Firelight

Ahem. So here's the angst, at last, and believe me, there's a good hefty dose of it. But, hey! Also a wedding! Yay!


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Firelight

Part Three: All's Fair in Love and War

They graduated fourth and fifth in their year, James beating Lily by less than two marks. They went with the rest of the Gryffindors to Muggle London the night after graduation, and all proceeded to get incredibly drunk. Sirius Black had somehow managed to get hold of some hash, which only added to the fun. There were a few unfortunate incidents involving a moose, five teapots and a violinist, but fortunately Remus had remained relatively sober and so herded them all to safety. Lily had sat down in the middle of the dark street, unable to stop laughing. She had stared up at the opaque blackness of the sky, and tried to believe that there was no such thing as true premonitions.

She and James bought a flat together in London, after months of arguing over finances, searching for the perfect spot and complaining about their parents' ridiculous rules. It took awhile to find somewhere cheap enough to accommodate them. James' job at the Ministry was paying very little, and Lily was still working without salary at Ollivanders. The day they bought the mattress they made love in the flat, only the fourth time ever for them. The flat was small and dingy, as they had not yet used magic to fix it up, and it smelled faintly of cabbage. Lily didn't notice or care as she screamed her way into climax, dragging her nails across James' pale back. Sweat and warmth and skin, and James, yes, James I love you, I love you, over and over again. Flying high above the dim room and the squeaky new mattress covered only by a sheet, flying above London's smog and the fear that had been growing in her heart ever since the rash of Muggleborn murders a few weeks ago.

They lay together for a long time afterwards, not bothering to pull a blanket over themselves in the stuffy heat of their new home. Their limbs were completely tangled. Lily pulled James as close to her as possible, not wanting to feel any distance between them. James stroked her tangled, sweat-sticky hair off her face, and she closed her eyes upon seeing his expression. Tenderness and desire and love, all shining out, revealed to the world. Tears began to seep from under her closed lids and trickled down her hot face.

"Lily? What's wrong?" James' voice was so worried, but she kept her eyes shut and only shook her head. He asked again. She opened her mouth and her words came out harsh and choked.

"It's nothing. I just..."

She could go no further. Carefully concealed anguish rose up in a dark torrent, and she couldn't hold it back any longer. Lily cried in James' arms, her naked body wracked with sobs, and he whispered comfort into her ear.

"It's okay, Lily love, it's okay, it's all gonna be all right..."

When she had finished, they lay silently in the dark. James kissed away her tears, and rubbed her back soothingly. She clung to him, not caring if she left bruises, and fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.

*

Tensions in the wizarding world continued to rise steadily during the following two years. It had become obvious that the Ministry was powerless against You-Know-Who, and Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts, had created a secret society to fight him as best they could. Lily and James, along with the rest of the Marauders and dozen of others, both young and old, attended the meetings of the Order of the Phoenix. These meetings, and the missions that inevitably followed them, scared the hell out of Lily. But she never missed a single one, never back out of a single task; it was for her and all other Muggle-borns that they were fighting, after all. She would come home, tense and tired, and collapsed shaking onto the bed and into James' embrace. Sometimes she had to wash blood off first. Other nights she would sit on the sofa, frozen with utter terror, watching the clock and waiting. When James came in the door, she would fling herself at him with all her strength, an! d often didn't let go until the next morning. Lily sometimes felt as though something dark and terrible was rushing towards her, and so would get out of bed at night to go into the kitchen and practice spells. Curses, hexes, shielding spells, counterattacks, over and over until she slumped to the floor in complete exhaustion. Her insomnia combined with James' nightmares made them both snappish and off-kilter. They seemed to seesaw back and forth from cutting arguments to desperate, clinging make-up sex, with no sane middle ground. It was a bad time, and getting worse.

A dark cloud seemed to be residing over every facet of her life. One bright spot, like a stream of sunlight through a grimy window, was the wedding. Lily dragged everyone into the preparations for it, and stubbornly ignored the absurdity of picking out flowers and invitations when the world as they knew it was falling apart. Irrationally, her fury was directed not only towards You-Know-Who, but at Dumbledore as well. Stupid men, and stupid politics, and their stupid war that had taken over her life. Lily was damned if she or James would die before managing the one comparatively simple, normal thing of getting married.

The wedding took place in an Anglican church, with the few remaining members of their families in attendance, and all of their friends. It was nice to look at all the familiar faces and see smiles of excitement, rather than the look of grim fear that had become almost automatic. Lily walked up the aisle, flushed and beaming, trying not to trip in her high heels and floor length dress. She hadn't seen James since yesterday afternoon, and so laughed inwardly at his rather strained and rumpled appearance when she finally saw him, waiting at the altar. The rest of the Marauders, Sirius serving as the best man and Remus and Peter as ushers, looked even worse. When the priest droned the boring part of the ceremony, Lily leaned forward to breathe into James' ear, "Must have been one hell of a bachelor party," then stood back to enjoy the view as a slow spread of red covered his face. She had a feeling that if they hadn't been standing in front of the altar, in the middle of their own wedding, he would have stuck his tongue out at her. He crossed his eyes instead, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from exploding into giggles. Joy floated up from inside her, and for once she was thinking of nothing this one moment, and how it definitely made up for anything that fate might throw at them afterwards.

The rest of the day and night continued along the same lines. Their reception was held in a rented ballroom in Diagon Alley, and the entire evening was to her a giddy blur of music and dancing and all kinds of magic. And more laughter than she had heard since her graduation day. Lily had threatened the Marauders with a slow and painful death if they so much as thought about pulling a prank at her wedding, and it seemed to work. Mostly. There was the green hair incident during Sirius' speech, but she had consumed quite a bit of champagne by than and so graciously overlooked it.

It was a night where happiness seemed like it might be a possibility for them, and there hadn't been many nights like that. She and James staggered out of Diagon Alley as their guests howled their farewells and good wishes, and took a Muggle cab to a hotel. James insisted on carrying her over the threshold of their room, and Lily was drunk enough to allow it. She flopped back in his arms and closed her eyes, laughing at his slightly slurred complaints. The bed upon which she was dropped was fortunately soft, and she opened her eyes to take a good look at James. At her husband. And Lily knew as deep and gut-certain that she knew anything, that she didn't regret her choice. No matter how hard and hurtful their future might become, she didn't regret it for one instant.

It was a perfect honeymoon.

*End of Part Three*