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Essence of Bleeding heart in a potion, Neville as a Potions partner? Obviously Harry peeved off Snape pretty good, so where do the consequences land him? In the Slytherin House of course...

What if Monty Python's sketch Hungarian Phrasebook happened at Hogwarts?

You've seen the movie (or have you?). Well it doesn't matter, because this fic bears little to no resemblance to the fine picture. I present, therefore, for your amusement, your favorite characters from the "Smoke Two Joints" series taking a mad trip through Diagon Alley. Acid; LSD; Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. Psilocin. Psilocybin. Plenty of Tetrahydrocannabinol, for good measure. Read the fic. Laugh it up. Peace out. ````Rated "R" for some profanity and extreme drug use.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away. What? I'm sure that spider/acromantula had every right to be there!

Sequal to Ogden's Old Firewhisky. Fred and George lose their enchanted Red Currant Rum.

There was no turning back now, was there? Draco Malfoy was undoubtedly a marked man, and he was barely a man at that. Professor Albus Dumbledore was dead and the second war was about to begin. What was left for the young Slytherin? Did he fight with those he had sided with his whole life, or did he pursue a new path?

A parody of the first Harry Potter movie.

What would happen if you were transported into an alternate reality with your nemisis? How would you adjust if everything you were accustomed to was different? What if something you hated became something you loved? D/G/H triangle and Hr/R/Padma triangle.

A missing moment from OotP, Ginny pleads with Luna to stand up to her brothers' teasing.

Seamus just wants Ron to come out from under his bed. He has some rather unusual methods of getting him out. Hey, at least it works! S/R S/O

Nanny Ogg goes to Hogwarts to help out in the kitchens and ends up practising her very special brand of magic. Will Granny (assisted by Snape) save the day? Will Snape find true love? Will Hogwarts ever be the same again?

A Draco/girl!Blaise moment in Potions. Boys will be boys. One-shot.

Sirius Black's interest in wizarding comics leads to some startling discoveries.

AU: Written Pre-HBP. Eighteen-year-old Severus Snape is having a very bad day. After getting into a argument with his "future wife" (until he finds a way out or they kill each other), Potter and Black steal his chocolate eggs his mother sent him. After a very unexpected kind act by someone equally as unlikely, Severus does something he regrets.

Professor Marchbanks of the Wizarding Examination Authority has a little score to settle with Dolores Umbridge.

Harry finds himself back in action after years of living in sin.

Interruptions is the story of the real notes between the Marauders when they were in school. But that's not this story. This story is basically the same, but with an actual plot. However, it does take place after James and Lily's wedding. Watch as the story unfolds in the next installment of 'Interruptions'.

Features Hermione and Draco, although not together. Read only if you are dying for another parody of Mary Sues, and if you have a fondness for Mike Nelson, or randomness. And references to other parodies that I have enjoyed. I wanted to do a humorous story, after reading so many cheesy MS stories as well as well-written parodies on ffnet. I wanted to tip my hat to other stories’ universes. So many have written such awesome fics that it’s a wonder I ever get anything else done. It’s my way of paying a tribute.

It's a new year at Hogwarts and there's a new DADA professor and Potions Master. And just what does Dumbledore want?``Also Entitled: What Should Have Happened. AU to OotP.

Hermione must compromise herself to get what she wants from Severus Snape. Pre-het and AU as of HBP.

There are moments in life, when a wizard simply needs a drink. A large, neat firewhiskey. And meeting Hermione Granger on her never-ending quest for better world is such a moment. Especially if the quest is a shopping trip; if she doesn’t buy books, but a gown with low décolletage and a hat with ear-holes; and if she turns simple shopping for robes into a small scale revolution. ``Short story from the post-Hogwarts The Phoenix and the Owl universe.

James and Lily's first kiss is long overdue. He wants to wait for that perfect moment, but when will that ever come along? Lily shows him the

In Hogwarts, like in all the other Wizarding schools of the world, the staff must confront trouble with the Love Potions frequently. In a castle packed with teenagers it only seems to be inevitable.

Ron, afer finding out about the "fiction" world of Harry Potter, decided that he needs to send Rupert Grint a letter. He tells a bit about the "real" world and how crazy everyone thinks he is. Includes discussion of the professors and blingful!Dumbledore.

Draco isn't really sure how Pansy convinced him to come here. Well, yes he does know. But that doesn't make it any better ... Warning: Trio love, gay!fanon!Draco and drunken!slutty!Pansy. You have been warned.

Ron, determined to be a protective older brother, decides to send Dean a friendly owl over the summer defending his sister's virtue. He is surprisingly bad at this... read to see him struggle with deathless prose, a lack of firearms, and unhelpful older brothers.

Another addition to the HairyDragon fables. You know how the story goes, but mine has a few twists...

Everyone has to die sometime. And Trevor... Well, lets just say... What a way to go!

Double Fantasy: the long-awaited sequel to both "The Cruel Fate of the Innocent" and "The Dueling Club Revisited". Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and all the other people that you'd expect in any respectable humorfic come together for Christmas dinner.

Eliza Smythe, a young witch brought up on a magical pyrate ship, finishes her schooling at Hogwarts by order of her father, Captain Smythe, the Soothsayin\' Hooligan. Shortly after she begins attending, she receives half of treasure map from an old friend. Adventure ensues. Yay!

Harry is looking after his young grandson when an old friend arrives with an interesting proposition. Set several months after 'A Tale of Two Twins'. Short, fluffy.

Sequel to Okay, It Had to be Done! Yes, it's a while, because my ...um pet...dictionary has been sick. Now where was I? Oh yes, another well-written, plotfilled successful parody of Harry Potter fanfiction... couldn't make it so I've given you this instead. Thank you for your time, and get some tape for your sides.

Having watched the easy camaraderie between them with silent longing, and now having the door held open for him by James Potter himself, Remus badly wanted to say yes. But he couldn’t.

Dung Fletcher wants this breakfast to be perfect; a meal to remember. There just a minor problem...

An unusual chain of events in which Colin Creevey reveals his fanboy side, Snape gets angry, Harry and Draco work together and then recieve detention, and all in all, things are rather odd. Amusing, but odd.

Another parody--this one of just about every romance with Remus and/or Sirius ever written. Contains TONS of implied naughtiness, both slash and het, and also some rather opinionated ranting. Read at your own risk!

Luna tells a bedtime story to her daughter of lawn-gnomes striking back at two children.

Sequel to "The Shotgun Bride." The further adventures of redneck!Draco and Ginny as they deal with family, friends, marriage and everything else that comes their way.

Five years. That's how long Neville Longbottom has put up with Severus Snape, and he is fed up. With the help of the Weasley Wonder Twins, Neville takes out his comical revenge on his greatest fear. With a boggart in a hat box and a camera, I can't imagine what will happen next.

Maia Christine Knight is a relatively normal, average Slytherin girl. It's an image she wants to keep up. However, her father is back - actually has been for over a year, but finally remembered her. It isn't easy being the Dark Lord's daughter (whom he dotes upon), especially when you're given the task of 'seducing' Harry Potter. Yep. As predicted, it all does end in a crazy mess. It doesn't help when you have to deal with an amorous Malfoy, jealous rivals, and a suspicious Granger. But she has help from her friends, in the form of the brilliant but violent Theo Nott, the 'weirdo' Blaise Zabini, and Steph Nott (she's having more fun with this than she should be). Unbeknownst to Maia, though, Dumbledore and Snape have ahold of her diary...

How is it to spend four days upside down in a toilet? Montague tells his story!

Malfoy became a Death Eater and was caught by Harry. For his punishment{on Harry's request}, he was turned into a ferret. He escapes into a nearby house, which happened to be Neville Longbottom's. Just a warning, the narrators are insane! This is where our story begins...

It's Halloween and Draco is bored stiff out of his mind. So, what does he get up to in the Forbidden Forest? Who does he, unfortunately, meet there unexpectedly? Something goes terribly wrong; will Draco have to live with it forever? Find out who and what Stompy is!

In the traditional fairytale innuendo... nothing makes much sense...

Hermione's parents want to meet the two boys who are her best friends to make sure they're not her boyfriends. When Harry and Ron show up at the Grangers' for Christmas, hilarity follows. That also might have to do with the boy-hating father or the lovesick neighbour.

Ron and Hermione have invited Harry to move in with them, and Harry wants to. The only problem is explaining exactly why to Remus and Sirius...``Harry/Ron/Hermione and Remus/Sirius

Boys behaving badly! Harry and Ron make a bet to see who can get a date to the Harvest Ball first.

At the first Quidditch game of Harry's sixth year, Ginny shows off some brilliant Chasing, the Slytherins attempt vengeance, and Harry feels unusually protective.

“I’m putting the parchment in my trousers for safe-keeping, and then going for a stroll in the Great Hall. I’m hoping I won’t be stripped in public.” ``“You can’t put my essay in your trousers!”

We didn't have the focus to go to sleep, but simply thinking was enough to send us all over the edge to insanity. Obviously, end of term exams had just finished, and we needed something to do. So I went and got Fred and George's Christmas present to me...

It is a few years after Neville Longbottom's graduation from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The wizarding world is back to some semblance of normalcy. Neville is well-suited to his job, he has his own place, and enjoys the rather new sensation of what some might call confidence, from time to time. Now all he needs is "the girl."

They say that role play can spice things up in the bedroom... But will it work for Seamus and Dean?

Snape has been pissing many people off lately, especially Sirius. With the help of Lily, James, Peter and Remus they make up a genius plan, which is sure to make Snape loathe them more and teach him a lesson, never to mess with the marauders again. But will all go well?

Inspired by the Halloween Costume discussion on the O&U thread in the SCUSA forum. "It was a night of firsts..... The mystery of what had happened to the Head Boy and Head Girl had been solved..."

Or, "The Extremely Satisfying Deaths of 'Professor' Umbridge". See three short stories of everyone's most hated teacher being eaten, fried, baked, shot, and blown to smithereens!

Draco and Ginny mess up the potion they are working on. Filch is suspicious. Hijinks ensue.

When Harry realizes that Hermione and Ron may not be fated for one another, he does his best to make Ron realize what he's missing. In the process, Harry makes some realizations of his own.

At the end of August 2013, Harry and Ginny Potter are invited to Hogwarts to investigate a spate of anonymous letters and vandalism. But poisonings and brutal murder convince them that things are more serious - and then their son Sirius gets involved... See Harry and Ginny as Quidditch man and wife! See the conflict between the Professors! See the mysterious Ancient Runes Teacher! Learn what happened to Hermione's old dorm-mate, Mary-Sue Moonchild! And learn how the Ministry persuaded Professor McGonagall to nationalise the Hogwarts House-elves!

I don't know what this is about, read it, cos I'm pretty. Starts after OotP. Harry becomes emo (i.e an angsty whiner). Philosophies change.

The Marauders and Company get their hands on some muggle board games. Hilarity ensues.

His owl is a nutter, his potions teacher wears plaid socks, and someone left a mysterious nappy somewhere in the dorm. Ergghhhlack. But still, add some prank pulling, good friends, and mysterious poking people, and school might not be as bad as it seems.

Lucius Malfoy is finding the task of killing Harry Potter very annoying. Also, he is surrounded by morons. Poor, poor Lucius.

What goes on when Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Cho and Draco enter the Big Brother game show? Who will be voted out first, and what is this strange fascination with armpits?

Severus Snape has been kidnapped and replaced by a poorly written interloper from another novel. Jurisfiction agent Thursday Next must enter the pages of “Harry Potter” to set things right with the help of some familiar faces. RomanticHero!Snape doesn’t stand a chance.

The trio are stuck in the hospital wing following the mayham in the Ministry of Magic. Hermione is sick of it, Ron's enjoying the break and Harry can't make up his mind. Add a visit from Ginny who is eager to improve the bedside manner of her brother, and it's certain that love doctor Ginny will succeed! R/Hr implied G/H

As Hermione continues her stand on House-Elf rights, something very surprising happens that sends her emotions spiraling in a direction she didn't even know existed, starting with a question and ending with flowy blue dress robes.

AU Fic; Severus Snape isn't as horrible as he appears. When Harry Potter walks in for a wrongfully given detention and finds Snape playing the Nintendo game Narc, his relationship with his Potions master changes...

Rita Skeeter enjoys writing about Harry. Now that Hermione is letting her write again, she decided to do a huge piece on him.

James is going to ask Lily to marry him, and has it all planned, but even the best-laid plans can go wrong!

When Ron loses in job in the Department of Magical Games and Sports after``injuring the star Seeker of the Montrose Magpies, he takes up a job as coach of the London``Leprechauns, the worst team in the United Kindom Junior Quidditch League. Can he unite the``ragged group of players and teach them the true meaning of the greatest sport in wizardly``history? Will they win the championship? And will Ron be able to concentrate on his team``when his Hogwarts sweetheart is engaged to his rival team's head coach?

Draco Malfoy is having a rotten, bad, no good day. When he ends up getting advice from a ghost, does that make a difference?

Sequel to 1978. James, Sirius, and Remus, through a complete fluke, wind up in the future, right in time to visit Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Someone is ill, someone dies, someone's romance continued and all but one Marauder knows what will happen. (H/H, RL/PE)

Ghost!Sirius decides to pay a little nighttime visit to his godson so he can deliver some very crucial information ... or, at least, what he thinks is vital, that is....

Harry finds out Snape is his father. Or is he? Parody of all the Severitus stories out there.

Ron and Hermione look back at their wedding day and fondly remember the laughs of that day.

Two years after the fall of Voldemort, Hermione convinces Harry and a few Weasleys to try out trick or treating.

He's old, he's cranky, but he's still Harry. Listen in on an conversation between him and his new biographer.

Hermione might stay with Viktor Krum for Christmas, how is Ron going to take it? Knowing him, not well. R/Hr with a slight reference to H/G. Set in Harry's POV during sixth year.

He should have known better than to associate with them. At their best, Lavender and Parvati were a terror to all men. But when Lavender discovers a shocking bit of information about one Draco Malfoy, Harry finds himself an unwilling participant in a prank that will have deeper repercussions than he ever would have expected.

Draco thought Harry Potter was a dirty boy from the first time he saw him. [Pre-slash, Draco-centric]

Down in the dungeons, odd things happen late at night.

Will Lily fall for James? Will Sirius stop making out with House Elves? Will Remus accept what he is? Will Peter snap out of it? Will Alice and Frank EVER get together? And most importantly: Will everyone Survive September?

Reactions of the Azkaban staff on the night Sirius Black escaped.

A humourous look at what happens when Sirius finds a girl in the Boys Bathroom, and how neither of them will back down... Written by two people for a roleplay, this is an improvisational fanfic.

Lucius Malfoy confronts the ultimate dilemma. Featuring hair problems, the Evil Overlord Gift Guide, the results of Slashing Hexes, Draco's obsessions, Lucius' sanity issues, and what passes for normality among Malfoys.

PG for a stupid-humor rewrite of chapter 32 of GoF. Harry and Cedric run from Wormtail, who, in this version, is rather incompetent at "killing the spare."

A conglomeration of scenes, quotes and actions from the Harry Potter series scrunched together into short skits to prove for sure that no Harry Potter character should take part in intellectual combat with another. Slight exaggeration and warping of people, places, things, and nouns in general that have to do with HP may ensue.

As the title says, Voldemort decides to team up with the infamous lab mice, Pinky and the Brain, to do away with Harry Potter, once and for all. Voldie still has his ugly red eyes. Pinky reveals his true identity. Hedwig is the hero. But what will happen to Harry?

The four future founders--Godric Gryffindor, his lady love, Rowena Ravenclaw, her friend, Helga Hufflepuff, and a secret admirer, Salazar Slytherin--are in their last year of schooling at The English Academy for the Magical Arts. The foursome gets restless and excited at the upcoming break in their studies, and plan a little trip; O.K., so maybe it's not THAT little....

Crabbe and Goyle often find themselves thinking deep thoughts about life, the universe and everything. And they'd like to share them with other people. But Draco doesn't let them.

As a sign of my muse's growing insanity, my very first Harry Potter ficlet is a peek into the mind of young Harry Potter, living in denial over his growing feelings for Looney Lovegood. This is for everybody who read that marvelous last book and for a brief second thought that Harry and Luna would make a neat couple.

Pity poor Peter Pettigrew! All he wants is to be liked and admired. But when Lucius Malfoy gives him an offer he can't refuse – what's a boy to do? Sing and dance, obviously. A parody of the new classic musical "The Producers" by Mel Brooks. Featuring a song by Mr Crabbe!

Snape hates Christmas. In this short ficlet, find just one of the reasons why.

Mrs Weasley is fed up with eight-year-old Fred and George. They won't go to bed and almost wake up little Ginevra. Not only that, they have got Ron involved in their late night charades. When she drops off to sleep, the twins tell their younger a siblings a bedtime story

On a completely normal day Harry Potter slips over something. It turns out this "something" is actually Voldemort's weapon of DOOM!``Harry, being the hero, has to make sure Voldie doesn't get his slimy hands on this very important weapon.``This, of course, isn't as easy as it might sound...

'Draco watched him go.'

A masquerade ball to promote inter-house unity sparks a romance that has laid dormant. Featuring Ginny as Artemis, Hermione as Maid Marion, Harry as Peter Pan, and someone very unexpected as Robin Hood.

After a life and death situation, Hermione accidentally tells Draco she loves him.

Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived, Hermione Granger, the cleverest witch of her time, and Ron Weasley, the one who completed the trio. Yes, we heard of their stories, but what about the other students, the ones that we have not heard about. What were they doing while Potter was out saving the world? This is their story….

It's not so easy, you know, being a Dark Lord and intimidating people and all that. It's all about the act. It's a matter of practice. Assistant Director: Severus "I have to know my motivation" Snape. Beware of complete and utter nonsense.