Free Falling

Four

Christmas Holiday

"I - I can't believe it," James spluttered. "What went wrong? Only the other night she was telling me that she loved me and I was the only one for her."

Sirius passed Britannia's letter to me and put his hand on James' shoulder.

I read the note.

I looked back up at James, whose big black eyes were shining with what might have been tears.

"James," Remus said, "I think we should go now. We'll let Lily get some more sleep."

James nodded.

"I'm sorry, James," I said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.

"Sometimes things work out all for the best," Sirius said.

James, Remus, and Sirius left my dormitory.

Why did Britannia break up with James? Was it because she was using him as a trophy boyfriend? I mean, James was the star Chaser on the Quidditch team, and he was very smart and popular. He was rich and ruggedly handsome.

But the way Britannia and James were together was the last thing that made you think of relationships ending in broken hearts. They were snuggly close and they got along great. He treated her well and was sweet. She thought his jokes were funny and that he was the apple of the universe. Everyone was jealous of the relationship they had.

Everyone.

Even me.

* * *

"Christmas is tomorrow," Sirius sung out. "Christmas is tomorrow."

James sighed.

"For Christmas, I was going to give Britannia those cute little bracelets that she said she always wanted," he said in a heavy tone.

I looked sternly over at James, but he didn't see my gaze.

"Yes, well, I am happy that this year's Christmas doesn't fall over a full moon like it did last year. It was utterly horrid having to spend Christmas in the Shrieking Shack all by myself," Remus said.

"Yeah, I know how that is," James said. We eyed him in confusion. "I mean, I know how it is to spend Christmas alone."

"Don't be a prat James," I raged. I was so sick and tired of hearing James pine for the last week that I wanted to beat him over the head with a Beater's club. "You aren't spending Christmas alone. You have Sirius and Remus and me."

"Yes, but I want someone to share it with."

"James, shut up for ten seconds and listen to us," Remus said. "Just because Britannia left you, doesn't mean that the whole world is coming to an end. There are other fish in the sea."

"Britannia was my fish in the sea, and the only one of her kind," James said.

"Oh, fine," Remus said, apparently hacked off, which wasn't like Remus. "I'm going to the library."

Remus got up, crossed the common room and went through the portrait hole.

"Britannia and I used to go to the library for snog sessions," James said glumly.

I glanced at Sirius, who also looked like he was becoming hacked off.

"James, let's have a game of Exploding Snap, shall we?"

"Brit loved Exploding Snap," James replied. "I'll never find another like her."

I was seeing red.

Why couldn't he get over Britannia. This wasn't like him.

"I'm going to send a few owls," I said, swiftly standing up and planning to go to the owlery to send Howard a letter and to let off some steam that had been built up.

"Why?" Sirius said.

"Because I can't stand to sit here and listen to James bleeding reminisce of Britannia," I almost shouted. I was losing it.

"What?" James said, looking at me for the first time in moments. "Don't you care?"

"Oh, sod off, James Alan Potter," I screeched.

"What the hell's your problem?" James asked.

"If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you," I spat.

I stormed out of the portrait hole and sat near down next to the Fat Lady's portrait.

"What the hell is her problem?" I heard James' muffled voice say.

"Like she said, James, if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you," Sirius replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Open your pretty black eyes, James," Sirius shouted. "Maybe it means that you shouldn't be pining over somebody like Britannia. Maybe it means that you can't live your life feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe it means that you should take a good look around you to see if you can see something that all of us have known what was better for you all along."

"I loved Britannia," James shouted.

"No you didn't. You were infatuated. Fickle. You only wanted her because she has a nice ass and her lips work wonders for the mind. James, she didn't love you. You were her trophy. Her prize. You're always the one who wins us the points at Quidditch matches. You're smart, you're popular, and you're the best looking in our year. Hell, you're probably the best looking in the whole school. You want to know why Lily's pissed? Because she knows you. She knows that you're wasting your time bitching and moaning over Britannia."

There was silence. I could feel my face burning. I knew Sirius knew that I was taken with James, but I hadn't ever said anything to anyone other than my mother. Now Sirius was practically telling James to look at what had been right in front of him all along.

I decided to leave it at that and I made my way up to the owlery.

When I arrived, I took out some parchment, scribbled a quick note to Howard, who was visiting his family in London, and sent the note off with Ruffles.

I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.

Why can't James only see me? I thought. Why is he pining over something that wasn't good for him? He now understands how I felt for four years. I felt like there was no other like him. He knew I liked him for four years, but he never acknowledged it. Why?

I stood up, wiping tears from my eyes. It was a ridiculous reason to cry, but I felt I needed to get four years worth of aching out of my heart.

I stood up and walked out of the owlery, avoiding commonly taken routes as not to let people see my eyes all red.

"Lily?"

I looked up from my gaze on the floor. James was standing five feet away from me, looking grave. I turned my head quickly, I had been crying over him, all the more reason to look away.

"What?"

"Could I - uh - talk to you?" he asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his tone.

"I guess so."

"Great."

James grabbed my hand and pulled me towards an empty classroom.

"What are we doing in here?" I asked.

"I want to talk to you. I don't want to do it in front of the whole school."

I shrugged.

"Start talking."

James looked at the floor.

"I know you're mad at me because I keep complaining about Britannia," he said.

"Damn right I am."

"But the truth is," he continued, ignoring my comment, "I didn't realize that the thing we had was all just a look-at-what-I-have kind of relationship. I was so caught up in myself that I didn't realize what was right in front of my face." He looked up at me.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"You were there the whole time, Lily," he said. "You stuck by my side when times were good and bad. Not like Britannia, where, when we lost a Quidditch match, she would avoid me for a week. I've been thick, Lily. Very stupid. I saw only what I wanted to see. I needed to open my eyes and see what was good for me." He stared deeply into my eyes. I saw a glint of hope come into his black eyes. "What I'm trying to say, Lily, is, will you forgive me? Would you take me after what I've done?"

I stared back into his eyes, my heart melting at him admitting he was wrong, which he hardly ever did.

"I'm sorry," I replied. I had wanted him for four years, but it was his turn to suffer. Besides there was Howard, who was very cute and thoughtful. I couldn't just break his heart. Could I?

"What?"

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I can forgive you, but nothing more. Did you really think that I would wait around any longer for you to notice that I was there? I did wait four years, but now I've seen that you want to live in your fantasy world with the pretend love for Britannia. I've got somebody now and my loyalties are to him. I've avoided other guys for four years, James, all because of you. I really don't think that a relationship between us would be a good idea."

James' eyes showed understanding. Understanding and hurt. He lowered his head and turned around. "Well, I thought it might be a good idea to apologize to you," he mumbled as he headed towards the door.

I watched him with a now breaking heart. I had hurt him.

But he hurt you for four years straight, I thought.

That's still not right, said another voice in the back of my head. You can't deny the feelings in your heart. If you waited for four years, you must really love him.

I felt tears well in my eyes again. James had reached the door.

"Wait," I called, before I even realized what I was doing. My stomach flip-flopped as James slowly turned around and looked up at me.

I strode over to James. When I reached him, I hesitated at what to do next. James must have noticed, because, before I knew it, he had his lips pressed against mine.

I threw my arms around him and melted into the kiss. It was wonderful. Four years worth of passion, hurt, and anger seemed to be released. James wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. My fingers went up to his hair and started twisting the unruly strands with my forefinger.

James pulled away suddenly. "What about Howard?" he questioned, still not letting me go.

"Huh?"

"Howard. Your boyfriend."

"Oh, Howard," I replied, glancing at the floor then back at James. "James, you know what I said wasn't true, right? I mean, I don't love Howard. I was only saying that because I was upset..."

"Because I've been too much of a stupid prat to even notice you?" James finished.

"You might say that," I purred.

"Well, it's true," he said. "Sirius, Remus, and Peter were always letting around hints, and when I didn't get them, they'd blow up at me. I guess they knew that how you felt about me and I kept blowing you off." He kissed me again. "So, were you really waiting around for me for four years?"

"Why yes, Mr. Potter. I was really waiting four years. I guess I was being a stupid prat for even thinking that you would notice me."

"But in the long run, I was being the stupid one for not noticing you."

"We'll call it a draw," I said. "Now shut up and kiss me again."

* * *

After a few more minutes or so of senseless snogging, James and I walked back to Gryffindor tower hand-in-hand.

"What do you think Sirius and Remus will say?" I asked.

"Oh, they'll probably say something like 'I told you so'," James replied with a smile. "Well, Miss Evans, what I'd like to know is what we are going to tell them."

"Tsk tsk, Mr. Potter," I teased. "They're your best friends, I thought you'd know what to tell them. I'm guessing with how long we've been gone, we don't need to tell them anything, they'd have guessed everything by now."

"I bet you're right," James agreed. "Christmas Spirit," he said once we had reached the Fat Lady. The portrait swung open and James playfully bowed me in.

"After you, mademoiselle," he said. I giggled and stepped through the hole. James followed.

When I looked around the common room, my breath was taken away.

"Wow," James gasped.

Inside the common room was dimly lit with red candles that were enchanted to float. The fire in the grate was softly crackling and let off a scent that smelled like roses.

"It's beautiful," I said.

"Sirius must have done it," James said. "I don't know why."

"I think it's very nice of him to do that. Besides, it's makes a really romantic atmosphere."

"What are you saying?" James asked, pulling me towards an armchair by the fire and situating me on his lap once he sat down.

"Oh, nothing," I said quickly. "I just never thought of Sirius as romantic."

"But you love him?"

"My love for him is like the scar on my elbow: Ugly, but permanent."

James laughed.

"So, it's more like brotherly love?" I nodded. "Did you ever love me like a brother?"

"If I ever had then I wouldn't ever kiss you. That would kind of gross me out."

"Yeah, I would think so, too." A sly smile pulled over his lips. "I'm glad you don't think of me as your brother, because kissing you is a lot of fun."

He leaned up and kissed me again.

After a few more minutes of senseless snogging, the grandfather clock on the other side of the common room struck midnight. There was a sound of rushing footsteps, and Sirius leapt from the stairs, ran over to us, and jumped right on top of us.

"It's Christmas, it's Christmas," he cried.

"Sirius," James gasped, "oxygen has become an issue."

Sirius ignored James and kissed me on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Lils," he said.

"Merry Christmas to you too," I replied. "Now, get off of us."

Sirius reluctantly climbed off. I got off of James' lap and sat on the floor next to the fire. The dancing orange and yellow flames warmed me all over.

"Sirius, technically, it's not Christmas," I said. "I mean, we haven't gone to sleep yet and we haven't woken up to Christmas morning."

"Lils, if you want to speak technically, midnight starts Christmas morning. Besides, I took a nap, so, I did wake up Christmas morning. Now let's open presents!"

"You sound like you're five years old, Sirius," James muttered.

"What? I thought I was five," Sirius replied with a cheesy grin. "Don't you guys want to open your presents?"

"Where's Remus?" I asked.

"Oh, he's out like a light. You know him, he doesn't do well with all-nighters," Sirius said, shrugging. "I'll go wake him up anyway.

"Ugly, but permanent," I sighed as Sirius rushed excitedly up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

James and I sat in silence. He stared off into the fire, and guess where my eyes went: right to James. He was so ruggedly handsome. His unruly midnight-black hair, his wiry-framed glasses making him look smart and sophisticated. I was about to tell him how adorable I thought he looked at the moment, but was interrupted by a loud bang!

James and I glanced at each other quizzically, we both jumped up, and raced towards the fifth year boys' dormitory.

Upon entering, we found a confused looking Sirius sprawled on the floor and a wide-eyed Remus up and looking around frantically.

"What was that noise?" James asked.

Remus' eyes landed on James, shifted to Sirius, then went back on the James.

"The idiot over the there scared the shit out of me," Remus said, annoyed.

"What the hell did I do?" Sirius asked, getting up off of the floor.

"Yeah, what the hell did you do?" James asked.

"The bleeding idiot licked me," Remus raged.

"He what?" I asked. I didn't think that sounded right.

"Well, Moony here," Sirius said, "wouldn't wake up, so I changed into my dog form and jumped on his bed. When that didn't work, I resorted to extreme measures."

"You licked him?" James asked.

"It's not like it was fun," Sirius protested.

"What was that bang we heard?" I asked.

"Well, if you woke up with your face all wet and a massive dog standing over you, you'd use self-defense mechanisms too," Remus said.

"He pushed me off the bed," Sirius said, seeing the confused look on James' face. "Well," Sirius said, a smile widening on his face, "since were all up now, let's open our presents."

"Okay, okay," I said. "Are you sure you're not fifteen going on five?"

Sirius produced three packages from under his bed and handed them to James, Remus and me.

My present was very neatly wrapped in red and gold paper with silver hearts that moved in circles.

I carefully started opening the package.

"Oh, Sirius," I exclaimed. "This is wonderful."

Inside was a photo album with a picture of James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I on the front. It was the Muggle picture that my mother had taken at Kings Cross Station at the beginning of our fourth year.

"It's all of the pictures of us and there are quite a few of you and James together," Sirius said, as I looked through the book.

I saw many wizard pictures of the five of us wave up at me when I looked upon them. There was Sirius and James zooming around on broomsticks on the Quidditch pitch. There was a picture of James and I studying by the fire. There was even a Muggle picture of me sleeping in my bed at home.

"The Muggle photos were sent to me by your mother," Sirius said, when I gave him a questioning look. "I asked her to send some extra photos for the photo album, and she said that's one of her favorite pictures of you."

"Sirius, this is so..."

"Unpredictable?" Sirius put in. "Did I finally claim the title of unpredictable?"

"I was going to say thoughtful," I said, grinning and giving Sirius a hug and kissing him on the cheek.

"Not unpredictable?" Sirius pouted.

"Oh, all right, this really was unpredictable," I said. Sirius smiled wide.

The rest of that morning was wonderful. We had all exchanged gifts. I got a Muggle book with the great works of Shakespeare from Remus.

But nothing from James.

"What did Prongsie get Lils?" Sirius asked in an annoying tone once he noticed that James didn't get me anything.

James flushed.

"Well," he said, "I did get her something, but that was before this relationship came about. So, if you don't mind Lily, I'll have to get you something else and have it be late."

"Oh, James," I said. "You don't have to do that."

"For you, Lily, it's worth it," James replied, kissing the top of my head.

"Well," Remus said, "I'm all funned out, not to mention tired, so I'm going back to sleep."

"Me too," I said.

"Me three," James said.

"Goodnight," I replied. I kissed James again and left the boys' dormitory to go to mine.

* * *

That night, I wrote Howard a second letter. I apologized for such an informal release, but he told me not to apologize. He said that he was lucky to even have been with me and that he knew that he wasn't going to be the one for me. I felt horrible, but what I needed to do was done.

* * *

"Lily," I heard someone hiss. "Lily, wake up."

I opened my eyes to see James sitting on my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I said groggily, rubbing my eyes.

It was three days after Christmas, probably about one o'clock in the morning.

"I've got your Christmas present," he said.

He pulled a small, blue wrapped box from behind his back. He handed it to me, and I sat up.

"You know you didn't have to do this," I said.

"Well, it's to make up for all the times I've been a stupid prat. Besides, I really care for you. Deep down inside, I always had, but now, I realize what those feelings meant. I love you, Lily."

"Has Mr. Potter gone soft on me?" I teased. I kissed him on the cheek and started unwrapping the present.

Inside was a red velvet box. My eyes widened...what else comes in velvet boxes?

I opened the velvet box to reveal a beautiful bracelet with the inscription "Never Let You Go" carved in the middle. At the beginning and end of the inscription, there was a ruby and an emerald inlaid in the silver.

I looked up at James with shining eyes. This was the sweetest gift anybody had ever given me.

"I just thought you'd like to know that now that I've found you, I've found myself, and I don't want to lose you. If I lost you, it'd be like losing myself. I can't let that happen." James blushed a little. "I really do love you, Lily."

"I love you too, James," I said, throwing my arms around him in a hug. After I pulled away, I leaned over and grabbed the present that I had for James from out of my bedside table drawer.

"What's this?" he questioned. "You already got me a present, remember that book about Quidditch?"

"I know, but I got that for you before we were a couple. This is something that I wanted to get you now that we're officially going out."

James opened the package. There was a black satin box with a silver watch inside.

"Lily, this is beautiful," James said.

"Look at the inside of it," I said.

He turned the watch to the underside and read the inscription that was there. "I Will Love You Forever" it said. It was James' turn to look up at me with shining eyes.

"Oh, Lily," he gasped. "I can't believe it. This is so wonderful. This has been the best Christmas ever."

"For me too," I said. James kissed me on the cheek, hugged me, and then kissed me on the lips.

For the rest of that night, James and I laid on my bed, talking about everything we could think of. I was surprised by how much we had in common. We laughed and joked and talked and snogged.

It was one of the best nights of my life.

* * *

When I woke the next morning, I didn't open my eyes right away, but I could tell that it was almost midday from the way the sunlight flowed through the windows.

I sighed, remembering the night before, and opened my eyes. To my surprise, James was already up and dressed. I had the feeling that he had been watching me sleep.

"'Morning, Sleeping Beauty," James murmured when he saw my eyes open.

"'Morning," I replied. "How long have you been watching me sleep?"

"To the clock, it would be an hour, more or less. But to the love-laden heart, it seemed like an eternity."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said. "Have you ever watched someone you love sleep? It's the most amazing thing to see the innocent look upon their face. To see them smiling at their dreams."

I blushed.

"We'd better be more careful next time we fall asleep together, people might get the wrong idea in their heads," I said. "What would Sirius and Remus say?"

"Oh, they know already, I told them after I got up to get dressed. They seemed a little skeptical, but I don't think they really thought anything like that would happen." He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Come on, dear, let's go get some breakfast."

* * *

For the rest of the holiday, James, Remus, Sirius, and I hung out together.

Sirius and Remus held a party for James and me on New Year's Eve in the Charms classroom (with permission from McGonagall and Flitwick, of course) with the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students that didn't go home for the holiday.

There was plenty of food and butterbeer and music and dancing. The night was perfect. I danced with James as well as Sirius and Remus (who was looking extremely ill, for the full moon would be coming again in a few days) and many other boys from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.

"Everybody listen up!" Sirius said when a song had finished. "It's five minutes to midnight and, in my family, it's a tradition to go around the room and share our New Year's Resolutions. Everybody with me?"

"Yeah!" shouted everyone at the party (which was the four of us from Gryffindor, seven Ravenclaws, and three Hufflepuffs).

"My New Year's Resolution," Sirius said, "is to be a better friend to others outside my Gryffindor group. That and" -he smiled evilly--"play more pranks on Snape!" Everyone laughed and cheered at this.

The resolutions continued. Remus' was to be nicer to others when he was feeling "ill". That confused some people, for Remus was thought of as the nicest guy in school.

Then it was my turn.

"My New Year's Resolution is" - I thought hard - "to keep up my good marks."

"My New Year's Resolution," said James, turning to me, "is to love you more and more each passing day."

I smiled extensively and hugged James tightly. There were bunches of "aww's" from the crowd.

"That is the best thing that anyone has ever said," I told him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Lily, everyday I wake up and I love you more. I always think that I can't possibly love you more the next day, but I always do. I don't want that to stop. Ever." He kissed me on my lips and there were some more "aww's" from the others.

The resolutions continued; James and I just held each other until everyone started counting down.

"Five...four...three..."

"I love you Lily," James whispered.

"I love you, too," I whispered back.

"Two...one...Happy New Year!" Everyone screamed. Everyone except James and me, for we were too busy giving and receiving our first kisses of the New Year.