Outward Appearances

Chapter 16: Arguments Cushioned With Heat

Why didn't Hogwarts students learn how to apparate before seventh year? Lily assumed that knowing how to apparate would serve her quite nicely during this particular moment. Oh, yes, indeed.

"Now, would be good, Snape," James snapped.

"Come to collect your whore, Potter?" Severus asked, his voice disturbingly calm all of a sudden. Instead of moving away from Lily, he moved closer until his body was pressing her into the wall.

Too shocked to move, Lily felt cold fury welling up in her. Whore?

James didn't look too pleased, either. "Watch it, Snape!" he growled. "But funny that you should mention being someone's whore. How is Macnair, by the way?"

Zachary Macnair? Lily wondered. What did he have to do with anything? Annoyed, she tried to push Severus off of her, but he didn't budge, or even glance at her for that matter.

Snape's eyes flashed, which was especially unnerving from Lily's close viewpoint. "Where are your little worshipers, Potter? Abandoned you, have they?"

James' lips pressed into a thin line, and he hesitated long enough for Snape to sense that he'd found an advantage. His dark eyes burned with triumph. "Did they even come to watch you humiliate your house this morning in the Quidditch match? First loss for you, wasn't it?"

Lily looked at James in surprise. Gryffindor lost? James had never missed the snitch before.

She squirmed uncomfortably under Severus, whose body was still pressed rather firmly against her. James appeared to have forgotten that he was supposed to enforce the order for Snape to get the hell off of her.

"At least I made my house team," he said through gritted teeth.

"Or were Lupin and Black too busy snogging under the Quidditch pitch to give a damn about you?" Snape asked silkily, refusing to lose his edge.

James' eyes widened, and Lily gasped. Snape knew about Remus and Sirius? That couldn't be good. But how-- Ohhhhh, no! She was sick and tired of wondering how everyone seemed to know everybody else's business! The walls were just too freaking thin around Hogwarts.

Snape laughed. "That's right, Potter. I know about them. Figures that Black would fancy both genders, selfish bugger that he is."

James flinched. "Shut up!" he yelled. His face had turned red, and his blue eyes were blazing. "Shut the fuck up, Snape!"

Lily blinked. Sirius liked both genders? She shuddered. That brought on mental pictures that she definitely didn't need at this precise moment.

Severus' grin widened. "Tell me, is Pettigrew a pouf, too?"

James pulled his wand out and pointed it threateningly at Severus. "You'd be wise to shut up now!"

Lily bit her lip. This wasn't progressing toward anything good. Those comments about James' friends had been below the belt. And from the look of it, Severus' gibes had struck a sensitive cord.

"And what about you, Potter?" Snape asked lazily. "Has Black ever asked you to join in? Or has he forgotten about you entirely?"

James was halfway through "Expelliarmus," when Lily finally managed to shove Snape away from her and lunged for his wand. She yanked it away from him, thankfully, before he could complete the spell.

From the surprised looks on both boys' faces, they had momentarily forgotten her presence.

"Really, James!" she breathed. "I'm all for hexing the bastard, but you should at least do it in private, where there's less chance of witnesses. And you!" she said, pointing a finger at Severus. "What the bloody hell is your problem?"

Snape's face settled back into a smirk. "As always, dear Mudblood, you are my problem. You and your boy-toy, here."

Her mouth dropped open. Sure, she'd been called a Mudblood before (Rosier had actually considered it a term of affection), but never by Severus.

James made to lunge at him, but Lily instinctively caught his sleeve. "What happened to you?" she cried. Severus had never exactly been a ball of sunshine, but really, this was ridiculous.

The smile immediately left Snape's face, and a weird glint appeared in his eyes. "I should really thank Potter here, for getting me suspended. You see, I met someone while I was at home, and that person shed some light on the world for me. He explained all about you, Evans."

Lily blinked. "Me?" she asked in confusion. And since when had she become Evans, anyway?

"Yes, he explained all about your kind. About how you Muggleborns are infecting the wizarding lines with your dirty blood. Apparently your kind has been manipulating your way into wizard society for centuries. I can't say that I'm surprised, Evans. I've seen you manipulate boys into being your puppets, and then discard them once they've served your purpose."

Lily frowned.

Did you feel like playing with one of your pawns, today, Lily?

James had accused her of keeping pawns, too. Her fury mounted. What the hell was wrong with everyone?

"You all have problems!" she cried, her anger suddenly directed not only at the two boys in front of her, but at all the boys who were trying to bind her through obligation. "It isn't my fault if you have delusions!" Her voice betrayed the desperation she felt.

Severus just shook his head in disgust, and James gave her a confused look. He didn't understand.

Lily shook her head. It couldn't be her fault because she didn't do anything! She hadn't made Rosier go out with her-- that sad mockery of a relationship was his idea! She never told Xavier that they were an item-- his ego came up with that one. She never asked James if he needed a tutor, or encouraged him to pursue her-- he had refused to leave her alone! Come to think of it, she had never led Severus on in the slightest way-- an offered cigarette hardly constituted as a forget-me-not! And if you really wanted to get down to it, she hadn't asked Cameron Hulsey to give her a freaking Valentine in primary school, either!

"I've never made anyone do a damn thing!" she spat.

"No, but that's your specialty, isn't it?" Snape snapped. "Wrap them around your finger in just the right way so that you can jump backward with your hands still clean whenever you feel the urge."

"What about you, Snape?" James asked, taking the opportunity to jump in. "Are you one of her puppets, or was I just imagining that you used to follow her around like a lost puppy?"

"Shut up, Potter!" he yelled, some color appearing in his pale cheeks. "You're the biggest tool of them all! Even worse than Gallaway, because at least he has the excuse of being too fucking moronic to know that he's being played. What's your excuse? Is she really that good in bed? Because Rosier said--"

With a yell, James broke away from Lily's grip and lunged at Snape, who was too surprised to move out of the way quickly enough. James gave him a good punch in the jaw before grabbing a handful of Snape's robes and shoving him up against the wall.

"You... Are... Pathetic!" he yelled as he repeatedly banged Severus' head against the stone. "Fucking pathetic!"

Snape began to laugh maniacally.

"Stop it!" Lily screamed. Their crazed looks were terrifying to see on the faces of boys who had always appeared to be completely mellow.

"Did she ever call out Lupin's name, Potter?" Snape gibed, gripping one of the wrists that was wrapped around his throat. "Come on, just between us!"

Lily flinched. She'd forgotten that he knew about her-- err-- thing for Remus.

"SHUT UP! Shut up, you motherfu--"

"What is going on here?"

Everyone froze. Lily whirled around and saw Dumbledore standing in the doorway of the hospital wing, looking grim. She let out a breath of relief. Oh, thank God.

"James, let go of him," Dumbledore ordered quietly.

James looked extremely reluctant to loosen his grip on Severus' neck. But after a rather lengthy hesitation, he did so, and stepped away from him.

Dumbledore looked between them before shaking his head. "I'm afraid that I have no choice but to take away the points you were just awarded," he told James sadly. Dumbledore then gave Severus an inscrutable look. "And ten points from Slytherin House for fighting in the halls."

Both boys scowled at the floor and didn't reply.

"I'm very disappointed in both of you. I expected that you boys would have put your tiresome grudge to rest after this last incident."

Lily frowned again. What incident? Was he talking about the fight in Hogsmeade?

Severus winced, and James gave Lily a startled look before dropping his gaze back to the floor.

She wondered curiously what was going on as Dumbledore shook his head again, radiating disappointment. Lily had to give him credit. The man was a master at guilt trips. "These fights can't continue. If there's another, I won't have any choice other than to take graver actions than the reduction of house points." He paused, while Lily held her breath. "Now, everyone go back to your dormitories," he ordered softly.

Turning on his heel, Severus immediately disappeared down the staircase.

Dumbledore stepped to the side and Marcella appeared from behind him, wringing her hands. She must have been there the entire time, obscured by Dumbledore blocking the doorway. Giving Lily a confused look, she rushed by the Headmaster and stood next to her.

"A word, James," Dumbledore said suddenly.

"Yes, Professor," James mumbled. He quickly locked eyes with Lily and an involuntary shiver went up her spine, along with a good sense of dread. She gave him a brief nod in understanding before turning and heading down the stairs. The message had been clear: Don't go far.

"What happened?" Marcella whispered.

Lily just shook her head. She was surprised to realize that her hands had been shaking. She stuffed them into her pockets with a sigh.

"Was that Severus Snape?" Marcella asked.

"Yes."

Marcella wrinkled her nose. "He's in Slytherin, isn't he?"

Lily closed her eyes briefly. "Yes."

Marcella visibly shuddered. "I hate Slytherins," she whispered.

"They aren't all bad," Lily responded instinctively, immediately regretting it. Severus had always stood as her example of a decent Slytherin, but that obviously no longer applied. God, what happened to him? Spouting off all that crap about Muggleborns...

"They are all bad," Marcella insisted angrily, her voice suddenly heated.

Lily looked over at her in surprise. Marcella's lower lip was trembling and her face was suddenly flushed.

"Rex and his stupid friends are all in Slytherin," she continued bitterly.

Lily kept her mouth shut, sensing another revelation coming. She gave Marcella a weary look. Did she truly want to know?

"They use people," Marcella concluded.

Like you? Lily wondered.

Thankfully, Marcella didn't elaborate, and the revelation never came. Wrong as it was, Lily felt relieved. She didn't think she could take another one today.

They didn't speak for the rest of the way back to Gryffindor Tower.

Lily was seriously considering stealing Mundungus' password to the prefects' bathroom, so that she could drown herself in a nice pink bubble bath when they finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. Marcella mumbled the password, and she and Lily trudged through the portrait hole dejectedly.

But the second that she had, Lily immediately regretted it. A small crowd was gathered on the other side, and before Lily could blink, Arabella had descended upon her and yanked her through to the common room.

"Argh--"

"Lily Marie Evans!" Arabella screeched, causing Lily to flinch. "What the hell were you thinking?"

She looked around self-consciously. Mundungus and Vivian quickly hurried over from where they had been sitting on the burgundy couch. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, along with several kids from other years, were all watching her. She gritted her teeth and stared at the floor, her cheeks burning. God, could this be anymore embarrassing?

Seeming to sense that they had an unwanted audience, Arabella grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her up the stairs toward their dormitory. Lily almost stumbled several times trying to keep up with her.

When they were finally standing in the middle of their room, Arabella released her arm and sprung around to face her.

"Well?" Arabella demanded insistently.

"Well, what?" Lily responded weakly.

"You damn well know what!" she yelled.

Lily looked at Arabella in amazement. Her best friend's face was contorted in the angriest expression she had ever seen on her face-- even exceeding that time in their third year when they had caught some higher years picking on Mundungus in the halls. Now, that had been scary.

"How dare you almost get yourself killed!" Arabella growled.

"I didn't!" she said nervously. "As you can see, I'm perfectly fine."

"Thank, God!"

To Lily's shock, she was suddenly being crushed by Arabella's embrace.

"Do you know how worried I've been for the past few hours? Huh, do you? I'll bet you don't!"

"Bella-- I can't-- breathe," Lily gasped.

Arabella continued ranting as if she hadn't heard Lily. "Well, this is not happening again, do you hear me? Your secrecy ends now! You should have told me something was bothering you, instead of doing something so stupid!"

"Still-- can't-- breathe."

"Oh." Arabella loosened her hug, but didn't pull back. "You can't scare me this way," she added in a softer voice.

Lily felt an increase in her shame. She hadn't even considered how her friend would feel about this. "I'm sorry," she said, returning the hug. "Won't happen again."

"Damn right it won't!" Arabella said fiercely. "You realize that if you had died, the most intelligent conversation I would have had would be with Greg? I might as well adopt a freaking chia-pet."

Lily chuckled, relieved that Arabella wasn't too upset with her to release her wit. "And we all know that my only purpose in life is to amuse you."

"Damn right."

"But what the heck do you know about chia-pets?"

"Nadine gave me one as a gag gift for Christmas one year," Arabella said, referring to her older sister.

"Oh. How'd that go?" Lily asked.

"Quite well. I just gave it a little help."

"You cheated! You're not supposed to use magic on them."

"What difference does it make? The little elephant got his green hair. Although, I don't think elephants have green hair. Um, Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are we talking about chia-pets?"

"Because it's distracting you from the main issue," Lily said tiredly.

Arabella finally let go of her and stepped back. She plopped down onto Lily's bed and sat cross-legged. "Nice try, but no dice. Spill."

Sighing, Lily sat on the edge of Marcella's bed, facing her. "What do you want to know?"

"Why the hell you decided to put your intelligence into your back pocket long enough to stuff your face full of candies that Camille sent. That alone should have sent off warning bells, Lily. The fact that Marcella is probably the brains in that family clearly says something about them."

Lily nervously ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I know."

"I know you do, which is why I'm so confused."

"I just wasn't having the best day," she evaded.

"That's it?" Arabella asked in disbelief. "That's all you're going to tell me?"

"That's all there is," Lily lied uneasily.

"Bullshit," Arabella spat.

"Why?" Lily asked angrily. "Why can't that be it? Girls have bad days all the time, and nobody gives them the fucking third-degree!"

"They don't all get sent to the hospital wing over it!" Arabella retorted.

"Fine!" Lily yelled. Furious, she stood up and began to pace. "I was upset about James, okay? I let the bastard get to me, and the candies seemed like an easy out at the time! Are you happy?"

Arabella's eyes widened. "Do you mean to tell me, that you purposely took the Melancholy Cures, knowing what they would do, because of James Potter?"

"That'd be him," she grumbled.

There was a pause. "Very stupid, Lily," Arabella said finally, looking angry again.

"Yeah, I got that," Lily said sarcastically.

Arabella shook her head, and rubbed her temples. "I cannot believe you."

Lily glared at her, and was about to retort, when Mundungus poked his head around the door. "Are you done chewing her out?" he asked timidly.

"Hardly," Arabella said unenthusiastically.

"Well, take a time-out," Mundungus said, coming into the room and closing the door behind him. "I don't want to be here for that."

"Will do."

Lily looked between them, her anger already fading back into exhaustion. God, if this was hard, facing James was going to be hell. She sat back down on the bed and rested her face in her hands. Where the heck were her cigarettes?

"Are you feeling okay, now, Lily?" Mundungus asked, sitting down next to her. "Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us in to see you earlier because you were sleeping it off. Are we supposed to be filling you with liquids or something? Maybe wrapping you in warm blankets?"

"That's the flu," Lily said into her hands. "I just regurgitated two days worth of food. Hardly warrants being drowned in orange juice and suffocated by blankets."

Mundungus winced. "Gross, Lily."

She raised her face and gave him a weary grin. "Yes, it was."

"What did he do?" Arabella asked suddenly.

Lily looked over at her. "What?"

"What did James do that got you so upset that you decided to delete at least ten of your intelligence points?"

Lily sent her another tired glare. Lord, what a question. What did James do? More like, what didn't he do?

"What are you talking about?" Mundungus asked in confusion.

"Lily was upset about James this morning, so she decided that a few minutes in a hallucinogenic state would be worth the risk."

Lily winced.

"James? As in, James Potter?"

"One and the same," Arabella said bitterly.

"Why were you upset about him?" he asked her.

"He made me believe that he was someone else," Lily said truthfully. She felt a pang in her stomach. How could you hate someone so much, and then feel... Well, something else for them at the same time?

"How could he do that?" Arabella asked dubiously. "You've known him for over five years."

"No I haven't." Knowing a name and a reputation hardly constituted as knowing someone. She realized that, now.

Arabella shook her head, obviously still confused. "Pretending that made sense, just tell me what happened after Potions."

Lily groaned and shook her head. "Too many things."

"Come on, Lily!" Arabella snapped irritably. "I don't understand what the hell is going on, and it's pissing me off."

"Calm down, Bella," Mundungus told her.

How was Lily supposed to help her understand without telling her everything? Why couldn't she tell her? Arabella would understand. Hell, she would probably be upset that Lily had never taken her along. So, why not?

Because you don't want to, her mind whispered. You don't want to tell her about Sieranda's because you want to keep that part of your life segregated. You've always wanted that so you could have it all. You want to be this person who you pretend to be inside of Hogwarts, and then still have the freedoms hidden in Hogsmeade.

But Arabella doesn't think you're a saint, her mind argued. Actually, there are a lot of people who know that you aren't a paragon of virtue. So, once again, what's the big deal?

Lily didn't have an answer to that.

"We kind of got together and then broke up," she said finally. That was also the truth.

Arabella and Mundungus stared at her. Arabella broke the silence first, by grabbing a pillow and screaming into it.

"What?" Lily asked self-consciously.

"I don't believe you!" Arabella gasped, lifting her head again.

"You don't?" she asked nervously.

Arabella threw the pillow across the room at Lily, who caught it and dropped it onto the floor. "You mean to tell me that you and James finally got together, and then you had the nerve to break up before I got a decent chance to gloat?"

Lily breathed a sigh of relief before responding, "Yup."

Mundungus shook his head. "I don't understand. How could you go out with James if you're already with Xavier?"

Lily flinched, which was something that she seemed to be doing a lot of recently. "I am not with Gallaway," she hissed. "God, Gus."

"What?" he said defensively. "How was I supposed to know that you broke up? You didn't tell me."

"We were never going out!" she screamed. "For the love of Merlin, I'm going to throw myself off of the Astronomy Tower if one more person accuses me of being involved with him!"

"Are you saying that I imagined Xavier yakking about you nonstop in our dorm over the past few weeks?" Mundungus asked, more confused than ever.

"Yes," Lily said irritably.

"Drop it, Gus," Arabella told him. "All you need to know right now is that Lily likes James."

"Like hell," Lily snapped.

"Okay, I'm lost," Mundungus said helplessly.

"Why did you break up already?" Arabella complained. "I was going to order specially made T-shirts that read 'Lily and James: About Freaking Time!' on them once you guys became an item."

"Thank, God we did then," Lily mumbled.

"Okay, just so I'm clear, you were upset because you ended a two-minute relationship with James Potter?" Mundungus clarified.

"Yeah," Lily said, staring down at her hands.

Arabella sighed, and stood up so that she could come over to join them on Marcella's bed. She plopped down and put her arm around Lily.

"Next time, Lily, just do what the rest of us do after a break-up. Raid the kitchens and then hold court over a bitch-fest about how much men suck."

"Hey!" Mundungus squeaked.

"Remember the last bitch-fest?" Arabella asked, obviously pleased with the name she had given it.

"After you broke up with Tim," Lily said.

"Now, that was fun."

Lily raised an eyebrow at her. "You cried into my ice cream for an hour."

"Yes, but I was laughing on the inside."

"Sure, you were."

"Whatever. Just don't ever do this again," Arabella repeated. "Remember these key words: ice cream and bitch-fest."

Lily grinned, despite herself. "I'll remember that next time."

"Good, because you've robbed me of a good quality men-bashing session. Never do that again, either."

"Sorry."

"I hate you, both," Mundungus whined.

"Oh, you love us," Arabella said, releasing Lily's shoulder so that she could ruffle his hair.

Men-bashing... Slytherin-bashing. Lily was suddenly reminded of Marcella. "Hey, Bella?"

"Hmn?"

"What do you know about Marcella and her boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," Arabella corrected.

"Oh." Well, that explained why she was so prejudiced against Slytherins at the moment.

"Why do you ask?"

Lily shrugged. "Marcella was upset on the way over here from the hospital wing. She kept trying to convince me that all Slytherins are evil."

"Why would you need convincing about that?"

"I don't," she said, remembering Severus' face when he had called her a Mudblood. "Was it a bad break-up?"

"Bad enough for Camille to send her those damned candies. That's all I know. Vivian wouldn't tell me anything except that they broke up."

"Oh."

"You guys do realize that I'm still in the room right?" Mundungus asked. "Aren't you supposed to wait for me to leave before you begin your gossip sessions?"

"No way, Fletcher!" Arabella grinned. "We consider you one of the girls."

"Thanks," he said sarcastically.

"Be grateful," she said warningly. "Because if I considered you one of the guys, you'd be in serious trouble at the moment. God, I'm depressed, now. I need some ice cream."

"Thanks to you, so do I," Mundungus grumbled.

Arabella laughed. "Then let's go raid the kitchen. Once we're there, you can bitch about Vivian," she told him.

"Why don't you bitch about Greg?" he asked. "Not that I'm eager to hear you bad-mouth my friend."

"Because my life is perfect," she said smugly.

Lily was tempted to bring up Sirius, but knew better. "Well, if we're going to go, let's go."

They all stood up and left the room. Lily looked at both of her friends and her mouth formed a small smile. Maybe what she needed after one of the worst days of her life was to pig out for a while and listen to their banter. It was definitely better than dwelling on the things that Severus had said.

Or Dumbledore.

Or James...

But when they neared the bottom of the stairs, Lily froze at the loud voices.

James was back, and it appeared that he was in the middle of a heated argument with Sirius.

"Were you even there?" James cried angrily.

"Of course, I was!" Sirius said, looking indignant. "I always come to your matches."

Lily bit her lip. Apparently Severus had bothered James even more than she had realized.

"Then who won, Sirius?" he asked bitingly.

"You did, of course," Sirius said smoothly.

Lily closed her eyes. Oops.

"Ravenclaw won, damn it!" James yelled.

Sirius blinked, and some color appeared in his cheeks. "So what if I don't remember who won? What's the big deal?"

"Guys," Remus said softly, attempting to mediate. "This isn't the place-"

"Shut up, Lupin!" James snapped.

Remus drew back as if he had been slapped. Peter actually gasped.

"You leave him out of this!" Sirius yelled, looking thoroughly annoyed.

Lily's throat tightened. She felt some anger swell up. God, could Sirius be any thicker?

James' face was turning that plumb color again. "I think he can speak for himself," he said slowly, fury halting his speech.

"I don't know what the hell your problem is, Potter," Sirius said angrily. "But snap out of it!"

Arabella chose that moment to clear her throat loudly. The boys all jumped and looked at them in alarm.

James' eyes narrowed on Lily and he immediately stomped over to her. Her heart rate sped up at the intense look on his face.

"We have to talk," he said, holding out a hand to her.

Lily stared at his outstretched hand, her nerves suddenly jumping in every direction. She was tempted to tell him where he could stick that hand, but the look in his eyes, and a glance at Sirius over James' shoulder, made Lily reluctantly put her hand into his.

James gripped her hand tightly and pulled her across the common room. She had to trot to keep from falling over.

"James--" Sirius said nervously, taking a step after them.

"I told you to fuck off!" he yelled over his shoulder, stepping through the portrait hole.

Lily winced, but followed him silently. She forced herself to keep breathing normally as they sped down the stairs of Gryffindor Tower.

Lily couldn't help but be reminded of the previous day, when James had pulled her into the classroom. God, was it only yesterday?

James' expression must have been frightening, because several students jumped out of their way as they charged past. Her alarm mounted steadily as they raced down hallways. When James suddenly guided her down an empty corridor, Lily gasped, "James, wait--"

Catching her off guard, James abruptly whirled around and Lily found herself pressed against the wall. Before she could consider the irony of this position, James placed his hands on either side of her head and leaned in close to her face. Lily shivered at the proximity.

"Is it true?" he asked, his voice a low growl.

"What?" she asked weakly. Did he have to be so close to her? It was hard to remember to be mad at him when his lips were so close...

"Did you sleep with Rosier?"

WHAT???

Did he just ask...?

Lily slammed back to reality with painful speed.

A cold fury washed over her and she shoved James away from her with as much strength as she could muster. He must have been surprised, because he stumbled backward until his back hit against the opposite wall.

"How dare you!" she screamed.

"Well? Is it?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"God, you bastard!" she cried.

"Why can't you answer the damn question?"

"Because I don't have to! That's none of your fucking business!"

"So, it is true," James said, looking as if he were going to be sick. "What Snape said--"

"No, it isn't!" she spat. "That's a fucking lie!"

James paused, obviously torn between relief and mortification. He ran an agitated hand through his hair and groaned loudly.

"To think I was feeling sorry for you because of the things Snape said about your friends!" Lily continued. "I should have just punched your face in the second that mask came off and never glanced at you again!"

Actually, that sounded like a good idea. Before she could truly think about it, Lily drew back her hand and slapped James across the face.

There was a shocked moment, during which Lily stared at her hand in silent astonishment, and a James gingerly touched his red cheek.

"You hit me," he said dumbly.

"Yeah," she said softly. All of her aggression had been behind that slap, and now she felt drained. A person could only take this so many times a day.

"You hit me," he repeated.

"You deserved it," she responded.

James stared at her, and then slowly lowered his hand. "Yeah, I guess I did. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said quietly, feeling stupid for receiving gratitude after striking him.

They were silent again. Lily looked down at her feet. Her legs felt weak beneath her. Giving into another impulse, she plopped down onto the floor and drew her legs up to her chest.

"What are you doing?" James asked, looking confused.

"I'd rather sit for this," she replied wearily.

"Oh." After a slight hesitation, he followed suite and sat down against the opposite wall.

More silence.

Lily fidgeted uncomfortably, a thousand questions flying through her mind, until she finally couldn't take it anymore. "So, you're the stag," she said bitterly.

James looked startled, but quickly recovered himself. "It looks that way," he said wryly.

"Why? Why the hell would you do that to me?"

James ran a hand through his wild hair and sighed. "Straight to the point, huh?" he muttered nervously.

"Answer me, damn it!"

He flinched. "All right. All right. I guess I owe you that. I did it... Well, because I could, I guess."

Incredulous, Lily stared at him. "What kind of answer is that?" she cried.

"The truth," he said softly. "I saw you go into the tunnel behind the mirror one day, and I followed you. I was shocked, to say the least, by what I found by following you, but I also saw... an opportunity."

"For what?" she whispered.

"To get your attention," he answered, blushing slightly. "You never gave me the time of day before, Lily, and I thought that if you didn't know it was me at first, I could... Well, get your attention."

Lily didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. James wanted her attention? But...

"Why?" she asked before she could stop herself. "Why go to all that trouble? All you had to do was freaking say hello once in a while! We've slept a short matter of feet away from each other for over five years, James, and you've done nothing but ignore me for most of that time, unless it was to make smart comments whenever I gave a right answer in class!"

James winced. "It didn't help that you never even glanced in my direction unless I said something smart, as you put it. Not to sound vain or anything, but there are plenty of girls who would love to be on the arm of the Gryffindor Seeker, but you never seemed to give a damn about me."

Her cheeks burned. "Why should I? Sorry, but it does sound vain to expect me to obsess over someone who was ignoring me in return," she said defensively.

"Well, I wasn't ignoring you," he said. "Quite the opposite. That's why I had Remus ask if you were going to watch me in that Quidditch match against Slytherin a few weeks ago. And Sirius ask if you would tutor me. I figured if the stag-thing didn't work, at least I would have that."

Lily's throat tightened again. "That was you. You brought me back to the dorm that night."

He nodded.

"And you asked Sieranda to move up her next party."

He nodded again.

Lily buried her face in her hands. "God."

She heard James move until he was sitting next to her instead of against the opposite wall.

"You sent me that necklace."

"Yes, and you wore it," he said affectionately. "I saw you tuck it under your collar that day you tutored me when I tried to kiss you. Another reason I didn't tell you." He chuckled darkly. "Not the most encouraging reaction, you know."

She didn't even want to think about that incident, yet. The betrayal at Sieranda's was hard enough to process. Without lifting her face, Lily muttered, "You had no right to do that. To kiss me when you were pretending to be somebody else."

She suddenly felt a light touch against her cheek, and Lily's breathing stopped.

"I couldn't help it," he said, his voice just above a whisper. "You looked so beautiful, and for once you were trying to get my attention."

Soft lips touched against her temple, and Lily began to shiver uncontrollably.

Move away, Lily...

Just move away before you do something stupid...

Don't look up...

Defying herself, she raised her head and met his gaze. Lily gulped. The expression in his eyes was enough to make her stomach flutter painfully. Her heart was pounding so hard that she was sure that James could hear it.

She struggled to find her voice, which came out hoarse. "How did you know about the Melancholy Cures?"

It could have been the shadow thrown across his face, but James' blue eyes seemed to darken into a deep sapphire. "Peter bought a box in fourth year. He ate more than you, and it wasn't pretty," he said with a grimace. "If we had waited any longer in dragging him to the hospital wing, there could have been permanent problems."

"Oh," she choked out, suddenly feeling like a jerk. "I'm sorry." She was sorry for Peter, and she was simultaneously sorry for putting James through that for a second time.

James reached over and gently tilted her chin up. "Don't be. I got to sleep with you."

Lily stared at his soft smile, struggling to rekindle her resistance to him. It was a losing battle.

"You can't keep doing this," she said meekly. His mouth was so close that her breath fell warmly upon his lips.

"Do what?" he murmured.

"You can't keep kissing me whenever I'm upset with you."

James looked over her face with such longing that Lily's heart ached.

"This last time, then," he whispered.

James said her name so quietly that she wasn't sure if he had said it at all, and then he pressed his lips against hers.

Oh, God.

Lily closed her eyes and drank in James. She couldn't help it. Being this close to him was intoxicating and she was too tired to bother fighting.

James cradled her face gently as he moved his lips over hers. Lily fingers found their way around his neck and into his ebony hair. The need to be as near to him as possible was as surprising as it was powerful. She whimpered softly and pressed harder against his lips.

Make me forget that I'm supposed to be furious with you, she begged silently.

With a swift movement, James yanked Lily into his lap and she wrapped her legs around his waist like she had in the classroom. He pulled her closer until there was no room between them. She allowed her hands to roam freely over his face and shoulders, dipping under his collar to stroke the soft skin at the back of his neck. She smiled against his mouth when she felt him shiver beneath her fingers.

Lily broke away momentarily to remove his glasses and set them to the side. James immediately recaptured her mouth and slid his hands up under her sweater so that his fingers trailed across the bare skin of her back. She trembled and another small whimper escaped her.

James' tongue slid across her lips and he moaned softly into her mouth. With a contented sigh against his lips, Lily opened her mouth to allow him entrance. He plunged in and devoured her greedily.

"Mmn."

Lily gripped his face between her hands and massaged his tongue with hers. James moaned loudly and pressed against her with such force that Lily fell backward with James on top of her.

She barely had time to mutter, "Ouch," as her back slapped against the floor, before James attacked her neck and all she could do was squirm underneath him. The stone floor was cold, a sharp contrast to James' body on top of her.

"God, James," she murmured against his ear, taking the opportunity to run her tongue over his lobe.

He shuddered, and sucked harder at her neck.

Fighting back a moan, Lily rubbed her calves up against James' legs and slid her hands under his shirt like he had done to her moments before. His skin was soft and warm to the touch. She lightly traced his spine, and was surprised when James arched back into her fingers. Lily repeated the movement, and was delighted when James arched back again. Possibly in retaliation, he located the sensitive spot on her neck and nipped it playfully. She tensed at the lightning shock that through her.

"I hate you," she moaned.

James raised his head slightly, and Lily felt him smile into her hair. "No, you don't."

"Mmn."

His hands moved up from her thighs and slid back under her sweater. His fingers caused tingling sensations along her skin. James' face remained buried in her hair, and she kissed his exposed neck lightly. James jumped and immediately arched his neck back down so that their cheeks were pressed together. Lily grinned.

"You're ticklish," she teased.

"No, I'm not," he grumbled, gently biting her lip.

"Mmn."

As their tongues re-tangled, Lily suddenly felt a sharp shock of cold against her back. Glancing down, she realized that James had been slowly sliding her sweater up over her stomach. Lily was quickly brought back to earth, and she slapped his hands lightly and pulled out of his mouth. James glanced down at her, looking adorably confused.

"What's wrong?"

She looked up at him silently, and then squeaked and slapped at James' hands again, which had begun to creep back upward.

"How did you help me get back without getting caught last night?" she asked earnestly.

James frowned. "Can't this wait?"

"Now," she insisted.

He sighed and rested his head on his palm so that his face was still looming above hers. "All right. I waited for you in the tunnel for over an hour before I figured out that you would probably take the long way to avoid me. I took the chance of missing you, and went up to Gryffindor Tower to recruit the guys into helping me."

"The guys being Pettigrew, Black, and Lupin?" she asked dully. Unbidden, her fingers moved up to run along his forearm.

"Yes," James said, closing his eyes. He captured her hand and brought it to his lips.

"What did they do? Set off a dung bomb to distract Filch?"

He chuckled. "People do sleep here, Lily. The only ones they had to distract were the ghosts. I don't know how they actually did it, since I haven't had the opportunity to ask. How long did they have to wait for you?"

Lily gave him a guilty look. "All night."

He flinched. "Same as me, then."

"You waited all night for me?" she asked, surprised.

James nodded.

Incensed with a million different emotions at once, Lily grabbed his face and pulled him back down to her mouth. James complied, but his wandering hands went back to her thighs and pushed her skirt up disturbingly high.

Hmn. Maybe a skirt wasn't the best thing to wear with a very flushed James on top of her.

Lily quickly grabbed his hands and molded their fingers together at their sides. James mumbled something against her mouth and suddenly pressed his hips against her. Lily gasped, and shoved him hard enough to halt his action but not hard enough to push him off of her.

"Bad," she muttered, fully aware of the skirt bunched up at her thighs and of her flushed face.

"Who, me?" he asked innocently.

"So, it seems," she growled.

James grinned and leaned back down to kiss her again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *