Hogwarts: The MWPP Version

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked. It was a normal question, a question that was asked once a month. James Potter looked up from his book.

"I don't know. It feels like you ask that once a month..." James frowned suddenly. His eyes widened.

"You guys...he is always sick once a month. Do you know what else is sick once a month?" James asked slowly. Sirius looked confused, but in a sexy way. Realization dawned on Peter's face.

"Oh my God, Remus is a girl!" Peter gasped. Sirius's jaw dropped.

"No wonder he never showers while we're in there!" Sirius exclaimed, and then wondered if Remus was single. James sighed. It was hard being the smartest person in the world.

"No, werewolves are sick once a month!" James exclaimed dramatically. Sirius gasped. Peter did too, but accidentally inhaled a jellybean and started to choke.

"He's been lying to us all this time! And that's why my shoes are all chewed up!" Sirius said. Peter began turning blue. James reached over and gave Peter a thump on the back and the jellybean popped out and hit Sirius in the forehead. James stood up.

"I have no problem with this, and neither do you two. We shall speak to him tomorrow," James commanded. The other two nodded and filed behind him as they trotted out of the library.

***

The next day, Remus was sitting in the dorm room reading a book (because that's all he ever does) when a shadow fell over him-three shadows. He looked up into the faces of James, Sirius, and Peter.

"Remus..." James began but was cut off; Sirius handed Remus a squeaky chew toy, and Peter gave him a bottle of flea shampoo. Remus paled.

"We know you are a werewolf," James finished. Remus stood up and began packing his stuff, keeping the chew toy and flea bath.

"I understand if you want me to leave," Remus said sadly. Sirius sighed in relief.

"Thank God, I thought it was going to be awkward," Sirius said, thankful. James punched him. Peter tossed a dog treat at Remus. He caught it in his mouth.

"We don't care if you are a werewolf. You are our friend. You will stay," James told him firmly. Remus burst out crying.

"Oh, thank you. I knew you guys were my friends." He blubbered and stepped over Sirius, who was wheezing on the floor, and gave James and Peter a hug. Sirius jumped up and joined in. James shoved them all away abruptly so they all toppled over.

"I've just had a brilliant idea. Like I always do!" James said happily. "We will become Animagi to stay with you during the full moon!" Sirius got a scary gleam in his eye (as a joke, James had stolen his medication). Peter paled and Remus looked skeptical.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea..." Remus said. James stared at him.

"I am James Potter," James said slowly, as if speaking to a slow werewolf. "I'm always right." Remus and Peter's fears were instantly forgotten.