To Say Goodbye

~'* To Say Goodbye *'~

Chapter One

Hermione sat alone, next to the lake one very warm September night. She hadn't been alone for a long time, or at least as far as she could remember. The lake sparkled as the gentle rays from the full moon danced on top of its glistening still water. The sight made her feel calm, and almost happy. She didn't know how long it had been since she had last been happy.

Just minutes before she ran from the school in tears, she had been talking to Ron. Over the summer, she and Ron had sent letters back and forth almost every single day. She had made herself believe that he liked her, more than just a friend. When school started again everything seemed quite normal, much to her dismay, and she wasn't sure if the feelings that she thought he had for her were true or not. So she decided to ask him.

She planned for him to meet her in the common room after dinner, and sure enough he was sitting in the there in Gryffindor Common Room, waiting for her. She smiled at this, thinking he was such a gentleman. He was alone as she had hoped, sitting quietly next to the fire with his hands cupped and his elbows resting on his knees. When he saw her walking up, he stood and smiled pleasantly and motioned for her sit on the couch next to him.

The fire was warm, yet she felt cold, as she searched for the right words to say to him. He looked at her with eager eyes, apparently he had no idea how she felt, and that's what she wanted to tell him so he would know.

"Ron," she began awkwardly, "I-I guess you're wondering why I asked you to come."

Ron shook his head, "Yeah, just a little," he replied with a nervous smile.

Hermione shifted uneasily on the couch, "Well I suppose you probably want to know then," she continued, knowing she basically just repeated what she had just said, and probably sounded stupid.

Ron glanced suspiciously at her, "What is it?" he asked her slowly, now giving her a look like she had grown a second head.

She didn't know how to tell him, she had run the conversation again and again through her head before this night, but couldn't seem to remember anything she had practiced. Yet, she figured it was now or never avoiding his eyes she started, "This summer, I thought something might have started between us."

Ron looked curiously at her for a moment, "What do you mean, something?" he asked a little harsher than intended.

She took a deep breath, "Well, I don't know if you even planned on this, but I thought that maybe it had...and...And maybe you like-"

"Hermione?" Ron asked taking hold of one of her hands, she probably wasn't making any sense but, and felt like such and idiot.

"I like you ok!" she shouted suddenly, all the while jumping from the couch and ripping her hand out of Ron's grip. Ron was giving her the most peculiar look, but he remained seated. "I like you a lot!" she continued, "Not just as a friend, I like you much more than that! Much much more!!"

Ron was suddenly very happy that they were alone in the common room, or else he would have been very embarrassed. "Hermione, I-I don't know what to say," he told her awkwardly, "I never knew, that I made you feel this way, I didn't know that I was leading you on so..."

"Leading me on?" she asked him quietly, her breathing hard from her sudden outburst, "You mean, you don't like me?"

"No! No, I like you as a friend, you're one of my best friends," he told her quickly as he saw tears well up in her eyes, "but I don't know if I can handle much more, you know, then just friendship."

Hermione turned towards away from Ron; she didn't want to start crying, especially in front of Ron. But she felt like such a fool, believing that he would have any special feelings for her what so ever.

"Hermione," Ron whispered as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm," but he didn't get to finish, she threw his hand off and rushed out the portrait door with tears streaming down her face, leaving Ron standing alone in the middle of the common room "sorry..."

Hermione had run aimlessly across the grounds and to the lake. She had found a nice secluded study spot a few weeks before, and decided to go there, in hopes of finding some peace there; unfortunately she would found just the opposite.

And that's where she sat, running the conversation she had just had with Ron through her head, over and over again. "Oh god," she whispered to herself as she sniffed up her tears, "Where did I go wrong, I must have sounded like such an crazy idiot, thinking Ron could like me..."

"Well I don't know about idiot," interrupted a drawling voice from behind a nearby large rock. "But crazy, I totally agree with you there."

Hermione glared into the shadows created by the rocks, she hadn't even noticed Draco Malfoy there, and wished she hadn't. "Thanks a lot Malfoy, you've made me feel so much better," she spat. "Now sod off."

She heard a hut come from the shadows, "I was only speaking the truth, mudblood. It's not everyday that some lunatic friend of wonder boy Potter comes ambling into my favorite spot, talking to themselves about how that filthy poor little weasel rejected them."

Hermione glared even harder "I'm sorry ferret boy, is this your favorite spot? Must have missed your little ferret hole," she shot back. "And the little pieces of ferret crap all over the ground," she added when she noted his disgusted look.

Draco was quiet for a moment before walking over to the tree that Hermione rested her back on. He pulled out a bottle of water and dumped nearly half of it on her new robes. "So sorry, did I just spill my water all over your new robes?" he asked her coolly.

Hermione reacted by kicking him hard "So sorry, did I just run my foot into your crotch?" she replied with plenty of sarcasm. Draco rolled onto the ground in pain.

"My dear god Granger!" he growled through gritted teeth, "You didn't have to kick me that hard!"

"Well you didn't need to spill your water all over my robes!" she yelled while standing and walking to the lakes edge, not missing the opportunity to purposely step on Draco's stomach as she walked past him.

She heard him scramble off the ground and start walking her way. She quickly turned around, wand in hand, and bellowed "Mervrontious!" freezing him in place.

Draco, once over the shock that he couldn't move, focused his icy gaze on Hermione, "How very mature, Granger."

"I wouldn't start with me Malfoy, if I were you," she told him with her wand still pointed at him, "on the account that you can't move; which means, you can't reach for your wand or run, can you?"

Draco sniggered, "I can always start yelling for..."

"Taloptis!" Hermione shouted, and Draco found that he could no longer move his mouth. "Help?" she finished for him.

Draco shot Hermione a look of pure hatred then tried to say something that sounded a lot like, "Very mature Hermione," which only made her laugh.

Hermione took three long strides up to Draco before stopping right in front of him. She stood with her arms crossed for a moment before an evil grin erupted over her face. Draco wasn't sure if he should be afraid of amused, for he had never seen Hermione ever look "evil" except for when she slapped him third year, so he decided to be afraid.

Hermione laughed and poked Draco in the ribs with the tip of her wand. He jerked and made a kind of 'ommph'ing noise, making Hermione laugh even harder, and poke harder.

"You know Malfoy, I have never had so much fun with you," she told him menacingly "I could do anything I want with you right now, I could turn you into a rock and throw you into the lake. I could also transform some grass into rocks and throw them at you, or," she added with a very evil grin, "I could turn you into a mouse and feed you to my little kitty!"

She could tell Draco was getting scared, she stepped back and muttered a few words and Draco found that he had control of himself once more. Hermione smiled sweetly, "But, I don't think that would make me feel any better right now so I won't," she told him with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Hermione went and sat next to the large rock Draco had just been at moments ago and curled her legs up to her chest and exhaled deeply. Draco, somewhat confused at her sudden change of heart, cautiously walked over to her and sat down beside her. "What, suddenly not so disgusted by a mudblood?" Hermione asked her voice so low and pained that Draco had to strain to hear her.

"Actually," Draco started bringing his legs up as well, "I feel I owe you for not feeding me to your cat, so I'm going to listen to your pathetic story so you will quit moping around."

Hermione glanced curiously at Draco, "What if I don't want to tell you my story?" she asked.

Draco thought about it for a while before replying "I know your dying to tell someone," he answered, "so why not me?"

"Because I know you will go and tell the whole school that I'm having heart problems, and then you'll never let me live it down," she told him defiantly.

"Oh no, I think I might let you live it down in a year... or two," Draco told her with a smile on his face.

"Oh thanks that makes me feel so much better, I think I'm going to pretend you're not there, that way I won't have to tell you," she chuckled.

"Ok, ok, I'll make a deal with you," he told her as he stood and rested his back on the rock with crossed arms.

Hermione looked at him quizzically, "A deal?" she repeated and Draco nodded his head, "What kind of deal?"

"If you tell me what happened," he told her, "I'll tell you why I'm out here," He told her truthfully "Why I ran away from the school and decided to come here by myself."

Hermione made a sarcastic laugh, "Oh, is Draco having heart troubles?"

Draco didn't smile, instead he gazed off into the lake with a sad glint in his eyes, "I guess you can say that..."

Hermione stared into Draco's face trying to find any hint as to why he suddenly seemed so upset. A few minutes went by as Hermione sat against the rock and weighed her options, how did she even know that he really had a "problem"?

"Deal," she concluded after deciding she might as well try, she figured Draco didn't really have anyone he could talk to about his problems, so she gave in.

Draco rolled down next to her; "You have to promise me you won't tell a soul about what I tell you, Hermione. This is supposed to be kept secret. So secret that if my father found out you and I would be in very very big trouble," he told her with all seriousness.

Hermione swallowed hard "Ok," she replied weakly.

"You first," Draco told her firmly, stating that there would be no argument who went first with their story.

"Ok," she breathed quietly. "Over the summer, Ron and I, we sent these letters back and forth, not like the letters Harry and I send each other, they were friendlier, in a way. Well I thought that, you know, that might mean he liked me, and so I grew to like him too, a lot. Anyway, tonight, I told him what I thought about the letters and he told me that he was sorry; sorry that he was leading me on..."

Hermione sat quietly, waiting for Draco to reply, when he didn't she turned to look at him and was surprised to see him looking at her, and he looked almost sympathetic "So, he really didn't like you?" he asked in disbelief.

"Basically," she told him sadly.

"That liar!" he practically yelled, then hushed himself very quickly when he heard barks and howls from the forest. Hermione looked dumbfounded, "I mean, he's only in denial."

"Oh," Hermione said slowly, a smile creeping onto her face, "your turn."

Draco sat up straight and dropped his head "This is very hard for me to tell you, let alone anybody," he told her quietly. "You have to swear you won't tell a soul, Hermione."

Hermione wanted to laugh, but figured that since he gave her his time, she should give him hers, so she nodded, "I swear," she sounded almost afraid and unsure that she really wanted to hear his story.

"My father is determined to have me become a Death Eater, and my initiation is during Christmas Vacation," he told her slowly. "I've given it a lot of thought, and I don't know if I really want to be a death eater, but I know that if I don't," his voice trailed off, leaving only silence behind.

Hermione now realized her problem was nothing compared to his and she felt quite foolish. He didn't seem so bad, sitting there in the dark, knees pulled up to his chest, his icy eyes now glazed with a thin layer of tears. She didn't know what to say, let alone do. "You wouldn't think I'd have a problem with becoming a death eater would you? Follow in my fathers footsteps," he said to her quietly with a slight quaver in his voice.

Hermione wasn't sure of what to say, she hadn't seen this side of Draco before. He seemed so vulnerable, like a little child not able to decide whether he wants a puppy or a hamster.

"What will happen if you choose not to become a death eater?" she whispered once she had found her voice.

Draco lifted his head and uncrossed his arms, all the while avoiding Hermione's gaze. "Well," he began in a flat tone, "if I choose not to become a death eater, they will take from me, everything I care for, until eventually, all there is left is me."

Hermione wasn't sure what he had meant by "until eventually, all there is left is me". She rested her back against the tree and stared into the lake, then turned her head when she felt Draco's eyes on her.

Hermione searched his face for any emotion, yet found nothing. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "What exactly do you mean by 'until eventually, all there is left is me'?"

Draco's face darkened then saddened when he noted the slight tremble in her voice that she had been trying to hide. He could tell that she was scared for him, someone actually cared how he felt, this made him shift uncomfortably and stare into his cupped hands, he was almost afraid to answer her, almost afraid to scare her even more over something that was out of her control.

"Draco?" she whispered quietly, her eyes had turned glassy and she choked on her words. "They... your father... they wouldn't actually...kill you, would they?"

"Not necessarily kill me," he answered her, still staring at his hands. "They would probably give me the Dementors Kiss."

Hermione couldn't believe that he could talk about people, his own father in this case, being willing to hurt him just because he didn't want to hurt others. She seemed lost for words, Draco was avoiding her eyes, she wanted to run and leave him, but she couldn't, he needed her.

"I'm sorry," Draco whispered so quietly Hermione almost missed him. She did a double take just to make sure he was talking to her. Draco looked at her for a brief second then looked away, back to his hands.

"What?" Hermione asked him completely taken aback; he had nothing to be sorry for.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, "for bringing you into this mess...Letting you see a part of me that nobody, not even my mother has ever seen," he added with a light tone.

"Don't be sorry," Hermione told him with a hint of sorrow. "It's not your fault that you have this enormous problem to deal with. And if you'll let me, I want to help you conquer it."

Draco was surprised she was willing to help; he figured she would offer, but only to be nice. She stood from the tree held out a hand. Draco stared at her outstretched hand, and then to her face, she had been crying, crying for him, now he felt guilty.

Draco took hold of Hermione's hand and stood up from the tree. He brushed himself off and turned towards the castle. Hermione pointed towards one of the towers top windows, "Harry and Ron are still awake," she told him. "Probably waiting for me," she added sadly but still sounded somewhat amused.

Draco smiled "The Slytherins are most likely all asleep, probably didn't even notice I was missing." Hermione knew it probably hurt Draco to talk of his friends like this but he didn't show it. "You're lucky to have friends who care so much for you," he added as he smiled at her, she had never seen him genuinely smile before.

"I better get back to the castle, they're probably really worried, and I can't avoid them forever," Hermione told him with a slight laugh mixed in; she could just see Harry and Ron's faces as she entered the common room and the lectures for the scare she gave them.

Draco nodded and faced the lake again; he had a glint of sadness in his eyes. "I guess tomorrow we'll be enemies again," Hermione asked him as she started walking backwards toward the castle.

Draco sighed and looked down at his feet; "I don't know," he whispered then started laughing. "If we were suddenly friends, what would your little Gryffindor boys say?"

Hermione realized how crazy things would get if Harry and Ron found out that she was friends with their greatest enemy, so she decided to keep it quiet. "That would be a problem wouldn't it?" she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"So...Malfoy, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," she told him as she turned to head back towards the castle. "Much to my dismay."

"Yea Granger," he said mocking her exasperated tone. "Guess I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Hermione smiled and stood quietly for a moment, "Good-night, Draco," she whispered, "and thanks," she concluded then ran off down the dirt path that led back to the school.

Once she was out of sight, Draco opened one of his clenched fists, and observed the crumpled piece of paper she had accidentally dropped on her way out. He unraveled it and realized it was a list of books she was planning on borrowing from the library. He grinned broadly, knowing he now had something to do the next day, "Good-night, Hermione," he whispered to himself before he too started down the dirt path towards the school.