- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Parody
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Quidditch Through the Ages Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
- Stats:
-
Published: 06/14/2002Updated: 06/23/2002Words: 2,323Chapters: 3Hits: 1,758
Wizard Family Feud: Episode #1
E.J. Malfoy
- Story Summary:
- Watch two families battle it out, the Malfoys and the Weasleys, in this crazy game show where every question is a burst of mayhem.
Chapter 03
- Chapter Summary:
- Watch two families battle it out, the Malfoys and the Weasleys, in this crazy game show where every question is a burst of mayhem.
- Posted:
- 06/23/2002
- Hits:
- 300
Wizard Family Feud: Episode #1
By EJ Malfoy
Part 3
"Wizard Family Feud" is shown. Patty is at the podium, a few bandages on her head.
Patty: All right. We’re back to this riveting game of Wizard Family Feud. As you might have noticed, Ms. Hermione Granger is not out here. We had to take her out of here, as she was too crazy.
Suddenly, Hermione comes running out of stage right.
Hermione: I’m free! I’m free! Muahahahahahaha!!
Guard: There she is! Get Her!!
Hermione: You’ll never catch me!
Hermione runs off, with the guards running after her with a straight jacket.
Draco: I knew Hermione would go crazy, the dumb Mudblood.
Harry: Malfoy, If you don’t shut your trap right now, I’m going take a chair, turn that thing sideways, and stick it up your candy…
Patty: (interrupting) RETURNING TO THE GAME, we have our last round before the Mega round. Could Ron and Draco PLEASE get up here!
Ron and Draco go up to the podium, muttering as they do. The board has only three answers.
Patty: Thank you. Now, we surveyed 100 witches and wizards…on how long this show will air anymore. Hey…
Draco buzzes in first.
Draco: With my luck, it will be off after this show.
The board goes "ding" and shows "After this show" as No. 1 with 56 points after it.
Draco: Ah, yes. This shows how much smarter I am…
Patty: Put a sock in it and go to your side!
Draco and Patty go over to the Malfoy’s side. Ron goes over to the Weasley’s side, snorting.
Patty: Alright, Crabbe. Let’s see if you can make an intelligent answer for the first time in your miserable life.
Crabbe: Duh…okay. One second after this show.
The board goes "ding" and shows "1 sec After show" with 13 points behind it.
Patty: Wow! We just saw history! Crabbe just said something intelligent.
Draco: Big whoop! It’s not like he said anything I wouldn’t have said.
Ron: Yeah, that’s REALLY TRUE…
Draco: Don’t make me start on you…
Lucius: Stop it the both of you!
Ron and Draco: Shut up!
Molly: Ron, I’m surprised! In front of all these people…
Ron: Mum, like you didn’t embarrass us already? Floo a friend, huh…
Molly: Now, you listen here…
Crabbe: Duh, duh, you’re dumb.
Goyle: No, you’re dumb.
Crabbe: No, you’re dumb.
Goyle: No, you’re dumb.
Harry: You’re both dumber than dirt, so shut up!
Crabbe and Goyle: Ok.
Draco: Hey! They’re my goons! I’ll say if they’re dumb or not!
Harry: Don’t get me started on whose dumb around here…
Draco: Look whose talking…
Patty: THAT’S IT!!!
Patty pulls out her wand.
Patty: ALL RIGHT! THE NEXT PERSON TO BICKER WILL BE CRUCIO-ED! GOT IT!
Everyone stops bickering and stands straight.
Patty: Now, Goyle. What’s the answer to the question?
Goyle: Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, fish heads.
The board goes "buzz" and shows an "X". Patty whips her wand at Goyle and says "Crucio!" Goyle gets hit and falls back on the ground twitching.
Patty: Looks like the game switches over to the other side.
Patty goes over to the Weasleys side. All on the Weasleys side are shivering.
Patty: Oops. I just noticed that Hermione was gone.
Hermione goes running across the stage, the guards behind her.
Patty: Looks like we need a new team member.
Unknown Voice: Well, since we need one, why don’t we get one from the audience. George Weasley, come on down! You’re the next member of Weasley’s side!
George looks confused in the audience, then gets up and runs down the aisle to next to Harry.
Patty: I wonder why that unknown voice sounds familiar.
George: Look, I didn’t expect to get down here.
Patty: Well, now you are Fred, so be here and like it.
George: It’s George, not Fred. Didn’t you hear the unknown voice that we don’t know where came from?
Patty: Anyway, Arthur, you have one chance to get the right answer. TRY!
Arthur: Um…After the next episode?
The board goes "buzz" and shows a "X".
Patty: Sorry. Looks like the Malfoys get the points. This makes the final score before the Mega Round…oh, no! The score is tied! 107 to 107!
Both families cheer.
Draco: Looks like we’re going to win.
Ron: No, we are. We’ve got lots more smarts then you!
Lucius: But we’ve got lots more money than you!
Molly: Oh, shut up you ugly git!
Narcissa: Are you calling my husband an ugly git?
Molly: No… I’m calling you’re whole family ugly gits!
Crabbe and Goyle: Hey! We’re not ugly!
Draco: You’re not part of the family, doofuses!
Crabbe and Goyle: That’s it!
Crabbe and Goyle gang Draco, making him scream like a little girl.
Patty: We’ll be right back after I can get some sense into these people…and some aspirin. Ohhhh…