Almost Willing

CHAPTER 7

Snape swept into the room on cue and at once glared around the class room, paying no particular notice to Draco.

"Today we will begin the next unit..." he began.

Maybe he was faking sick, Draco thought. He'd been fine yesterday.

Feeling suddenly anxious, Draco scribbled a quick where's Harry and whipped it at the back of Weasley's head.

He turned and glared at Draco angrily as Granger picked up the note. They both bent over the parchment, examining it as though it had been written in a foreign language, then began to converse in quiet voices.

Draco rolled his eyes, and turned back to sulking for the rest of the lesson. The last he had seen of Harry had been the end of his cloak as he had whipped around the corner. He packed up gloomily before realizing it was lunch and there was a chance of Harry being there--and eagerly headed out of the classroom.

Two arms grasped him as soon as he stepped out the door.

"What do you want with Harry and why?!" Ron demanded.

"Hey--."

"Don't act so innocent, I don't buy it!"

"Ow, let go of me you ape!"

"Ron, stop it," Hermione said swatting aside his arms. "But really Malfoy, what is this about?" She waved the crumpled parchment in his face.

Draco rolled his eyes, and straightened his uniform.

"Honestly, if I was planning to castrate him or something, do you really think I'd have warned you?"

"Castrate--?"

"Then why are you so eager to know of his whereabouts?"

"Just making sure he'll be at our detention tonight...." He waited. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Where is he? Is he sick?"

"...yes. And he's in bed, so he won't be there tonight." With a twirl she turned around and stalked down the hall, Weasley tight at her heel.

Draco looked after them shaking his head. Granger was horrible at lying, so there must be another reason for Harry's absence.

He sighed and began to head for the Great Hall when another thought stopped him full in his tracks.... Was Harry avoiding him?!

Torn between annoyance and amusement, he hurried in the direction of Gryffindor tower, slowing only as he reached the portrait of the large woman in the hideous pink dress. She eyed him curiously as he drew to a stop.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I need to speak to Harry Potter."

She laughed.

"Nice try dear, but only with the password."

Draco scowled.

"Fine." He reached forward and began to knock loudly on her picture frame.

"Hey, stop that!" Draco ignored her and began to hum loudly over her shouting.

Suddenly the portrait swung forward revealing a very confused looking first year.

"Uh, y--yes?" she asked to a loud 'harumph' from the fat lady.

Draco swept past the girl and into the scorchingly red Gryffindor common room momentarily feeling the need to shield his eyes.

"I'm looking for Harry Potter," he said.

She frowned.

"I haven't seen him; he might be in his room."

Draco glanced at the stair case feeling a growing excitement in his chest. He hadn't been able to stop thinking of Harry once since the previous night. Ignoring the girl completelty, he hurried upstairs coming to a stop in front of the sixth year boys' door.

He took a small breath to compose himself and knocked. When no one answered, he gently pushed open the door.

He looked around the empty room with a sigh and slowly entered. Even though Harry wasn't there his presence eminated from the entire room. Draco instantly found his bed, with its slightly ruffled beddings, and found himself drawn to one of the large windows. He could picture Harry sitting there for hours gazing down onto the grounds, just thinking, or reading. He could see the Quidditch field from here.

Finally he drew away and left the room, finding himself surprisingly relieved to be away from an awkwardly tense atmosphere that he'd just begun to sense. Hopefully Harry would at least show for their meeting. He just wanted to speak to him.

*

Draco shut the door behind him as Harry let out a sigh of relief and pulled off his invisibility cloak.

If Draco had moved an inch closer to the window they would have been touching. He'd come so close to him.

Harry went to the washroom and splashed cold water onto his face. He was glad Draco couldn't see him; he was still bright red from the memories generated by Draco's close presence.

He felt the heat flush his face for the umteenth time since it had happened and shut his eyes. He would have to face him sooner or later, he was just afraid of what that would mean. He was afraid of what Draco wanted from him, and he was afraid that it was what he....

Ugh, why did I kiss him back?! Why would I do that?! He flopped down into his bed and buried his face into his pillow, considering staying there until both Snape and Draco were dead.

He had spent all night agonizing over it, and he still couldn't stop thinking about it. Being so close to Draco forcibly brought back the warm lips pressing against him, and the electric sensations shooting through his body, that he hadn't been able to get rid of for hours.

With a groan he rolled onto his back and pulled the little potion vial off the table. He braced himself for the tingling sensation that always rushed over him when he drank the potion. It started with his tongue, then shivering down his throat, then finally washing though his chest and the rest of his body it finally settled, making Harry feel like he was already dreaming.

From there it was easy to sleep, and he distantly hoped that he would at least sleep through his detention with Draco in the evening.

*

Harry opened his eyes slowly to the feel of emptiness that plagued him during his sleep since he'd started using the potion. He supposed the feeling should have been welcome, after having to feel so strongly even in his sleep for so long now. Fear, despair, anger... so why did he feel like he was losing something important?

He took a deep breath waiting for the emptiness to fade, waiting to feel like a human being again.

"Harry? Are you awake?"

He opened his eyes to the fuzzy figure of Ron, and groggily reached for his glasses. He placed them on his face realizing that Hermione was sitting next to him. What was this?

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"Uh yeah, why?" He pushed himself up into a sitting position.

They both looked at each other, unsure where to start. Finally Hermione spoke.

"We're worried about you," she said in a rush. "You never speak to us any more and well, is something wrong?"

Harry sighed. He just wanted them to leave him alone for a while. They didn't need to push so hard to try and help him, he was being crushed.

Ron surprised him by speaking next. He usually tried to keep his voice out of these conversations.

"When you went to Dumbledore..." he started. "You never told us what happened there." Harry looked away. "You always tell us everything," he said. "Did he swear you to secrecy? Because if he did, you could tell us that at least. And stop avoiding us, it..." Ron shut his eyes. "It's not fair."

Hermione turned her face away, vainly attempting to wipe her tears away without being seen.

Harry took a deep breath and looked at his hands. He didn't think he could speak straight if he was looking at them. And in the end, there was really only one thing he could say.

"I don't want you to get involved." Hermione gasped slightly, but he didn't look up. Maybe there were two things. "I'm sorry," he said, and left them both sitting where they were.

*

Draco had gathered his books early in anticipation of his detention with Harry and had taken a seat in their usual spot and waited only half an hour, before giving up. Harry wasn't coming, if only for the fact that Draco was there.

He sighed heavily, and began the trek to the Slytherin rooms. What had he expected, that Harry would be as eager to see him as he was? That he would be shy and awkward as usual, but still want to kiss him? Draco suddenly stumbled and wrenched to a halt facing Harry who stared back at him in surprise. Harry flushed.

Draco looked at him, momentarily distracted by his bed head and apparent disregard for fitted clothes. He shook his head.

"Are you avoiding me?!" he demanded.

"N--no!" Harry said, turning even redder.

Draco gaped.

"You hid all day just so you wouldn't see me?!"

"Well, god, I couldn't go today!"

"Why not?!"

"Double potions, Draco! And then breakfast, and lunch... in the great hall with--everyone!"

Draco stared.

"You're avoiding Snape?!"

"No. Well, Snape and you, in the same room--with me and --anyone else." Draco laughed. "It's not funny! It's embarrassing!"

"It was just a kiss," Draco said stepping closer to him.

"No, that's not it, I--."

Draco took a second step up to Harry. He smiled. "Don't tell me you've never had a kiss before?"

"I--I have."

"You're stuttering," Draco said. He reached up brushing a stray lock of hair from Harry's face, he couldn't help it. "Do you always stutter when you're nervous?"

"Uh, n--no, I mean, well sometimes, but sometimes I just--b--babble." His voice died as Draco leaned into him.

A soft gasp suddenly sounded through the hall and they both froze. Harry looked in time to see Ron turn the corner and run. He stared after him.

Draco took an uneasy breath and pulled away. He felt his face reddening as much as Harry's had been a moment before. Weasley knew. Which meant that soon Granger would know, and then who else?

"Why would you do that?" Harry suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked, the confusion coming through in his voice. "It wasn't my fault."

"Yes it was," he said turning to him. "You tried to do it again, and this is the second time someone saw! Bad enough that it was Snape, but now Ron--."

Harry was panicing, his breathing uneven, and his eyes beginning to fill with tears. Draco stepped up to him, trying to placate him.

"It's okay--."

"No, it's not okay! I don't want anyone to think there's anything between us!"

Draco drew back slightly.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because there isn't!" Draco flinched. "There's nothing! All that happened was that you ki--."

"You kissed me back!" Draco snarled.

"No I--."

"Yes you did!"

"I don't care!" His last shouted words echoed slightly off of the walls at his volume, and shocked both of the boys into silence.

Harry took a shallow shuddering breath.

"I have kissed people before," he practically whispered. "Girls, Draco." He took several steps backwards, away from Draco. "Leave me alone, okay?" he said, and turned and walked away.