WTV's Garbage Diggers

WTV's Garbage Diggers

Harry

: Welcome to WTV's Garbage Diggers. The show where we dig through the wizarding world's garbage. Uncovering the amusing, strange, dark and downright nasty things! One garbage can at a time! We're your hosts Harry Potter and Ron Weasley!

Ron

: Thanks, Harry. Today we will be digging through the garbage at Malfoy manor. We managed to snag a few profiles on the Malfoys.

Harry

: Lucius Malfoy, head of the Malfoy clan, is a tall, blond, slimy git- I mean, nice respectable man, and husband of Narcissa and father of Draco. He enjoys many things like fine dining, sucking up to the Dark Lord, plotting the downfall of Dumbledore, obsessing about purebloods and watching his son play Quidditch.

Ron

: That's sure pleasant. On to Narcissa Malfoy, wife of Lucius and mother of Draco. Some of Narcissa's interests are shopping, gossiping, looking down at others less fortunate, shopping and spoiling her son Draco. (cringes)

Harry

: Quite the socialite. The Malfoys have a son Draco, who just graduated from Hogwarts with us. We're not going to pay attention to the script! We're going to create our own!

Ron

: Uh, Harry. I don't think we can do that.

Harry

: Well, so what.

Produce

r: It's in your contract, idiot!

Harry

: What? Well screw the contract! Anyway, about Draco Malfoy - WHAT NOW?

Producer

: Follow the script!

Harry

: Fine, fine. Well Draco Malfoy is tall, blond and a daddy's boy. He was a heartthrob at Hogwarts regarding the fact that he was in Slytherin. His likes are his hair, tormenting me, Ron, Hermione and the rest of the school, dreaming about becoming a Death Eater, Quidditch and girls.

Ron

: Now that we've gone through the profiles... It's time to start digging!

Harry

: Ready Ron?

Ron

: Ready Harry?

(Dives into garbage)

Ron

: Hey Harry, look at this! It's part of a chocolate cake! And boy does it taste good!

Harry

: That's nice, Ron. Real nice. (Looks revolted) But I found something. It looks like a broom sti- WHAT! Who would throw out a Nimbus 2000!?!

Ron

: What! That's absurd!

Harry

: (Starts ranting in French)

Ron

: Ugh, forget about the broomstick! Look at what I found! Dear Draco's report card.

Harry

: Really? Let me see!

Ron

: Wow, no O's except for Potions. Suck u! Ooooh! And a P in Transfiguration.

Harry

: Hey look! A Rolex watch! I can add this to my collection! (acts like raccoon with shiny object)

Ron

: Uh, right.

Harry

: Well, here's a book full of dark spells. Ooh scary! Make you your ears talk! Let's try it!

Ron

: Are you sure?

Harry

: Yes!! Abracadabear Earakazan!

(Flash of pink light around Harry's head)

Harry's Ears

: I daresay! Where am I?

Ron

: Uh, Harry. Your ears are talking.

Harry's Ears

: What am I? And who are you?

Harry

: You're in the garbage, attached to my head. You are an ear and that is Ron.

Harry's Ears

: Great Scott! I better leave! Run human run!

Harry

: Um no. Let's just ignore the ears.

Ron

: Okay. I found something really good. (sniggers)

Harry

: Well...? What is it?

Harry's Ears

: Move human!

Ron

: Hehe, love letters from Lucius Malfoy to You-Know-Who!

Harry

: HAHAHAHA.

Harry's Ears

: Tee Hee! Let's read them!

Ron

: I don't think they are appropriate for this show.

Harry's Ears

: So?

Ron

: I swear I'm finding a counter curse for those ears just to shut them up! Silencio. (Ears go quiet)

Harry

: Thanks Ron, they were getting to be a drag - OW!! Stupid mouse traps!

Ron:

What's a mousetrap?

Harry:

It's a Muggle tool used to catch mice.

Ron:

Oh, okay. Hey! Look at this! This is sure a cool book! It's called How to be a Death Eater for Dummies. By You-Know-Who.

Harry:

I wonder who that belongs too.

Ron:

I know! Wait, I forgot.

Harry:

Lookie here! Hair gel! And lots of it! Now we know how much Draco actually uses!

Ron:

Darn! Where did that cake go?

Harry:

(coughs)

Ron:

I cannot live without my cake. I must have my cake. My will have my cake. I am determined to have my cake. My cake will be mine.

Harry:

Um, okay.

Ron:

Alas! I know who has my cake! Someone important!

Harry:

Let's give up on the cake.

Ron:

Nooo... Okay. What do you have there? My cake?

Harry:

No, a shopping bag full of black robes and face paint.

Ron:

Face paint. Yet! Good times....

Malfoy:

What the (BLEEPS OUT WORD)! POTTER! WEASLEY! Get out of my garbage!!

Harry & Ron:

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ron:

Well, that's the end of our show! Tune in next week as we dig through Hermione Granger's garbage!

Harry:

See you later cheese graters! Now we escape Malfoy!

Ron:

And continue the never-ending quest for my cake!

(Harry trips over his large feet and Malfoy jumps on him and starts punching him)