Secrets

Sirius closed his coat tightly around himself as he walked towards the house. With the threat of a Death Eater attack looming, James and Lily had put many protective wards around their house, which meant he had to park his bike down the street and walk from there. It was unseasonably frigid for October, and Sirius had to wonder if it was somehow Voldemort's doing as well.

He sighed when he finally reached the front door. What he had to tell James and Lily wasn't easy, and he wasn't sure how they were going to take it ... but he had to do it. This responsibility was far too big for someone incapable of even keeping a fern alive.

He knocked and was greeted by a weary James Potter.

"Hi Padfoot." His voice was cheery enough, but Sirius knew it was trying to mask the worry. His best friend led him into the living room where Lily was trying to sooth a very cranky baby.

"Hullo Lils," Sirius said as he bent down to kiss her cheek. "What's Harry still doing awake? Isn't it past his bedtime?"

"I keep trying to tell him that," she replied with a tired smile, "but he doesn't seem to listen. He's stubborn, just like his father."

"I'm not stubborn," James protested as he sat next to his wife on the sofa. "I'm just right all the time. It's a curse, actually."

True smiles had been absent from James' face for too long. Sirius was relieved to see one at last.

"So," Lily began as she put the now sleepy Harry down in his playpen, "what did you want to talk about? We've been over the plan for tomorrow hundreds of times."

Sirius took a deep breath and sat down in a chair across from his friends. He tried to remember - he had planned a whole speech for this, but none of it was coming to him. The nervous fidgeting of his hands was not helping either. Seeing the anxious looks on Lily and James' faces, he just blurted out the words.

"I can't be your Secret Keeper."

In his panic, he had accidentally shouted the words and startled his godson. As Lily ran over to calm her son, James stared at his friend incredulously. Avoiding his gaze, Sirius pretended to suddenly be very interested in the pattern on the carpet.

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" His voice was barely a whisper, and Sirius knew that he had just done the impossible, he had shocked James Potter.

"I can't be your Secret Keeper," he repeated. "It's too obvious. Voldemort would be after me in a second. And ... I don't ..."

"Sirius, please calm down," Lily said, still trying to stop Harry's wails. "James and I trust you. You're the godfather of our child. We know you would never betray us."

"I would never betray you intentionally, no" Sirius said as he rose from his seat and began pacing around the small room. "But what if Voldemort uses the Imperius Curse or Veritaserum? No ... it's too risky. I'm the first person he would go after. You ... you have to pick someone else."

James and Lily looked at each other. Sirius understood that they were having a conversation without words and waited anxiously.

He began to pace the room, stopping to look at the pictures on the mantle. The Potters and the Evans' were of course there as was a picture of Lily's nephew (which he had originally thought was a large turkey wearing a sailor-suit). His gaze moved onto to a photograph from their days at Hogwarts. It was the four Marauders in their dormitory. They had gathered on Peter's bed and were making all kinds of rude gestures towards the photographer, who had been Lily. They were all there: himself, James, Peter, and ...

"We'd better ask Remus, then," James said, rising from the couch.

Forgetting the picture, Sirius quickly whirled around.

"No, not Remus! Definitely not Remus," he cried.

"Why on earth not?" Lily asked in amazement. She paused as a look of realization appeared on her face. "Sirius Orion Black, if you're implying what I think you are..."

"Oh come on, isn't it obvious?" Sirius shouted. "Who else would the spy be?"

"Sirius, how can you even think such a thing?" James yelled. "This is Remus we're talking about! Moony, our friend and your flat mate, for Merlin's sake!"

"Yes, and as his flatmate I can tell you that he's been disappearing every night for the past two months without so much as an explanation. He either sneaks back in at some ungodly hour, or he doesn't come home at all."

"You're overreacting," Lily stated. "He's probably just doing work for the Order."

"I've asked Dumbledore. Remus only works during the day. Even if he was doing extra work, he always does his research at the flat. Says he concentrates better when he's comfortable or something."

"Well, maybe he has a girlfriend," James said.

"If he's so devoted to the Order, he wouldn't have time for a girlfriend. Merlin knows I don't. Look, I'm not any happier about this than you are, but we have to face the facts. The spy is someone close to you. It's not me, because if it was, I would be jumping at the chance to be your Secret Keeper, wouldn't I? And can you honestly believe that it would be Peter?"

Sirius looked at his friends. His heart ached as he saw them silently accepting it, just as he had a few months before. He sighed.

"The facts add up. His mysterious night activities, the process of elimination, and the fact that he's a-"

"Don't even think about bringing that into it," Lily hissed through her fresh silent tears. She sank down on the sofa next to her husband, still cradling Harry in her arms. Sirius reclaimed his armchair and cradled his head in his hands.

"I can't believe it," James whispered. "It can't be Moony ... it just can't be."

"I don't care if you believe it or not," Sirius snapped. "But I will not allow you to make him your Secret Keeper. Why don't you just ask Dumbledore?"

"No," James answered quickly. "That man's already done more than enough for us. We can't have the Headmaster looking after us for our entire lives, can we?"

The three of them sat in silent contemplation for a few moments before Sirius spoke again.

"Peter."

Lily and James looked at him like he was completely insane.

"Peter?" Lily exclaimed. "I love Peter as much as the rest of you, but I don't think he'd be the most reliable Secret Keeper when faced with torture."

"That's just it, Lils. No one would think that you gave such a responsibility to Peter Pettigrew. They would never go after him."

Sirius took the Potters' silence as acceptance.

"Right, so I'll tell Peter and bring him over tomorrow. I'll do the charm. And whatever you do, don't tell anyone that you've switched Secret Keepers. Let them think it's me; it'll throw the Death Eaters off track."

Sirius got up and said his good-byes. Neither James nor Lily said anything until they heard the roar of Sirius' motorcycle.

"I can't believe Remus is the spy," Lily said quietly.

James nodded in reply. He looked at his wife and saw his own pain mirrored in her eyes. He had never felt such betrayal in his entire life; yet, he still couldn't quite believe it. The hard evidence may have added up, but what could possibly be the motivation behind such a malicious act? There simply wasn't any.

"I don't know if it's true," he said, "but I would certainly feel better if I knew where Moony went at night."

~*~

Remus counted his tips as the last few drunks were thrown out of the pub.

'Only three hundred pounds,' he thought. 'Slow night.'

He smiled as he put the notes in the pocket of his jeans. He wasn't quite sure where he had gotten the idea to work at a Muggle pub, but he was glad he had. Not only did he get to meet interesting people (not to mention quite a few pretty girls), but it was turning out to be quite lucrative. After only two months, he was nearly at his goal.

His thoughts were interrupted when a thick hand clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good job tonight, Lupin."

Remus found it amusing that the pub owner had the voice of someone who had smoked ten packs of cigarettes a day for the past twenty years; it seemed too stereotypical to be true. Joe was a kind man who had taken a particular shine to his newest bartender. His voice may have been harsh, but Remus had a hunch that Joe would cry at the sight of a cute puppy.

Remus began to thank his boss, but was cut off by a large envelope being thrust into his hand. He opened it, smiled, and counted his wages. His eyes widened.

"Joe, I think you've made a mistake. There's over a thousand pounds in here!"

"No mistake, Lupin. You're one of the best workers I've ever had. You flirt with the women, joke with the guys, and you make some of the best drinks in the city. If you hadn't of taken all those sick days, there'd be a lot more in there. Think of it as a Halloween bonus."

"And an incentive for me to stay on?"

"Well, that too. Why are you leaving?"

"Er ... a couple of my friends are going through a tough time. Since I've been working so much, I haven't really had time for them. But now that I've got the money I need-"

"Now that you've got your money, you're just gonna leave me high and dry - and right before one of the biggest drinking holidays no less!"

Joe scowled for a moment before his customary smile came back.

"I'm just messing with you, Lupin. Friends are important, and yours sound like good ones. You just remember to come back when this mess gets sorted out, you hear?"

Joe surveyed his pub before he turned back to his employee.

"But enough of this. I think there's someone waiting for you."

He motioned to the end of the bar, where there was a very pretty girl with long, blonde hair sitting on a stool. Joe gave Remus a wink before he went to the back room.

Remus sighed happily as he went over. The other benefit of this job was definitely the girls. Not only was there a flock of beautiful women every night, but they were all Muggles. None of them would know what his registration marking would mean if they found it during an intimate moment ... which meant that none of them would run screaming into the night.

The girl, when she noticed Remus coming her way, smiled at him and flipped her hair behind her shoulder.

"Hi there. My name's Julie."

"Remus." He sat on the stool next to Julie, flashing her the charming smile which he had perfected over the last two months.

"Remus? That's an unusual name."

"I'm kind of an unusual guy."

"Well, Remus, you may be unusual, but you make the best Cosmopolitan I've ever had."

"Have you been waiting around just to tell me that?"

Julie smiled coyly and flipped her hair again. "Well, not just that." She paused to examine him. Satisfied with what she found, she continued. "So why are you working here?"

"Oh, I'm just trying to earn some money to get my own flat."

Julie's faced scrunched up. "You don't still live with your parents, do you?"

Remus quickly shook his head and chuckled. "No, no ... I live with a friend from boarding school."

"So why do you want to leave?"

'Because there's a good chance he's going to try and kill me in my sleep,' he thought bitterly. Not wanting to scare the poor girl, he chose to answer differently.

"We roomed together at school for seven years, and we've been sharing a flat for almost three. Quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of his snoring."

Julie giggled and lightly touched Remus' hand.

"Well, if you're not in the mood to put up with the snoring tonight, I have a big, lonely bed to share." She raised her eyebrows suggestively and began tracing patterns on the back of his hand with her nail.

Now there was no denying she was beautiful and appealing, but Remus felt he had gone home with quite a lot of beautiful and appealing strangers lately. And on top of that, he hadn't been a very good friend to Lily and James lately. He had meant to go over and check on them for a while now, but there had been Krissy ... and Hillary ... and Monica ...

Sensing his hesitation, Julie leaned over and softly pressed her lips to his.

"I won't bite," she whispered, still very close to him, "that is, unless you want me to." Without waiting for an answer, she got up and led him to the door.

There was a part of Remus that felt very guilty for not keeping an eye on Sirius and not making sure James and Lily were alright. But there was also the part of him that was about to have sex, and being a young male werewolf in the midst of his sexual peak ... that was the part that won out.

As Julie pulled him into a cab and pressed herself up against him, Remus vowed that he would most definitely see Lily and James tomorrow. Yes, he would see them and explain everything. Hopefully he wouldn't be too late to stop them from making Sirius their Secret Keeper.