The Ties That Sever

Today I looked upon the face of my once terrifying captor.

And I smiled.

From behind the bars of his mental and physical Azkaban cage, the victimizer turned victim appeared weak. Weak, yet strong enough to convey enough pain and fury towards me that I found myself briefly stumbling.

Even so, my satisfied expression did not waver.

    To my mother, to my father

    It's your son or it’s your daughter

    Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me

    Should I turn this up for you

The hollow man I saw today may be my father, but I’ve never been able to view him as such. A title was all it was to him. Daddy’s little heir and future Death Eater, that’s the entirety of my fate.

Growing up I did all I could to make him realize I was an individual, not one of his posh trinkets to put on the shelf. Needless to say, I needn’t have bothered.

    I sit here locked inside my head

    Remembering everything you’ve said

    The silence gets us nowhere

    Gets us nowhere way too fast

For as long as I can recall, my life has been spent being broken and trained, much in the fashion of our horses. Quite fitting, as they and I are equivalent in Father’s eyes.

Do you even a mere idea of how it felt for a boy of five to witness his own father torturing your pet kitten with an Unforgivable curse?

Trust me when I say you haven’t a fucking clue. All in all my charmed homelife has been nothing but sufferance. Receiving it, giving it and watching it.

To a certain extent I’ve been hardened by all of this. Being exposed to atrocities daily, forces one to grow up fast.

    The silence is what kills me

    I need someone here to help me

    But you don’t know how to listen

    And let me make my decisions

Dutiful son that I was, I learned to accent my fate; to endure without question, without complaint, without so such as a flinch when under the Cruciatus curse.

The seeds of rebellion were sown, they simply lay within the soil of my subconscious, biding their time.

‘Cause I sit here locked inside my head

    Remembering everything you’ve said

    The silence gets us nowhere

    Gets us nowhere way too fast

At the academy, away from my father’s watchful eyes, my resentment boiled over, and I took it out on all within my range.

By night, unbeknownst to everyone, I would read every piece of anti Death Eater literature I could find.

My safe little way of telling Father he could fuck off. A certain underground newspaper entitled Humanitas became my bible; it’s creator Concordia Carver, my saviour.

    All your insults and your curses

    Make me feel like I’m not a person

    And I feel like I am nothing

    But you made me, so do something

    ‘Cause I’m fucked up, because you are

    Need attention, attention you couldn’t give

Beyond self-education, my insurrection was non-existent. Until that fateful day last spring that changed my life.

Father had summoned me to yet another Death Eater event, revealing nothing of it’s nature beyond telling me I’d enjoy it.

The setting for this particular attack was a hazy and rather old graveyard. I remember tasting the irony of this location in my mouth, thick and bitter.

My father- Lucius as I shall call him henceforth, led me into The Circle where we stood, breaths baited, waiting for our victim's arrival.

I myself was the picture of calm, as I had assumed the prey would a dissenter unknown to me, as was ordinarily the case.

Alas, it was not one, but two people I knew quite well, peers and schoolmates; innocents.

My heart clinched upon the recognition, and was repeatedly slashed by the events which unfolded before my eyes.

The instant Cedric’s life was stolen by Lucius’s curse, I silently made a vow to avenge his death. My plan was to somehow bring down as many of Voldie’s little minions as I could.

And life commanded me to make good on my promise as I witnessed Potter’s slight frame being ravaged by Pettigrew.

In the public eye I was the ideal Death Eater. Yet all the while my ear was to the ground, seeking out a house of cards through the brick cottages.

My day in the sun eventually arrived when Lucius sent word of an attack on Concordia. As the case was, Voldemort had gotten word of her activities and planned to take her down.

Though not before torturing her into divulging the source for her Death Eater insight.

I recalled once discovering a connection Concordia had to one who was in power, though I couldn’t recall their name. Thus I combed through all my issues of Humanitas for the name.

Finally, after eight hours of looking combined, I struck gold. Over a year ago, in an editorial, Concordia had added a note of congratulations to her uncle on the birth of his first grandchild.

Said uncle was none other than Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic.

Lucius’s letter was then forwarded to Mr. Fudge, and soon after the Ministry began preparations. The event took place as planned, only it ended a bit differently than was assumed by Voldemort's supporters.

The second the Death Eaters arrived, the Ministry promptly arrested them.

When the trial transpired, I was the first in line to testify to every Death Eater act and event I’d been privy to. Which, as you may imagine, quite a long process, not to mention scathing.

In a wondrous twist of fate, the next witness was none other than Harry Potter.

To see him identify the very men who assisted in his attempted demise filled me with gratitude and admiration. The verdict came swiftly. Every man on trial was convicted and sentenced.

Even Lucius ‘Pay Them Off’ Malfoy couldn’t worm his way out of this one.

Now that I look back on my actions, I feel not even an ounce of guilt for tearing down all that Lucius had built. As I said earlier, I’ve been hardened.

When I recall all the shit my mother and I withstood, I have no room for empathy; apathy’s storm is too thick to see through.

In a twisted way, I’ve become what Lucius brought me up to be. Someone who can harness their fury to use against others.

Noli ostendere misercordiam, noli ostendere infirmitatem. Roughly translated to show no mercy, show no weakness.

These are the words inscribed on our family coat of arms. So you see, I’m simply upholding the Malfoy tradition. Lucius should be proud.

    I sit here locked inside my head

    Remembering everything you’ve said

    The silence gets us nowhere way too fast

     ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~