What I Like About You

Chapter One: Over-Proud Big-Headed Idiots

Met a girl
Thought she was grand
Fell in love
Found out first hand
Went well
For a week or two
Then it all came unglued
In a trapped trip
I can't grip
Never thought
I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realise
I was living one big lie

She f---ing hates me
Trust
She f---ing hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

(She Hates Me: Puddle of Mudd)

September 1, 1977

No one at King's Cross Station would have guessed that on that day, the first of September, there were hundreds of young witches and wizards in their presence. Secrecy amongst these hidden people was a top priority--a privacy not to be violated. Naturally, the occasional stare at a wand poking out of a pocket was not out of bounds of the imagination. But mostly the Muggles--the people not within this exclusive group--kept to themselves, blissfully unaware.

This year was to be different.

This year the Evans family was late.

In a rush, a dazzling Chrysler New Yorker pulled shoddily into a parking space, and the wizarding community knew at once that Lily Evans had arrived.

To the Muggles, the American luxury car was the eye opener, for the moment. The nearby men whispered fiercely, arguing over the worth of the car, but that all ceased once the youngest daughter exited the vehicle.

Lily Evans was a pretty Muggle-born girl. She had a vibrant presence with a charisma that could grab one's attention from across a room. Her fair skin was complimented by stunning green eyes, gorgeous autumn-red hair, and a number of other striking features, which made her an eye opener unto herself.

But that wasn't what really caught people's attention. It was, instead, the fact that this beautiful girl was dressed entirely in black robes, had her wand clenched between her teeth, and carried an owl cage, a cat carrier, and excessive trunks. Not to mention a family that seemed completely used to this. Everyone seemed to hold their breaths, waiting for this girl to speak.

"Hurry, Mum! My train leaves in fifteen minutes! I can't miss it!"

The Muggles exhaled.

"I'm sorry, dear, but your trunk is stuck, and I can't get--it--" Raine Evans seemed exasperated. A nearby man with buck teeth and an American accent stepped forward to help, but Lily beat him to it, removing the wand from between her teeth and subtly tapping it on the trunk. It immediately broke free.

"What do you suppose all this is about?" one nearby woman asked another.

"Well, I did hear that there was some sort of alternate-religion convention out in Liverpool this weekend," a lady in a 1920s-style hat responded.

The Evanses paid them no heed, but rushed to unload the remaining items.

Another girl stepped out of the car. She had neat blonde hair, cut in a sort of conservative-housewife style, but no one could see her eyes as they were covered by dark glasses.

"Mum!" she whispered angrily. "Do hurry! Vernon is expecting us soon!"

"I'm sorry, Petunia; we told you this would take a while. Now why don't you make yourself useful? Here, hold these books."

Petunia stepped back, alarmed, and crossed her arms.

"I'll pass," she said dryly, abandoning her clipped and composed stature. "I'd rather not succumb to the humiliation of being a part of this freak show. I am trying to maintain my dignity, thank you very much." Petunia winced as another passerby stared openly at the scene that was being caused by her family.

"Alright, let's get moving," John Evans said, removing the final parcel from the back of his car. "Lily's train leaves soon, and I haven't the slightest clue how to get to her school."

The family rushed off with Petunia in tow, who was looking extremely miserable and embarrassed.

After a few minutes of rushing (which resulted in even more staring), the Evanses reached the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10, and Raine and John hugged their daughter.

"Bye, Mum! Bye, Dad!"

"Good luck with being Head Girl, Lily."

"Thanks, Mum."

"We'll see you at Christmas. Remember, we can't pick you up, so you will have to do that appear-eating thing you do."

"It's apparating, Dad, and I won't forget. You've gone over Christmas plans more than Mum has gone over the Sex Talk." Lily said.

Her mother tinged pink. "I just wanted it to get through your head, Lily, that--"

"I know, Mother. No dating until I'm married; no sex until I've had kids," Lily quipped with a playful grin.

"Correct."

"Wait a moment! That's not going to work! What about us, Evans?"

Lily whipped around to find the last person she wanted to see at the moment.

"James Potter," he said, cordially holding out his hand to shake Mr. and Mrs. Evans's. Petunia wouldn't accept his hand. She stood still and glared.

"Nice to meet you, James. I'm John Evans. This is my wife Raine and my daughter Petunia," said Mr. Evans, equally as polite, but still looking over James suspiciously, eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.

Lily gave James a fierce look before glancing at her watch. "Oh, the train leaves in five minutes! Mum, Dad, I have to go. I need to be there to run the Prefects meeting, since I'm Head Girl." Lily couldn't help preening a bit; she had always had power where Potter lacked it but this year her power over his mediocrity took the cake.

Lily quickly kissed her family goodbye, smirked at Petunia--who pretended not to know her--and walked through the barrier.

She turned to face James. "Thank you, Potter, for making this the most humiliating day of my life!"

"Come off it! Surely you don't hate me that much! You sound like a third year, Lily." He mimicked a girl's voice, "Oh! I broke a nail! This is the worst day ever!"

"You implied that we were having SEX!" Lily screeched, loud enough for surrounding families to glare.

"You finally did, Evans? Well done, Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius Black, who had inexplicably appeared behind James.

"I don't have time for this!" said Lily impatiently "Potter, since you ... slept with me, do you think you could get my trunks onto the train for me? It's the least you could do after such a rotten shag."

Sirius whooped. "Whoa! Prongs! What a blow to the old ego! Very nice, Evans!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Black. I need to get to the train. You know, Prefects Meeting."

"Hang on, Evans, I'll go with you."

"Why?"

Lily was a little worried; James's look told her the answer was obvious

"I'm Head Boy."

Lily burst out laughing, taking James and herself by surprise. "You? Head Boy?" she shrieked. "What ... was ... Dumbledore ... smoking ... when he came ... up with ... that idea?" she gasped between gales of laughter.

She pivoted on her heel and began walking away.

"I'll meet you there, Potter; I have to do something first!" She began giggling again. "James Potter? Head Boy? I always knew the man was going daft but ... of all the stupid things!"

XXXX

"You'll never guess who's Head Boy," wailed Lily, practically falling into her friends' compartment.

"It's nice to see you too, Lily. Yes, I did have a lovely summer, went to France," retorted Athea Bonheur sardonically.

Athea's straight brown hair was pulled back in a clip at the back of her head. She had piercing gray eyes, to which she accredited her talent to withdraw information from people simply by staring at them. Her plain face and eyes, however, were compensated for by her uniquely pretty face, which seemed to be drawn at sharp angles. When she was frowning, Lily would swear she had a distinct resemblance to Professor McGonagall, but when she smiled, Athea could light a dark room.

"Guess!" Lily insisted. She sat down in a seat and covered her tear-streaked face. Now that she had gotten over the ridiculousness of James Potter being Head Boy, the realization of how much time she was going to have to spend time with one of her least favorite people in the school was hitting her.

"Remus Lupin," Diana Bähr guessed reasonably.

Diana was muscular and very protective of her friends. She knew she could take on anyone in the school, and so did everyone else (due to a few incidents in the third year). Her shoulder-length hair was dishwater blonde, but her friends claimed it was the color of dust. Her eyes were hazel and soft, which gave the false impression that she was a pushover. Diana was not a pushover. She didn't have the slim figure that her friends did, but she didn't look bad. She had only a few bits of fat detracting from her muscular physique.

"That would make sense. On one hand, seeing as Lupin was a Prefect and had always gotten top marks, he would be the perfect candidate for the job. However, Lily said we would never guess. So, on the other hand, Lupin would be too obvious," reasoned Galatea Belidolph, making her hands into a scale, as though literally weighing the possibilities, "my guess is ... Severus Snape." She looked expectantly at Lily.

Galatea was the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. This statement was not an opinion, but a fact. She had a tastefully small waist and slim hips. Her pitch black ringlets made men who coveted blondes forget the golden locks they usually worshiped. Her brilliant green eyes made the beauties with blue eyes fade from anyone's mind. Her lips were naturally ruby-red, full, and poised. Galatea, however, was no lover of the vibrant colors that her eyes and lips seemed to call for. Instead she obeyed her hair, and was always wearing black--always mourning for her loss.

Lily shook her head, sobbing into her hands.

"James Potter," said Athea firmly, knowing she was right.

"Yes!" Lily wailed. "How did you know?"

Athea rolled her eyes, as if to say, It's been a long summer, hasn't it?

"Thank you for recalling, Lily, that while those two fools were wasting their time in Muggle Studies and you in Arithmancy, I was achieving top marks in Divination. I was, as of last February, able to properly execute Intuitive Seeing, which is one of the most advanced levels of Divination." Athea paused. "Plus you were crying like an infant, so I knew it was bad."

"What's it to you anyway, Lily? Worst-case scenario he'll give you a detention for not going out with him, but you can get out of that. Plus, it's not as though--"

"She's Head Girl, Di," interrupted Athea.

"Ahh ..."

"Head Girl?" repeated Galatea. "Congratulations, Lily! Let's see the badge, then."

Lily pulled out the silver badge engraved with the words "Head Girl." Even ten minutes ago, Lily was honored to have the badge. Now, she'd just as soon have it lying abandoned in the sewer.

"Go on then, Lily! It won't be that bad! Take it one day at a time," Galatea consoled. "It will be twenty-five minutes on the train for the Prefect's Meeting, then you have to walk in front of all the students with him, and that's all! That's about twenty-five minutes and thirty seconds total."

"Yeah, then after the Prefect's Meeting you can come back and teach us some Muggle card games," said Diana eagerly, pulling out a deck of cards.

"Fine, fine," Lily relented, standing up and tapping her nose with her wand to make it look as though she hadn't just been crying. Her nose swelled unmercifully whenever she shed the smallest tear.

Lily slid the door shut on her way out and rushed down the corridor to the front of the train and slid open the door to the Prefects' Compartment.

"And our Head Girl this year is running a bit late," James was saying. "Oh! There she is!" he exclaimed as he spotted Lily. "Prefects, this is Head Girl, Lily Evans."

The Prefects looked at each other uncertainly and then began applauding hesitantly.

Lily took an awkward bow. "I am sorry I am late. I had some, er, business to tend to. But no worries! I'm here! So let's begin!"

The Meeting began. They first took roll and discovered one fifth year Prefect missing. He was found ten minutes later, claiming to have forgotten the way to the front of the train. He was told off for deliberately evading his duties, and they took ten additional minutes telling everyone that he'd been found. Then followed the tedious speech on patrol duties and patrol assignments were handed out. They each received a small stack of paperwork to fill out and then were given a lecture on the responsibility of their jobs.

"Don't forget the paperwork!" Lily yelled over the din of the Prefects leaving the compartment.

Once they had all left, Lily quickly gathered her stack of papers and prepared to leave.

"Wait a minute, Evans!" James called after her hastily. "Aren't you going to the Head Compartment?"

"And spend hours shut in a room fending off your womanizing comments? Sounds fun, but I'll pass."

James didn't look surprised. "Come on, Evans. Just look at it!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine," she sighed dramatically, mentally slapping herself for her continued third year-esque behavior.

She followed James to the compartment straight across the corridor.

It was incredible, to put it lightly.

The entire room was white with gold trim. The seats were more like sofas than anything. There was a small pantry in the corner and a bowl of fruit and chocolates in the middle of a mahogany coffee table, the only piece of furniture that wasn't white. For a moment Lily was inclined to stay, but quickly changed her mind as she caught sight of James. Lily turned to leave.

She didn't get far.

As she reached the door Potter's posse, the infamous Marauders, burst in, knocking Lily to the ground.

"Hello, Lily," said Remus Lupin, suspected Head Boy and the least detestable of Potter's friends, as he helped Lily up from the floor.

"Nice place you've got here, Prongs!" grinned Sirius.

"Thanks."

Lily rolled her eyes for no apparent reason and headed towards the door.

Suddenly the train stopped.

"Oh no! I don't believe this!" Lily groaned.

"Well, aren't you the whiner?" Sirius muttered disdainfully.

The conductor's voice echoed into their room.

"Um, ladies and gentlemen, it seems as though we have reached an inspection point. For those of you unfamiliar with the procedure, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is a constant threat to the world, mainly Europe, but especially the United Kingdom. There are certain daily spontaneous points throughout the country where a vehicle cannot pass without being inspected. The Aurors in charge have been kind enough to allow the train to continue moving but ask that you stay in your current compartment. Thank you!"

Lily let out a string of curses at whoever decided to have the Inspection Point here. Stupidly, she banged her head on the door, and naturally, this caught James' attention.

"Ahh! Come off it, Evans! I'm not that bad!" He took her by her tense shoulders and sat her down.

Lily shut her eyes tight, as though expecting something awful to happen.

"Stop it!" said James, rolling his eyes.

Lily opened her eyes and crossed her arms pessimistically. "Go on, Potter. Do it. Hit on me like you do every five seconds. You might as well get it over with."

James was very close to a heart attack. Here was Lily, who he'd admired since the first year and had been going after since the third year, giving him the opportunity. But, no. He knew it had to be one of those weird traps women laid. It would probably impress her if he didn't try anything.

Sirius was beginning to look worried.

Lily uncrossed her arms, laughed, and began to read through her papers.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter gathered in the far end of the compartment.

"Bloody hell, James! I thought your head was going to explode!" Sirius gasped.

"It was one of my more trying moments, thanks," James responded nonchalantly.

"It was impressive, Prongs. I could actually feel you trying to hold back," Remus added, ignoring James's attitude.

"Why don't you just give up on Evans?" Peter asked without thinking.

James and Sirius looked at him, appalled. Remus, however, tried a more friendly approach.

"Let me explain to you, Peter, the World of the Over-proud, Big-Headed Idiots."

"Idiots? I beg your--"

"Yes, Prongs, idiots, now do shut up. Anyhow, Wormtail, when one certain male finds a female he, quote unquote, 'likes', he goes after her, regardless of potential rejection. Now, if rejected, he pursues her more fervently because refusal makes the female more appealing. Understand?"

"I guess ..."

"Of course, once this female relents and consents to go out with him, he loses all interest, and the cycle begins again."

"It's a beautiful thing," sighed James.

"It also has something to do with pride, hence Moony's name for our ways," Sirius put in. "Once a girl rejects one of us ... 'Over-proud Big-Headed Idiots', it becomes a battle. And our Bigheaded Pride won't allow us to lose."

The Marauders started as they heard a snort. They turned to see Lily covering her face with her papers, her entire body quaking.

She was laughing--at them.

"What a theory!" she cackled. "That is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard. And when I've been in school with you four for six years, I've heard some pretty stupid things!" Lily paused then resumed giggling like a madwoman.

Previews:

XXXX

"Girls traveled in packs," James theorized, watching Lily keenly. "They cannot bear to be separated."

XXXX

"You know, Potter, you have a real knack for turning a perfectly nice compliment into a vile, bitter remark."

"I was born with it."

XXXX

"Well, that was embarrassing!" Lily hissed at James through her teeth.

XXXX

"Oh, Potter," Lily sighed, staring at him seductively.