Harry Potter and the Latin Class from Hell

Harry Potter and the Latin class from hell.

Chapter One - The Latin Class

Before I start the, um...`Story´ I would like to thank the whole of my Latin class. Yes, they are really people, and just as weird in real life.

I should say weirder.

Shut up Vicky! Everyone else at my school is real too. I don´t own the HP characters, I don´t own the real people, I only own myself.

*Laughter*

Fine, be like that. Right, I wish to dedicate this to Mr. Bathurst, the best Latin teacher in the whole school.

He´s the only Latin teacher in the whole school. But he is cool, as I´m sure everyone will agree!

* Tumbleweed rolls by*

Ok, just read it! This was written in collaboration with my esteemed and intelligent colleague Victoria Woodhams. (She´s the weirdo writing in bold)

And she´s Aimie Scott. Who changes the spelling of her name regularly every month.

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"Ok, plan for distracting Mr. B. this lesson. Any suggestions?" Manda faced her fellow Latin students.

(A/N: All six of us.)

Aimie tilted her head to one side and surveyed the other girls with distaste. "I think the school uniform debate always works. I mean, green blouses?

He´d talk about why we need these for weeks if we let him. I´m against us wearing them. Who´ll argue for?"

"The guys will," replied Vicky (A/N That´s me! We know, Vicky.) "They don´t have to wear them."

"Right. GUYS!" Manda yelled.

"I didn´t do it!" Deejay shouted back.

"Good morning Year Eleven." Mr. Bathurst had arrived.

"Morning sir!"

"Hi sir!"

"Good morning Mr. Bathurst."

"Yo! Sir in the house, sir!"

"Good morning Victoria. Be quiet Deejay. Sit down everyone."

They all sat down.

"Could you all put your books on the side of the desk for me to collect, please."

Aimie raised her hand. "Uh...Sir? I think I left my book on the kitchen table, when I put it out to put in my bag, so I could hand in the homework I did on the day it was set, to show you how good I am at remembering, but...I forgot. Sir"

The teacher sighed. "You´re a naughty girl. What are you?"

"I´m a naughty girl, Sir."

"First thing tomorrow, at the staff room. Or you´ll get a detention."

"Yes, Sir." She sat down, grinning. Mr. Bathurst never, ever gave detentions, not even to Deejay, who `forgot´ his book so often that Mr. B. had given up asking him.

The teacher walked to the front of the room, hitching up his trousers as he went. He never let the waistband fall below the bottom of his ribcage, and kept them well held up with braces. He looked over the class. They looked attentive, four boys on the front row, three girls on the row behind. He turned to the board, and began writing.

"We are still learning about active and passive participles. Please turn in your language pamphlets to page..."

Aimie tuned out almost immediately. Manda was studying her language pamphlet, and taking notes, although closer inspection proved she was looking up insults in Latin to use on other teachers. John and David were drawing on the pictures in their textbooks, and James and Deejay were playing a very involved game of noughts and crosses in their rough books, which involved the loser beating up the winner. Vicky was just sitting there, staring into space, and no doubt imagining Harry Potter, her dream husband. The fact that he wasn´t real didn´t seem to bother her at all. Just the sound of his name could send her into raptures. Aimie herself, of course, wasn´t nearly that sad. Give me Draco every time, she thought.

Deejay yelled, and fell off his chair, providing an effective diversion to her musings.

"Mr. LeClaire! In a minute, I am going to get really quite angry!"

"Sir! I must protest against this discrimination!"

"I am not discriminating. You have been messing around in my lesson."

"Me?" Deejay looked quite amazed. "I am sorry, but you are quite totally biased, aren´t you sir? I mean, I´m just sitting here, paying really close attention...."

"Deejay...."

"Taking notes so much my hand hurts...."

"Deejay, be quiet...."

"While those women behind me are just messing around...."

"Will you sit down?"

"HAVING A RAVE?!"

"Calm down, you silly boy..."

"I mean, they´re probably not even dressed under that table..."

All three girls shrieked indignantly and leaned forward to hit him with their rulers.

He ducked. "You see? It´s discrimination. Everyone´s out to get me, aren´t they?"

"Have you ever heard the term `paranoia´, boy?"

"Yeah, lets all attack Deejay!" Everyone started hitting him with whatever item was nearest.

"ENOUGH!"

They all sat down, trying to smother their giggles. Deejay´s method of getting out of trouble was unique, and surprisingly effective, although it normally had the drawback of getting him and everyone else in trouble for something else.

"Really, I don´t know. When I was at school, I would have been caned for something like that." The teacher muttered.

They all smiled dutifully.

"Bit of a good job we don´t live in the dark ages then." mumbled David.

Mr. Bathurst glared. "I heard...Miss Scott."

Aimie looked up. "Yes, Sir?"

"What are you wearing around your neck?"

"I think it´s a bracelet, Sir," said John.

He was ignored. "You know you´re not allowed jewelry in school, Aimie. I´m afraid I will have to confiscate it."

"Oh Sir!" she wailed, reluctantly removing the necklace from around her throat. "It´s very old, look."

It did indeed look old, and had a circular pendant made of shiny silver with a purple stone in the centre, and Latin inscriptions around the outside.

"Please, Sir. I only brought it because..." She had a sudden flash of inspiration. "...I was hoping you could help me translate the Latin around the outside."

He looked interested despite himself. "All right. Read it out."

Aimie cleared her throat and read:

"Preces adhibere deae Minerva, portae magica praetexta venire."

(A/N: You know, I´m pretty sure that isn´t grammatically correct.)

Purple light shot out from the glowing stone in the pendant. Everyone had time for an amazed gasp before the purple intensified until that was all they could see, and their feet were lifted off the ground. Aimie could hear her friends screaming, as their voices became fainter and fainter, until she was alone, and then she fell to the ground with a bang. She just had time before she passed out to see a huge pair of glittering gates with the words:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY