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A twisted tale in which Voldemort (who else?) tries to take over the world by using a concoction of spells to turn him into Barney the dinosaur. If this seems twisted and dumb to you, read the authors note in the first chapter where I try to explain everything. Mainly a fictional (supposedly) account on the Purple One's rise to power in the first chapter, it gradually becomes more and more HP oriented. Totally HP in the third chapter.

Severus Snape and Sirius Black. They are divided by an almost inhumanly intensive loathing and nothing could ever change that. Right?… desire, rejection, unused classrooms, assassination attempts and snogs.

Imagine if all the HP characters had to act out every single one of their fics? It would be totally twisted. This is my take on what might happen behind the scenes of a D/G fic.

Ginny is sick of being treated like a baby. So, when she discovers Hermione's secret, she retaliates by teaming up with...what? Draco Malfoy? What happens when the two impeliment their plan and shock the whole school..and themselves in the process? Draco/Ginny

When Severus forces Draco to sacrifice his free time by tutoring Neville Longbottom in the art of Potions making, it is meant as a punishment. Or that's at least how it appears at first. A small, stinky snake, a sneaky Godfather with an even sneakier lover, a lecherous father with his past affairs, Death Eater involvement, and of course the tutoring lessons force both boys to abandon their old masks of (respectively) coldness and incompetence and face each other as they are. Perhaps tutoring isn't such a bad idea after all... SLASH SS/RL DM/NL LM/SB, past SLASH LM/SS LM/RL.

"'I'm going to kill him!' Harry thought." As Harry's ill temper continues, he cannot help wondering why he is so irrational, especially when it comes to a certain special girl.... H/G, R/Hr.

This story is the sequel to 'Harry and Ron are in The Hills'. It is five years after that fateful New Years 'Booze Cruise'. No slash; child humour may require a select mind.

What if only Tonks had died in the final battle at Hogwarts? Remus looks back at the last moments of his wife's life. Alternate Universe.

Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy are as different from one another as they could possibly be, but opposites attract and Ginny and Draco find themselves drawn to one another. As they grow closer and closer, the world in which they live is becoming more and more dangerous. Can they hold onto themselves and each other while the world continues in confusion and their lives become a turmoil of difficulties?

How can James convince Lily Evans to go out with him? Over Christmas break, James get a good idea from an ancient Hindu scripture. Lily/James, seventh year.

Alternate Universe. It had been a given that Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter had been unstoppable in school. A lesser known fact is the fact that they were lovers until the latter met with Lily Evans. However, what happens when it's discovered that Snape was working against the Order, even while providing them with information, and because he had been given the perfect reward. What happens when they stumble upon that perfect reward and it's the last thing they expect?

A single piece of mistletoe hangs from the archway leading to the Great Hall. A story about tradition, hope and the power of a kiss. R/Hr, H/G, others. Happy Holidays.

When Sirius is given an ultimatum by his mother, McGonagall enforces cannon and the PG13 rating is kept absolute, there’s only one thing left to do... Warning: Keep your tongue firmly in your cheek. Contains: slash, het, femmeslash, incest, outcest (bear with me), humor, cliché, disturbing use of drapery, utter demolition of the 4th wall, melodramatics, threesomes, some language, & near-musical encounters.

Updated to comply with Half Blood Prince. “'You do not seek to kill me, Dumbledore.' 'We both know that there are other ways of destroying a man, Tom,' Dumbledore said calmly." What are those ways, and what does candy have to do with anything?

(SB/RL slash) Unspoken love is the loudest sound of all.

Albus Severus and Scorpius are best mates, but Albus wants more. With their family history, however, will they be able to pull off a happy romance? Oh, and why does Geoff Creevey have to be so fit?! Featuring Jealous!Albus, Clueless!Scorpius, American!friends, and Unwittingly-Helpful!Professor Neville.

Harry is faced with the terrible reality that he alone can defeat Voldemort, a responsibility he shoulders courageously. What happens when startling events begin to take place and new faces appear possessing secrets that hold the key to not only Voldemort’s weaknesses, but to Harry’s future? Coming of age has more in store for Harry than he ever thought possible. Things become more overwhelming than he could ever imagine as secrets begin to unravel, new and old enemies are met, and loyalties are tied. While his fate grows foggier, his choices become increasingly more difficult to make. He realizes that everyone around him is faced with the same decision, to choose between what is right, and what is easy. What will Harry choose?

James reflects on his best friends' relationship and his own feelings for Lily Evans. Then something happens that renders all his doubts and uncertainties irrelevant.

Sirius Black AU. What if Sirius had made different choices in his life? And I don't mean staying Secret Keeper. What if he'd remained true to his family, instead of his friends? Come visit a darker side of Sirius Black. Please review!

Hermione is stargazing. Her husband Remus comes to talk with her about their lost friends, Harry and Sirius, and their sacrifice. And, despite their sorrow, they still dare to hope.

"You should have had the wedding of your dreams...maybe in some grand cathedral, or castle, and then honeymoon in a five-star hotel or quaint bed-and-breakfast, or at least not any place that features beds with signs that say 'Insert 5 Knuts For Super Vibrating Action'--" Remus gets more than he bargained for on his honeymoon night, including a mysterious package from beyond. Remus/Tonks oneshot, obviously.

Ginny's finally gotten over her short relationship with Harry Potter, and has found herself falling for the most unlikely person she can think of...but does he really want her? He's nice to her when they're alone, but when they're around other people he becomes completely horrible. Can she make him see that it doesn't have to be that way? (D/G)

We all know Harry likes Cho, but will she ever like him back? Even after Cedric?

Hermione comes face-to-face, quite literally, with a side of Draco she never imagined could exist. Implied Hermione/Draco ficlet.

When Harry returns to Grimmauld Place, what will he find waiting for him this time? Did a dream about an infamous Voldemort really happen? And why is Harry once again seeing and hearing things that no one else can? What will it take to pull Harry out of the emotional torture being placed on him, and how far will they go to save him? Begins summer after fifth year and continues into sixth year.

There's a new girl at Hogwarts and Draco can't decide if he wants to punch her or kiss her. The feeling's mutual. Blood and hormones run high!

After all those years of being the Wizarding World's Wonder Boy, seventeen-year-old Harry Potter is getting awfully sick of it. Even his best friends aren't able to just treat him like a normal kid. What happens when Harry finally realizes that there's always been someone who can?

A Draco ramble about what he wants from Harry.

Harry Potter and his two best friends Hermione and Ron have come to Hogwarts expecting to be visted by Beauxbaton exchange students for the year. But what they didn't expect was for a Beauxbaton student to go missing, vists from old professors and most of all, the Dark Arts happening. Jeez, AND Harry was hoping it would be a quiet year! Dream on!

Hannah Abbott's diary during her fourth year. In this story, she's an American who attends Hogwarts on family tradition.

As the Ministry celebrates the final victory over the Dark Lord, Lucius Malfoy receives a very unusual offer.

Harry Potter is in sixth year. He has his friends and is excelling at Hogwarts. But other forces have different plans for him. Soon, Harry is plunged into a world of darkness that even he may not be able to survive.

After stumbling into a strange Wal-Mart in his new home town, Jess Mariano meets a new person like he's never known before, Draco Malfoy. But will he be too blinded by his past love and too secure in his own sexuality too realize that he loves him before it's too late?

Okay, this is really hard. It is an MST for POTC. I warn you, plotlessness possibly ahead.

I dedicate this to anyone who is falling in love, has been in love, and wants to fall in love. Ron/Hermione.

Silly ships are spoofed in an even sillier ficlet. - ``“No,” he hissed. “I have just returned from the Dark Lord. I am in severe pain from the affereffects of the Crucio curse. You will tend to my injuries,” he said, stripping off his clothes.``“Fine,” she said, admiring his thin, paper white body.

Draco Malfoy is used to people worshipping him every Valentine's Day (well, every other day too...), but this year he gets a huge shock from the least likely of people.

The definition of 'love' as defined by Draco Malfoy.

Written for the Trio FQF in answer to the challenge: Hermione is in the delivery room; Harry and Ron attempt to be supportive but find it trying. What's worse than an anxious father-to-be? Two fathers-to-be!

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have been rivals forever. But in their sixth year, that's about to change. These two realize the have a hidden past together. ````What starts out as a simple nightmare, leads to danger and death for Draco and Hermione. Will they live through sixth year?````New characters, and adventures lie ahead - including Draco's sister?

Lily spent the summer holidays in America and met a fantastic boy. Surprisingly, they meet up again at Hogwarts, but he’s completely different from what she remembered him. Can a romance still be salvaged?

Knowing too much can be suicide...

When Ron is captured by Death Eaters, Hermione, now an auror, must go undercover with her partner, Seamus Finnigan, to the United States. Is this mission really impossible, as Sirius Black thinks, or will Hermione find a way to pull it off?

James Potter has had a brilliant inspiration-love and Quidditch work the same way. Will this star Seeker snag Lily Evans? Or will he lose the game of love forever? Let the games begin!

Harry, Ron and Lavender are staying at Hermione's for the summer. Ron and Lav decide that they should set the other two up.

'No offense guys but you reek!' Why do they reek? It's Hogwarts battle of the Sexes. Who will win and why do the boys smell of flowers? What happens next? You decide!

A strange new student arrives in the trio's final year, Hermione suspects that Snape knows more than he is letting on, and a troubled past creates enemies, bloodshed and a cold heart to beat again.

Set after GoF, Harry starts the summer with a new job, many feelings of guilt about Cedric's death, and some hard questions for Dumbledore. He also has a sneaking suspicion that he is being watched.

It took Ron three years to realize that Hermione was a girl. And six years to admit that he did.

For anyone who loves a smart, independent girl who finds out that the boy (the gorgeous, popular, funny boy) whose been bugging her is actually the one who makes her life ten times more fun. And don't you feel sorry for the guy? Its nice to see him get what he wants. Eventually. Maurader fic. Lily/James; Sirius/??? Should be one hell of a ride.

A masked ball can lead to many things, including mystery, and, in this case, love.

July, 1985. Remus spends the full moon at a very unusual monastery and remembers an encounter with a very unusual Death Eater.

Lupin tells Black that he's spent a night with Snape. Which leads to confusion, misunderstandings, surprising statements and... more. Snape/Lupin - fluffy slash, one-shot.

Severus Snape's best friend returns to teach at Hogwarts-- YES, HE HAS FRIENDS. Keep your smart-aleck comments to yourself! Some of the things that ensue: green and silver body paint, year-long chess games, action, fun, insanity for all ages! A few OCs, and a side of Severus Snape you may never have seen. Sarcasm, arguments, and reminisces about Lily abound. Voila.

Children who manage to grow up well-adjusted and healthy in spite of a terrible upbringing are known as 'Dandelion children'. In this story, Draco Malfoy befriends the trio post-Hogwarts, and comes to understand that this is the best way to understand Harry Potter.

Minerva McGonagall is failing Potions thanks to several distractions of hair harassment and a certain mishap that wasn’t her fault. Honest! And now the only way Slughorn will allow her to pass his class is to get tutoring from his prized student: Tom Riddle. Pissed emotions, snarky remarks, sexual tension, and chaos ensue. And it’s going to be one hell of a year for the both of them.

Remus stood outside the worn, wooden door, a rush of thoughts running so quickly through his brain that he struggled to hold on to any one of them.

-A once off parody of cliche. Featuring reluctant snogging, girly screams, pointless conferences, Mary-Sues, makeovers, no plot, attempt at witty insults, sadistic Weasleys, horny Malfoys, mindless swearing and innuendo, dodgy time lapses, powdered cheese, general insanity and a happy ending. Written for all ficcers who despise cliche-ridden fifth year fics, this fic will move you... (into the corner, shaking with fear).

Or, The Tumultuous Courtship of Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley: A Parody.

Sometimes secrets are harder to keep than one might expect ...

Response to challenge #80 on blooddance.com. Snape’s mum comes back from Japan after an interesting vision that will change Severus’ life, as well as the life of one Harry Potter. Oneshot.

A year after Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy's break-up, Draco is living alone in a flat when he receives an invitation in the mail. A wedding invitation. ``Contains Slash (H/D), and bits of het (he is marrying a girl after all).

HG and DM are both hardworking divorce attorneys in the wizarding world. What happens when troubled couples bring them together and they get more than they bargained for. DMHG. Written in formats of mail, phone calls, etc. Based on Laws of Attraction.

What made Dumbledore trust Snape? Why is Snape the bastard he is? What scares Snape so badly that he wishes to die to avoid it? Can love bloom from hate? Jolee is scared of her past and runs from the mistakes she once made. Will she make the same mistake twice?

Harry is lonely, and Draco is there. Slash.

When Hermione accepts an invitation to study Alchemy at Hogwarts during the summer, she becomes entangled in much larger affairs -- including Professor Snape's painful and dangerous return to Voldemort. A Snape-Hermione mentorship story, post-GoF.

Ronald Weasley knows that he has always been jealous of his friend Harry Potter. Harry was rich, popular, and famous. Not to mention Harry was the captain and star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and an extreamly powerful wizard. But what Ron didn't know was that Harry would have gladly traded away all of it... for a family. When Harry seems to have beaten him once more, Ron jealousy overpowers him, resulting in an accident that Ron quickly regrets. But once Ron wakes up, he'll soon come to realize that being the "Boy-Who-Lived" may not be as easy as it looks.

Harry is serving a detention with Snape, but when he accidently lets slip how he feels for Snape, how will he deal with the consequences? More importantly, how will Snape react? Slash.

Even the Dark Lord was amazed upon watching the effects of an atom bomb. The vast power displayed before him held a beauty so incredible, so horrifyingly marvellous, it made his chest hurt and his eyes water – as he wiped the moisture from his eyes, he realised with astonishment that he was crying.

It had all started with a simple game to keep them busy. Befriend a loser and make them go away? But when a game crosses the line, choices must be made, and you can guarantee that people will be hurt. And who better to get the little Weasel expelled than Draco Malfoy? D/G

Hermione is facing a problem with her painting. Harry is facing a dilemma for the upcoming Valentine's Ball. They get help from a totally unexpected onlooker.

Love is in the air at Hogwarts! Everyone is falling in love. Hermione is in love too...but with two people. It seemed that she had everything under control...until now. Everything's happening so fast. Who will she choose at the end of this journey? And who are those two people she loves? Read to find it all out.

This is the final chapter in the Harry Potter saga. Harry and his friends must find and then destroy the remaining Horcruxes belonging to Lord Voldemort so that he can finally be defeated once and for all!

Molly Weasley tries her hand at matchmaking. Wackiness ensues.

(H/Hr) The war is over; the wizarding world is rebuilding itself. Hermione Granger, scarred by the fighting, leaves behind an old life to find a new. For nearly a decade she manages to convince herself that she is happy, but she finds that she cannot cut ten years from her life without pain. Then a letter comes from the boss, forcing her to team up with a man she had sworn to forget. Together, they begin a journey sometimes dangerous, sometimes idyllic, reaching from the glitter of Paris to the shores of the Nile; from the canals of Venice to the savage splendor of Africa, on a quest for a love worth more than a thousand fortunes. Action, adventure, mystery, and romance.

The long war had taken its toll, on some people more than others. Harry Potter, consumed by battles and death, believes that it shouldn't have happened from the beginning and sets out to change reality, not realizing the affect his actions of insanity would have on the future.

More angry, frustrated and bitter than ever before, Draco is focusing completely on his plans to avenge his father’s imprisonment. Polyjuicing himself as Ron, he intends to grill Hermione for information that could give him fuel or help his scheming along. D/Hr and R/Hr from Draco's POV.

Meet the second generation of the Malfoy's - Draco's only child and daughter Elisabette, currently attending Hogwarts with none other than Harry Potter's son James. An accident pushes them together, and they find themselves bonding in an uncomfortable way. A greater friendship and love that neither had ever experienced before is born, one that can leap easily over all obstacles - except the one their fathers put up.

Much to his delight, Draco Malfoy comes across the means to blackmail Harry Potter... but he ends up getting back way more than he expected.

Because all stories have an ending, and every myth has some truth to it. A HP crossover with the Arthurian myth.

Her life was mapped out for her....she knew she wanted to be a Death Eater....until she saw him....across the platform. Now she has a choice to make....follow her heart or follow the Dark Lord. A Pansy story of love and life's tribulations.

When Ginny lets slip something in her sleep and is overheard by Draco Malfoy, what will he do with the information? Does the Slytherin hold unusual interests for our little Weasley?

Someone's confessing about her secret love! Who is it? Will their love be unrequited? Please read and find out!

Ever wonder what would happen if Harry and his friends got thrown into the plot of William Shakespeare’s ‘Taming of the Shrew’ (also known as 10 Things I Hate About You with Heath Ledger)? Well here it is! Featuring Hermione as Katarina, Harry as Patrick, and Ron as Cameron! Join the adventure as Hermione’s younger sister (OC) tries to find a way to date none other than Draco Malfoy (Joey) and Harry is paid to take out Hermione!

Ron and Hermione learn something about themselves, and each other, during the completion of an Astronomy assignment.

In a world where the Dark Lord has won, and Muggles are treated as less than livestock, Dudley Dursley has seen his share of horrors. But he's not about to let that stop him from doing what it takes to get by. (Adult!Dudley/Adult!Ginny)

Hermione has a little fun with her favorite new spell!

Tom and Miriam Riddle were never the closest of siblings, especially after all the horrible things he made her endure while they were in school. However, one day, after living a relatively happy life away from him, Miriam is thrust back into his clutches once more. (A sequel to the fic,

Ginny’s got a secret admirer. Could he be that cute new teacher? Could he be her house team’s seeker? Could he be someone whom she knew right from her very first year at Hogwarts? Or could he be one of the most unlikely person to even notice her?

For almost his entire life, a little patch of rooftop outside Ginny's bedroom window has been Ron's favorite spot. In the solitude outside the Burrow and above the world, the memories are endless.

James Potter has always lived in a world of obedience and directions but when he goes to Hogwarts, he decides to change all that. But his friends know that he's not quite what he seems. Can they help him realize who he is or is he really just an empty shell? Will he be stuck in a world of disillusionment ``forever or can they help him win back his courage and fly alone?

Hermione likes Ron, Parvati likes Harry, but the trouble is: the boys already have girlfriends and seem happy. Together, Parvati and Hermione join forces to get exactly what they want, but instead of getting their desire will they cause chaos or angst?

Sometimes a person's life can be defined by a single sense. (Slash, five chapters)

Harry returns to Hogwarts only to learn that nobody remembers anything about his fourth year!

Harry Potter is not the hero he once was. An event at Hogwarts that happened three years ago still plagues him, making him lose interest in being a hero. Can someone make him believe in himself again? Or will that person destroy the fragile world Harry has built for himself? This fic will not turn out with a happy ending. H/D, Post-Hogwarts.

What can you do when there's nothing to be done? Hermione begins acting strangely quite suddenly in her fifth year, and Harry and Ron don't know what to do.

Hermione is a Death Eater, but she isn't brainwashed, and she isn't 'evil'. Her secret is found out, and she is taken to a house of one loyal to the Light. Here, Hermione reflects on past actions, remembers her beloved, and slowly loses any hope of rescue.

It’s the holidays right after the end of the fourth year, and Draco Malfoy is having a rough time of it at home. However, it only gets more complicated when Narcissa reveals some startling truths to him. How can he hope to deal with Lucius Malfoy’s dark past while surviving the trials of the present?

Two very different members of the Order of the Phoenix must work with each other. Set during OotP.

Ron recieves a prototype for a new Patented Daydream Charm from Fred and George for Christmas. Ron is suddenly trapped alone with a certain someone, unsure of why she's there and to his horror the Charm doesn't seem to be wearing off. Christmas time HBP, written for the 48 Hour Challenge.