The Seventh Year Switch

The Seventh Year Switch

"Come on, Ron. Just do it!" Harry said to his best friend, Ron Weasley. The two friends were in their dormitory, and Harry was trying to convince Ron to cast an attraction spell on him. They were well into their seventh year at Hogwarts, and Harry had only actually kissed one girl, not counting Fleur Delacour. He and some of the others in Gryffindor House had been playing "spin the wand" at a celebratory Quidditch party and Harry had spun it to Lavender Brown. He was as disappointed as she was--he would have much rather kissed Neville Longbottom, if it came down to that. His only female admirer, Ron's younger sister Ginny, had turned her affections toward his roommate, Seamus Finnigan. Harry had kept her waiting too long, and she had moved on. Sometimes, looking at the scarlet-haired beauty she had become, Harry often wished he hadn't been so focused on Cho Chang.

"I told you, Harry, I don't think I've got it right. Maybe you should ask Hermione to--" Ron began before Harry jumped at him.

"I told you, I don't want Hermione to know! This is embarrassing enough as it is. Please Ron, as my friend, I'm begging you to put this spell on me." Harry pushed back his hair and sighed. "I swear, for someone so celebrated, you'd think I could at least get some nookie!" He sighed again, and Ron followed suit.

"All right, Harry. But don't blame me if the spell goes wrong--I did warn you, after all."

"I promise, I won't get mad at you. Now do it!" Harry commanded. Ron rolled his eyes, which he then closed to gather all his power.

"Hotsy-totsy, puddin' pie, Harry Potter is a lonely guy! Makem attractiveus!" he cried, and flicked his wand at the other boy.

"I swear, Ron. That spell sounds like the one Fred and George gave you to..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. But this one's for real, I think. I got it from my spell book," Ron said, trying to avoid the subject of his former pet.

"Well, how will we know if it works?" Harry asked.

"I guess when people start climbing all over you," Ron replied. They stood there for a moment, looking at one another. "And no, I'm not feeling much like climbing tonight, thanks," he added as Harry eyed him suspiciously.

"Well, I guess all we can do is wait till morning then, eh?"

"I guess so. 'Night, Harry."

" 'Night, Ron." Both boys climbed into bed, and while Ron was asleep rather quickly, Harry laid awake waiting for his other roommates to return, trying to see if the spell had worked or not. After what seemed like hours, he finally gave up. "I'll find out in the morning," he mumbled, and turned onto his side, promptly falling asleep.

Yawning, Harry turned over in his bed. 'Morning already?' he thought sleepily, and then suddenly remembered why morning was so important. Opening his eyes, he sat up...and then rubbed them to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Where am I?" he said aloud. He was in a smallish, dark room, festooned with loads of black velvet. There were all kinds of vials and jars on the tables, and the air was perfumed with spice. Shaking his head, he got up and went to look for a bathroom. "First things first."

He walked down a narrow corridor into a small bathroom, and after relieving himself, went to wash his hands and face. Looking into the mirror to see if he looked any different due to Ron's spell, he nearly died of fright. "What the..?!" he said, looking into the eyes of Professor Severus Snape. He raised his hands to rub his eyes again, and Mirror Snape did the same. He stuck his tongue out, and Mirror Snape followed suit. Just when he was about to punch himself in the face so Mirror Snape would punch himself, he looked down, and realized he was Severus Snape! "Dammit, Ron!" he yelled, for the first time realizing how deep his voice was, and ran back to what must have been Snape's quarters. He took off the black dressing gown he had been wearing and quickly put on Snape's robes. It was nearly time for Potions class--he wouldn't have a chance to speak to Ron before then. "Very well," he said, and running, started for his classroom.

Everyone was waiting once he arrived--everyone but himself, that was. Or rather, Snape. "Where is Potter?" he asked, trying not to sound alarmed. He looked around the room awaiting an answer, but he only got strange, dreamy looks from everyone.

"He was already gone when I awoke, Professor," Ron finally said as Harry gave him the eye.

"Maybe he went to have some alone time in the astronomy tower," Draco Malfoy said, chuckling. Draco was a well-known lover-boy around Hogwarts, and loved to tease Harry about his virgin state.

"Shut up, Malfoy," he said, and smiled as the boy's eyes goggled. "Ten points from Slytherin." 'This isn't so bad,' Harry thought. 'At least I can make Malfoy miserable.'

"Right then. I believe we are all caught up on transformation potions, so I am going to release class early today. Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, please stay after. The rest of you are free to go." Ron and Hermione looked at each other as if to say 'What did we do?' , but remained in their seats.

Once the door finally closed behind the last student, Harry looked at Ron and said, "Your spell backfired!" Ron looked at him strangely, and shook his head.

"What do you mean, Professor?"

"Don't call me that! It's me, Harry! Your spell turned me into Snape! I seriously doubt that will win me any girls, don't you?" He ran his hands through his hair and grimaced. "Doesn't he ever wash his hair? Geez!"

"How do we know it's really you, then? How do we know that you aren't trying to play a joke on us?" Ron asked.

"Look who you're talking about!" Harry cried, exasperated. "Do you think Snape has ever played a joke in his life?"

"Well..." Ron began.

"Give us some proof," Hermione said, looking at Ron.

"You want proof?" Harry asked. "Here's your proof! How else would I know that Fred and George caught you two shagging in Arthur's shed over the summer?" Ron and Hermione looked at each other, shocked, but Harry wasn't finished.

"Or that Ron's favorite place to have one off the wrist was in the prefect's bathroom, because it 'smelled like Hermione'?" Ron's ears went red, and he swallowed hard.

"Or that just two nights ago you did a striptease to 'Baby, I Wanna Ride Your Broomstick' for him, Hermione?" Hermione very nearly fainted, and Ron held up his hand.

"Okay, okay, we believe you! Just stop recounting our sex life, eh? It's kind of creepy coming from that greasy-haired git."

"Sorry. But you said-"

"I know what we said. But really." Ron put his arm around Hermione, who was still very white. "So, what are we going to do about this, then?"

"Well, I think first we have to find Snape. Then we can decide what to do. Are you sure he was gone when you woke up this morning?"

"I thought so," Ron replied, "but I'll go check again." He got up and walked out, leaving Hermione and Harry alone together.

"Aren't you going to laugh?" Harry finally asked as Hermione stared at him.

"Laugh at what?" she said. "I see nothing to laugh about." Standing she walked toward him, and caressed his cheek. "I wonder why I never noticed how attractive Professor Snape was before."

Harry backed away from her. "What are you talking about? Have you gone mad?"

"Of course not, Harry. It's just that...unless it's you that I suddenly feel so...so drawn to." Hermione leapt toward him, falling on her face as Harry dived out of the way.

"Oh no," he said, looking down at his friend, who had turned herself over and was looking at him like he was Hogwarts, A History. "Ron's spell must have worked after all!"

"What spell, Harry?" Hermione asked as she began to crawl toward him.

"I had Ron put an attraction spell on me so I would...so I could..."

"Get a little action?" she purred as she climbed up his body, kissing as she went.

Harry gulped. "Y-you could say that," he said, trying to push her away.

"I think it worked," Hermione said, and pushed him back on one of the tables.

"Miss Granger! Professor Snape! I demand to know what is going on here at once!" Harry looked over toward the voice and saw Professor McGonagall standing in the doorway.

"N-nothing, Professor," Harry stuttered, and wrenched away from Hermione.

"Miss Granger, I must ask you to leave so Professor Snape and I can speak." Hermione looked angry, but she left, scowling at McGonagall as she went.

"Thank you, Professor. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up," Harry said.

"Perhaps this," McGonagall said, and grabbed him, kissing him with such ferocity Harry thought he was going to suffocate. He struggled, and finally managed to wrench free.

"What are you doing?" he yelled, backing away from her.

"Oh, Severus, don't deny that you feel it too," she said, clutching her chest. "This is too real, too strong--you can't fight attraction like this."

"The hell I can't!" he said, and ran out the door. Unfortunately, he escaped Professor McGonagall only to find himself in a swarm of students. They began to paw at him, and he ran, ran to the only place he knew he would be safe--Gryffindor Tower. No one would expect to see him anywhere near the Gryffindors, so no one would look for him there.

Surprising the Fat Lady with the password, Harry ran through the portrait hole into the common room, and up to his dormitory. Crashing into his room, he was surprised to see himself turn to face him. "Hello, Potter," Snape said, and smiled devilishly.

"I want my body back!" he cried, and walked toward himself.

"But why, Potter? I must say, you look better in my body than I do myself."

"Yeah, well, I can't say the same, Snape. How do I get my body back?"

"But why, Harry?" Snape said, his use of Harry's first name strange to the boy's ears. "I think my body suits you." Snape came closer. "In fact, I would say it's a perfect match." He grabbed Harry in a kiss, and Harry couldn't wrench free.

'Now I know what it's like to make out with myself,' he thought. 'Boy, do I need some Chapstick.' He did a mental headshake and realized what he had just thought, and tried to pull free from Snape's grasp.

"No! No!" he cried, struggling ever harder, but the more he struggled, the tighter Snape's embrace became, and he thought he would never get free.

"Harry! Harry, wake up!" Ron's voice broke through the haze. Harry opened his eyes to see his best friend shaking him.

"I'm me again?" he asked. "How did you fix me?"

"What are you talking about?" Ron looked at him strangely. "There was no need to fix you--the spell didn't work. Fred and George had slipped a joke spell book inside the cover of my real one last summer, and I was in such a hurry to get back, I must have forgotten." He laughed, shaking his head.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "I think I'll just wait my time then, eh? It's probably better that way."

Ron stood up and walked toward the door. "Oh, Harry, did I tell you Seamus and Ginny broke up?" he said as he started down the steps. Smiling, Harry leapt from his bed and got dressed. There was still enough time before classes to ask Ginny if she wanted to have breakfast with him.

Sitting with Ginny at breakfast, Harry noticed Snape walking toward him, looking unusually happy. As Snape passed, he gave Harry a wink, and Harry could have sworn he heard him mutter "Makem attractiveus" as he walked away.