Interview With Albus Dumbledore

Interview With Albus Dumbledore

INTERVIEWER: Excuse me? Might you be Professor Dumbledore?

Indeed, I might be, but then sometimes I'm not quite sure. Who might you be?

INTERVIEWER: Drusilla Quigley. If you don't mind - and even if you do - I'd like to interview you for my newspaper.

I've always got time for people with questions to ask of me, Miss Quigley, and since you haven't given me much choice, I'd be happy to oblige. Have a seat.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you. Shall we begin?

We shall.

INTERVIEWER: I always begin this sort of interview by getting a bit of background on the vict- ... er... the interviewee. So, why don't you first tell me about your childhood?

Hmmm... I must say, it was quite some time ago. But I seem to recall some rocks, and a dinosaur or two.

INTERVIEWER: I suppose you're trying to tell me in a witty way that you are rather chronologically impaired.

Ah, but Miss Quigley, my young friend, it is not an impairment. It is a true blessing to have lived such a long and fulfilling life as I have. With age comes wisdom. And a certain talent for knitting. I made these socks myself.

INTERVIEWER: You're not wearing any socks.

Alas, old age also often brings a slight absent-mindedness. I've apparently forgotten to put them on.

INTERVIEWER: How odd. Umm... So, what do you do here?

I am Headmaster of this school.

INTERVIEWER: Do you like kids?

I adore children. Children have more wisdom than anyone could ever know.

INTERVIEWER: You think? How so?

Well, take this riddle for example: What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you will die?

INTERVIEWER: I haven't a clue.

The answer, of course, is nothing.

INTERVIEWER: Nothing?

Nothing is greater than God, nothing is more evil than the devil, the poor have nothing, the rich need nothing, and if you eat nothing, you will die.

INTERVIEWER: Very clever.

I would have to agree. But my point is, that it displays childlike wisdom, when you consider that most young children answer this correctly, yet most adults are stumped. The answer is simple, is it not? Children see the world as simplistic, as black and white, yet adults see only the complexities. Yes, I believe that there is much one can learn from children.

INTERVIEWER: Like...?

Well, it would be nice if someone could remind me to put on socks...

INTERVIEWER: Right... Nonetheless, a wise statement. Very deep. But, I must admit, thinking about that theory hurts my brain a bit.

Excellent. If I go a day without completely perplexing someone with my obscure and paradoxal philosophies, I haven't done my duty.

INTERVIEWER: Lovely. On to the next question... I hear that you are one of the best wizards alive.

That's not really a question. But I'll answer it anyway. That's arguable, Miss Quigley. I'm flattered, however.

INTERVIEWER: Who would argue with that?

A man named Gilderoy Lockhart, for example. It's been said that he is the greatest wizard of our time.

INTERVIEWER: Really?

Yes. Of course, it was usually Gilderoy who said it. But he's still a bit indisposed. Lost his memory, you see. I'm afraid there's not much chance of him getting it back.

INTERVIEWER: That's awful.

Not really. If he hadn't, some of his fellow professors might have been tempted to off the poor man. He's better off. And a great deal more charming now that he can't remember how wonderful he is, and therefore can't remind us all every waking moment.

INTERVIEWER: I hate people like that.

Strong words, Miss Quigley, strong words. I do not ever express hatred towards anyone. I don't hate anything that lives and breathes in this world. I do, however, have a rather strong aversion towards potatoes. I don't know why.

INTERVIEWER: You're an odd one.

Thank you.

INTERVIEWER: Er... you're welcome...

Truly, Miss Quigley, I take it as a compliment. Better to be accused of being odd than of being normal, as I say. And the funny looks I get sometimes are priceless.

INTERVIEWER: Kinda like the one I've got right now?

That's precisely the one!

INTERVIEWER: One more question, Professor.

Please, ask.

INTERVIEWER: I wanted to briefly discuss the man wizarding folk refer to as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

You mean Lord Voldemort?

INTERVIEWER: Yes. But most people I've talked to won't say that name.

I'm not most people. In fact, I'm only one person, and that's me. And my name is Albus Dumbledore. I live in my own little world, but it's all right. They like me here.

INTERVIEWER: Right... Anyway, about Voldemort...

I feel sadness when I think of him. He was my student, long ago. He had such great potential. But alas, he went astray. I believe that he should face proper punishment for his terrible crimes, of course.

INTERVIEWER: And what is your idea of the proper punishment? Gouging out his eyeballs and making him eat them, perhaps?

You could do that. Even though it's a bit gruesome, perhaps he deserves it. But consider this: If you do to him as he has done to others, you would be no better than him, would you not be? It is unfortunate that some people find it necessary to correct lawlessness with lawlessness.

INTERVIEWER: Very true. Bravo. Although I still like the eyeball solution... Well, that's about all I had to ask you. It really has been... interesting. Any words in closing?

Flabbergast. Dooflangey. Cephalopod. And... umm... Triacadecaphalism!

INTERVIEWER: Er... right... Lovely meeting you, Professor. I'll certainly have an interesting article to write.

The pleasure was all mine, Miss Quigley.