The Marauders Abroad

Chapter Three: Falling

Look here she comes now/

Bow down and stare in wonder/

Oh how we love you/

No flaws when you're pretending/

But now I know she/

Never was and never will be/

You don't know how you've betrayed me/

And somehow you've got everybody fooled. /

Without the mask, where will you hide/

Can't find yourself lost in your lie. /

-Everybody's Fool by Evanescence from their CD Fallen

From the Private Journal of James Potter, aka Prongs and Proud Member of the Marauders

September 19th

Journal,

Well, another day, another trick! Unfortunately, this time it was a prank on Lily. Of course, Sirius was behind it. He knows I like her, and that's why he keeps doing this. It's not to get to her, but to get to me. One of the days, I'm going to lose my temper and deck him. I doubt that it'll be too hard.

But back to Lily... I can't seem to get her out of my head. At first, I'd just think of her sometimes. Now, I see her when my eyes are open, and when they're closed. It almost kills me to see her during class or in the Great Hall. I see her every day, and every night. She's invaded my dreams. You have no idea how inconvenient that is.

I keep seeing how her hair slips into her eyes when she's working. The rich, red wine color of it keeps flashing into my mind. I've always wondered what it felt like, but I'll never know.

It's hard to be obsessed with someone who can't stand you. And obsessed I am. I love her hair, her build, her laugh, and most of all, her eyes.

They're that sharp bottle green with the faintest flecks of gold. They're a deep, solid green with no lighter color other than that ring of gold. Thick, black lashes make them seem so mysterious.

So you see what my dilemma is? I'm in love with a girl that hates me. I think I have been since I first saw her.

You know, it's kind of ironic. They say that your first crush, no matter how special, will eventually fade. That it'll become nothing but fond memories. And, I do have those fond memories and images. But, they haven't faded a bit. Not a detail in them has changed. I don't think they ever will.

In my head, I can still see the birthday bash we threw for her in fifth year. I'll never forget her face, that raw joy and passion. Her love of life and happiness in everything it entails was obvious. I'd had a crush on her before, but it was in the instant of seeing her light up, that I finally realized that I was falling and had been for a long time. I think I really started to fall when I first saw her.

You see, my world was nothing but a blur. A blur of colors and of voices. Nothing seemed to touch me, nor bother me in the least bit. I had a large family that didn't particularly care for me. They cared only for the other more gifted children. I had no friends. After all, who wants to be friends with the local freak?

And then, my Hogwarts letter came. Everything changed a little. My family still didn't care much, but they at least showed a little more interest in me. What it was was that I finally had a friend. Sirius Black. He helped sort out the blur, but it wasn't him that made it disappear for good. It was her. It was Lily Evans.

Everything still rushed around me in life, but I noticed a small still spot in the corner of my eye at King's Cross Station. It the middle of it stood a small, red haired girl. Her parents weren't there, and I knew that she didn't know how to get onto the platform. My parents had already left, so I walked over to the still spot. I helped, and I started to fall.

Every time I see her, I fall a bit more. Every break, I'm sure that it's all just a dream, that she's nothing more than an image I've conjured up to amuse myself. I'll convince myself that she's just another girl. But then, the second I see her again, I hit the bottom again.

I just keep falling, and I can't, no won't stop. Everything seems so perfect in her eyes. I think I've finally hit the bottom, but then it breaks. And so will, I fear, my heart. My Fate is out of my hands, and my heart is beyond reach.

And she still has on a mask. I sometimes wonder if she'll ever take it off and show the real Lily Evans.