal. This was the perfect time to turn back and forget about everything that she had just seen. True, it was a mystery; however, it was none of her business.

Rather than doing what her mind was telling her was the safest and best thing for the situation, she walked towards the tree. She approached it tentatively, picking up the branch that Remus had discarded. Suddenly another branch swung in her direction. Narcissa ducked out of the way, pushing the branch in her hand at the trunk. She had hoped that the tree would stop if she poked it, but it didn't. After a few more tries (and a few more attempts by the tree to strike her), the Whomping Willow stopped moving, as though it was paralyzed.

Narcissa grinned, happy that she had hit the correct place in the trunk and remained uninjured. She was being stupid, acting like a Gryffindor. She didn't know why she hadn't turned around; there was some unseen force causing her to follow Remus Lupin into... well, she didn't really know where she was following him to. What if he was meeting a girl in Hogsmeade? Or something else of the sort? Narcissa knew that she would be crushed if that was the case. She hated the thought that she might be forced to share him. Not that he was hers in any way. However, she did wonder what it would be like to be his girlfriend. It would never happen, not even if he wanted it to, which he most certainly did not.

Narcissa walked and walked. The tunnel under the Whomping Willow seemed to go on forever. It seemed that she was going in the direction of Hogsmeade. Was this one of the famous but unknown secret passages? However, she was more than a little disturbed that Remus was going into Hogsmeade alone. If he had truly wanted to sneak out of Hogwarts, wouldn't he have chosen to go with his friends? And how had he even known about the passageway in the first place?

The more she advanced through the tunnel, the more she began to think that it was a bad idea. He was probably meeting a lover in Hogsmeade. He wouldn't be the first person to do something of the sort; a few of the girls in Slytherin had older boyfriends who they slipped out to meet on occasion. That was the most reasonable explanation. However, right when she was telling herself to turn away (again), there was a faint light ahead of her. She slowly walked towards it. She knew it would probably take her to Honeydukes or one of the other shops in Hogsmeade, but she didn't want to be seen by anybody. She could easily be expelled for sneaking out of the Hogwarts grounds. In addition, she didn't want to be forced to explain why she was doing it. She didn't even know why herself.

Narcissa reached a door. She hoped that she wouldn't open it only to find that Remus was with another woman. She hesitantly stepped up the door, framed in light, and put her hand on the knob. Should she go in? She stared at it contemplating. Her intuition told her that whatever was on the other side was not something she wanted to see. She ignored the feeling.

"Remus?" she asked as she walked in. There was no answer. She looked around the room, which appeared to be part of some sort of house. She gasped. The Shrieking Shack... There were rumors about this place being haunted. Since she had begun at Hogwarts, there had been unexplained noises coming from this place. Screams, yells, and howls. So what was Remus doing here? It was a mystery...

The room she was in had a lot of furniture in it, most of which was broken. Wide-eyed, Narcissa glanced around it. She placed her hand on top of a table, expecting to come up with a handful of dust. But she didn't. Everything was clean. Despite the outward appearance of the house, it was surprisingly not as rundown as she would have thought. In fact, it looked as though all of the furnishings--although damaged--were less than ten years old. She walked into the next room, her curiosity getting the better of her. There was a small fire glowing in the fireplace, the only source of light in the room. Finally her eyes fell on a figure, hunched in a corner. "Remus?" she asked in a quiet voice.

The figure turned to face her, and Narcissa cried out in alarm, stunned for an instant. It was not Remus. It certainly reminded her of him, but he was not the Remus that she knew. He was covered in hair, a malicious expression on his face, which had the same features of Remus's, but none of the warmth that she always saw in him. She could see his sharp teeth, which looked like fangs. Definitely nothing like Remus Lupin.

However, the moment she saw his eyes, reflected in the firelight, she realized that it was him. They were the same, but at the same time, nothing like him at all. His eyes usually reflected his happiness, at least whenever she saw him, but tonight there was only one expression that she could see in those eyes. Torture. He looked like he was in pain, both physical and emotional.

She felt frozen in place, unable to move; in fact, she couldn't even breathe. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she began to realize what she was looking at, what Remus Lupin truly was. A werewolf.

Narcissa gasped aloud with her awareness of this. He began growling, slowly walking closer to her. Narcissa stepped backwards, grabbing her wand out of her pocket. However, she tripped on an overturned chair and she fell, her wand rolled out of her hand. The hungry look on his face almost caused her heart to stop. He wanted to kill her. And she knew that it wasn't his fault--no, not at all; it was because she had been stupid enough to actually follow him. If she had only minded her own business, and not been so nosy... well it was too late to scold herself now.

Narcissa moved back a little more, straight into the wall. She regretted walking further into the room, since he was now between her and the door. There was no way out.

She could see the internal struggle that he was going through. Somewhere deep inside of him, Remus was crying out telling the wolf to stop. However, she knew a little bit about werewolves from all her Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons. And the soul of the beast always won out over that of the man during a full moon, which meant that he was going to attack her. Tears began to form in her eyes. She would be killed... or worse, turned into a werewolf.

The only sound in the room was his raspy breathing as he advanced on her. She squeezed her eyes shut when he neared her, knowing that she would feel his teeth sinking into her skin at any moment. She briefly wondered if it would be better to get bitten--and to become a werewolf--or die. They both would be horrible.

Narcissa wished more than anything that this was all just a horrible nightmare. However, she knew that it wasn't. In all of her seventeen years, nothing had ever scared her this much.

Her eyes shot open when she heard a different noise. The werewolf was lying on the ground, having been attacked by what looked like a dog and a deer. She wasn't sure exactly what happened. Part of her wanted to see if Remus was okay. But he was not the one she should have been worrying about. She needed to get out of the room as quickly as possible. And she did.

After reaching for her wand, Narcissa ran, not even caring where she was going. Tears were streaming down her face as she rushed out of the house and into the underground tunnel. In her confusion, she tripped and fell. The feel of her arm as it connected with pavement hurt, but that wasn't important. She crumbled to the ground, and continued crying into her hands.

Suddenly she heard footsteps. Through her tears, she could see an angry Sirius, followed by Peter Pettigrew and James Potter. What were they doing here?

"S...Sirius?" she sniffled.

"You foolish girl! What the hell did you think you were doing?! You could've been bitten! Or killed!" he screamed at her. The expression on his face was one of pure rage. Narcissa was too shocked even to continue crying.

"Why are you here?" she whispered, almost afraid of him. She had known Sirius for as long as she could remember, yet she had never seen him lose his temper this badly.

"We just saved your life," he barked at her. She closed her eyes, trying to process what was happening.

"What... how...?" she asked in a soft voice.

"We're animagi," James Potter said, speaking more calmly than Sirius had been. "I'm a stag. Sirius is a dog. And Peter's a rat. We usually spend the night of the full moon with Remus." Narcissa took a few deep breaths, trying to relax, but it didn't work; her breaths came out in choked sobs.

"What about Remus? Is he...?" she asked urgently, dreading the response.

"He's fine," Peter Pettigrew said quickly.

"You still haven't explained what you were doing here," Sirius hissed. The coldness in his voice stung, even though she knew that she deserved nothing less.

She knew that no explanation she could give would suffice. She had just made a huge mistake, and had discovered something she would have been better off not knowing about.

She had wanted to find out everything about Remus. As much as she had hated to admit it to herself, she had been falling for him. But now... now that she knew that he was a werewolf, everything was so different.

"I was just curious. But I had no idea..." The tears began falling again.

"How could you be so stupid?!" Sirius yelled. For a few seconds she just looked at him. She had been stupid, but did he have to be so malicious about it? Then, Narcissa finally snapped.

She gave Sirius her meanest glare, then screamed, "I hate you! You're such a bastard, Sirius!" She rushed away, leaving him staring after her, with his mouth wide open. Narcissa rarely let down her cold façade; it took a lot for her to get angry. She had only lost her temper a handful of times throughout her life. But Sirius had gone too far.

A moment later, Sirius called back to her. "Narcissa!" She could hear him moving towards her, but she didn't pay attention. She didn't want to hear him shout at her anymore. "'Cissy!" he said desperately, using a nickname he hadn't used since she was eleven.

She turned on him, still crying. "How can you be so cruel? I feel horrible enough already without you making things worse!"

He was next to her in a few strides. "I'm sorry, Cissy," he said, enveloping her in his arms. "You just had me so... s-scared." He stumbled over the word. She knew how much the Gryffindor in him hated admitting being anything but courageous and fearless at all times.

Narcissa buried her head into his chest, allowing her tears to continue falling freely. Sirius murmured words of comfort and stroked her hair as she shook with heartrending sobs.

She was overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through her. Remus had become so important to her, but she realized that she hadn't known him at all. The beast that had stared back at her was definitely not Remus.

Narcissa attempted to get up and walk back to her dorm room. However, her strength was completely gone, replaced with a feeling of helplessness and despair. As she stood, her legs gave out, and she sunk into unconsciousness.

************

Remus howled in anguish. The few pieces of furniture that hadn't been destroyed in the past had been thrown, broken, and clawed at over the past few minutes. The only human emotion that he felt at the moment was anger at himself. And the part of him that was a beast (which was dominating his mind) took out this rage with aggression.

He stopped for a few seconds, panting. Of all the people, why her? Anybody else would have been preferable, although encountering nobody at all would have been best. For what would have happened if Sirius, James and Peter hadn't arrived at that moment?

Remus had been taking more precautions during the full moon than he had when he was younger. Yet, he had never expected anybody--especially Narcissa Black--to actually follow him. Certainly the situation with Severus Snape a few years back had alerted him of potential dangers, but that was nothing compared to this. He had never expected anybody to follow him without being provoked, as Snape had.

This was what happened when he got too close to anybody. He would have to distance himself from Narcissa in the future. Not that she would want anything to do with him after tonight. But at least he could learn from his experience. No matter what his feelings were for her, it was necessary to ignore them for her safety. Even though he hated it and didn't know how he would handle the insanity of being away from her.

His vision fell on his face, reflected in a mirror in front of him. He could see himself, a pitiful creature. He hated the way he looked; in fact, he hated everything about this form of him. And he was beginning to hate the human part of him for actually thinking that he could pretend to be a normal person. He would never be that. He was different from everyone else, no matter what his friends let him believe, and he shouldn't even be attempting to associate with other, ordinary human beings.

Remus took one last glance in the mirror, then smacked his fist into it as hard as he could. To his satisfaction, it broke into hundreds of tiny shards. Drops of blood poured down his arm, his fingers wet with fresh blood. The pain from his wounds was nothing in comparison to what he felt inside. Remus howled once again. He wished he was dead.