Cigarettes and Whiskey

Lily stood under the overhang outside of an empty brick building towards the end of Knockturn alley, next to an old apothecary shop, trying to keep out of the slight rain. She was dressed inconspicuously in simple black robes, the collar turned up and her brilliant red hair hidden under a scarf. She nervously tapped her foot, trying not to look like she was scared. As a major player in the fight against Voldemort, this was not a good place to be. But he had told her to meet her here. He said it was important. She didn't know how he had managed to contact her without getting caught. Memories kept fighting to come to the surface of that summer, of the times that they had met here before, where no one would pay attention to them. The building behind her had not been empty then. Instead, it had been a cheap pub with some rooms for rent. It had been the summer before their final year. So much had happened since then. There was no reason, she told herself, to relive those things now. So she leaned her shoulder on the wall, keeping in the shadow of the crumbling doorway, gnawing at the skin around her fingernail.

"You shouldn't do that, you'll chew it until it bleeds. But I guess you gave up smoking when James got you preggars," a voice whispered into her ear. She turned around quickly, wand out, a hex on her lips. She gave the speaker a nasty look when she realized who it was as she tucked her wand safely away again.

"These are not good times to sneak up on a person, Severus."

"Then I apologize."

He looked her over for a minute. Despite being a few months pregnant, she looked perfect. Her cheeks were slightly red from being angry with him and there was a splash of freckles across her nose. Small strands of her hair had come out from the scarf on her head. Suddenly he grabbed her small hands, pinning them against the wall. His mouth pressed against hers, tasting her again for the first time since that summer. It was everything he remembered and then some. He was like a man in the desert who was dying of thirst. He drank her in, drew her in. He was on the verge of tears, remembering what he had lost.

Lily tasted the smoke and the drink on his lips. It was a taste she would never forget, one that she had loved more than anything else. At that moment, she was no longer Lily Potter, wife of James Potter, devoted mother and member of the Order. She was Lily Evans again, seventeen years old and Severus Snape's lover. She could no longer hold back the memories of this place. They flowed over her, in that one kiss. They had rented one of the run-down rooms several times that summer. She remembered them in the bed, drinking cheap whiskey and smoking cigarettes. She remembered being propped up against the wall, screaming his name as he made her come, her fingernails digging into his back, as he leaned down to her, just whispering her name over and over.

A man walked by them, muttering for them to get a room, and Lily was brought back to the present. She pushed Severus away from her.

"Severus, no. I can't. I'm married now. I have a son. And you're one of his now, anyway. If we were meeting under circumstances of the war, I... I might hurt you. I might kill you."

He opened the door to the old pub, led her inside, and cast a silencing spell, afraid that people passing by would overhear them.

"You're right, I have no right to you now. But I had to, just one final time, just to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Lily, you're in danger. You're son is in danger. Voldemort wants him dead, he wants you all dead, and it's my fault. Oh God, it's all my fault."

"It isn't your fault. He's wanted us dead for a while now. We dare stand against him. And of course this puts Harry in danger."

"No, you don't understand. There's been a prophecy. It's about Harry. Dumbledore is going to put you in hiding. He promised that he would never tell anyone about my part in all of this, but I couldn't do that. I had to tell you. You deserve to know why he wants to kill your son. I overheard the prophecy, and I told it to Voldemort. I didn't know the danger it would put you and Harry in, I swear it Lily. I can serve him no longer. I'm leaving. And no one leaves him and lives. Regulus Black, Sirius' brother, he died only days after deserting. I expect the same for myself. I have come to ask you for your forgiveness, and to say goodbye."

Lily stood there, looking at the man in front of her. He looked exhausted. He was thin, even for him. His hair was a greasy, stringy, tangled mess. His face was gaunt and great shadows lined his eyes. He sunk to his knees and held her hands again, so gently this time. "Please, Lily, please, forgive me for this. If you can't, though, I understand. It doesn't matter though, as long as you are safe."

She pulled him back up, and then held him tight. She was crying, so was he. She cried out of anger, fear, sadness, and happiness.

"Do you have any idea how long I had hoped to hear those words? Do you know how happy it makes me to hear you say that you're leaving him? That was no place for you. Your intelligence has so many better ways to be utilized. And you never really believed what he taught. I also know that you would never have intentionally done something that would put me or my son in harm's way. I also know how you feel about James, but telling us about the danger saves his life too, and for that I thank you. I also believe that Dumbledore will take care of us. I believe that he will take care of you too, so don't count yourself out so soon. So yes, of course I forgive you."

"I loved you in a way that he could never understand. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I know. And I've lost track of the number of times that I thought about what could have happened. But that's in the past now. I'm sorry."

He brought his hand to her face, brushing her cheek, moving to her lips.

"I did love you more than him. I don't believe we will ever meet again in this world, so farewell, Lily."

Then he slipped out the door, a shadow moving among shadows. She quickly lost sight of him, and all that she was left with was the smell of cigarettes and whiskey.