Random Hogwarts Student: Thomas Edward Greenwood

Random Hogwarts Student: Thomas Edward Greenwood

By Ababil Ashari

III

The Older Poelher Sister

"..."

"..."

"Make your move."

"No, Tina, not now."

"C'mon, Thom. You don't keep a girl waiting."

"Can't you be more patient?"

"No. Do it now! Do it now!"

"Okay, okay! I'll do it if you'll shut up."

"Yay!"

"Queen to Knight, E5"

We do this everyday. Wake up early in the morning, walk around the castle, meet up with Tina near the Ledges of Death (the place I re-met Tina as she and I have dubbed), Tina opens her board with the password "Suede Elastica", play Wizards Chess and talk until the sun comes up.

"Ana thinks we like each other, y'know," I said as I contemplated my next move.

"So what," replied Tina as her eyes twitched in a fit of observation upon the board.

"As lovers, Tina. Lovers."

"Oh...yeah, you're in a lot of trouble," said Tina knowingly.

"You're right about that. Yesterday, she choked me into saying 'kapish'"

"Kapish?"

"Kapish."

"What does that even mean?" Tina asked with a puzzled expression.

"I think that's some sort of expression of confirmation."

"Confirmation of?"

"That I would never hurt you again."

"You better!" said Tina seriously, "You really hurt me the last time."

"I'm sorry."

Tina pinched me in the cheek, sustained it and said, "I know you are...Rook to Queen, E5, check."

"Damn, didn't see that one coming."

Tina released the pinch.

"King to C3. We got to do something about this, Tina."

"We do?" asked Tina mockingly

"Yes, we do! I don't want to be under your crazy sister's watchful eye and frightening threats all the time."

"My crazy sister?" Tina was clearly offended by my comment. But in my defense it's not like I can say 'your perfectly sane sister' after my experience now, could I? So, I just said...

"Sorry, slipped out."

"Whatever, she's always like this after a bad breakup. Pawn to B4, check."

"Bad break up?"

"Yes, do you know Ewan Johansson, seventh-year Hufflepuff?"

"Sure, he's seeing Lindsay, right?"

"Lindsay?"

"Lindsay Heron. Tall, red hair, pale skin, small nose..."

"Not important. The point is, they, Ana and Ewan, had this fight last year and they broke up," explained Tina. "She'll feel better if she's dating again..." said Tina off-handedly

In a moment of inspiration I said, "She will feel better if she's dating again. Does feeling better entail she being more receptive to the idea of us not together?"

"What are you saying?"

"We find her a boyfriend and when she's in a euphoric state, we break up! King to B3."

"That's great and all but...don't you love me?" Tina lunged in and closed her eyes slowly as if she would kiss me. I could see every detail of her face now. Her green eyes, her sparsely freckled face, her small thin lips, her long brown hair. I lean in reflex and felt my lips rub against...her hand?!

"Knight to D4, checkmate. Oh, Thom you're so fucking gullible."

Manipulative bitch.

"But seriously, I think that's a good idea," said Tina after she said 'Chocolate Factory' and all the pieces started reassembling themselves, go inside the board, and the board closes with a 'click'. "You have your Ginevra obsession, I have my Tim and both of us together will obviously be getting in the way of that."

She's such a flirt, she's currently stroking my chin and pouting her lips and now's where it hit me.

I've created Ginevra the second.

Over the following days we independently surveyed all the male student in Hogwarts that would suit Ana and is not in a relationship. And we review them the next day in our morning meetings. The following is a shortlist of male students that we have narrowed it down to...

Tina's list of delicious guys for Ana

Harry Potter, 6^th year, Gryffindor

Mark Zupan, 5^th year, Hufflepuff

Liam Albarn, 5^th year, Ravenclaw

Dean Thomas, 6^th year, Gryffindor

Richard Hall, 5^th year, Hufflepuff

And...

Thom's list of unsuspecting victims for raving psycho

Boot, Terry (R)

Corner, Michael (R)

McNamara, Daniel (R)

5^th years

Hall, Richard (H)

Lipinski, Nick (G)

End of list

"This is a good list except for one thing," I said as I peer over Tina's list that I hold in my right hand. "Harry Potter?!"

"Hey, it could happen," replied Tina optimistically.

"Yeah, and maybe I'll get an O in Defense against the Dark Arts."

Tina seemed puzzled "...aren't you good at DADA?"

"I'm horrible."

It was one of those early morning meetings when Tina and I began compare notes.

"C'mon, gimme your list." Tina robbed the list from my right hand.

Tina peered at it, looked at it up and down, twitched her eyes and said "For the last time, Ana is not a raving psycho."

Apparently I wasn't aware that calling someone else's sister a raving psycho is rude, especially when that raving psycho is the only family she's got in England after their mother and father died in action (they were Aurors).

Tina punches me on the arm and says deadpan, "I'm serious."

Oh, yeah. She's serious. I too turn deadpan, and guilty.

"Here you me, Thom Greenwood. I love my sister, more than the entire world. So if you continue insulting her, which I might add indirectly insults me, I will latch on to you like You-Know-Who and the Dark Arts and make your life a living nightmare that you will never wake up of...k?"

"Yes, ma'am" was the only thing that escaped my mouth after hearing Tina's terrifyingly monologue. She was her sister's sibling alright.

"Good," she threw my list into the breeze that took it into the darkness. "I've picked a candidate."

"But what about my..."

"Richard Hall, it's the only one that our list agrees."

"Ok."

I thought right then and there Tina had hated me and will do so forever but that bleak thought fortunately tarnished when she cheerily said...

"Wizards Chess?"

That Saturday we put the plan into motion. We set up a blind date between Richard and Ana telling them to meet a top of the Astronomy Tower at 8 sharp and we hoped for the best. Then we idly waited around for the designated time. Tina waited in her common room and I waited in the field near the lake which happened to experience the most perfect weather in the whole first week of school.

I lied down looking up into the sky with my limbs carelessly sprawled across the grass and breathed the naturally scented air deeply. Then I closed my eyes.

I like it when I'm alone. Correction. I love it when I'm alone. I can think clearly and sometimes, if I'm lucky, for a couple of seconds I can think of absolutely nothing at all. Not my dead father, my poor mother, the abandoned restaurant, O.W.L's, what I'm going to pick for my N.E.W.T's, Tina, her crazy sister Ana, Richard, and other things a normal student in Hogwarts would think about.

Didn't get that chance today.

"Hey, Thom! Are you asleep?"

"No, Alex. I. Am. Not."

I opened my eyes and see four shadows. Alex, Emily, Matt, Megan.

It's the gang.

"Mind if we sit here?" asked the ever polite Megan but before I could fire a "Yes, I would mind" the not-so-polite counter part of Megan, Matt, said "Don't mind if we do."

They started talking, I closed my eyes and listened in...

"Last year Potions was my least favorite subject but now it's my favorite! Professor Slughorn is so much better than Professor Snape."

You got that right, Megan.

"Hey you guys, look at this!"

"What is it, Emily?"

"A picture of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, looks lovey-dovey to me."

"Let me see...c'mon Emily they could be talking about how they don't like to eat pig liver."

"Or they could be expressing their undying love for each other, Alex."

"I think Harry and Hermione are so wrong for each other."

"And what are you, Megan? A matchmaker?"

"No, but just because I'm not a matchmaker doesn't mean I can't express my opinion, Matt."

"...whatever."

"Besides I think that Ron Weasley is better suited for Hermione than Harry."

"That I completely agree with, Megan."

"Of course you're going to agree...you have a fucking crush on him since you were 11."

"No, I don't!"

I just had to change where this conversation is going so I said, "But Defense against the Dark Arts's becoming more depressing by the second, huh?"

"Yeah, no wonder Harry Potter made that Dumbledore's Army last year. He should continue it if anything else."

This is hopeless, so I give up and just listen to the conversation and grab beans from a big pouch full of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans.

"Why didn't you join last year, Emily?"

"Don't you remember, Alex? I was in Madam Pomfrey's cause of that horrid incident in a Care of Magical Creatures lecture."

"Speaking of Care of Magical Creatures, guess who deducted house points from Slytherin last lesson?"

"Who?"

"Christine!"

"That's unbelievable, isn't she like all shy and what not?"

"I think her prefect status must've incresed the girl's self-esteem"

"Did nothing to extend her social skills tho. Luna's been hanging out with her."

So there we were, a picture perfect band of friends who has been together since the beginning, hanging around by the lake, sharing Matt's big pouch of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. I love these guys.

I sank my hand to the self-filling pouch for an umpteenth time and extracted three beans. Earwax, Earwax and Earwax. I looked at it in disgust, I hate Earwax.

"C'mon, Thom. Earwax isn't that bad."

The voice wasn't the of the high pitched voice of Emily, the female alto of Megan, the sarcastic slur of Alex, or the jerky Asian accent of Matt. It was a voice of an Irish.

"Yes, Sarah. Earwax is that bad."

"Hey, Sarah! C'mon sit here."

"Thanks, Megan."

Sarah sat down between Megan and I and lied down on the grass like I'm doing right now and we engaged in a conversation separate from Emily, Alex, Matt and Megan's Harry Potter talk.

"So, what's been going on with you?" Sarah asked me casually.

"Oh, nothing," I answered equally as casual.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"How about you?"

"Oh, nothing."

So we just laid there looking up as I did before. Sometimes I look at her long, straight, jet black hair scattered across the grass. Then she would move her head and by reflex I would turn my head back toward my left where a couple of fourth-year Slytherins are talking. She's probably looking at me, but it would be narcissitic of me to think that, so I didn't. Maybe she's just looking right where Ewan Johansson and Lindsay Heron who were having a pretty animated argument near the edge of the lake.

I hear a splash.

"Snap! Lindsay just pushed Ewan in the water!"

Not only till later that I found that Richard Hall was one sexist-cunt-of-a-prat-who-liked-to-grope-women-on-first-dates. How did I know?

"I can't believe you set me up with that sexist-cunt-of-a-prat-who-liked-to-grope-women-on-first-dates, Tina!"

"I'm sorry, sis!!!"

"And you too, Thom! Did you do this for revenge?!"

"No, I didn't Ana! I swear!"

We were walking through out the halls of Hogwarts quite randomly trying to catch up with Ana who was steaming mad.

"Well next time think first before setting me up with an inconsiderate, insensitive prick, ok?"

"Again, I'm sorry!"

We were walking in perfect formation; Ana in the center, Tina and I on her sides. We walked past the Defense against the Dark Arts class, Transfiguration, the bottom of the Ravenclaw tower, and into the Great Hall.

Ana was so mad at us she didn't see what was in front of her, crashed into it and fell on her buttocks.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!"

"I'm sorry, Ana. Didn't know you were there."

It was Ewan.

"Ewan. What are you doing here?"

"Having lunch....well to be more accurate just had lunch. I was going to go to find you."

"Find me?" Ana softened up to the rather subdued Ewan.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you."

"...Ok."

"Wanna go to the library. It's quiet there."

"Sure."

Ewan picked Ana up and led her along leaving Tina and I in the Great Hall. We were stunned. We continued to be stunned when the next day, Ewan had gotten back together with Ana! A Deux Ex Machina if I ever saw one.

And when Ana was at her most happiest, we drop the bomb.

"I like somebody else, sis," said Tina in the hallway outside of the Great Hall right before dinner that Thursday night.

"Why? But you're so perfect for each other." No trace of anger on her face. Definitely a good sign.

"He's just too old for me, sis. Surely you can understand that."

"Yeah, Ana." I said.

"Oh...oh well. It's ok. I take back everything I said that night after Arithmancy class, Thom."

"Cool. So you're back with Ewan huh."

"Yes and I couldn't be happier. Guess I have you two to credit for that."

We laughed. Finally, peace has returned to Hogwarts.

Well except for that You-Know-Who situation, I guess...