The Weasley Redhead and the Malfoy Beast

Chapter 1:

Once upon a time...

~!~

Once upon a time, there was a lovely little family that lived on the outskirts of London. Actually, it was a little left to London; no, right. Perhaps below it, or maybe above it. Let's just assume that it was in a parallel dimension fairly close to the metropolis. In any case, a lovely little family lived in that area that was not-quite-London. They consisted of six rather large and rambunctious brothers, a harried father, a hen-pecked mother, countless garden gnomes, a set of self-knitting needles, and a little girl, whose name was Ginny, and who just happens to be the main character of this story.

Ginny had pretty red hair that she kept cropped short, just below her ears so that the tips of the red locks just brushed her cheeks. She had a freckled nose and eyes that were the color of the melted chocolate her mother used to make chocolate torte. For some reason, she had inherited her mother's height and her father's legginess, so from far off, she looked somewhat like a giant daddy-long-legs, all legs for two thirds of her five-feet-two-inches height.

She liked to read old gothic romance novels during thunderstorms, and loved sneaking bits of cookie dough from the kitchen. When her brother found a broken record player behind someone's backyard, she had her father fix it up so she could blast old American swing dance records at the top of its volume capacity. She loved singing in the shower and watching the watered soap run through her fingers, and she lived for hot cider at midnight during particularly loud and blustery winter storms.

Most of all though, she loved Quidditch. It was the passion that engulfed her entire family; from her old and worn-out father straight through to her dignified and handbook-lusting brother Percy. And though admittedly her family was a bit hard-pressed for money, each of the seven Weasley children was a proud owner of a fine, second-hand broom and an old battered Quaffle.

But enough of that. This story tells of everything that happened after Mr. Weasley woke up one particular morning when a gigantic, half-dead owl named Errol dropped like a stone onto his face.

"Good God, Errol, what have we told you about coming into the bedroom!" he shouted, coughing out old, musty feathers and groping for his spectacles.

The poor old thing gave a weak "warrg warrg" and dropped a letter onto the vacant pillow, then immediately flopped over onto his face. Scowling, Mr. Weasley took the letter and opened it, muttered something about euthanasia for owls, and read the contents quickly.

By the time the seven Weasley children were stumbling downstairs for their ritual morning ingestion of food, Mr. Weasley was already shrugging on his worn black robes and Mrs. Weasley was rushing to and fro, gathering such mish mash as ties, suitcases, a wallet, and oddly enough, a squirrel.

"What's up, Dad?" Bill, the eldest asked curiously.

"Morning children. Your-"

"Your father's great uncle Warrold Wembley the Wort died yesterday," Mrs. Weasley cut in cheerfully. "Arthur, do you need your umbrella?"

"How awful," Ron, the youngest son commented.

"Oh, not at all. It's quite pleasant," Arthur looked up at his family staring at him blankly and hastily corrected himself. "I mean-yes, it's perfectly horrid thing to happen, I just meant the weather, son, the weather. It's lovely."

The Weasleys nodded together in understanding as their father accepted the bowl of oatmeal his wife shoved in his hands.

"So I'll be going to Vienna then; anything you want, children? I think old Wembley might have left a galleon or two to me," Arthur asked distractedly as he struggled into his shoes.

The children's eyes grew alight at this, and immediately, requests spouted from their mouths so that Mrs. Weasley had to fetch pen and parchment to list everything down.

"Can you bring home some foreign coins, Father? I want to add them to my collection," Bill said.

"I head the Viennese legalized dragon skins. I'd like a pelt, if you can find one, Father," Charlie mused.

"A book on civil laws in Austria will do for me, Father," said Percy loftily.

"I'd like vampire fangs!"

"And I a werewolf's head!" cried the twins Fred and George, eyes sparkling.

"I've heard that the Viennese make exquisite chess pieces out of their native marble," Ron declared.

"All of that?" Arthur Weasley cried, quite taken aback.

"Yes!" they all chorused. The man shook his head and looked down at his little girl.

"Well, what about you, Ginny? Anything I can get you?"

Ginny thought about it for a while, and then said, "Eh, well, I don't really want anything. But if you'll take some pictures for my scrapbook, I wouldn't mind at all," she finally said cheerfully, handing her father her old camera. Arthur Weasley smiled fondly and rumpled her hair before straightening up and smacking a kiss on his wife's cheek.

"Alright then, coins, skins, books, teeth, heads, rocks, needles for my lovely wife, and pictures. Is that it?"

"Yes! Off you go!"

"Goodbye then, Family!"

"Goodbye, Father!"

~!~

And so, Arthur Weasley left his home in his journey to Vienna to see to his great-dead uncle. Upon getting to Vienna, he found that his uncle had left him a big deal, despite having never set eyes upon his great nephew in years, and Arthur found himself in a dilemma as he tried to get the Knights Bus to take aboard mahogany dressers, four-post beds, vanity mirrors, giant red-wood tables, grandfather clocks, horse-hair sofas, oriental rugs, ancient medieval tapestries, and a set of clothes, among them t-shirts that read, "You KNOW you want this hot piece of @$$" across it. There was also a suspicious collection of lipstick, mascara, and glittery sequins, but Arthur had hastily allowed the barristers' daughter to take most of it. He didn't want to think what they said about his uncle.

In any case, he ended up shipping most of them Fed-Ex to London and sent word to his family to pick them up there, then went about buying his family's wish list.

He found the skins, and bought the books, kept the change, fought for the needles, bartered for the teeth, head, and chess pieces, and soon, all that remained were the pictures.

So on his last day, he took many pictures of Vienna, and as he wandered in the forests, he took many pictures of the trees too. He took pictures of the lake he came to, and of the bear that had crossed his path. He took pictures of the clouds that looked like giant eyeglasses and also of a family of skunks that he stumbled upon. Unfortunately, that ordeal left him a bit smelly, and as he tried to find his way back to the hotel, he realized he was quite lost in the forest.

"Oh dear," Arthur sighed, wandering around pointlessly in the semi-dark of the forest. He was quite worried. It would have been a gigantic waste of money if he died and didn't get back to his family with their gifts.

Fortunately for him, a humongous castle suddenly appeared in his field of vision, and he happily ran up to the gate, pressing the doorbell and hallo-ing at the top of his lungs.

"Halloooo! Excuse me! Is anyone home? I'm a lost and weary traveler that has been skunked! Would you happen to have some tomato juice and a teleyphant I can use? Hallo? Do you speak English? Hallo? Gutentag? Bonjour?"

Surprisingly, the owner of the castle apparently didn't mind crazy, half-insane, and goddawful smelly foreigners as much as one would think he would, and the gate opened, allowing Arthur to happily enter the castle. All along the walk to the front door, Arthur noticed that there were very pretty flowers growing exuberantly beside the gravel walk, and a fountain spouted clear liquid into the air in dazzling patterns. It would all have been very romantic, had Arthur not dropped his things at once and rushed to dunk his Eau de Skunked head into the basin. Someone besides him coughed discreetly, and startled, Arthur looked up to see...

Nothing.

Well, except a floating towel.

Uncertainly, Arthur took the offered cloth and wiped his face.

"Why, thank you." His things suddenly levitated themselves off the ground and went floating for the front door.

"Oh! Well, thank you indeed!" Arthur said in delight and rushed into the castle after his things. As soon as he entered, he'd barely enough time to look around before he was whisked away by invisible forces into a large room and from there into a smaller, steam-filled room, which he realized belatedly was a bath of tomato soup. Unceremoniously, he was stripped and dumped into the tub, and invisible hands began scrubbing him right and left, top to bottom.

"I-dare-say-!" he cried between dunkings. "I implore you not to scrub my skin off!" Fortunately, he survived the bathing.

As he came out of the shower in a silk bathrobe ["Very nice chap this place belongs too!"] he found a meal set on the table consisting of soup, chicken, vegetables, and other stuff not worth mentioning. What is though is that he had a very nice dinner and went to bed quite bloated. He slept deeply, woke up refreshed, and had another excellent breakfast. However, as he inspected his de-skunked things, he found that to his dismay, Ginny's camera had come loose and the film had popped out. All those pictures ruined!

"Oh, dear," Arthur murmured, replacing the film with a new roll. "I'll just have to take some more pictures." Invisible hands helped him manage his things, and soon, he was back out the door. The flowers in the daytime were lovely, and Arthur quickly made up for the last roll by taking numerous pictures of roses and gardenias, water lilies and orchids. He was considering leaving the castle then, when he spotted something white and furry off in the distance, among the flowers. The white fur would appear for a moment, then disappear, then appear again. This all got Arthur very excited.

"Perhaps it is a Yeti!" he thought, conveniently forgetting that yetis tend to live in places like Greenland and Alaska, not Viennese forests. Intrigued, he held up Ginny's camera, took aim, and SNAP! Caught the mysterious bobbing fur on film. As he lowered his camera, there was a sudden roar of fury, and to Arthur's consternation, the bounding white fur came bobbing his way through the grasses and flowers. It broke through the hedges, and Arthur saw that the fur was not a yeti in fact, but a...

"Why, it's a giant ferret!" he cried in delight.

"What?! Ferret?! I'll have you know that I am a terrifying, uncouth monster! Arrrrgh!"

"And it talks too! What a talented boy you are! You want a biscuit?" Arthur asked, holding out some leftover bread from his breakfast. The giant, white-furred beast looked at the biscuit with mild distaste.

"Er, no thank you. I've broken fast."

"Oh. Alright then."

"Anyways, you took pictures of me while I was not yet primped! You shall die for this!"

"Bad boy! Sit!!"

The beast looked annoyed, swung his head lower to look Arthur straight in the eyes, and roared. There was a silence, then,

"...I'm not a household pet."

"You...are not...a ferret..." Arthur weakly repeated.

"Good enough. Anyways, as I said, I'll have to kill you now."

"Oh, please don't. There is always a peaceful alternative," Arthur pleaded.

"Such as...?" the beast asked, gazing idly at his claws. Arthur gulped.

"Well, whatever happened to that kid-swapping thing they usually do in stories? I've got seven kids, I'm sure I won't miss one of them."

At this, the beast looked vaguely interested. "Seven, you say?"

Arthur nodded. "All fine, grown children, very healthy and well-mannered."

The beast "hmmed" thoughtfully. He thought while Arthur sweated in mild terror. He thought as his invisible servants brushed his fur. He thought for approximately five seconds after Arthur's offer.

"Alright then, I'll take your offer. You'll now have to give up one of your children-for life! Mind you, if you don't, I'll make sure you die quite slowly and painfully. I know about these kinds of things, believe me, I do."

Arthur gulped. He nodded. The beast nodded too.

"Very well. I'll send you on now. Ta! Don't back out now!" he called cheerfully to the poor man. The gates clanged shut, and just as it had appeared, the castle disappeared.

~!~

Upon getting home, he found many of the things he'd sent back piled in the back yard.

"We just can't fit all this in the house," his wife told him, but she seemed pretty happy as she stroked the stuffed dog.

"Yeah, well, just see how happy you'll be when you hear the news I've got," Arthur muttered under his breath. He called his family to the kitchen and handed out their presents. Lastly, he gave Ginny her pictures, and the girl took them out, excitedly flipping through them.

"Oh, look at that! Wow! What an amazing building! Ooh, flowers! I didn't know they bloomed this time of year! And look at-what in the world is this, Father? It looks like a gigantic bouncing ferret," Ginny said, and held up the picture for her father to see. Arthur looked and sighed.

"Oh, my Ginny, I am an awful father! I should never have promised him!"

"What are you talking about, Father?"

"I deserve to die! Die! Wither away into the ashes and scatter in the wind! I am a horrible father, Ginny love, I shall understand if you never forgive me!"

"Mummy, Father's gone quite mad. What is he talking about?" Ginny asked curiously. Arthur stopped pounding his head repeatedly on the table long enough to explain the situation.

"My dear girl," Arthur told Ginny solemnly, holding her hands clasped between his own. "Now you see how to save your poor dear father's life, you must make that journey, to become the partner in life to a giant white ferret [but don't ever call him that to his face]. The providing for your family...depends on your...choice."

After that, there was only the sound of dull thuds, and then Molly's screams could be heard all over the house.

"What do you mean "WIFE?!" My Ginny is only sixteen-ONLY SIXTEEN! ARTHUR WILLIAM WEASLEY-"

"Yes, Mum?"

"Not you, Bill-ARE you out of your MIND?! Whatever prompted you to such a RIDICULOUS promise! HOW DARE you promise SUCH a thing! YOU GO on RIGHT back and tell him NO! Absolutely NO! THERE is NO WAY- Ginny dear, where are you going?"

"I'm going to Vienna. I've always wanted to visit there. Ta, Mother, Father, brothers. I'll write often."

"Alright dear, be careful of who you talk to on your way. Be sure to ring up when you get there. AS I was saying, MY Ginny will be NO MAN'S WIFE if I can help it!"

"Er, Mum?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"Ginny's gone to the beast. Thought you'd like to know."

"...unrepeatable things!"

~!~