Narcissa's Story

     Narcissa Black didn't love her family. She was told that love is a way to fall under the power of others easily, a way to bring failure quickly to yourself. She respected her family, the proud and noble Blacks, and was proud to have been born to these people who were perfect, pure blooded wizards. She had been raised to believe that pure blood is the only way to be, that a Muggle-born wizard was as worthless as a bit of dirt attached to one's shoe by a rogue piece of gum. Narcissa had always believed this. She knew it was true, and that's why she gave in to whatever her mother and father told her to do.

     As a child, she'd always been distanced from her parents. She only got to see them occasionally, when on a Sunday they would all sit down to dinner and her mother and father would discuss the latest bit of Dark news. She had tried to converse with her sisters, Andromeda and Bellatrix, but her parents would always shush them and punish them greatly for disturbing the meal. Narcissa didn't like the feeling that gave her, that one was meant to sit perfectly still while others could talk freely, and yet she always stayed perfectly still after the first punishment for talking, because it was what she'd been brought up to believe.

     She looked back many years later, after her son was born, to her sister Andromeda's decision. Andromeda had always been more rebellious than the other two, and when she came of age she immediatly left the family, renounced the proud and noble name of Black, and married a Muggle man named Tonks. Bellatrix had married a respectable pure blood named Lestrange, but she, too, gave up her surname in favour of her new husband's.

Andromeda was disowned now, Narcissa reprimanded herself when thinking longingly of Andromeda's path. It was a terrible shame to be disowned by the House of Black, a dread that she and Bellatrix shared. But yet, as Narcissa lay in the dark room at night, all alone because Lucius Malfoy, her husband, believed that even married people who had their priorities straight, should not sleep together, she often dreamt of what her life would be like if she hadn't given in to her parent's promptings. She would be happier, and [I]loved.[/I]

She wished she was loved by people. Her son would not look up to her with fearful eyes and be reprimanded for looking at a person of high authority, but he would be tucked in each night, sang a loving song, and kissed goodnight by his loving mother. Perhaps read a bedtime story by his loving father too. He would grow to be a fair man, who had a loving family of his own, a loving wife, a loving child or two, not forced into a marriage as bleak as Narcissa's now. Narcissa loved her son, though she knew he would be a Dark wizard as he had been brought up to believe was good.

Narcissa loved her husband too, but, like with her son, she was not allowed to say so. She loved Lucius, despite whatever he did, but she wished sometimes that she had not been forced to marry him. She wanted to be happy, and not worry about how well her son had achieved his latest curse, or that one day Voldemort would kill her husband for renouncing him when he fell, by the hand of the Potter child.

Narcissa never said, but she envied the Potters. Even in death, they were together. They had loved each other so much, and had brought a loved child into the world, one who despite his upbringing by a Muggle family, was a great wizard, who was fair, and kind. Narcissa's own son was not fair. He did not play by the rules, yet tried to break every single one while cunningly attempting to get what he wanted. A True Slytherin. This hurt Narcissa, who would have given everything to be in Lily Potter's place. Lily had a loving husband, a beautiful child that was every little detail of his father and mother put into a small black haired package. Even though she knew, had she been Lily Potter instead of Narcissa Malfoy, that she would die, she would appreciate it more than her own life. Though Narcissa would not wish her own life upon Lily in exchange. Lily had always been so kind, loving people for what was inside them truly, and not who they appeared to be on the outside, who they tried to project to the world to save themselves from humiliation. She had seen right thrugh the Lupin's boy's excuses and found out that even though he was a raving monster once a month, he was a good person, worthy of love, even though he could never have it. Narcissa had been brought up to believe that all werewolves, unless they are good werewolves, serving the Dark Lord, were terrible and should be killed.

Narcissa never believed her parents from that moment on. Whatever they told her, she accepted to them, but tried to see if it was truthful later, in private. Also in private she would cry, envying her cousin, Sirius, who had a great friendship with James and Lily Potter, and the Lupin boy, and her sister, Andromeda, who had married that Tonks man, and had an extraordinary child, who was loved until Voldemort killed her parents. Narcissa never dared utter that she didn't agree with Voldemort. What kind of world, she would think, is it where one has to live in fear or live in unlove? Narcissa never did say these things, but just continued to cry, knowing that voldemort would surely kill her immediatly if she left his ranks. Especially if she took Draco, her only son, with her to the side of the ones fighting Voldemort. She wanted him to be a good person, but she could never say.

Narcissa wanted to be a good person, but she knew she could never be.