Broken Glass

``````````````````````` Ch. 1 A Fond Remembrance ```````````````````````

Remus cast a nervous glance around his room. For the past three hours, he'd cleaned, dusted, scrubbed, and fussed over his bedroom, striving to make it look like a picture of perfection. For the most part his efforts had been in vain, simply performed out of habit, for the room had already worn the appearance of such cleanliness that it seemed no one had stepped foot inside for months. That much was true. For nine months, Remus had been inhabiting the Gryffindor boy's dormitory of the Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Even there, his living space in the dormitory was marvelously neat. Remus felt he owed it to Professor Dumbledore, headmaster of the prestigious school. After all, Professor Dumbledore was the only administrator of any wizarding school in Europe that would accept Remus Lupin.

As a child of only six, he had barely survived an attack by a maddened werewolf. He had escaped with his life, but the incurable disease of lycanthropy had been passed on to him, plaguing him to the present. Since then he had been treated as a pariah, a thing to be feared. His own parents had been stricken with grief and horror when they had discovered their son's affliction. They had tried to suppress it during the first few months and who could blame them? Werewolves had reputations as irrationally violent entities, losing themselves and their humanity with the coming of the full moon. When they had finally learned that any attempt to curb the wolf within their son would fail, they had given up hope, or so it seemed to Remus. He doubted, in all sincerity, if his parents were more concerned with his well-being as a human than their shame should any of their peers unearth the truth about what they had been harboring in their household for ten years.

'Nothing but a burden to them,' he thought with a bitterness that had become permanently ingrained in him. He irritably straightened the navy blue oversheet on his bed as he recalled the past ten years of his life. Not once in his life, after the age of six or seven, could he remember his parents outwardly display any sort of positive emotion they might have held for him. While he longingly looked out of the window of his second story room at boys his age, playing Muggle games like baseball with their fathers, his own made it very clear that he wanted nothing more to do with his son than neccessary. He had been ashamed to call a werewolf his son and refrained from doing so unless obligation made it unavoidable. At least his mother had made her disdain slightly more subtle, providing Remus with the excuse that their actions had been done with his best interests in mind. Remus was not convinced.

Ten years had passed without a hug or a kiss or any physical or psychological sign of love or affection. Nine and a half, to be exact. Remus smiled fondly, remembering the events of the past five months. 'Who would have thought?' he told himself silently. He reclined on his recently made bed and stared at the ceiling, blind to the swirling paint designs adorning the ceiling, but seeing instead a face with angular aristocratic features and eyes the grey of a storm at sea.

Since entering Hogwart's at the age of eleven, Remus had made a handful of friends. The closest of which were James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. His three companions knew of his secret, discovering it through their own wits, not needing him to inform them of it. They were all in the same house at Hogwart's, Gryffindor. There was one other, however. His name was Lucius Malfoy and although he was in Slytherin house, he and Remus had grown so close that he often believed that fate accidentally separated them into two separate bodies. His relationship functioned on so many different levels with that one boy than it did with even James or Sirius. They had begun their careers at school as enemies, taunting each other ceaselessly in the corridors, and getting into a few brazen fist fights on the grounds, all resulting in detention with Professor McGonagall.

It was not until a chance meeting, perhaps coordinated by the gods, in the Forbidden Forest that Lucius came to know his innermost secret. Performing a dare he had been too proud to refuse, Lucius wandered into the forest surrounding the castle and came upon the Whomping Willow, which for over five years had proved to be a suitable shelter for Remus for the duration of the full moon, a period which he found that he could hardly retain his most simple aspects of humanity. He had spent three days in the Shrieking Shack, including the nights before and after the full moon, when his strength was at its weakest. He knew he probably should have stayed at least one more day to recuperate, but he had shunted reason due to loneliness.

It was on his way back to the castle, navigating through the woods he had come to know so well that he stumbled upon Lucius. Literally. Remus could still remember the look of utter shock that graced his rival's face after they had run into each other on the seldom used path in the woods. He had a carefully devised excuse as to why he was wandering alone in the Dark Forest in the wee hours of the morning, which coincidentally was identical to Lucius' actual reason. After harsh words exchanged on both ends, Remus' escape from Lucius' suspicious scrutiny had almost been complete. Almost.

////////////////////////////// Five months ago /////////////////////////////

Remus gritted his teeth, restraining the desire to pummel the boy standing in front of him. They had been standing on the dirt path for nearly five minutes trading insults and excuses.

"Where are your friends, Lupin? Hiding in the bushes somewhere?" Lucius said, his trademark sneer marring the perfection his face would have been.

"No. They're at the castle, and speaking of which, I should probably go join them," Remus said, the finality in his tone making it evident that he had no desire to remain in the woods.

"Right . . . you must be horribly lonely without them. They are the only people willing to be seen with you, after all." Lucius had no idea how true those words had been.

Remus knew he shouldn't have lost his temper, especially not the night after he had harnessed the wolf inside him. Lucius' words had struck a cord deep within, awakening the memories and pain he had spent the past five years laying to rest, with the help of his friends. He narrowed his eyes and growled at Lucius. He actually growled at him, releasing a deep guttural sound, bubbling up from his abdomen. He probably could have passed it off as a hidden talent or something equally as ridiculous and hardly plausible so that Lucius would leave the forest none the wiser. What Remus had no control over, though, was the change that took place in his eyes. Not enough time had passed since his last transformation and the wolf was still residing close to the surface. His pupils dilated, shifting from their usual brown to a golden amber, glowing in the dim light provided by his bane, the moon. He knew, in an instant what had happened, from the look of shock on Lucius' normally controlled countenance.

Before Lucius could form a single word, Remus regained his control and stifled the animal inside him. "Lucius, listen to me. What just happened -- "

"You're a werewolf. A fucking werewolf," Lucius said, his voice a whisper. Remus thought the other boy would have turned and ran from him if he hadn't been rooted to the spot with shock.

"Lucius, you have to understand . . .," Remus began, but was unsure how to continue. He had never imagined himself being forced to explain his condition to anyone, much less Lucius Malfoy. James, Peter, and Sirius had already come to terms with it before they let him know that they had discovered it on their own accord.

Remus had been expecting many things from Lucius. Disgust, something he had grown accustomed to over the past ten years. Fear. Anger. Malice. Threats to get expelled. The last thing he would have dared expect was Lucius' next question.

"Does Dumbledore know?" Lucius said in a soft voice, barely above a whisper.

It was not so much his inquiry that startled Remus, but the look in his eyes. Dancing behind the swirling grey was a gleam of unbridled awe. Not fear, or revulsion, or misunderstanding. A simple curiosity of a boy faced with something that had long resided in his mind as nothing more than a tale, a story that held no deeper meaning. Lucius looked at Remus as if he as a design from his imagination brought to life, a character from some book read long ago given flesh and life. Remus wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Yes," he said, his voice so soft, it carried only to Lucius' ears, "He knows."

Lucius nodded, a different look coming to his eyes. The inquisitive statement remained, but the childlike awe had been replaced by an older, intelligent look.

"So, you're not dangerous or anything?" Lucius asked. Remus' surprise increased when he noticed that the blonde boy in front of him had not made a single movement away from him, but instead took a small step forward, apparently unafraid.

"Yes . . . yes, I'm dangerous. Very dangerous," Remus responded. Spurred on by the slight change in statement on Lucius' face, he quickly added, "But only during the full moon." He was still uncertain about Lucius' actions. Were they good or bad? He supposed he would find out soon enough.

Lucius, full of surprises, cocked his head to one side. "So . . . what happened?"

Remus blinked. 'What did he just ask? Why isn't he running away, screaming? Doesn't he understand what I am? Has it occurred to him that I'm a monster?' The thoughts ran rampant through his head, one quickly followed by another, but he had answers to none of them.

"I got bit," he said, resorting to the simplest response he knew of. Suddenly, the severity of the situation became known to Remus.

"Lucius, you can't tell anyone about this. They won't understand. Dumbledore'll be bombarded with owls from parents. I'll get kicked out. People don't want their children to be in the same building as a monster -- " Remus was cut short by an explosion of laughter. An explosion of very unexpected laughter. Riotous laughter. Howling laughter. Laugh-so-hard-you-start-to-cry laughter.

"You? Remus Lupin, saint of Gryffindor . . . a monster?" Lucius regained some semblance of self control, a smile still playing on his thin lips. "Merlin, Lupin . . . even I know you better than that."

Remus blinked again. Confusion must have been reverberating off him in waves because Lucius continued, his face no longer holding any signs of laughter.

"You wouldn't hurt a fly, Lupin. No matter what they think," Lucius said, "Now . . . tell me. What happened?" What had happened to the arrogant, hateful Slytherin Remus had been tormented by for the past five years? Where did he go?

"Why do you want to know?" Remus asked, his suspicions once again aroused. Lucius rolled his eyes, impatient arrogance shining through.

"Because I'm curious. You being a werewolf is just so obscenely out of character." "You . . . you mean . . . you're not going to run off and tell the rest of the school what they're harboring?"

Lucius gave him a long meaningful look, too complex for Remus to decipher. "No. I figure if you're here on Dumbledore's approval, he'd shit a cat if I told anyone."

Remus was vaguely reminded of his first converation with James, Peter, and Sirius about his lycanthropy.

"Thank you," he whispered. Those two simple words said so little and meant so much. "Yeah. Sure. Now, what happened?"

They sat in the forest and talked for hours. Lucius, in his curiosity, made Remus start from the very beginning. Remus told the other boy about the attack, his visit to the wizarding hospital, the conversation between the doctor and his parents when he told them about their son's affliction. Lucius continued to pry until he came to the painful truths Remus was unwilling to disclose. Remus, however, felt a connection had grown between the two of them during the past few hours. Lucius had listened intently, often interrupting to cover bits of the tale he had missed or jumping ahead to areas Remus had yet to cover. He steeled himself for the facts of his life he was about to share with the most unlikely person he could think of. He told him of his parents, everything they had done and said, they way in which they treated him. He told him how they locked him in his room, the only room in the house with a metal door, for up to three nights every month, for fear he would sneak out of the house and a neighbor would spot him. He told Lucius everything, continuing until he would dare not venture any longer.

He stopped his narrative when he realized his face was moist. He had been crying. He had been crying and Lucius Malfoy had seen it.

Remus hastily wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his robe, not daring to look into the other boy's eyes.

"It's alright, Lupin," Lucius' voice came to him, "it's okay."

"What?" Remus asked, startled by the gentle tone that was held in Lucius' voice. He had never heard that from anyone other than Sirius, James, and Peter. He most certainly had never dreamed that it would ever come from Lucius Malfoy.

"I said, it's okay," Lucius repeated. He placed one hand under Remus' chin, forcing the other boy to look directly at him. "If you need to get it out, go right ahead. Your parents suck. Hell, mine don't even treat me like that and they abhor me."

Remus couldn't control himself any longer. He had tried to conceal the pain and tears from his three best friends, refusing to let them see his weakness. He couldn't hold it in for another minute. Fresh tears cascaded down his cheeks, and he bowed his head again, this time because of the sobs that had been racking his chest, not from embarrassment.

He was barely aware of Lucius' movement, until he felt two arms, two very warm, sturdy arms, wrap around his shoulders and pull him close. Lucius' chest was surprisingly comfortable, yet just as strong as his arms. Remus unconsciously buried his face in Lucius' shoulder, not realizing what he was doing until it was done. He felt Lucius' hand rest on his back, slowly rubbing up and down in a soothing motion. Remus was trapped between shock and comfort. 'What happened to the Lucius Malfoy I used to know,' he thought numbly, snuggling closer to the other boy, finding a more comfortable position for the both of them.

They sat like that for a while, long after Remus' tears had subsided. Remus was half- sitting in Lucius' lap with his head resting in the juncture where the other boy's neck met his shoulder. His forehead was pressed against the exposed skin of Lucius' neck and the sensation was strangely comforting. Lucius' arms remained around his shoulders and chest, holding him firmly but gently against his body. This was different from the casually platonic and utterly masculine hugs he occasionally received from James and Sirius. This was comforting, protective. It gave him a sense of belonging, an emotion that was unfortunately a rarity in his life. Remus noticed without much concern, that the sun had begun to rise over the trees of the forest, chasing away the darkened gloom and granting a meager amount of light to the woods.

Remus sniffled, bringing them both back to reality and away from the warm cocoon they had created for themselves, where nothing existed beyond their embrace. He turned his head to the side, nuzzling Lucius' shoulder. Remus was vaguely aware of Lucius' hand still tracing circular patterns on his back. He breathed in Lucius' scent, slightly intermingled with the scents of the forest around them. He brought his hands up to wrap around Lucius' middle, accidentally bringing them closer than they had been. He felt Lucius' head stir, feeling, rather than seeing the other boy look down at him.

Remus looked up and he knew his face must have been a brilliant shade of crimson. He had never let anyone see him cry before and now he found himself in the arms of the one person he thought he had loathed.

"You okay now, Lupin?" Lucius asked, a faint hint of a smile pulling at his lips.

"I have a first name, you know," Remus responded, his embarassment fading somewhat.

"Fine. You okay now, Remus?" Lucius asked, now smiling full force. The sound of his name coming from those lips caused a stange feeling in Remus that had nothing to do with embarrassment.

"Yeah . . . " he said, his voice trailing off. For a while they sat there, simply looking at each other, each unwilling to break the comfortable silence that had fallen on them. Then, as if driven by some temporary madness, Lucius bowed his head to Remus, closing the short distance between their faces. He stopped, his nose practically touching Remus' and their lips only an inch or so apart.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked. The night had held too many strange occurrences for him to be startled by Lucius' odd behavior anymore.

"I don't know," the other boy whispered, leaning in closer, diminishing the distance between their lips.

Remus had never felt anything like it. He had actually never kissed anyone before. It was different from what he expected. Rather than the unpleasantness of combined saliva, it was sweet and soft. Lucius, obviously more experienced in such matters, moved his lips against Remus', holding the boy captive with nothing but his mouth. Remus felt Lucius' tongue gently tickle his lower lip, begging for entrance, which Remus granted willingly. Remus felt the boy's tongue dance along his, exploring the depths of his mouth, grazing his own tongue and causing sensations that affected his entire body. They continued like this for some time, mouths crushed against one another, tongues swirling in a slow, carnal dance, tasting each other with a fervor that had been resting within both of them.

Reluctantly, Remus pulled away, the need for air becoming unbearable. He brought his face only an inch away from Lucius', gazing into the other boy's eyes, looking for something he wasn't quite sure of. Lucius returned his gaze, saying more with his eyes than he ever could with frivolous words. In that instant, Remus knew he had found something he had only read about. His mate. The one person he would share his life with, bound together both in spirit and in flesh to form a union that would endure until death. From the look in Lucius' grey eyes, he had a feeling that Lucius understood, although he might not have the words to place the thought.

Lucius abruptly looked up, noticing for the first time, the risen sun. He slowly stepped away from Remus, still holding on to one hand to help the other boy rise to his feet. "We're gonna be late for breakfast," Lucius said, a rare genuine smile gracing his lips, erasing all traces of the sneer he seemed to incessantly wear. His eyes still held the same look of understanding and something else. Something Remus feared to name, for if he was wrong, he was not certain he could bear it. 'Love,' a voice whispered in his mind, caressing his inner thoughts like a breeze over grass, 'that's what you're seeing. It's love.'

He knew then. He knew it without a doubt and accepted it readily. He let Lucius lead him out of the Forbidden Forest and back to the castle, only dropping his hand once they entered its large wooden doors.

///////////////////////////////////////

Remus remembered it fondly, as if it were yesterday. He didn't know how he had managed it, but for the first time in his life, he had convinced his parents to let him have a friend over the house. After persistent urging, they had finally relented. Remus had a sneaking suspicion that the actually wanted to see if this friendship was indeed true or if it was merely another way in which they could bring more pain to their son.

A feminine voice brought him back from his private thoughts. It came from the living area downstairs. His mother was calling his name.

"Remus, dear," he cringed at her insincere usage of the affectionate term, "Lucius is here."